Tourists....
....American again. In County Clare back home (Ireland) there's a great castle called Bunratty, built in 1200s or something like that which is a tourist place to go etc. There's a road that runs alongside it for access for tourists and the like.

Overheard American tourists: Why'd they build the castle so close to the road?

*sigh*
(sionnach, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:23, Reply)

While listening with a glass at the door
I overheard my flatmates saying i am a nosey cunt!
(lordfredatron lordfredatron, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:20, Reply)

Ooh! Just remembered one!
Out for a beer with a mate, and at one point a young lady joined our table to wait for her 'friend'. She seemed like a good laugh, so imagine my disappointment when her stupid but unarguably good-looking (the bastard) 'friend' arrived. The best bit was when he said 'See, a light year is like a normal year, but it's a lot longer...' and she nodded like she didn't know he was talking arse: a beautiful moment, and I just about managed not to choke on my pint.
( jonnybear Jonnybear, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:12, Reply)

Kids are cute
I overheard my two nephews 6 and 10 chatting over there fishfingers and chips about the older ones sex education class that day.
10 year old: "Yeh and every time you have sex you've got to put one of these things on your willy or bad stuff happens"
6 Year oldL: "That all sounds a bit too comlicated to me."
10 year old: "Oh it's ok you get to practice on a bananna first"
I had to leave the room then.
(I've done it so many times it's boring now..., Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:10, Reply)

oh dear
best friend shouting 'OWNED' into his girlfriends ear while making with the Lovin'
(tis true- have other witnesses)
(codec monkey, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:09, Reply)

Stupidest comment ever
I was on a plane from Perth to Sydney a few years ago, and had a really old rural couple behind me, and it was obviously their first time on a plane.

Wife was the main perp in all this, first freaking out that we were flying through a thunderstorm (there was something flashing under the wing), then complaining that the food wasn't fresh, then marvelling at the tray on the back of my seat.

I managed to tune them out for most of the flight, but then we got to the landing, and she got a bit excited. "oh, no, I think we're falling" etc.

Plane finally touches down, And I think my ordeal is over (I have no tolerance for fools)

"Wow, it's got good brakes, doesn't it?"

I almost started crying.
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:06, Reply)

On a packed bus yesterday...
A particularly young scally mother got on, now there was some bloke sat in the bit for mothers and babies so he dutifully moved. This scally bitch then starts on at this nice young man, "you shouldn't have been fuckin sat there int first place fuckin cock..." you get the picture. This Guy calmly turns round and says loud for the whole bus to here, "It's not just your legs you have trouble keeping shut I see!" Everyone pissed.
(I've done it so many times it's boring now..., Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:05, Reply)

Two 14-year-old schoolgirls,
overheard at Shepherd's Bush tube station yesterday afternoon:

Girl 1: "So did you snog him?"
Girl 2: "Yeah."
Girl 1: "Ewwwwwww. Did you use tongues?"
Girl 2: "Yeah. Well, he did. I couldn't be bothered."
( 0% Interest Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:02, Reply)

Tourists and tarts
In my second year at uni I had to write an essay about the significance of Notre-Dame cathedral for the French national identity (yes, I did one of THOSE degrees) and so I decided that I should probably go and look around the place before writing about it. While wandering around trying to look interested and taking notes about the statues, I overheard an American teenager (sorry about the stereotype but it happens to be true) telling her parents that there should be some 'like, little man with, like, a lump on his back hanging around so that tourists could have their photo taken with him.'

Also, on the bus home from work (back in good old northern England) I heard one girl telling her friend that she wasn't going to wear her tight leather trousers anymore because the night before she had got her pubes trapped in the zip and it had given her a "go-faster stripe"
(ellen smellen, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 11:01, Reply)

Chubby 5yr old on the bus this morning
Mum: 'So what we going to have for lunch then Bobby?'

Bobby: 'Monkeys and Cabbage!'
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:57, Reply)

Overheard
One late summer night about 10 years ago, after 11pm on Waverley Bridge, Edinburgh. 2 American tourists looking at the castle. It's completely dark, and the castle is bathed in floodlights.

