A *surgical speciality's name here* Ward, circa 2006. The Consultant's ward round is happening.
Consultant: Morning sir, how are you doing today?

Patient: Well doctor, not too bad but I'm not getting very good care from the nurses here.

* Consultant beckons over the unit manager*

Sister : This sounds serious, could you tell us your concerns?

Patient: Well, all your nurses keep saying I have to walk to the day room to eat my meals with all the other patients, they make me wash myself and tell me I have to walk to the shop for a paper rather than getting me one. This just isn't on, I'm a private patient, I should be getting the best possible care.

*A glance is exchanged between the Sister and Consultant*
*Sister makes as if to speak but is silenced by the Consultant making an airy 'It's alright, I'll take this one' gesture*

Consultant : Could you read that sign above the door for me please sir?

Patient : It says '*surgical speciality's names here* Rehabilitation Unit

Consultant : Thank you sir. Remind your team that they're doing an excellent job Sister
*starts to walk off accompanied by the Sister*

Patient : Hang on, you haven't done anything here, you're praising her up for not doing her job! They aren't bringing me my meals, I am a private patient and this is simply not good enough.

Consultant : No sir, they're not. That's because you are here to rehabilitate. That means the best best possible care you could be getting is for Sister and her team to make sure you doing as many normal things as possible rather than being waited on at mealtimes. Is there anything else you wished to ask?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:21, 18 replies)

Typical!
Bloody self important consultants.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:26, closed)

I get it
the consultant is self-important because unlike the nurses he wasn't too thick or lazy to qualify
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:29, closed)

Worse than that, he was a white bloke with dreads.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:38, closed)

I've still got my dreads
They're in a carrier bag in a cupboard somewhere
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:42, closed)

Next to the chronologically ordered carrier bags full of your own ordure, no doubt.

( 4Q just lurking, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:51, closed)

Nah, I used them to make the legs of a hanging spider for Hallowe'en ages ago
they come out every year to freak out visitors
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:59, closed)

Ew.
You should probably put the human hair spider up on Etsy.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 19:23, closed)

Fucking lazy bitch nurses.
Swanning round on their £19k a year like they own the place.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:29, closed)

My uncle (a consultant) tells the story of a surgeon he was studing under screaming at a nurse during an operation
"DAMMIT WOMAN DON'T HAND ME WHAT I ASK FOR, HAND ME WHAT I WANT!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:32, closed)

Every surgical trainee, theatre sister and aneasthestist tells this story.
Either there's an awful lot of surgical pricks out there or, this is an urban myth. Both theories have their merits.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:38, closed)

If I may ask a serious question
Are male senior nurses ever referred to as "sister" or is the preferred term something gender neutral like "charge nurse"?
(square go, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 20:53, closed)

Well d'uh...
They're BROTHERS, obviously!

I think they're called Charge Nurses or Ward Managers, it seems to vary from hospital to hospital. I wish they *were* called brothers, though :D
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 12:29, closed)

So your story is:
"The consultant is so suave, I almost swooned right into his arms" ?
( 4Q just lurking, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:43, closed)

He had me at 'morning sir'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:44, closed)

I really hope this actually happened :)

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, closed)

If it helps, Mrs Consultant drove a Honda.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:27, closed)

I wasn't casting aspersions, AB
I like the story and like to think that someone really *did* get their comeuppance like that :)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 20:55, closed)

Honestly, she really did drive one.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 0:49, closed)