Serendipitous grot
Moved into a flat in East London about 6 years ago with some mates and the place was a bit like the Marie Rose- like the previous residents had just done a runner sharpish.

Rummaging through all the crap left there, we noticed they'd left a video player. Connected it up to the TV, turned it on and what should appear but some pretty good lesbic pron. Turned out to be a whole Ben Dover tape- superb.

After that, everyone suddenly "felt tired" and "went for a lie down". At 3 in the afternoon.
(Crayola Oblongata Is it Monday?, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 10:10, Reply)

Was on World Of Warcraft the other day
And managed to buy a level 19 Redbeard Shield, normally valued at 40-50 gold for the bargain price of 1 gold! Completely unexpected, and put my new character right back on track.


Fights nerd moment,loses


PS Minky, FEAR TEH PARAGRAPH!!!!!!
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 9:11, Reply)

Not really
After a truely awful time last year, i thought i was a lucky guy, things started to look rosey for me. I had a girlfriend who loved me, and i had just landed a job that sounded fantastic...

Day before i start my new job, i split up with the gf and the job is a major dissapointment. Back to square one.

*Fucksocks*

Apoligies for non-funnyness. *willy joke here*
(Fishbone-didi, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 9:04, Reply)

lemme in lemme in!!
having been reading this all week racking my brains and being unable to think of a vast stroke of luck that has happened to me I have just now remembered a pretty big one that happened to me just 4 months ago. Also I have thought of it just now while pretty hungover :/ which may or may not be proof that beer helps you think or something, probably.

Well anyway I was in the audience of a tv show and I won a FREE HOLIDAY in an audience lucky dip. A 1 in 52 shot (had to match up my card with the last one dealt on the programme) (it was a poker show) and I got it. Sadly the FREE part of the holiday is grossly understated, being as it is a week of free accomodation only, leaving flights, food and general travel and expenses to be paid for. Not very FREE at all :(

Apologies for the scattered slapdash nature of this post.
(gunken 100% better than tungsten, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 9:03, Reply)

Legal (Barely)
My Girlfriend's Sister has just turned 16

and by Christ she's fit....

Need I say more?
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 8:36, Reply)

4x4 rundown
According to the news this morning some pisshead managed to run over a mum and her kids, killing the mum. Which is pretty terrible...

The unexpected good fortune is that hopefully the police will have a massive clamp down on bad drivers and hopefully twats like "Minky" will get arrested and successfully prosecuted.

Insert cock joke here: "Minky"
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 8:32, Reply)

woke up this mornin'
Was rather shocked to read a set of horrific diatribes about some irresponsible boy-racer cunt and utter pillock "Getting away with" wreckless drunken driving...

But to my good fortune, WorkBoresMe saved me from having to tell the "author" (can you use the word for someone who lays down inpennetrable blocks of type?) that he's a pikey shite-bag, and laid it out flat and simple. Bravo WBM!!

*Humpty registers his disgust towards the piss-head pikey by voting for WorkBoreMe*

no.. I just can't Do it.

"hur hur hur I was drunk and driving and managed to pass the breathaliser test when clearly those around me and myself knew I was too dangerously drunk to drive and then I went and bragged to all my mates aren't I cool?"

Minky: you're a pillock and by all rights you should be sterilised. After being a member of this board for a heady 20 days, it seems you might have missjudged the audience you have here. Now piss off.

Cockend.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 22 Sep 2006, 7:39, Reply)

Incredible good luck
After a few years of terribly poor luck, being thrown out of the squat and all... We're now ALL living in secret in Ogwen69's cellar. And we've got a video camera.

Talk about filth.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 5:21, Reply)

I've got a thing for my younger sister

and since we live near Sunderland where inbreeding is common place and totally acceptable, we can always elope there which is handy.
(Lt Columbo, Fri 22 Sep 2006, 1:03, Reply)

No purchase necessary
On competitions on chocolate bars, packets of crisps etc. there is a "no purchase necessary" clause in the terms & conditions (I think the law says they have to), saying if you send your name and address in on a postcard they'll open a packet in the factory for you and check without you having to buy. Something like that. I'm not sure how it works exactly, but I know that it did work for me once...

