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Last Jedi
Sack of purest Bantha poodoo, worse than Phantom Menace.

I rest my case.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:58, archived)

b3ta.com/search/talk?q=%22you+fucking+stupid+fucking+cunt%22
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:59, archived)
just sayin' like

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:06, archived)
well don't. OK?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:13, archived)
You are a fucking stupid fucking cunt.

I rest *my* case.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:00, archived)
Who fucking asked you?
Jesus. These cunts make me fucking sick to my fucking stomach.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:00, archived)
I'm gunna kick off in a minute m8

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:01, archived)
Do you know what I mean?
It's fucking ridiculous. Some people liked that film, some people didn't, other people don't fucking care either way! Then this fucking cunt (and he IS a cunt) steps up like his fucking opinion is A) wanted and B) makes the fucking slightest bit of difference! Man, I'm fucking furious this time, I'm telling you.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:04, archived)
Waltzing in here like he's Barry fucking Norman.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:04, archived)
onion pickling motherfucker

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:05, archived)
fucking wanker

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:06, archived)
He's going to get his onions pickled, alright.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:08, archived)
You're right to be angry m8 - we're *all* angry with this fucking shitcock
Hummel? BUMSMELL more like
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:05, archived)
but, but,
i was told that this was the only place on b3ta for healthy discussion of all things.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:20, archived)
nah, that's /calendar
www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/26445
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:33, archived)
checked
just the usual. come to bash blablabla, done that, been there, got touched
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:37, archived)
You WERE wearing crotchless dungarees
you were totes asking for it
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:44, archived)
we mostly discuss motorbike and car insurance prices here

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:35, archived)
i have a bicycle powered by electricity, it really is quite good.
and costs nothing to run as i steal the electrons from work. Staff perks moving with the times.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:39, archived)
so?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:41, archived)
Can you attach electrodes from the handlebars
to your tits for extra help to get up the hills?
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:43, archived)
you've seen me wiz by then....humming!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:53, archived)
it came with a free helmet.
comes in handy here
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:44, archived)
you're a fucken helmet m8

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:46, archived)
It's all go, today!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:02, archived)

o, tod
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:03, archived)
haha
yes
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:05, archived)
k

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:03, archived)
Which paedo are you again?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:04, archived)
I haven't seen it, but I do have some tasty spoilers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:04, archived)
braw! have chips with that

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:05, archived)
No. U r.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:08, archived)
huh?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:05, archived)
don't even bother, m8
This fucking joker's having a fucking laugh
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:06, archived)
ah

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:07, archived)
There I was, happy as a sandboy, all ready for Christmas, like
Then out of the blue, this cunt waltzes in giving it the big Kermode, and now it's all gone to shit. Just like that - not ready any more.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:09, archived)
I might have some mayo for christmas

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:11, archived)
I might have some rolf

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:11, archived)
by which I mean 'inappropriate sexual conduct towards a minor'

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:12, archived)
Is there such a thing as appropriate sexual conduct towards a minor?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:51, archived)

sand bum
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:13, archived)
It's ruined fucking christmas for me
it's made hannukah a bit better, though
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:16, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:08, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:08, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:09, archived)
Three cheers to you, Cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:10, archived)
What did Mark Kermode think, I only watch stuff he tells me is good and then I regurgitate most of his review verbatim to the people I work with
They don't know.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:13, archived)
he thinks Hummel is a stupid fucking stupid cunt

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:14, archived)
I just say everything's 'noir'

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:14, archived)
Is it pronounced "noir" or "noir"

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:15, archived)
the second one

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:20, archived)
Y'know, like Noira Stuart.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:23, archived)
You fucking stupid fucking nerd cunt

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:15, archived)
I have just spent £869 insuring my motorbike
fucking stupid fucking insurance fucking cunting arse!

