Not me but I really enjoyed dishing this one out
As I am a salesman (what's the difference between a salesman and a rep I hear you ask? About £20k/yr) I use the road system a LOT. One day a few years ago I was stopped on the slip from the M69 on to the M1 by the police. There were about 8-10 cars all stopped with 3 police cars at the front. I noticed while waiting that all of the cars were newish mondeo/vectra/passat types with single occupants all in suits. Sales types.
So! When the noddy PC arrived at my car I wound down the window. He stuck his head in and asked, very politely "Good morning sir, sorry for the inconvenience but, can I ask where you're going?" To which I replied, equally politely "no officer".
He appeared taken aback somewhat and said "pardon?".
The conversation went like this from then on
"No I won't tell you where I'm going"
"Sir I must ask you again, where are you going?"
"I'm not going to tell you"
After several rounds like this the Johnny-no-stars PC (I still have his collar number) went to get reinforcements.
Over waddled a Sergeant. Sergeant says "Sir, we require to know where you're going"
I replied "Unless you tell me why, I'm not going to tell you".
By this time quite a queue had formed behind me and something of an audience was earwigging.
Sergeant spoke on his taking brooch for a little while. A higher-ranking policeman turned up, somewhat younger than both coppers (and myself!)
"Be reasonable sir, we only want to know where you're going" said the young officer "and, if you'd take my advice and answer you'll get to your destination a lot quicker".
I calculated that enough of a crowd had formed by this time and, as I was out of the car by now, it was time to let them have it.
"RIGHT! You may ask my name and address. You may ask to see the documents for the car. You may ask to see my driving licence. However, as a freeborn Englishman on the Queen's highway going about my lawful business YOU MAY NOT ASK WHERE I'M GOING".
They appeared a tad crestfallen by this time. To add insult to injury I then said "Now are you going to tell me why I and all of these motorists have been stopped? Or am I going to call your Chief Constable?"
The three were standing like naughty schoolboys at this point.
One piped up (to glares from the others) "We're checking that you've budgeted enough time for your journey"
THAT. WAS. IT.
I replied very icily and loudly enough so that the other drivers could hear
"You mean to say that I and these other drivers are being held on suspicion of "driving with intent to speed"!?" "As far as I am aware there is no such offence officers and, unless you are going to arrest me, get out of my way". After scrutinising my documents and the car (4 days old)and finding nothing untoward they obviously decided that discretion was the better part of valour and were about to wave me on (I had all their collar numbers by now) As they trudged defeated to their cars, I wound down the window and as a final remark I said to the young ranking officer "by the way, as to taking your advice? I own shoes older than you!".
I could see him in the rear view mirror, shoulders slumped, with his two cronies giggling behind him as I drove away.
Cheered me up no end!







Hope they all die slowly of a lingering disfiguring and agonising disease. Twunts.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 24 Sep 2007, 9:31, Reply)