"Gee, isn't it great how the sun lights up the castle like that?".
(Steve The Monkey, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:52, Reply)

oh, and in Sainsbury's in Woolwich
'we'd better get some of them ferjyta things' from a charva lass stood next to the boxes of old el paso...
(whydobirdssuddenlyappear, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:50, Reply)

I overheard the kids two doors down
killing flies to feed to the spider in their shed. The little boy got scared and said that that they'd better not feed it any more, as it would grow into a huge tarantula 'which would be bad'.
(whydobirdssuddenlyappear, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:45, Reply)

My first boss
was dropping his kids off at school. Another girl got dropped off by her mother, and ran over to all her friends, shouting

"Guess what! I saw mummy and daddy having a bouncy hug in the greenhouse last night!"

The mother went crimson, the playground fell silent, my boss nearly literally pissed himself laughing.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:44, Reply)

Fake Tan
So my female boss is discussing with colleagues her fake tan and how good it is.

Apparently, they did quite a good job of covering her entire body as "it goes all the way up to my minge".

I could never look at her the same after that.
(Steve The Monkey, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:39, Reply)

Not so much overheard as pure fluke, but still....
mate lost his spangly new phone in a nightclub once. After lots of wandering round, him considerably less than ecstatic about the situation, we end up going to the toilets to discuss the situation (we're not gay or owt, it's just the only place quiet enough to hear yourself).

For one of those reasons that only makes sense when you've had a few, I tried calling his number from my phone, perhaps imagining that the tinny ring would carry across the nightclub, through the toilet doors and be audible to us. Imagine our utter shock when a particularly distinctive ringtone begins to eminate from one of the cubicles :-)

For legal reasons I can't disclose exactly what happened next. Suffice to say the phone was returned safe and sound to it's rightful owner
(bblgoose, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:37, Reply)

Overheard two guys talking
while doing a student summer job a few years ago...

A: Nah, that paintball, do it all the time, mate. I'm serious, it was like shootin' fish in a barrel last weekend.
B: You're full of shit.
A: Straight up! I'm like a sniper, me; they might 'ave 'eard me, but they wasn't able to see me.
B: That's 'cos you were covered in facking paint, you cant.

Made me laugh for hours.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:37, Reply)

Reefer Maddness
Me again...sorry.
Once heard a mate's girlfriend state (quite matter of factly,) that it would be very funny if Jim Morrison actually shopped at Morrisons.

Made me laugh! (Well snort and collapse in my dribbling stoner way!)
(Feeb is a smooth operator, operating correctly, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:35, Reply)

Sightseeing iin London a while back,
A dear, sweet and pig-thick american couple behind me were admiring the views of St. Pauls. Their deepest exclamation of reverence was 'wow, that thing must be, like, nearly a hundred years old'. Bless.
If I'd told them it was actually older than their country they'd probably have fainted
( same as yours, but on fire will explosively decompress on, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:32, Reply)

Office Malarkey
OK, so this is a case of someone overhearing me rather than the other way round...

In the office I used to work in, one day my boss came over and asked what I'd been talking about over lunch. When I asked why, she explained that our Head of Department had come out of the restroom in hysterics, and all he could say was "You'd never believe what they're talking about in there", and wouldn't say anything else.

Rewind 30 minutes: I'd been sat eating, quietly reading the paper, and the women I worked with were discussing husbands having affairs. They then got on to how much worse it would be if your husband was having an affair with another man than if it was with a woman.

Sensing an opportunity for a laugh, I joined in, pointing out that surely it was the affair that mattered rather than who it was with, it didn't matter whether it was a man or a woman. As you can probably guess, the conversation went rapidly downhill.