Just shelled out 799 insuring the car too. Bastard twatting fucking insurance!!!
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:20, archived)
260 a year for the bandit. 85 for the cz and 300 for the Volvo.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:23, archived)
180 quid for the jag

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:27, archived)
It's entirely because I live in London

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:42, archived)
buy a bicycle, same thing but without all the gubbins, fuel costs and taxes etcetera.
Probably better for the planet too.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:34, archived)
oh, this is why everyone thinks you're an overopinionated insufferable wanker
you're a cyclist.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:35, archived)
I have a bicycle...
... as well.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:41, archived)
Hatstand!
XD
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:42, archived)
clicking this

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:47, archived)
No.
Wrong.
Next.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:37, archived)
Best of the best thread.
Chris Penn, huh? He was fat.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:38, archived)
chris penne arrabiata

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:40, archived)
A life as a C-list name, then death by fatness.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:40, archived)
the original jonah hill

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:41, archived)
Deep and chris penn even

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:44, archived)
Not only a quality pun, but a quality seasonal pun.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:47, archived)
I'm so ready for christmas it hurts sometimes

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:49, archived)
Father knew Lloyd George

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:55, archived)
It were a different time then
when people knew people
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:56, archived)
RIP Daphne Blake

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:56, archived)
:(

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:59, archived)
In her case I'm afraid I am unable to go easy on the 'I would' type posts

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 15:03, archived)
Valium, morphine, marijuana and an elevated level of codeine
I suppose there are worse ways to go
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:58, archived)
Best thread

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:23, archived)
Lloyd George knew my father

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:30, archived)
Don't be a fucking dildo

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:37, archived)
Better thread

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:13, archived)
says you

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:14, archived)
it was a request, not a statement

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:17, archived)
Reads more like a command to me.
Better thread, biatches!
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:18, archived)
Entertain me, lackeys!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:21, archived)

l p
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:32, archived)
lol

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:32, archived)
yes boss

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:23, archived)
Yesssah, I shooo be a makin' yo braaaasin expheriance mo enjoable
lordy lord would you like some funny puns then boss? Oh yessah, I sho would laaake some of them theayre pun threads too yes siree

*tips fedora*
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:13, archived)
uh oh guys, I think Gary's having a stroke

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:23, archived)
keeping it 100

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:21, archived)
totally Heyward

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:33, archived)
cool

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:25, archived)
tres cool m8

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:31, archived)
Shit on a dogs tits

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:29, archived)
+then set it on fire

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:30, archived)
solid bruv

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:32, archived)
sweet as

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:32, archived)
I'm Bernie Clifton AMA!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:33, archived)
Hi Bernie, longtime fan here
My question is, what was it like playing the trombone at the Beijing Olympics and in Las Vegas as a member of the Pukka Pies England Band?
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:35, archived)
times were hard back then
I'm just glad I brought a smile to people's faces
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:36, archived)
Is the bit of Bristol with a suspension bridge named after you?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:35, archived)
times were hard back then
but yes
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:37, archived)
Hi Bernie,
How humiliating was it to fail to get through the blind auditions on second rate reality singing talent show TheVoiceUK
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:37, archived)
times were hard back then
but you never fail if you learn from your mistakes
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:39, archived)
Did you write the Franco-Belgian comics series in the humorous spy-genre, featuring the exploits of Colonel Sir Harold Wilberforce Clifton?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:41, archived)
times were hard back then
but yes, I did. It's kept me in Drambuie and coca cola for life
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:42, archived)
hi Bernie, can you tell us about the good times?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:49, archived)
times were hard back then
but we were happy
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:50, archived)
Can you tell me what it was like before the adoption of GMT as a country wide zone

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:54, archived)
times were hard back then
people walked around staring at the sun to get the time
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:55, archived)
How do you feel about Paul Zenon calling you a complete cunt?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:01, archived)
fuck that wanker I'd fuck him up the stupid little cunt I'll rip the prick eat to ear I will jam my thumbs through his god damn eye sockets cunt fuck

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:41, archived)
Eat to ear lol

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 14:37, archived)
Let's get thready, get thready to rumble!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:41, archived)
Are you thready, are you thready for love?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:43, archived)
Hey, you the rock thready crew

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:44, archived)
Raindrops keep falling on my thread

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:53, archived)
Breakfast in thread

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:55, archived)
Fear the walking thread.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:56, archived)
YEAH SORRY I DON'T KNOW THAT SONG M8

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:58, archived)
CALL YOURSELF A MUSIC ENTHUSIAST?
FFS.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:59, archived)
Christmas thready 2k17

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:58, archived)
99 Thread Balloons

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:14, archived)
Drop Dead Thread

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:19, archived)
do you know what Gary, I think this time I really am ready for Christmas!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:43, archived)
it's probably the beetroot-cured gravadlax that's done it

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:51, archived)
That might be it
I must make a note for next year in case I have this issue again
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:54, archived)
Notes are for pussies
just get the whole of this page tattooed on your body. This could go right on the end of your winkle.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:16, archived)
The other night I watched that 'Safety Not Guaranteed'.
It was a lot less science fiction-y and a lot more bittersweet than I was expecting, but overall pretty good.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:04, archived)
ok, great

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:29, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpR1yNytFn0
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:34, archived)
oh shit

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:37, archived)
+ whaddup

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 13:39, archived)
There's some upset because a few empty shops in town that have put anti-homeless boards in the closed shop fronts.
Apparently it's heartless at this difficult cold time. If they were on fire they'd be warmer?

