When in Paris just before Christmas
my (now ex) girlfriend had convinced me that we had to go to disneyland we were in the que for the Star Wars ride (CP-30 sounds all the worse in French) talking away when the guy in charge said there were two places left and looking at me asked how many. Of course I answered in my best " Oui, deux" to which four Glasgow nedettes with a pram turned to me and went "Bloody Frenchies"

Needless to say I was rolling.
(273BeLow, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:31, Reply)

pie
Sat in a village pub about a month ago eating sunday lunch. An American tourist couple get ready to order, read the menu and the woman asks "do you have steak and kidney pies...without the kidneys". the woman taking the order asks "a steak pie?" looking rather lost why she didnt just order that. To get a reply of "something like that"
(Haggard, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:28, Reply)

Geography not a strong point.
Standing outside 'The Wellington' accross from Waterloo Bridge, cue middle aged American couple asking me where they fought the battle. Had to say 'from here all the way up to Tower Bridge, the ships couldn't turn'.

I should have went on about how the massive land battle of Trafalgar occurred just up the road.
(Mr. Ploppy, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:25, Reply)

Strangely enough, people speak English all over the place these days!
There was also the time a couple of young men were talking about me (in English) on a bus and eventually approached me and asked (in French) where I was from. When I answered "Michigan" they were rather embarrassed to realize I'd understood everything they'd said earlier, too.
(foam rubber moai, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:24, Reply)

High-class tastes
I was in a chocolaterie somewhere in France (I've now forgotten where), buying a box of fancy chocolates to give to friends, when a busload of New Yorkers arrived. They were annoyed by the fact that the chocolatier was serving us (since we were there first) and not jumping to help them. "Awwwww, the French are so rude!" one of them announced, "I don't even want any of this stuff. What I really want is, like, chocolate and a cookie. What I want is a Kit Kat."

Classy!
(foam rubber moai, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:22, Reply)

Easy when you know how...
Not strictly foolish comments but, I derived a great deal of pleasure from watching American students trying to open foil capped milk bottles in the hotel I used to work in. Blue tits do better.
(impostercat, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:19, Reply)

The Stupidest Thing ( Suprisingly, from a tourist to another tourist.)
I was in a bookstore about... 30 minutes ago, where there was a pleasant Japanese woman dashing after a little boy who was squealing and playing the international game of 'Let's Run Like Hell' One of the shopkeepers eventually had to aid in catching the little kid and despite the fact that the whole time she was speaking perfect English (Mixed with a few Japanese 4-letter words), one of the passersby HAD to say ' Oh! So you don't speak English then, I bet?'

Canadian, I hope.
(ZooLurker is an angry chick with a mullet!, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:16, Reply)

Just out from nearby US air base
Not really tourists, but a couple of US Air Force personnel who my Dad knew were surprised that the McDonald's fast food joints in East Anglia did not take dollars. Cue disbelief and the line "This *is* McDonald's, isn't it?"

We also used to try to convince people visiting our home town of St. Neots (Cambridgeshire) that the nearby village of Wyboston, which is actually pronounced said exactly how it's spelt, was in fact pronounced "Wibbston". With varying success.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:14, Reply)

Stupid Tourist eh?
That'll be my girlfriend

When I first met her in France I introduced her to some French guys I had met. Last week she was telling me about all the people shes ever slept with (not fun) when this French name I know pops up. Apparently the day after I left, the Frenchies made their move. She was never one to think ahead.

Still love her tho
( Spam Filter Formerly known as Superdude, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:12, Reply)

I work in a theatre box office.
My favourite comment came when an American gentleman on a telephone call said "Can you please slow down, we don't speak English".
( brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 18:01, Reply)

An American in Florence!
I was once strolling through one of the busy tourist areas in Florence, and overheard an American woman getting off a tour bus.
Out loud she asked:

"Whad is there t' do in this place?"

I was tempted to tell her there was nothing to do, in the hope that there would be one less fat American clogging up the streets of Florence.
(Wiffle, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:52, Reply)

Little House???
An American on a city tour of Edinburgh
"Gee, what's that little house on the hill over there?"
He was referring to Edinburgh Castle!
(sparrie2k, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:41, Reply)

Bloody Americans
Thought 'Warwickshire' is pronounced 'War-wick-shy-er'
British people will know what I mean...
(PAMPAMPAM, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:40, Reply)

How far can you see from the London Eye?
One American tourist on the London Eye reportedly pointed to the Crystal Palace transmitter, turned to his wife and said, "Gee honey, you can see Paris!"

Beergut
(beergut, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:38, Reply)

I'm an idiot in my own country
Recently relocated to the American South, I once stopped just short of asking a friend if the nearby Air Force Base was there during the Civil War.

"What? You don't remember General Lee's famous dogfight with Grant?"
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:37, Reply)

can you give me directions to lye-cester square?
thats going to come up a few times this week :)
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:32, Reply)

I was watching the US news last night (CNN or ABC or something like that)....
and there was a baldy American reporting from Gleaneagles about the G8 summit.

