Vomit is a wonderful weapon!
After a heavey night out I was violently sick in my bed - that is NOT the gross part.

Covered in horrible vomit were my pillow, my sheets and me. Think Spud from train spotting minus the shit. Anyway as I was changing my sheets with a great big bastard hangover my Vicky Pollard of a sister (she is her, she is JUST like her, I'm ashamed to be a relative almost as much is she is ashamed of being related to Trippeh the town nutjob, but I digress) came in to have a go at me for waking her up the previous night.

I apologised. She went on.

I apologised a second time. She went on.

I apologised a third time and told her I had a headache could she please bloody stop shouting.

SHE WENT ON LOUDER STILL!

The self-pitying yapping got so much that I stood up straight and instead of slapping her, or yelling at her like a normal perosn, with an aim that would do Phil Taylor proud, I launched a vomit-soaked pillow smack into her face.

SPLAT.

No reaction for a split second and THEN:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHH!" is the only way I can describe the sound she made.

I thought the screaming was bad before, my goodness...she flew about flicking vomit everywhere knocking stuff in my room right over as she pawed at her face to get the puke off it, shrieking until she finally landed in the bathroom, throwing herself into the sink crying hysterically, apparently her mouth ws wide open when the pillow made impact....as she was violently sick herself!

The crying didn't stop for a long time and luckily my parents were not around to witness me being such a bastard I simply told them she lied and that it was accident/misunderstanding (said I tripped when taking the sheets out etc and dropped them on her) my sister is notorious for lying so therefore I got away with it completely. Her going berserk would have been worth any consequences however I must add!

I'm an evil person what can I say.
(trippeh, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 20:21, Reply)