What could we set on fire to improve your life? What are you upset about?
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:23, archived)
The roof

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:28, archived)
Let the mothefuckers burn

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:35, archived)
I think we should set fire to banned poster Dozer
I am upset about the fact that banned poster Dozer has not been set on fire.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:30, archived)
I know his real name. And I've seen that he has a stupid face.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:35, archived)
Did you meet him at one of the b4shes or something?
And I think setting him on fire has its pros and cons: on the plus side, it would shut him up for a while (until Dozer the Dozerian rose from the ashes and created another account), but then again he'd have an hour-long spontaneous ejaculation from all the attention.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:42, archived)
All we need to do is re-ban him before we set him on fire: problem solved

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:43, archived)
Let's burn him in effigy and put it on the front page.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:45, archived)
Me too, it's Tim Stilton

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:59, archived)
Sounds cheesy

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:00, archived)
He has terrible brie-oh

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:01, archived)
my christmas pudding

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:31, archived)
Figgi puddi

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:36, archived)
9/11

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:33, archived)
Bloody england.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:36, archived)
My heart

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:34, archived)
Gaviscon

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:36, archived)
I'm upset because being righteous is so draining
I dunno how Corbyn followers do it.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:34, archived)
I think you've muddled up being righteous and being a prick
an easy mistake to make, but there are subtle differences
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:37, archived)
^ She's looked at life, from both sides now.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:12, archived)
Look, most homeless are lost causes.
Better we lose a few with potential to save us the hassle of the scum. The sooner you see that the better.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:37, archived)
it's a numbers game, really

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:50, archived)
nah, you're thinking of 'suduko'

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:03, archived)
same goes for old people.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:39, archived)
I have to have my photograph taken at work today
I don't want to have my photograph taken at work today
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:35, archived)
Cut your own head off.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:37, archived)
If she wanted to shout Allahu Akbar too, probably best to do it beforehand

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:57, archived)
Tasteful nudes or filth?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:41, archived)
I have met the photographer before so who knows what he might be able to talk me into

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:46, archived)
Is it Robert Mapplethorpe?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:49, archived)
We were told to put photo avatars onto our internal IM system
So I made one in Paint. I have never been questioned about this.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:04, archived)
it's because that is exactly what you look like to everyone

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:17, archived)

i.imgur.com/cMoCaXz.jpg
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:20, archived)
that's his orgasm face

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:22, archived)
You're probably right
i.imgur.com/2FpRRMq.jpg
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:24, archived)
Onion with a beard

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:31, archived)
rude

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:41, archived)
i no i no it's serious

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:47, archived)
shallot power

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:49, archived)
should have stuck your orgasm face on it

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:19, archived)
I did

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:25, archived)
+Cos if you liked it then you

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:28, archived)
They snapped mine the second I got in the building for my new job.
A mixture of hat hair and disorientation makes me look like a pissed tramp.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:01, archived)
Ed Sheeran

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:38, archived)
Right now, he's our best chance of avoiding a recession
post brexit so you'd better learn to love him. With Adelle out of the picture he's the only thing stopping us from going the full Venezuela
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:42, archived)
The world
because that would mean that Billy Joel and The Ink Spots would be vindicated in their lyric writing.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:40, archived)
My sex

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:41, archived)
Oh dear
is it resistant to antibiotics?
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:42, archived)
Brexit

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:42, archived)
Muhammad

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:46, archived)
the bridges on which I walk on

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:48, archived)
Teh Quo!!!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:58, archived)
Mushrooms

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:50, archived)
Is that an answer to both questions?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:24, archived)
y

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:25, archived)
This is a fucking shit thread

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:46, archived)
hey, at least you tried, buddy

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:47, archived)
set fire to it

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 11:50, archived)
I'm hoping someone asks if we're ready for xmas, I need to update my spreadsheet