When I was 9 or 10, the people who made Quavers (or Skips, or some other type of crisps) had a win a Nintendo Gameboy competition, with "no purchase necessary" in the T&Cs. Wondering if they really meant it, I sent in my name and address to the makers and promptly forgot all about it. Couple of months later, Mr Postman brings me a letter of congratulation and a parcel with a shiny new Gameboy inside. Haha! The fact the stamps probably cost more than another packet of crisps didn't take the shine off one bit. Oh no.

That was the first and so far only time I've done it - I have never sent my name & address in to a competition since, as I'm scared of breaking my 100% record.
(qwghlm, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 18:23, Reply)

Well, I was in this jet-powered car, travelling at 280mph, trying to break the world record,
When, all of a sudden, a tyre blows, and the car flips.

Lucky me then, that I escaped with only head injuries!
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 17:46, Reply)

I was in goal for the school team yesterday...
One on one, player running towards me, and damn cheek of him, I dived at his legs, and he rolled the ball under me...

Luckily, I managed to elbow him in the bollocks, so the ball got cleared. And his got mashed.

Which was nice.

(No, he didn't get up, I think he's probably still lying there.)
(Ultimo LJ, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 17:19, Reply)

Too late I'm sure...
"I'm unemployed, homeless and single. How much *luckier* do you want me to get?"

That's the reply I had to give a friend of mine several years back when he accused me of "always being really lucky" after I found a tenner.

I was indeed unemployed, homeless and single. Even when I had somewhere to live, I just sat in the house, smoking dope and watching cartoons. My unexpected good fortune was the support of friends that encouraged me (eventually) to actually start doing something with my life again.

It took me about five years all in all to go from being a deadbeat who sits about all day at home, to a deadbeat who goes to work (and sits about all day). I *think* that's progress of sorts but occasionally I miss my previous career of sitting around in my pants watching the Powerpuff Girls, totally kablooie-ed out of my box. I've got it wrong again haven't I?
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 21 Sep 2006, 17:08, Reply)

posting!
I was happily posting my own story of unexpected good fortune when I was struck by a bout of ill-timing. The question had closed in the meantime!

Fortunately I was greeted with a whole brand-spanking new question to read and answer, which made my thursday.

Wait.. bugger.
(puerile is really getting into seagulls lately., Thu 21 Sep 2006, 17:02, Reply)

last night
was having a kick about with some mates, tackled one of the opposition and waited a few seconds before starting my run, stepped forwards about two yards, saw the keeper off his line and thought "fuck it!" belted the ball towards the goal from inside my own half, their keeper slips and the ball flies in, how fucking lucky is that!!
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 16:43, Reply)

Me and mine...
...don't have good fortune - only the other kind, to varying degrees on the FFS scale.

Examples; in the last seven days alone, a CSA-monitored plan for the BF to pay his share of his kids' upkeep directly has turned out to cost him even more than the financial assraping he's already suffering at thier hands since earlier this year. I wouldn't mind if he didn't pull his weight before they latched on to him but he did and then some. Now the poor kids are actually worse off because they only actually get a third of what the CSA take from him - enquiries as to where the rest goes have so far been met with, well, nothing that I'd describe as acceptable in comparison to giving it to the kids as they fucking well should be. Even if the BF pays directly and suffers the extra cost, the kids' mothers still get the two-thirds difference deducted from thier benefits so it's lose-lose. As a result the kids get shafted and the BF has next-to-nothing of his pay left to himself/for xmas or birthday presents for the kids/for anything really, with no relief in sight for up to fifteen years. Also, our washer has died a violent juddery death and having no lump sum to replace it quickly, we have to get one out of my mam's catalogue - on the day of the order it was 'delivery in 7 days' - 'cool', thought we. The day after it was 'did we say seven days? sorry we meant 3-4 weeks' - 'cunts', thought we. Finally, I dropped my brand-new and very sweet company laptop within 24 hours of receiving it, putting a fucking ugly crack in it. There's more, believe it or not, but I can't be arsed.

In a nutshell, we are proof that there isn't always balance in the universe.

Meh.

