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This is a question Silly Achievements

Happy Phantom writes, "Sometimes - by planning or happy accident - you achieve something with which you are quite pleased, but which makes little or no difference to the rest of the world.

"This morning, I woke up and spontaneously farted the opening three notes from The Frog Chorus."

What did YOU do?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 16:04)
Pages: Popular, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

I've had emails read out, on air, by Simon Mayo (Radio 1), and Ian Camfield (Xfm),
and gotten personal replies from Claire Sturgess and Iain Baker (both Xfm).
I'd hardly consider any of these as any sort of achievement, but there look to be a couple of posts on this theme, already, so maybe I'm some sort of hero to the people on here?
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 11:20, 2 replies)
As a student I smoked large amounts of MASSIVE DRUGS
Livin' the cliche. Yeah. Well anyway so I bought my drugs from a bunch of chronic stoners who spent all their time playing Championship Manager and masturbating (usually not at the same time). One day I was round their flat when one of them started expounding his theory of "little triumphs". Like when you get the teabag perfectly in the bin without it hitting the sides, or when you go the vending machine and there's a few pence at the bottom, or when you get the comfy chair in the lounge. These microscopic events were the highlights of this sad bastard's day.

Somehow I've been reminded of those pathetic shut-ins.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 11:13, 7 replies)
Many years ago when I was a lot slimmer
I had to go and meet a friend at Heathrow who was flying over to visit me. I grabbed a pair of jeans and put them on. They felt a bit tight but fitted. I walked into the tv room to get my coat and my girlfriend asked me why I was wearing her jeans. I couldn't be bothered to change so headed off to the airport while she shouted 'Tranny alert' as I left.

I met my friend and we had some pints in the bar at the airport. At the time they were selling scrumpy on draught. It was the flat cloudy cider. We had 3 pints.

We walked down to the Heathrow tube and I got as far as the bottom of the escalator when I released a fart. Unfortunately the fart had much more substance than expected.

My silly achievement is that I managed to shit in my girlfriends jeans.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 11:08, 6 replies)
We'd eat mushrooms and then go out and try to catch cats
We got 4 in the house at the same time once.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:49, 4 replies)
Wanderer's story reminded me...
I listen to the Kermode & Mayo film review show on BBC 5 Live (or whatever it's called this week). Those of you who listen regularly will know that Mark Kermode is not a fan of the actor Danny Dyer and takes the piss out of him at every opportunity.

Dyer has reacted to this by threatening to beat up Kermode if they ever meet, which has just made him more ridiculous in the critic's eyes and resulted in Kermode pointedly (and repeatedly) noting, when other actors take criticism well, that they have a "sense of humour and a career".

Another recurring thread on the show is the presenters' resemblance to various famous people, so when someone suggested that Mark Kermode looks a bit like Kim Jong-Un, I sent an e-mail - that was read out on air - stating that the Great Leader would not be offended by this as, "He has a sense of humour, and a Korea."

Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:46, 4 replies)
Not me, but
I know someone who simultaneously won and lost a farting contest.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Car Talk, the show on NPR
once had a show in which the subject of slipstreaming came up. A caller wanted to know if getting into the slipstream behind a lorry would actually increase your car's efficiency. The answer, of course, is that it does because you're not having to push aside air with your car so there's less drag on it.

The hosts, Tom and Ray, got into an involved discussion on the subject and concluded with the thought that having a long line of lorries driving close together was the most efficient way of moving cargo on the highways as they could take turns in each other's slipstreams to increase their efficiency, then moved on to the next caller.

On their website they have a link where you can send them questions and comments. I wrote them, referencing the bit about slipstreaming, and commented, "Congratulations! You've just invented the train!"

They read it on the air. It made me proud.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:31, Reply)
I once had a large picture in the Telegraph after playing in the varsity match ...
... at tiddlywinks.

We lost.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:30, 1 reply)
Everything, ever
Because in the end all life is futile and pointless and we all die alone.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:24, Reply)
Some years ago I went on a school trip to the island of Tresco
As usual, it was supposed to be educational but mainly consisted of trying to see down Julie North's blouse (cracking pair of norks).
As the end of the trip loomed large we were in a panic - we'd done fuck-diddley-all of the work set and were panicing about where to get the information.
I hit on the idea of going to the library, copying out stuff from the reference section and passing it off as our own work - genius!
We toddled off to the library and asked for the three books we needed - the screamingly camp librarian had the most effeminate walk we'd ever seen so, as he walked away to get the books from the reference section, we fell about laughing as only fifteen-year old boys can.