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 12:13, archived)
morning

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 6:43, archived)
Morning

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 6:50, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:03, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:07, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:44, archived)
cheeeeeers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:17, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:01, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:38, archived)
Alright

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:07, archived)
alright

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:24, archived)
m'alright

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:01, archived)
Morning Grrrmachine
Knocking off for Christmas today.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:22, archived)
knocking one out, I hope

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:25, archived)
Certainly wouldn't recommend knocking up

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:37, archived)
is your wife really suffering this time around?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:47, archived)
Duh, she's married to 2 Can, what do you think

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:52, archived)
yeah, but shacking up with a frustrated middle-class nerd is the background noise in her life
she's probably already got a coping mechanism for that, like tinnitus sufferers have.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:12, archived)
I hope so. That poor woman.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:17, archived)
She's been off work since about the 10th week due to vomiting.
Are you going to have any more?
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:52, archived)
No chance. One's fun but we're barely coping as it is.
Doubling all that would bring death on us all.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:12, archived)
Well pull my cracker - we're on the home straight to Chrismtas!
Morning, sugar pie.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:24, archived)
I'm never going to get this Christmas thing

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:25, archived)
D'awww

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:45, archived)
I hope for your kid's sake you are a plausible faker

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:21, archived)
I've got to drive 300 miles to have a dinner of pickled herring and boiled carp
with a mentally defunct octogenarian and her siblings who are all mourning the recent death of their brother/son. Then back in the car next day for the drive home. I don't think anyone can fake enjoying that.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:30, archived)
sounds well lol

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:39, archived)
the best bit is when we all stand up before the meal and share bits of communal-style wafer with eachother
It's well fun to wish people long life and health and money when someone's just died and the matriarch is lying on a bed alongside the table blithering to herself in dementia.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:42, archived)
y'see I don't think Christmas is the problem here, you just have a miserable life

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:52, archived)
well yeah, it's all circumstantial innit
I'd enjoy Christmas if it had completely different food, completely different people, no element of consumerism, forced consumption or Catholic hand-wringing, and was held locally so I didn't have to travel either 300 or 1000miles to attend it.

It's not a big ask.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:06, archived)
you should've married a nice English girl

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:15, archived)
but then I'd have stayed in England
and had to work through the awkward rigmarole of visiting each component of my family separately (since my mum, dad and two brothers barely speak to each other) without showing any element of favoritism.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:19, archived)
Typical grrrrmachine
blaming his miserable existence on the jews
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:06, archived)
FFS you get pickled herring you lucky fuck!
I'm not allowed preserved fish in the house so that sounds like a dream come true for me.

Also - Christmas isn't to blame for the shit stuff in your life. AND there's nothing you've described that can't be solved with a pillow and a few moments of pressure.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:00, archived)
it's not my grandmother though, it's the wife's
I don't want to be the dirty immigrant, coming over here and smothering your grandmothers.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:07, archived)
Sounds like the gift she wants for Christmas
but would be too shy to ask for
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:39, archived)
I just wish I could find a place that did vouchers for that kind of thing

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:42, archived)
Russia

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:43, archived)
Just become a Jehovah's Witness.
No Christmas, no presents, and you can spend the day making your kid read the Bible in silence.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:25, archived)
Means getting up early at the weekends to annoy people on the doorstep
if you worry about being liked you are better off being a debt collector.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:27, archived)
Morning grrry

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:44, archived)
alright mupps

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:48, archived)
Yeah, what of it?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:44, archived)
this morning looked at you funny

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:48, archived)
I'll take this morning out in the car park and give it a damn good thrashing.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 7:51, archived)
I'll hold your coat

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:28, archived)
IBYWYDOB

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:01, archived)
Feels more like an extension of last night, really.
I seem to be missing a crucial "night's sleep" stage today.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:07, archived)
same here
I've been completely drained for over two weeks now. Existence no longer has any meaning.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:11, archived)

media.tenor.com/images/d13fc8fc01c8c75060f22c0defd3e2fd/tenor.gif
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:19, archived)
pretty much, yeah

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:28, archived)
MOR-NINNNNNNNNGGGGGG!
I am going to make beetroot-cured gravadlax this evening.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:20, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8138930
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:20, archived)
It's almost as if you deliberately ate things that exacerbated your chronic guffing.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:23, archived)
It is, isn't it?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:27, archived)
sounds a bit Douglas Adamsy to me

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:31, archived)
Hi

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:45, archived)
hail and well met