However, the BF told me a couple of nights ago that his boss called him in to tell him that he's been recommended for a promotion of sorts - means more cash for him anyway. Nice, but balance is still a long way off, especially since the fucking CSA will want to get thier hooks into that too whilst still keeping two-thirds of what they take to help a couple more worthless chavs live off of our backs on the dole. When I think about that, terrorism has some attraction. I can't believe they're getting away with running such a rigged game at ruinous cost to parents good AND bad and especially the kids they're supposed to be helping - it's not right. Not right at all.

LATE EDIT: Speaking of not right - Minky (above), I can only hope that you kill yourself whilst drink-driving your car before you kill someone else. The fact that no-one has died so far because of you is the true measure of your good fortune, though you obviously lack the wit to realise it. People like you are the reason I dislike cars as much as I do, you thoughtless cock. Oh, and one other thing; red witches? How fucking common can you get?
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 15:36, Reply)

we had just moved back to our student house..
and we found a package addressed to some Polish guy. (who must have lived there over the summer)
As we suspected he had stolen a package belonging to one of our house mates, we felt no guilt in opening the large envelope addressed to him.

we found 10 packs of cigarettes from Poland, 200 in all, so we sold them. (and bought lots of beer)
(rubber sponge In Austria they call normal bread 'toast', Thu 21 Sep 2006, 15:28, Reply)

Humpty's story is true...
He did do that in my cellar

Mind you MY good fortune was him telling me what his missus did to, ahem, get him in the mood: now my cellar seems strangely erotic


As my missus found out last night when I took her up the wrong 'un down there ;)
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 14:17, Reply)

Incredibly lucky
A few years back we’d been on holiday in Cornwall and were driving back up north. By the time we hit the A64 it was pitch black and I was knackered after the 7 hour drive.

Suddenly, a black cat shot out from the verge…if it had crossed our path, it would have been bad luck for sure, but luckily, I hit it.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 14:06, Reply)

The dog poo of fortune
After finding £30 yesterday, I only found 5p today.

Shit, nobody left the pub pissed last night did they?

You lot think I'm making these up? no way.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 14:04, Reply)

Oh altright then
It's been a long time... and this won't get to the best page...

I Had a relationship that lasted nearly two years, and had been going down hill ever since buying a flat in St Knuts Torg (Malmö, Sweden) with her. Broke the news of my "leaving" plan in october, and by mid November, a buyer for the flat had been found.

I set off to Spain for a little business trip (one week as usual) and spent a week donig thigns that the spanish guys should have been able to do, and getting pissed off.

The return trip: Feeling a bit down, Not having been laid for a month or so, I was on the platform at Kastrup airport waiting for a train between Copenhagen and Malmö to take me home.

My Danish colleague was whittering away as usual, and I - as usual - was ignoring him.

The train - all 50 meters of it - pulled up, and from the window that stopped next to me, a pair of blue eyes peered out. I looked back, and our eyes locked. Wierd, but true. It DOES happen. We both smiled...

Anyway... Karsten goes for a door, I go for the door, and I make a b-line for where this lass is sat. We make childish eye-contact throughout the journey, (with Karsten still being ignored) . Upon arriving in Malmö her mate runs for the bus, Karsten stays and goes for the next station, and this bewitchingly gorgeous lass and I end up walking down the platform together. We talk... We walk... We end up at the end of the platform, and our paths nearly part.... but neither of us wants that to happen.

To cut a sickeningly cute story short, that afternoon we spent 2 hours drinking coffee together and having a great time.

It was November the 18th, 2005.

She's going to move in before too long...

We're both climbers, Adrenaline junkies, and snowboarders.. Infact, she used to be sponsored snwboarder... our list if similarities is huge, and life my friends, is just starting. I've never been so happy.

Had I not been delayed that day, Had I not stood there, Had she not have been delayed... We wouldn't have crossed each other's paths. Now, we have met, and have discovered that after a good few years of failed relationships we are both exactly what the other has been looking for.

Simple good fortune lead to me meeting the girl of my dreams: the lass who will oneday be my wife.

