Airport Security Mouthbreathing Drone.
Slightly bizzare incident recently;

The Oath family was returning home from a fantastic Xmas holiday a few weeks ago, hire car returned, luggage checked in and we were heading to the departure "lounge" to board our flight home.

My young daughter was proudly clutching a huge teddy bear that her grandma had given her for Xmas. Small Oathette doesn't see this particular Grandma very often, it was a very special, and a very big bear.

It had been a faithful companion to her for the past two weeks, used as a pillow at night, good for lolling on while watching tv, apparently waving vigorously at people out the car window. Now it was time to take it on the plane, and introduce it to the other stuffed animals back at home

We slowly shuffled along the queue, waiting our turn to walk through the metal detector, and have our bags x-rayed. The security drone shoving stuff into the x-ray machine was one of those deadshit looking blokes that you instantly know just loves their job, and the petty level of authority that goes with it. Older, plump, bikie goatee, faded crappy tats on forearm, long greasy lank hair in a pony tail. Loves having the faintest whiff of authority.

Anyway, Small Oathette reaches up to push the bear through the x-ray machine, it is so large that the security guy needs to shift himself from leaning on the machine, and give it an extra push to make it go through. As he does so, he dramatically rolls his eyes and loudly utters "Fucken Hell! Why didn't ya check it in as baggage!?"....directed fairly at Small Oathette.

Time. Stood. Still.

Small Oathette is shocked. She has that little kid respect for policemen, and anyone who looks vaguely policeman-ish, so it was very confronting a) to be sworn at, and b) to be sworn at by a security person. I am stunned. "What did you just fucking say?" I thought to myself.

A thousand thoughts raced through my head; this turd had the power to kick us out of the airport or get me arrested if I swore back at him, kicked up a fuss, or threatened him. Whatever. As I leaned forward, fixed my gaze upon his, and prepared to be kicked out of the airport for what was going to happen next, an elderly woman barged past, stood an inch away from this pig and in a rather plummy voice shouted "Foul Language! In Front Of Children! Such Foul Language! Get Your Superior Here, NOW!" A few seconds silence. A few muttered "Yeah" what she said" from the queue.

Mexican stand off.

By now the rest of the people in the queue were all staring at him in that "Yeah righto cunt, wotcha gonna do now?" sort of stance.

He stared for a few seconds at everyone, angry, piggy eyes glistening with hate. Finally he summed up the overall feeling of malice towards him, mumbled some more bogan expletives ("Farkin cunts the lotta youse") & wandered away to some back room, presumably to fetch the main security drone.

We didn't bother waiting for his return, just haughtily scanned our stuff in silence, assisted by the remaining very helpful, incredibly polite and somewhat apologetic security drones. We smiled nicely at the old biddy who was clearly relishing the opportunity to meet the security boss, she nodded firmly at us, as if to say "I'll take care of this, you go along" and then we ambled to the departure lounge to seek out a restorative tepid watery airport coffee and a stale pastry.

The large bear survived the x-ray and the flight home. He now has lots of new friends. My daughter now has a healthy disrespect for bogans masquerading as figures of authority, and secretly, one day I want to grow up to become some kind of feisty old moral guardian railing against surly airport security drones, or any self important quasi-authoritative drone who think's it's ok to belittle kids.
( Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:18, 31 replies)

I like the old woman she sounds cool

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:28, closed)

It was pretty inspiring.
Better than getting down to his level and swearing back at him.
( Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:31, closed)

Now you've got me confused.
Who's got inflated self importance, the security bogan or the old lady?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 15:57, closed)

the bogan

( Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 20:53, closed)

At Gatwick I had all my carry-on luggage thoroughly searched by a guy with tattooed tears on his face,
'LOVE' and 'HATE' across his knuckles and a number of visible "home-made" tattoos of skulls and the like. He was extremely pleasant and polite, as it happens.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:29, closed)

I thought tears on the face represented prison time?

( Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:30, closed)

I think they actually represent people they've killed
Whether you end up in prison or not.
So I hear...ahem...
( Satur9 The shoes!, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:48, closed)

I don't think there was any doubt
that this chap had served prison time
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 15:26, closed)

I don't think there's any doubt
that you should do prison time for crimes against hair and balloon abduction.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 16:12, closed)

Can also be a racist symbol; tears for my lost country.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 21:12, closed)

Got no real problems with the tats
Guess we encountered the one person who shouldn't have passed the job interview.
( Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:32, closed)

Haha brill story
Old people with nothing to lose get shit done
( Satur9 The shoes!, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:29, closed)

It's good that you stood up for your daughter like that

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:48, closed)

Well...I didn't get time.
Super biddy leapt to the fore like a gazelle with a slapped arse.
( Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 15:00, closed)

Was the massive bear full of drugs?
It sounds like a good opportunity for smuggling drugs.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 16:40, closed)

I wish...
...there was an "I fucking love this" button :)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 19:56, closed)

When I grow up, I'm going to let little old ladies fight my battles for me,
just like Daddy does.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 20:41, closed)

ha ha ha...

( Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 20:46, closed)

You can laugh at my jokes,
but I'm still not letting you bum me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 20:53, closed)

ha ha ha...
That's what you think.
( Ken Oath, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 5:06, closed)

It's exactly this sort of bullying that is ruining mumsnet.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 9:26, closed)

Dear god, a real answer in QOTW and a good one at that, me love you long time!!!
(Benzyl, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 3:08, closed)

Thank you
I was aiming for entertainment, rather than slander
( Ken Oath, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 5:07, closed)

Bullseye!
:)
(BeatsWork, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 6:58, closed)

Nice
Too many "drones" though. Expand your vocabulary please.
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 13:37, closed)

Was it not the drones you were looking for?
( eXOBeX, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 20:51, closed)

Why can't people like you just die?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 21:36, closed)

It's alright...
They will. All one has to do is wait.

Personally I intend to eat popcorn in a slow and slightly sinister manner whilst doing so.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:46, closed)

I'm working on it

(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 11:23, closed)

Splendid.
Splendid splendid.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 21:37, closed)

have a click

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 14:59, closed)