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:47, archived)

well met pace are my favourite comedy performers of all time
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:53, archived)
I can only remember the yorkshire airline sketch

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:56, archived)
the babies, m8
the babies!
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:16, archived)
stonking

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:07, archived)
The mood is right, the spirit's up
We're here this morning and that's enough
Simply having a wonderful christmastime
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:53, archived)
show me your clopper, plz

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 8:55, archived)
like what you see?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:03, archived)
It's okay, nothing special

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:07, archived)
I'm pleased to say that the guy who sells the Big Issue next to the supermarket has a job and is moving on
this is great news as I've been buying the sodding magazine off him for over a year and now have a huge pile of them under my desk, unread. I never get around to reading them but I felt obliged to keep buying from the fellow. What a great start to 2018 for everyone!
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:06, archived)
it really is a shit magazine

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:16, archived)
"like Look-In for tramps"

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:16, archived)
Some of the interviews are pretty good
just because it has such good will from interviewees. But no - people don't buy it for the content really.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:24, archived)
God bless us, every one!

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:16, archived)
Is the pile large enough that you could build a hut out of it
and provide shelter for a homeless person?
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:25, archived)
...and then set it alight

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:29, archived)
Have you read 'The Dinner' by Hermann Koch?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:41, archived)
lol koch

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:46, archived)
lol

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:48, archived)
I've not, no.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:51, archived)
It features a bit of the ol' setting fire to tramps, if that's your thing.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:55, archived)
I fucking love it

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:58, archived)
Can we have a go next time I'm in London?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:05, archived)
absolutely

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:29, archived)
come on m8 show a bit of tact, he's a recovering addict

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:51, archived)
hahaha

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:52, archived)
nobody has ever read a big issue.
They should set up some direct debit thing where you pay every month and in return they send you a badge which means tramps aren't allowed to hassle you.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:28, archived)
Not ENTIRELY true
I have been for a couple of loo breaks where I took a magazine with me.

Mind you, my main reason is because they've run out of toilet paper...
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:42, archived)
Good work fella

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:55, archived)
moooooooooorning

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:38, archived)
broadie

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:52, archived)
Morning Grr
Isn't great to see people being wankers about the Big Issue.

Punching down is not witty or clever, especially half the way you pricks do it.
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 9:51, archived)
^homeless and upset

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:03, archived)
go on punch him

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:04, archived)
Give it a go
I collect teeth in my hobo sack from pricks like you
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:05, archived)
ok

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:15, archived)
He's an internet hardman

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:21, archived)
^ looks for hard men on the internet

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:24, archived)
No, but it's so EASY

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:04, archived)
You're right, people have been making fun of the disadvantaged for too long here.

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:31, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpR1yNytFn0&
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:08, archived)
That's art

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:10, archived)
I love it

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:24, archived)
Start spreadintheneeewwws, it's boring today
I wanna wee and shart a bit, new thread, new threadddddd
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:25, archived)
I've got my vacherin mont d'or delivered now, ready for baking down me ma's on boxing day
I can feel my arteries groaning already
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:26, archived)
^urgently needs food addiction treatment

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:26, archived)
Tough time of year for foood addicts, lucky your brother only has to give up something easy like booze

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:29, archived)
he's a lucky cunt, that's for sure

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:32, archived)
Eben the fire dog in paw patrol is a Dalmatian, so toddlers know more than some forum users, I'm not surprised

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:27, archived)
I have to admit, I had no idea fire dogs were ever a thing

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:28, archived)
Think they still have them, stupid yank cunts

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:30, archived)
That's ridiculous

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:32, archived)
yank cunts... isn't that what Donald Trump likes to do?

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 0:04, archived)
They tried it with cats first, but they were having none of it.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:57, archived)
IBTD
TDOBes
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 20:12, archived)
fire looks great on dogs

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 0:01, archived)
Cunt Punting with Bob Carlogees this Christmas on Channel 4

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 18:03, archived)
Ugliest dog ever
/spitthedog
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 18:05, archived)
Hello, hello.
What's going on? What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 18:03, archived)
Haha, like on 'Little Britain'!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 18:08, archived)
AM I BOVVERED?
haha
(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 0:05, archived)
I've been listening to On The Town With The League Of Gentlemen.
No Tattsyrups in that, just tiny Mr Ingleby.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 19:26, archived)
I had it on cassette
/memories
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 19:28, archived)
12p!
Do you want a bag for that?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 19:30, archived)
The last two nights of League on tv have been excellent

