I told of my crime....
but being the 8 year old attention seeking whore I was (hey, I'm 25 now and I still crave attention, but I've calmed down a lot) I had a tendency of lying. I know most kids do, but I doubt to this extent. Call it being an only child, call it a bad neighbourhood, being fat and bullied. I dunno. I don't like to assess my history. It's best staying where it is you know?

Anyway, apologies for my interruption. I was 8 or something similar and I lived in a crappy area. It wasn't terrible, but it had potential to be (and since has started to go badly with all the scummy kids). I thought I would play on this. Being the one for lying, I told a kid at school that I'd been approached by someone. I dunno why, I just thought it might be a tall tale we could laugh about. So, I told this guy Greg, and he seemed a bit impressed. Rock and roll. So told another kid, got some more gleeful looks. Cool.

Now, when I was young I used to go to school by my aunt, and she used to take me and pick me up from school as parents worked in City centre early/late and collected me from there on way home. So one morning I told her about my approachment for some strange reason. I thought it might be cool, hoping for the same kind of reaction, which I thought I got.

So, next evening, while I'm sitting in my room playing something, we had visitors. I was called down and it was two Police Officers. Wow, cool, I've never seen a copper close up. They seemed really friendly. Wanted to ask me about this 'man' I'd saw. "oh poop" thought I, now backed in to a corner in my mind because I've either got myself in a situation I will be found out in, or I'm gonna make up some random shit to try and remember so I could at least be semi-believable.

I was scared of my mom (and was for many years after. She passed away less than a year ago, and it still burns me that i was an ungrateful shit for so long) so I went with the 'make up something'. I wasn't a great liar under pressure though. I described some vague clothing, beard, greyish hair. "Was he wearing a hat?" Actually YES, this figment of my imagination was now wearing a hat. It was chequered..... "Really? A baseball cap, a flat cap?" No, I decided, or only knew one type of hat at the time and told them it was a chequered bowler hat. Now, I have forgot parts of this since, but I'm fairly sure they didn't ask me any more questions when I told them it was a bowler hat. I think at that point they sensed a false witness. I also think my parents did, but I'm not sure because we've never discussed it since, and I've never told them I lied.

It has played on my mind so long though because I feel so (a) ashamed for lying to that extent (b) embarrased for coming up with such bullshit story although I was young and hadn't a wealth of knowledge (c)amused that it went that far. Shit I'm such a twisted cunt sometimes.

Thanks for reading, and I know it's kind of off topic, but I did witness a crime, honestly.... Do you like me?? hee hee
( Mart No Fool No posts but lots of stalks recently., Fri 15 Feb 2008, 0:17, 1 reply)

classic
hahahahahahahah, i want a chequered bowler hat now
(Captain Swab Ye Gadds!!, The Glitter is back, Sat 16 Feb 2008, 20:35, closed)