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This is a question Stupid Tourists

What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard a tourist say? Ever heard an American talking about visiting "Scotchland, England", or (and this one is actually real) a Japanese couple talking about the correct way to say Clapham is actually Clatham, as "ph" sounds are pronounced "th". Which has a certain logic really. UPDATE: Please, no more Loogabarooga stories. It's getting like, "and I opened my eyes and my mum had left me a cup of tea!"

(, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 15:31)
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This question is now closed.

New York City Subway
I was a with a French girl (who was an absolute stunner) and we were sitting there across from what appeared to be a Hispanic family...father, mother and ONE BUTT-ASS ugly kid in a stroller(pram).

The French girl says, slightly loud to be heard by me over the noise of the train "Oh My God! Zat is ze ugliest baby I have ever seen!" but the train wasnt moving any longer...and it wasnt making any noise. I stared open mouth at the father...all I could do was doff my cap, shrug my shoulders and turn away.
Truth be told, that WAS the ugliest baby I had ever seen.

No apologies for length...the kid had to have SOMETHING going for him.

Sean
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 14:06, Reply)
New Zealand
My brother came over from the UK to visit me in New Zealand. When he arrived in Wellington after driving down from Auckland he expressed his utter dismay at a parking ticket he'd been given. It turned out he'd arrived in a town, seen a sign with a big 'P60' and left his car there for 3 hours. I eventually convinced him it didn't mean there were 60 parking spaces.
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 14:05, Reply)
Whilst living abroad, Amsterdam used to be my weekend residence, about an average of once a month with workmates and friends who also enjoyed partaking of it's well known green refreshment.
Occasionally, a friend from England would come over to join us and be shown the sights. We would notice certain patterns of behaviour oft repeated that would have us quietly rolling our eyes at our fellow countrymen's stupidity.

Firstly the hilarity and confusion at using 'funny money'. All you need is the ability to read numbers and count, it's really not hard!

Then the horror that people talk in a different language and generally don't speak English (although most vendors know enough for you to manage fine). One idiot even getting paranoid that everyone there was discussing him! Well after you kept pointing at them and yelling 'Yeh, fuck you too, fuckin Kraut!' they probably were.

The need for them to see the red light district and their stupid wide eyed big headedness when the prostitutes would tap on the window and blow kisses at them and such. Yes mate, but it's their JOB, you have to PAY them!!??

No one EVER believes you that the shit they smoke in Amsterdam is WAY stronger than the green stuff you get in England and to be cautious, 'cos obviously they are FAR too butch for that! Then proceed to buy the strongest stuff available, make a pure joint of it, take two drags of it, and spend the next hour pukin hard outside the cafe. Everytime. Without any exceptions. They all learn't bloody quickly though!!

Then, if they stay for more than a few days, NEVER leave the house unless accompanied. 'Cos it's full of foreigners don't ya know! Who knows what might happen....

I once spent an entire evening apologising for my fellow countrymen when a group of football wankers trolled about the place getting furiously pissed and trying to pick fights with every male local for 'being fookin hippy fookin bastads, c'mon, y'bastad!'. They were generally ignored, but my god was I embarassed.
Actually, they have an excellent policy for that in Amsterdam, they just keep serving them until they pass out, then take the money off them for the drinks (and possibly a bit more for their trouble) and leave the cnuts in the street outside. I passed most of them dotted about sitting in their own urine later. I'm sure everyone was suitabley impressed.

That is all....
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 14:04, Reply)
I despair sometimes...
Again, not a tourist, but I was just out in Poole High Street's Thursday market, and I spotted a stall with some of those lovely outdoor terracotta wall thermometers...confusingly labelled "Temperature Clocks"...I'm amazed some of these people made it to adulthood at all...
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 14:01, Reply)
In Liverpool Cathedral
American Dad "Ah, the smell of new Cathedral." Like it was new Nikes in a box.
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 13:39, Reply)
Edenmonster..
If you're an English teacher and you spell pharmacist as 'pharmasist', then it's little wonder the kids of today are such imbeciles. ;)
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 13:39, Reply)
Law of nations Page 26.
Bravo old chap!

And I'm With ya pal. Can we chant ING-GER_LAAND ING-GER_LAAND ING-GER_LAAND on the way just to stick to the sterotype in a jolly merkin-pleasing hollywood fasion?
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 13:27, Reply)
Extra Cold Guinness
Overheard whilst at The Shakespeare pub in Victoria a couple of years ago:

American Tourist: Can I have a pint of Guiness

Barmain: Do you want Extra Cold Guiness?

American Tourist: Is that, like, colder than normal?

Think I was a-gog at this man's stupidity for hours.
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 13:18, Reply)
Bugger all to do with tourists
but it made me laugh. Doing a placement test (I'm an english teacher, and have to speak to students to ascertain their level of english and put them on the right course) today, I asked a woman what her job was. She answered "I sell drugs". Turns out she's a pharmasist. Took me ages to stop laughing. Very professional.
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 12:57, Reply)
Japanese boy
Met a Japanese boy in New York who wanted me to help him with his English homework. He was up to the expression 'As soon as' in his book, and was reading the sentences to me.

"As soon as I get home, I'm going to take a hot bath."

Unfortunately, he prounounced 'bath' as 'bitch'.
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 12:20, Reply)
Yo heartspark
In the USA there is a difference between tomato sauce and ketchup. To the merkins, tomato sauce is what we in the UK call tomato puree.

Presume it's the same for candians, not sure.
(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 12:16, Reply)

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