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 10:33, archived)
fuck sinatra

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 23:06, archived)
yeah, right in his stupid dead face

(, Wed 20 Dec 2017, 0:07, archived)
Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:59, archived)

machine gun +an intelligent sex doll
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:00, archived)
it won't be after I've finished with it!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:12, archived)
Your sperm lowers IQ?
I ain't swallowing that
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:31, archived)
disgusting

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:38, archived)
Your sperm level 42?
*lindups*
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 16:21, archived)
*bowers*

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 16:31, archived)
i have that on a jumper

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:01, archived)
knitted?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:13, archived)
no, i never made it

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:34, archived)
hold tight, asznee (my brudda) he's got the pumpy (big ting)

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:03, archived)
^ducking

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:13, archived)
I have to threaten my son to stop singing that, he was on a 28 kill streak on cod and all I could hear was man's not hot as he ran around gunning, lols really

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:19, archived)
heh!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:21, archived)
The apprentice loves that song,
And he's been teaching me the backpack kid dance.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:33, archived)
It's on the jukebox in my local

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:38, archived)
That backpack thing is a taunt now in the game fortnite

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:47, archived)
What is this gibberish?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 16:23, archived)
Yeah, skidika-pap-pap

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 16:38, archived)
Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:04, archived)
that's lunch sorted

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:09, archived)
amen

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:13, archived)
no u never dont lie

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:08, archived)
yeh did

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:14, archived)

imgur.com/gallery/i72b82H
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:31, archived)
You can shoot up me any time eh phwooar

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:12, archived)
cor!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:14, archived)
Machine gunt, more like.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:15, archived)
I wish

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:17, archived)
Machine gun jubblies?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:22, archived)
maybe

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:36, archived)
right

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:28, archived)
+ side of Jesus Christ

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:36, archived)
backside more like
lol
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:38, archived)
lol
he loves it
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:39, archived)
Take this....this is my body
Man, that's so hot
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 16:06, archived)
Hi mate.
Can i borrow it.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:33, archived)
sure

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:36, archived)
You love introducing blond Germans to your shaft?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:40, archived)
shaft is a bit generous
more a stub
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:42, archived)
Still no idea what "I'll kiss your fucking dalmatian" means

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:45, archived)
old reference to the fire service

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:48, archived)
I guess

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:48, archived)
maybe he just wanted to kiss a dog

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 16:21, archived)
fire stations would traditionally have a dalmatian
they were carriage dogs, trained to run alongside the horse-drawn fire carts
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:59, archived)
Fire carts sound wholly redundant and dangerous, tbh

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 16:47, archived)
they are redundant now
as most vehicles have engines
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:00, archived)
and aren't on fire...

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:16, archived)
not to mention their rhyming slang potential

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:18, archived)
Cor blimey
thanks
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 17:03, archived)
Come on now... Let's get some momentum going!
How is your workplace trying to squeeze out some festive cheer, this last working week?
Are they Christmas ready?

I watched a show on All4 last night about artificially intelligent sex dolls.
She had a Scottish accent. It was very weird.
What's the last weird thing you watched?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:47, archived)
I can't go to my kid's christmas performance tonight because my manager booked meetings for the team all afternoon
because HE'S not free later because he's fucking off skiing in Austria tomorrow.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:49, archived)
My music teacher once tried to wheedle sympathy out of the class
by going on about how cold he was without his jacket, which he'd lost during a weekend skiing jag to Austria.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:51, archived)
What are they performing?
Have you seen any rehearsals?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:05, archived)
they're barely 2, I doubt it's anything too complex
she can barely managed the Hokey Cokey
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:08, archived)
thats ok then. They won't know either way...

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:16, archived)
Is this a thinly disguised way of asking whether we're ready for Christmas?
I saw the trailer for that progamme about the sex dolls. You'd think that, with all the special effects puppetry they can do these days, they'd be able to make a fully human-looking face.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:49, archived)
I read a reddit thread about sex dolls
and one enthusiast was saying that it doesn't really matter how lifelike they look or feel; they're still a cold hunk of rubber and you have to warm them up first, and that's the part that ultimately leaves you unsatisfied cos they're no fun to spoon.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:52, archived)
Yes, reproducing orifices is easy but reproducing the feel of a living human body is infinitely harder.
I saw a TV documentary about sex dolls a while ago that talked about male sex dolls for women, which you were supposed to warm up in the bath but that apparently weighed so much that the average woman would be unable to lift one by herself.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:54, archived)
skiers can buy those little heat sticks that you snap like glowsticks
that you bung in your gloves to keep your appendages warm. Maybe they should offer those to the sexdoll community?

