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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
Pages: Latest, 232, 231, 230, 229, 228, 227, 226, 225, 224, 223, ... 1

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Kill yourself.

(, Mon 14 Jul 2014, 17:07, Reply)
Dont worry about rising future oil/petrol costs
By doing what my neighbour does, and have your ford ka powered by fairy dust.
(, Mon 14 Jul 2014, 11:18, Reply)
Disguise your homosexuality
by getting married, and raising a family.
(, Mon 14 Jul 2014, 11:17, Reply)
drawing pins,
knocked into the end of your penis, are much easier to remove in a hurry in the event of a police raid. For whatever reason...
(, Sat 12 Jul 2014, 18:04, Reply)
A bicycle tyre,
thrown round the neck of someone and ignited. Releases 2/3rds as less pollution as a car tyre.
(, Sat 12 Jul 2014, 17:58, Reply)
Disguise your homosexuality
by having a girlfriend.
(, Sat 12 Jul 2014, 17:57, Reply)
Something missing from your life?
Spend your days criticising posts on a forum. The minutes will simply fail to fly by.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 7:45, 15 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
Perverts! Make your conkers more distended by injecting them with saline.

(, Sat 5 Jul 2014, 10:03, 4 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
Schoolboys! Make your conkers harder by injecting them with anabolic steroids.

(, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 17:29, 1 reply, 6 years ago)
Instead of buying 'NO ROAD MARKINGS' signs
use the money to mark the roads.
(, Thu 3 Jul 2014, 18:02, Reply)
Accidentally carpeted a friends Mom?
Flip her over and do her up the lino
(, Thu 3 Jul 2014, 16:50, Reply)
Accidentally carpeted a friend's home?
Simply drench the floor with red wine.
(, Thu 3 Jul 2014, 15:57, Reply)
Spilt red wine on a light carpet at a friend's soirée?
Disguise the mark by rubbing some black shoe polish into the affected area.
(, Thu 3 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)
Make barbers think your hair grows really slowly by using four different ones on rotation, and telling them that they're the only barber you go to.

(, Thu 3 Jul 2014, 11:47, 5 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
Pretend you're a communist.
Go on - pretend you're a communist.

Phwoar!
(, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 15:29, Reply)
Pretend you're on a commuitty web site like "mumsnet" or "have your say" by reading
the posts of usernamefailedmoderation.
(, Tue 1 Jul 2014, 19:00, 3 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
Rather than pay a stranger a compliment, take the opportunity to earn extra cash by asking them for
£0.80 by claiming that you need it for bus fare. Or find a discarded drinks container and wander up to people with a sad look on your face.
(, Tue 1 Jul 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Can't afford expensive vet bills? Dress your cat as a child and take it to your GP instead!

(, Fri 27 Jun 2014, 0:51, 1 reply, 6 years ago)
Stop a stranger in the street and pay them a lovely compliment.
I dare you.
(, Tue 24 Jun 2014, 16:44, 4 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
Ensure that your favourite website dies on its arse by repeatedly posting about how it's dying on its arse.

(, Tue 24 Jun 2014, 15:32, 3 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
shacking up with an asian
is an excellent way to avoid the trauma of having ginger kids.
(, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 16:56, 2 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
Hide the tracks of your tears by being the life of the party.

(, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 16:46, Reply)
Add three Aldi fruit bliss fruit teabags to a 2 litre bottle of strong white cider and pretend you are really drinking
hip and trendy fruit ciders from wherever the marketing people tell you is good at this time of year.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:59, Reply)
Add an overpowering amount of processed cheese to some cheap lager
to make "Kraft beer".
(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 13:53, 1 reply, 6 years ago)
Add an overpowering amount of elderflower presse to some cheap lager
to make "craft beer".
(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 11:43, Reply)
MEN, avoid wasting time on dating websites,
just remember 'bubbly' and 'feisty' simply translates into 'complete fucking nightmare'
(, Sat 14 Jun 2014, 0:35, 5 replies, latest was 6 years ago)
Behold the colour of Pain
By rubbing chilli flakes into your eyeballs.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)
Convince your neighbours that you're a normal human being
By occasionally leaving the basement in your parents' house, going outside, getting a job, moving out, getting a girlfriend and acting like you actually have a life.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:24, Reply)

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