Unemployed? Easy Life
Downside: aside from the general feeling of unworth and having no cash for a healthy diet of pork scratchings and beer, its realising just how many lazy, workshy, useless sponging wankers are out there living off the state, example:

After X weeks on the dole you are expected to attend an appointment and present evidence of your efforts in finding employment, me being organised I have a folder containing a spreadsheet showing company or agency work applied for, a copy of the letter and any replies and evidence of interviews and suchlike. Easy, its also padded out with some bullshit to make it look good as the fuckwits at the Job Centre (sic) never question the data!

Sounds excessive but I remember waiting inline with the rest of the stinking dross to sign on and witnessing some evil power crazed old hag administer the most embarrasing dressing down to a smartly dressed middle aged fellow and then telling him his job seekers allowance would be suspended for two weeks, he was almost in tears.

OK, pan forward a few years and I'm back in the fold of unemployment. I have my first appointment for showing my efforts at gainful employment at 0920 hours Monday morning. I arrive early and set myself down, opposite me outside the interrogation room, is some alcohol drenched tramp stinking of BO carrying a plastic bag with his breakfast, 8 litres of White Lightening, yum!

He's called in at 0905 and I can here the whole conversation. Basically he's pissed and can show no evidence of finding work and I sit there giggling as she gives him a dressing down and he slurs his way through the whole episode.

As soon as she says your "allowance is suspended" he goes apeshit and attempts to murder her, a buzzer rings and two big burly fellows appear and restrain him till the fuzz arrive and arrest the twat.

My turn! Mr Pig? Please take a seat. She looks fucking evil and she's had a great start to her day!

I present my folder of lies and deceit, she slowly sifts through the pages then picks up the phone, shit I thought I'm rumbled. Turns out there is money in the pot for a course at the local University and I'm one of the lucky ones to get it.

Upside: I now have a Degree in Engineering, earn good money, feast daily on pork scratchings and beer and easily got another job when I was made redundant a few years back. So while a daily drenching in White Lightening can relieve you of the burden of a miserable life it has to end somewhere, the fellow at the Job Centre? He was a well known waster, I last saw him 2 years ago lying in the gutter covered in puke begging for money.
(Mr Pig, Sat 4 Apr 2009, 9:47, Reply)