Reality vs Fantasy
A while back I was involved with a theatrical production, running some on-stage video screens which showed both pre-recorded and live closed-circuit shots during the play. After it finished, I had some bits of equipment I needed to pick up; I'd been offered tickets to the next production, so decided to watch that then nip backstage in the interval to collect my gear.

The new play turned out to be set in a Catholic girls's school, with a large cast of schoolgirls. This meant that there were too many for the normal changing rooms, so they'd been allocated a large backstage area to change in. This I discovered to my considerable surprise when I ducked behind the curtains at the side; what previously had been a large, empty room was now crowded with underage girls in various states of undress.

The *idea* of this might be total Wank Bank material, but in reality I put my head down, kept my eyes on the floor and shot across and through the opposite door as fast as I could. After collecting my gear I left via the fire escape.

OK, let the Nonce Alerts begin.

* Just noticed that this is rather similar to the Canada women's football story below. Sorry.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 16:15, 5 replies)

It's strange, but these days I wank to some of the tamer experiences I've had, rather than the kinkier ones
It is the 90's, and I am in Bergen in Norway. We had met in the morning. I had only got off the ferry an hour earlier, and had overcome my fear to start a converstion with her in a cafe where she sat alone reading a book. She had pale blue eyes and light blonde hair, a little plump and I'd guessed about 19 years. She was beautiful. We had spent the day walking the seafront, and all day I'd felt a lightness in my stomach.
Now we sit on the edge of the wooden decking in the backyard of her mother's house. It is 8 at night though the sun is bright like midday, and fat bumblebees buzz around the flowers in the grass. We talk about language, and I feel the tension growing between us. She says her name means wolf, and reaches over and draws a wolf on my arm like a tattoo. I take her hand in mine and she squeezes it back. It is the first time we've touched. We stay like this for a while, looking out over the blue and red matchbox houses towards the fjord. Still holding my hand she stands and says "Come with me", and leads me to her bedroom on the downstairs level.
Without speaking, she takes of her clothes and lays down naked on the bed, on her back on top of the white down quilt, and waits looking at me. Her skin is milky white with a small fuzz of armpit hair and pubes. I am nervous at her directness, and I am still not hard when I strip down. To delay, I move between her legs and use my tongue on her. She responds and her taste is sweet and delicate. She guides me up and kisses me, then turns to push her ass in towards me like spoons. She seems to know what I need and quickly I am hard as steel and moving inside her. The moment stretches out in a rhythm and builds until I pull out and wet her back and quilt as I come. We lay there together as the night sun comes through the window. Outside, there could be nuclear explosions and I would not care.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 16:13, 1 reply)

Caught an ex mate wanking.
On the telly was Rod Jane & Freddy. That's it. No point in padding it out.
(#1, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 16:10, 10 replies)

Such vivid memories
1. This one time I got bored of the Just Fucking White colour of my bedroom walls, so I fed my girlfriend nothing but beetroot for a week then bounced her on my knees (recent winners of the Brighton Knobbly Knee Gold Medal), sending intense waves of G-spot stimulation through her until she started doing a liquid sex guff. Quick as a flash I steered her around the room, using her flailing arms to aim her like a Twatling Gun, until all four points of the compass were a warm and modern Summer Fuschia.

2. The first time I went to a gay sauna I met a bloke who apologised in advance for having a very thin dick, “almost like a needle”, so I told him it was probably just as well as I’d never done this before. He then fished out some sort of little rotating sex toy and used it to distend my nether regions, before mounting me and gyrating his hips in a circular motion while humming. It was at this point that I realised his dick WAS a needle and that he was using me to play ‘Dambusters’ on the miniature arse gramophone.

3. Once, in a club, I met this Scottish girl who looked a bit like how my sister would probably look if I had a sister, so I inveigled my way into her student flat thanks to lager tops and the following morning bought two cinnamon whirls from the local bakery, clapping them over her ears as I did her doggy-style and getting her to call me “Luke”. My name’s not Luke.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:46, 16 replies)

Those times my wife actually sucked my cock before we were married.

( Peej, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:45, 3 replies)

BNP
Becasue they're french AND racist
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:27, 1 reply)

I'm a bit poor for wank banks these days, recession and all.
All I could afford was a wank shed
It's fine but you don't half get splinters
( Theoban What of it, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:25, 1 reply)

Barclays
Nuff said
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:23, 3 replies)

HSBC
Nuff said
(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:18, 1 reply)

2003 Women's World Championships U19 Football Tournament
(remembering that in Canada, the age of consent is 16)

Just so happened to be in my hometown in Canada. Odd, because we really don't do football (at least all that well), but I guess women's football was lagging behind even farther in the rest of the world, because at that time the two top teams by far were always Canada and the US.

Working as a freelance writer at the time (mostly music journalism), I managed to score an all-access media pass, because why the hell not? I convinced my publishers there might be a story in it, and there really were no drawbacks on their end.