Snap a stick, shove it up a hole, then wait 3mins. Voila, your synthetic cunt is as toasty as as freshly baked muffin, tuck in.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:58, archived)
I'm not convinced.
The chuff would be nice and warm but the rest of her body would still be cold and rubbery. Maybe market it to necrophiliacs.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:06, archived)
the chuffs were removable and washable... They looked like pink Alien mouths

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:07, archived)
Kind of like Fleshlights, I imagine.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:09, archived)
Do they have bluetooth?
You could just hook 'er up to radio 4 woman's hour.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:16, archived)
Basically what a mate on Facebook said.
If they talk all the time and they're bloody expensive, you might as well get a real girlfriend.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:17, archived)
eh lads eh eh eh women eh

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 15:07, archived)
can you slot them back in at 90 degrees
so that it feels like you're fucking a chink?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:15, archived)
Thanks Jim Davidson

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:16, archived)
They look VERY young.
This old man was sitting in some woods with one and stroking her (head) hair.
He has a wife... She hates the dolls inside.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:06, archived)
summat to do with the uncanny valley innit

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:28, archived)
your valley is uncanny

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:53, archived)
dunno

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:50, archived)
Scottish accents are well sexy.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:58, archived)
^ wanks himself to the Krankies

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:59, archived)
oh do pipe down Jason, there's a dear

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:00, archived)
HARK AT DICKIE, HERE!
oooOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOHHHHHhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!111ONEELEVEN!
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:08, archived)
We all get to fuck the week before christmas, it's quite good fun but I think things might feel a bit awkward when we come back to work in the new year

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:00, archived)
especially when you're self-employed

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:02, archived)
I'm self employing as I type this

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:08, archived)
^ Santa Claus
Comes once a year.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:09, archived)
but that's the good thing about working in an animal shelter
they'll either be adopted or destroyed by the time things get awkward
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:09, archived)
somethign something orphanage

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:51, archived)
I don't watch a lot of television.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:11, archived)
Then what do you point your dick at??

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:27, archived)
me

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:30, archived)
+cca

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:41, archived)
M E C C A
E
C
C
A
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:44, archived)
BINGO!!!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:52, archived)
mecca

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:38, archived)
You don't want Momentum mate
They'll come to your party, call everyone who was there before arseholes, force people out who they don't want to be there, and endlessly bang on about their leader like he is the second coming.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 14:59, archived)
Stick a scale model of the Eiffel Tower down your japseye, it's 12:03!!!!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:03, archived)
k done, now what?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:05, archived)
zut alors!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:05, archived)
Don't remember this on Taskmaster
Maybe next series
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:09, archived)
IT'S ONLY MR FUCKIN TEA

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:15, archived)
The real T and nothing but the T
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE T!!
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:24, archived)
YEAH, BOYEEEEE!!!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:43, archived)
But why scale models?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:27, archived)
Scaled *up*, if that wasn't clear.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:43, archived)
He loves reptiles
I mean he really loves reptiles
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:50, archived)
yep

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:42, archived)
That dated quickly

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:52, archived)
this whole thread has died a death

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:15, archived)
Probalby for the best
I've got a "Restart you computer to finish installing important updates" so I may not be back...
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:18, archived)
I think that went well

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:26, archived)
Surely nothing to do with the fact that its opening gambit is /talk's stupidest, most tedious meme.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:23, archived)

meme user
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:25, archived)
cheer up m8, it's Christmas!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:41, archived)
Ha bumbug.
Lol bum.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 13:44, archived)
We're all grumpy old men trapped in the past
What do you do to stay fresh? Are you up to date on modern culture? Or is it all a load of toss compared to back in the day?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:19, archived)
Alright

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:22, archived)
you're old hat m8

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:46, archived)

old h a tw
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:48, archived)
Some things are better
some things are worse
but bumholes stay the same
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:26, archived)
I dunno, old bumholes were au naturel, with all the hairs and that
whereas new bumholes get bleached and waxed until they look like kenneth william's mouth
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:31, archived)
It's a fair point, I've not thought this through