Some interesting facts I didnt know about:

1. George Bush met the Scottish Prime Minister John Mcculloch. (It's actually the Scottish First Minister Jack McConnell)

2. The G8 meeting was getting held in "Granteagles"

3. There were riots in Ouch-ter-rarder instead of Auchterarder. (Its actually pronounded Ock-ter-rarder)

Made me laugh.

Did anyone else see it?

Oh... and another thing, I was on the phone to an Merkin colleague and he said that he was coming over here on holiday and asked me what the weather was like just and would it be too hot. "No", I replied (it is Scotland right enough), "It should be ok. Where about are you staying?" I asked.

"Athens" he replies "Maybe when I'm across we can meet up for a beer"

Errrr.. He actually thought Europe was a little country.
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:24, Reply)

That's so sad... everyone should celebrate Thanksgiving!
A 'Merkin student who studied here in Oxford (Oxford, En-ger-land, that is) for a year asked me what we usually did for Thanksgiving. She was horrified to find that we "don't usually bother, actually"

The sad thing is, the same girl asked an almost identical question about Independence Day several months later...
(user_requested_deletion, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:16, Reply)

not so much a tourist...
but during my delightful American wife's year long stay in England she did decide to be rather sweet and cook me dinner one night.

By cook, I of course mean throw a meal in the microwave.

"cooks in 6 minutes" it proudly proclaims on the front, so in it went.

The microwave went *ding* and she began to read out the rest of the instructions "...pierce film lid".

Apparently this is all down to confusing English instructions which are not as easy to understand as American instructions.

Yeah, it is always difficult reading another language.
(PrinceMong, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:15, Reply)

Me, 4am in Spain going back to hotel
I was very drunk walked up to the receptionist and asked -
“Where is'o agua'o machine'o?”

She said back in good English.
"Second floor sir."

speak'o spanish'o is very easy'o
(waxdart hello., Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:15, Reply)

Stupid Americans ... surely not.
In Canada on a Skiing holiday we were asked by some American skiiers where we had come from.
"Near London, England" we said.
"Oh" they say "and how did you get here? Did you fly or drive?"
We just looked at each other and left before we offended them by laughing in their faces.
( Hagbard ... it's been a long time., Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:13, Reply)

in edinburgh.. american tourists
"why'd they have to put the castle at the top of the hill?"
"Isn't in neat they put the castle so close to the stores?" (this one is definitly real)
"Can I have the Sausage and chips.. but just the regular not the super".... chipper guy: "No dear.. that's supper* "

*scottish term for 'with chips'
( alistair, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:11, Reply)

Tourists in Cambridge
The stupidist thing I've heard them say is "oooowwwwwwwwww" a lot. This is because they don't tend to look when crossing the road and so get run over by bikes. Retards.

Also asking to see the university. And beliving all the crap the punt guides tell them.
(WouldSwapABearForATiger, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:10, Reply)

Gay Paris
Whilst browsing the Eiffel Tower gift shop my sister overheard a conversation between an American tourist and the shop assistant. The tourist was genuinely surprised when he was told the prices were in fact in euros and not dollars.
(smuj83, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:10, Reply)

France
Was touring D-day sites, fat dumb yank next to me in the mini van.
Guide says 'This wall around the manor dates back to the 16th century" Yank says "Oh, so was it there when the Germans invaded?"
Yep real bright.
She also couldnt name the canadian flag, a country which she shares a border with.

That Is All
(Mkoll, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:10, Reply)

Not strictly a tourist, still....
I was on a french work exchange trip in 6th form, and the family I stayed with were.....really rather strange. Every day, before they packed me off to work at a hairdressers for the day, the mother would do me a packed lunch. One day, she handed me a tupperware container full of what I thought was a lamb stew. At the end of the day, when she came to pick me up, she asked me wether I enjoyed my lunch. I did, and asked her if it was indeed lamb.

"No," she replied, "it was duck."

Lovely, I thought. Then she went on to say "I raised it myself, from when it was very young."

One lunch, ruined. I heard it's entire life story.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:06, Reply)

we love all middle aged american tourists
one asked the way to the tower of london, and when asked conversationally where else he had visited said (cue happy texan accent):

"well, I have been to Cardiff Chateau"
(sticks Errol flynn in female form, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:05, Reply)

Whilst in Las Vegas on holiday
Being asked "Do the gypsies still meet up in Peckham at the village fete for a friendly boxing match on Sunday ?"

They seemed genuinely suprised that is wasn't a quiet, quaint English village with horse and carts passing through it.
(DrGonzo, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:02, Reply)

Official Cock Post
Well I heard a tourist say my cock was 7 inches before but clearly its 12, how stupid is she.

And yeah, she loved all of it
(loopadoop loves toilets, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:02, Reply)

silly tourists...
I overheard two old ladies in Hyde Park last year, looking at the lake... one said, knowledgeably to her friend: "That's the Turpentine that is."

(_{Serpentine, actually}
( Zaphod's Wombat - Never did quite get the hang of, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 17:02, Reply)