*******************************************

Ogwen69 met her a few weeks ago... and while he and his missus were doing something else, Mrs Humpty and I christened his new cellar... nothing to do with good fortune... just a good shag: and I thought I'd share that with you... :D

Pure class.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 21 Sep 2006, 14:00, Reply)

Local Holidays...
Having recently moved up to Glasgow, I've just discovered I've got Friday and Monday off work due to a local holiday.

Woo.
(ReAndyMator has been very bored since July, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 13:50, Reply)

Nice
I just went to the bog to avoid doing some work.

when I got there, I realised I needed a shit !

sweet.
( dogfish, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 13:29, Reply)

In high school I flunked a year
and had to do it over. At first I feared I'd get in a class with lame people I didn't know, but in retrospect I met some of my now-best friends there. In fact, I managed to fit in better with my new group than the old one.
(Psychosomatic Tumor Laugh your life cause there ain't much to cry for, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 12:37, Reply)

Oh yes!
On a train from Brighton to London I was putting my bag on the rack, and I found a folder. It was plain blue, and on the front was printed "Indiana Jones - Part 4". My heart stopped - it couldn't be? Yes, it was the whole script of a new Indiana Jones film, pages and pages of it.
I couldn't decide whether to keep it or try and sell it on Ebay; eventually I took it to the film distributors in Hammersmith, who promised to send it to Mr Spielberg on my behalf.
What did I get as a reward? A walk-on part? An invitation to the premier? 6 free DVDs. Sent to me by someone who wasn't Steven Spielberg.
But as it turned out, one of my friends googled the first couple of lines and the whole thing was on the internet anyway. Still, if they make another Indiana Jones, and it starts off with Indy fishing in an urban lake, a la crocodile dundee, you heard it on B3ta first.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 9:37, Reply)

Star-struck
Richard Hammond here, just managed to avoid certain death at 300MPH. What a stroke of luck.

For some reason though, my mouth seems numb, and the nurses won't let me have a mirror...

MY TEETH! MY LOVELY, PEARLY WHITE TEETH!

"Mr Hammond? We can rebuild them..."

/The Six Billion Dollar Teeth
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 6:12, Reply)

brown bag

about 15 years ago , whilst skateboarding down the street with a friend, off to said friends house to imbibe *read destroy ourselves* with 4 liters of cheap wine, we happen upon a brown lunch bag laying in the middle of the sidewalk. thinking some nub had been pwned on his way to school *read free lunch* we pick it up, look inside, only to find.....about a pound brick of blonde *read hashish*.

weeping with joy and paranoid as fuck we raced home, turned on the stove etc.etc... to this day i still look in disgusting bags i find laying on the street. no results tho...(


lalala
(goorf, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 2:42, Reply)

At St James' Park the other week

and I had to nip to the toilet for a quick pee just before the second half started. During my much needed piss I heard the roar from the Toon Army crowd as the players came back out. I started to rush so I could make it back for the kick off and I made the mistake of, shaking my tinkle, popping the old fella back home and zipping up, all in one ill judged movement.

If it wasn't for the fact I've been blessed with an incredibly small cock I could've been in real trouble.

Length??? Now you see it, now you don't.
(Lt Columbo, Thu 21 Sep 2006, 2:31, Reply)

Water
My gf and I moved into our first house just over three years ago. The house cost more than we had initially hoped to spend and there were plenty of other things we hadn't thought of that ended up costing us.

To get our account set up I spent a while cutting away grass to get to the water meter grid at the front of the house and quite a while with a j-cloth trying to drain a foot of water out of the hole to read the water meter details.

After telephoning the water company they told me I had the meter number wrong (which I've since checked and I've not) as they didn't have it on their records. I phoned back again and asked them to look us up via our address but they didn't have that on record.

So, three years have passed and we've yet to pay a water bill. I thank which ever student on summer break couldn't be arsed to enter in the list of addresses he/she was given on their crappy summer job.
(hagis_uk, Wed 20 Sep 2006, 23:38, Reply)

I was in town
one day and I saw Barry Scott!! of all people. However it's true you should never meet your heroes, he wouldn't give me an autograph unless I bought a big issue from him
(thatboy, Wed 20 Sep 2006, 20:09, Reply)