Definitely unerotic but ultimately satisfying
Somewhere in the South West of England, late 80s, there is a cliff side littered with chalets, scrubby plants and faintly disturbing residents. My uncle, due to 'unforseen circumstances' ie. his Mrs had black-bagged him, ended up living here for a while. Spending his days drinking, fishing and hanging around with his pals in the sun agreed with him so he got to know the area quite well.

On one such sunny afternoon, he was looking after his two young daughters who were happily playing in the garden while he fished for dinner from the rocks a few hundred yards away, further down the slope. A friend of his who was fishing alongside suddenly grabbed his arm and pointed out a stark bollock naked gentleman steathily making his way through the scrub (no mean feat in his condition), towards said garden.

Dropping his fishing gear, uncle started up the slope. Realising that the naked chap would get to his garden before he could, he decided to match stealth with stealth and use his local knowledge of the cliff paths to ensure that at least he would have a chance of confronting him before he legged it.

Mr Naked approached the garden, his 'excitement' plain for all to see. Before he could utter a word he was interrupted by a raging bull of a man dropping in between him and the girls from the garden above.

Did I mention my uncle had been a boxer in a past life?

You can probably imagine the surprise and horror on the perv's face just before it was swiftly and permanently rearranged. Not sure what happened to him afterwards, but I imagine he might have been subject to a more rapid descent down the cliff path than is considered healthy before anyone called the emergency services.

My cousins, who were unharmed if slightly perplexed and a little more worldly wise than before, apparently spent the afternoon happily bankrupting the tooth fairy to the regular cry of "Daddy, I found another tooth!"
(DownhillGardener no-one does it like that anymore, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:27, 3 replies)

Great stuff
If he ended up in hospital and the police were involved, I expect they knew who he was and what he'd have been up to, and quietly dropped any enquiries.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:35, closed)

Tact
One of the best qualities of a good police squad.
(Scritty Bakerman., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:53, closed)

Yay!
What a good dad.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 5:10, closed)