Yes, dear readers I was driven to tears of laughter by a Scilly archive mince.


Coat/veal etc
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:23, 2 replies)
I once corrected the Oxford English Dictionary
I spotted something in one of the definitions that was wrong. They'd cited a poem as a reference and had the title and date of the poem wrong. So I wrote them an email and I got a reply back thanking me for pointing out the mistake and promising to correct it in the next edition, which they did.

Quite boring, but it does mean when someone tells me something's right because the dictionary says so I can just go "I fucking CORRECT the dictionary!".

Lots of people at work don't like me much.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:16, 7 replies)
My most psychic moment...
...was predicting the subject of next week's QotW.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 10:08, 1 reply)
At a picnic
a female friend was telling me off for making a joke about girls not being able to throw. Apparently it was nonsense and there was no reason to believe that I, as a not even especially sporty man, could throw any better than anyone else.

Mid harangue, I managed to launch a marshmallow down her gullet.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 9:59, 5 replies)
Congratulations to those that suggested and chose last weeks question.
Your silly achievement was "Lowest amount of replies in QOTW history" A large percentage of which were variants of "Tosser, go away"
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 9:23, 3 replies)
When 18, someoene challenged me to a 'drink a pint of bitter through a straw and see who wins' at a birthday party. I won.
A new challenger arrived. 'I bet I could beat you!' he proclaimed.
'Not so fast, stranger. I have already proven my worth. Let us duel as I once did'.
So I had another pint with a straw in, once again I won the day and was applauded.



'I leave now victorious, my record undefeated, and shall return....' (ran to the bog, before I got to within a safe distance the vom was coming up, I tried to catch it but it cascaded off my hand and gracefully leaped onto the bathroom mirror as I entered the space to spew the lot up into the sink.

(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 0:36, Reply)
Leaving a crowded train while letting off your smelliest bowl wrenching border line touching cloth fart. Walk away lights pipe and admire your handy work.
(, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 0:10, 8 replies)
I mounted a big red backlit threatening-looking button on the dashboard of my car
I warn passengers not to press it except in emergency

Its wired to the horn.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 22:45, 4 replies)
Sago to wog goosey

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 22:33, 10 replies)
I was drinking in an after hours bar in Bangkok,
and one guy at the table is what I can only describe as a loud mouthed twat.

His conversation was along the lines of he was better than me, I was a posh cunt who had everything delivered to me on a plate ( both my parents worked as nurses, so he'd missed the mark a bit there), he was a self made man (he worked in a boiler room ripping off grannies for living), and he was more shrewd that Dr. Shrewdy McShrewdy who graduated with honours from the university of shrewd and is considered the world's leading authority on cunning. Apparently, no-one had ever put one over on him, and no-one ever would. All of this delivered in annoyingly over the top estuary English.

What I did was get hammered on expensive scotch, but every time the waitress brought me my drink and put the bill in the receptacle in front of me for when it was time to pay, I took the bill out and put it in his receptacle.

He didn't notice a thing.

Thanks for the drinks cunt.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 22:14, 1 reply)
I washed up and dried up in just 7 minutes last night
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 19:55, 6 replies)

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 19:21, 2 replies)
I made someone cry on OT, and complain to a mod.
Never prouder! I got a 0 second stepping.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 19:05, 3 replies)
I wrote a post on QOTW
And nobody called me names or made fun of me.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 19:01, 2 replies)
winning qotw with a really dreadful pun

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 18:53, Reply)
i had some artwork printed on a book cover
That appears in actual shops.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 18:17, 3 replies)
i still have my 5 metre swimming badge somewhere
i could pee further than that - and i'm a girl.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 17:39, 7 replies)
Today I achieved
fourth post on a puerile digital arts community website
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 17:29, Reply)
I planned a stag do in Soho and we stripped the groom naked and tied him to a lampost. He didn't like it.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 16:52, 3 replies)
Fetid riposts

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 16:30, 1 reply)
I posted first

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 16:19, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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