I admit, the games were entertaining to watch, and I don't just mean for the barely legal eye candy, which is hard to appreciate without a telephoto lens. The girls played more aggressively than men's teams, taking more chances and rarely taking dives. I mean some of the best teams in the world are boring as hell to watch (looking at you, Team Germany), so it's a novelty to see players less at the top of their game defensively.

By far the most entertaining was the Japanese girls' team, who were very...vocal on the field. Contrary to the stereotype of the demure Japanese girl, they were yelping and shrieking at each other all the time, far louder than all the other teams.

Anyway, I showed up for the Canada vs Japan game. Having already figured out the lay of the land, I intended to get into the media room post game and try to interview one of the players, the only one from our city.

Well, I walked through the media entrance, took a wrong turn, and suddenly *eep* I'm confronted with an open door looking into the Japanese girls' locker room. I only got a couple seconds of this, but picture in You Only Live Twice when James Bond enters the Japanese sauna, only replace James Bond with a gangly Canadian and the exotic bathhouse with a dingy locker room. I saw one of the Japanese girls from behind, whip off her shirt to expose her bare back. Then a coach jumped out of nowhere and gently closed the door, shutting me off from this world.

I don't think I've ever wanked to it before, but the image does linger in my head almost a decade later.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:13, 2 replies)

Fresh pea
When I was 10 or 11, my sister was 15/16 and discovering boys and having parties when "babysitting". My brothers and I would be banished to our bedrooms and strictly forbidden to go downstairs, despite the stomach-growlings of young boys urging us on to the kitchen. It wasn't that bad, because once drunk her friends would start investigating the house and find us, and start blathering drunken shite, making fun of my heavy metal posters (I was big on Skid Row, Poison and Motley Crue) and being entertaining - they would take the piss out of my sister and even bring up an illicit tin or two, and we'd play up to them saying what an evil witch our sister was.

Her boyfriend must have been a few years older as he had a car, and I remember one day going to (well, being brought to) the beach with them and a bunch of their friends. I can't remember the exact reason why, but at one point I was sitting in the car while everyone else was down the beach. (Maybe I was listening to "Shout At The Devil"). One of my sister's friends came in to dry off a bit, having gone in swimming. She evidenly hadn't expected to go swimming, as she was sitting there IN HER WET BRA AND PANTS in the passengers seat RIGHT NEXT TO ME with HER PUBIC HAIR CLEARLY VISIBLE THROUGH HER WHITE UNDIES.

I didn't know where to look, my hear was thundering in my chest and my Adam's Apple had never felt so engorged in my throat before. Here was a practically naked woman right next to me! With boobs! And hair - down there! Which I could see! Or, well, which I would able to see if I looked slightly to my left. I somehow found myself rigid with concentration looking stright ahead, while I awkwardly chatted with this vision of woman who had arisen from the ocean.

Fwapped myself silly when I got home.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:11, Reply)

Getting sucked off by the young receptionist at my desk after work hours..
..as I was playing Multi player Quake against 6 of my colleagues who were in different parts of the building.

My g/f's before this never swallowed so I gave this fiesty lass a friendly warning that maybe she should stop before it got messy. She seemed to redouble her efforts and took the lot.

Still aced the Deathmatch game too.
Edit: I know from all the posts you don't believe me but back then I was really really good at Quake
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:09, 16 replies)

An old friend of mine was having a wank
and he accidentally came over his cat. He's dead now, so...y'know. Bit of a warning there.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 15:02, 14 replies)

I don't approve of this QOTW.
I think it's destined to caused bitterness and recrimination.

But as you asked, I don't know why the Isralis don't just give it up and let them stay.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:51, 6 replies)

I can see already
that the usual spastics are going to go crazy this week wearing out their keyboard keys- specifically the L, I, E and S keys- and snarking at anyone who posts.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:36, 42 replies)

Well, it's a toss-up...
- seeing my hand and wrist covered in juices after plentiful squirting;
- seeing her having difficulty walking because I've made her come so much;
- hearing her request to stick her finger up her arse to join my two fingers already in there as "it's not hurting enough";
- seeing her on all fours, dripping between her legs;
- giving her the fourth or fifth orgasm when she's tied up and helpless and the pain / pleasure balance is finely drawn;
- seeing my cock go into her mouth after it's been everywhere else;
- lastly, and most of all, just seeing her standing next to the bed, naked, getting off on her body and knowing what we're going to do next.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:28, 18 replies)

My parents.
And the dog.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:26, Reply)

The wank bank
became obsolete when Ampland launched.
(username failed moderation, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:25, Reply)

DINNER DINNER DINNER DINNER SEX LIES!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:22, 2 replies)

I found this hunk on okcupid
Called "ringofyre"

Oh yes.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:21, 9 replies)

Hot, irish gingers.

(Le Misanthrope last procrastinated on, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:18, 6 replies)

Your Mum.
Likes it in latex.
(hadr0n Craic whore, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:18, Reply)