Cue the Head of Department, a Born Again Christian, walking in just as I asked them "So what IS your problem with anal sex?".
(Steve The Monkey, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:28, Reply)

While in Seattle's "International District"...
Waiting in a cue for something or other, overheard a young asian couple in front. The young lady says "Is this part of Chinatown?", with a valley-girl accent no less. The young man with her replies "GOD, You're sooo white!" Couldn't stop laughing after that :)
(ShigTheNewt isn't funny. -_-, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:27, Reply)

Overheard at the tower of London
On a guided tour a young American lady mentions to her partner "Gee this looks old enough to be pre-war"

The tour guide pipes up "Madam, the whole tower is pre-America"

Cue stifeled giggles from the others on the tour party.
( speedyballbangpots, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:27, Reply)

Fat Prefix
While living in Rotherhithe about a year ago, me and my then girlfriend often delighted at the sound of the local children playing 'scratch the car' and setting light to our garden. On one particular occasion, however, we we're lucky enough to overhear possibly the best argument in the world ever, it went like this:

Child 1: You cunt!
Child 2: You fat cunt!
Child 1: You twat!
Child 2: You fat twat!
Child 1: You dickhead!
Child 2: You fat dickhead!
Child 1: You wanker!
Child 2: you fat wanker!

This went on for about 20 minutes with neither child being able to break the deadlock!

Pure Genius!
(dedlymonkey, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:19, Reply)

Apparently the play we were about to see
was a WELSH version of 'Under Milk Wood'

(by Dylan Thomas - famous welsh guy)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:17, Reply)

While at sunny, sunny Leeds 2000 Festival...
...me and a couple of mates were sat around our camp site poking stuff with sticks, waiting for Daphne and Celest to finish, (I wanted to see it but my mate said it would be shit. After I heard about the bottles of piss that rained down upon them into their third song mate got an elbow to the face!)

Anyway the long and short of it is you hear alot of people talking at festivals but this one voice shone through...
"HAVE YOU EVER SHOUTED YOU OWN NAME WHILE YOUR HAVING A WANK?!"
Fell over, giggled till it hurt!

Oh I also overheard someone shouting "BOLLOCKS!!"......well it seemed rude not to reply.
(Feeb is a smooth operator, operating correctly, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:13, Reply)

Amsterdam, Leidseplein, Haagen Dazs shop
Dad (step-dad?) buying a little tub of ice cream for brattish teenage (step?)daughter.

He hands it over. She explodes with fury:

"I wanted a cone you twat!"

We pissed ourselves laughing. I'm guessing about the step-dad/daughter relationship cos no child should speak to their real dad like that, donchathink?
( AntonSporz, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:12, Reply)

On the bus to work one day...
...a particularly awful woman was sat with her worried son. He was worried because his first communion was coming up, and he was scared in case he somehow made a tit of himself. He asked lots of questions, basically just looking for some reassurance, but all he got was curt replies, put-downs and threats of "a jolly good wallop" if he didn't quieten down.

The boy got his own back when he piped up again in a voice loud enough for the whole top deck to hear:

"Mummy, what's that on your top lip? Is it a moustache? My friend Lilly's mum has a moustache. Did you have that moustache ever since you were a little girl? Mummy?"
( frunt It's been a while..., Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:09, Reply)

I was queuing to get..
into Giotto's bell tower in Florence (built in 1300s) and the American couple in front of me asked the ticket seller where the elevator was!?! I ask you!!
(Hazy, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:09, Reply)

ooo best overhearing ever:
Fixing random computers in random places i walked into a closed office as the two people were coming to the end of their conversation, the rather exasperated man exclaimed to the peeved lady: "If i could do it all over again? I'd have married a fucking BLOKE!"
i laughed, but it turns out it wasn't a laughing moment.
( KittyWaste lives at Sleepingplanet.com, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:01, Reply)

On a flight down to London
I was sat in front of two incredibly posh (and rich) women who had some very interesting conversations:

Posh 1: Do you fancy going to America for a couple of weeks?
Posh 2: Yes, when?
Posh 1: Whenever. I've told my husband that my friend in America is having a bit of a crisis and needs some moral support.
Posh 2: I didn't know you had a friend in America.
Posh 1: I haven't. But he doesn't know that!

Also:

Posh 2: Apparently my credit card has been used fraudulently.
Posh 1: Really! What happened?
Posh 2: Someone rang up a hotel and restaurant bill in Stockport for £2,500.00 and I didn't notice it on the statement. I ask you, who would notice a transaction for £2,500.00?
Posh 1: And who would go to Stockport anyway?
(Northern Blerk Have I been here before?, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 10:01, Reply)