so many stories so little time
back in the day it was all about the house parties. and the drugs. i dont think i have ever had so much female attention as when i used to walk into parties smoking massive joints that had taken hours to craft - 11 inches was the biggest and everyone loved it.

anyway. it was one new years eve. my gf had to work but said that she would come to the party that i was as soon as she finished work at 11. i got to the party at 7. i proceeded to get wankered. by 8 i was trashed. the combination of drinking lager two cans at a time from my beer dispensing helemt and drinking brandy from a vase took its toll. i decided that it was probs time to sober up a bit and wait for the arrival of my ladyfirend so i could get some good love at midnight.

she arrived and the goodlove was had. i was pleased with my performance. she however was pissed that i was wasted and she wasnt. to counteract this she set about a bottle of white wine with much gusto. not being a big drinker necking the bottle was probably her first mistake. her second was to wash it down with vodka. she got a little bit hyper and then a little horny and then decided that she could do with fresh air. on her way through the kitchen something bad must have happened in her little world cos all i heard was a terrible gushing noise like someone had emptied a bucket of water against a wall.

the sherlock homes in me decided i should investigate. she was stood looking a little sheepishly at a four foot spray of vomit which ran from her feet to the cubpoards beneath the sink, up the sink and then onto the windo behind said sink. she said she felt much better . and then added to it.

i thought that the toilet was probably the place for her to be so took her to go and sleep on the floor of the downstairs toilet. i got sleeping bags and a pillow and made it kind of homely in there. being the good boyfriend i am i stayed looking after for a while. then my best friend came looking for me.

he saw the state she was in and decided that we should get settled in for the night. he returned with numerous cans of beer, a bottle of malibu and can of coke. we sat, him on the toilet me on the floor getting progressively more and more and more drunk. then the need for drugs became apparent and he rolled a couple of spliffs for us. we opened the tiny little window and set about the smoking.

after a little while we had created a nice little hotbox effect. this didnt sit well with my gf who was ko'd on the floor. she reared up towards the toilet. nick, ever mindful of such an event jumped up lifting the lid with him. she spewed in a perfect arc through his legs and into the bowl before crashing back into a heap. result. nick casually rested himself back down, leant back wioth his elbow cocked and with the sly-est of movements flushed the bog. all the time chuffing away and grinning as if this was normal behaviour for those in such a state. laughed. i almost shit

she was embarrassed and i laughed at her a lot for the rest of our relationship

length - as discussed ealier 11 is a goodly number
( bertisfantastic bert is a sleepy bear, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 17:14, Reply)