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:33, archived)
I'd say Twitter...
Seems to keep up with what's FRESH and HIP and TRENDING
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:27, archived)
^hashfag

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:46, archived)
Mostly just hang around school gates and follow the girls as they walk out
so I can hear the way young people talk and what they're interested in and stuff, y'know.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:28, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyN_d28-sfw&feature=youtu.be&t=32s
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:49, archived)
I'm more of a trendsetter than a follower

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:33, archived)
Irish setter more like, bollock-sniffer

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:49, archived)
I just live vicariously through my offspring.
Gonna spend Christmas day watching unboxing videos on YouTube, instead of opening any actual presents.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:34, archived)
youtube has replaced family values

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:50, archived)
not sure

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:34, archived)
just go with the flow

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:50, archived)
I beatbox. In the nude.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:41, archived)
that's been done

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:44, archived)
I listen to Pato's Banter and study the Blade.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:44, archived)
Phillips Ladyshave

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:44, archived)
^Wesley Snipes apologist

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:53, archived)
#noir

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:44, archived)
+idea

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:46, archived)
+wich

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:46, archived)
+other noir based puns

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:46, archived)
I like a lot of new music.
I like a lot of young girls
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:48, archived)
they told me you smell

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:52, archived)
alright Jimmy Page

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:59, archived)
he must be shitting it these days

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:02, archived)
he's probably not even fazed by it

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:05, archived)
I meant 'he's probably incontinent'

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 12:16, archived)
I wonder if Pato Banton is ready for Christmas yet

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:43, archived)
I bet he is, he seems the well-organised type

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:44, archived)
He's got his CD collection ready.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:48, archived)
seedy collection, more like

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:17, archived)

coll er
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:20, archived)
His website is not very festive

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:51, archived)
disappointing

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:51, archived)
PANTO Banton, I calls him

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:54, archived)
oh no you don't

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:55, archived)
hurrah!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:58, archived)
*applause*

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:00, archived)
His name's Paxo Banton and he's going in the turkey.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:55, archived)
:)

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:01, archived)
I heard that Baby Come Back was written about Two Hats, not saying it's true but that's certainly the graffiti on the toilet wall

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:56, archived)
it's deffo true - TH had a torrid affair with Eddy Grant in the 60s which inspired the song

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:01, archived)
It was a different time, back then

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:01, archived)
Forgot him
What about Chaka Demus?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:59, archived)
Yewtree got him :(

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:00, archived)
Pliers is still at large

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:01, archived)
You tease.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:02, archived)
Real name: John Taylor.
Lol.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:05, archived)
John Taylor and Pliers sounds like a firm of electricians.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:07, archived)
Has pliers, will travel.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:10, archived)
Pliers Morgan

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:11, archived)
he makes bespoke suits for your willy

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:15, archived)
Bespoke condoms.
Imagine that.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:18, archived)
I don't need to imagine m8
my French letters are sewn from tweed by the finest men on Saville Row
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:22, archived)
somewhere, in a wooden coffin in a dusty chamber
the once lifeless corpse of Pato Banton stirs at the first mention of his name this decade.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 11:18, archived)
morning

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 7:28, archived)
Carol Vorderman's Magnificent Arse

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 7:38, archived)
^up at the crack of dawn french

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 7:41, archived)
How do

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 7:40, archived)
*tugs forelock*

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 7:42, archived)

lock skin
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:00, archived)
at least I've got one

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:01, archived)
Do how

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 7:41, archived)
*smokum peace pipe*

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 7:42, archived)
What's the news?
Bought a 600 bandit. Wheelie city.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:00, archived)
took me two hours to swap the spark plugs on the jag this weekend
two fucking hours. Had to remove the intake manifold and the throttle body.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:03, archived)
Ha. Ladypigs dad was a drivetrain engineer for JLR back in the TWR days.
Packaging was always the bane of their lives. The styling boys got more of a say than anyone.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:08, archived)
yer, it's mental
in the old V12s you had to drop the engine to get the rear sparks out.

Still, how's the bandit? rusty pile of shit, as usual?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:12, archived)
No mate, in surprisingly good condition.
I'll do the brakes and suspension just for peace of mind. But it's been kept well. Someone has even welded up the collector on the exhaust thst normally rusts through.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:16, archived)
nice one
decent price?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:35, archived)
850

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:48, archived)
dunno if that's good or not, but it's not a huge amount to throw at a toy
got big plans for it?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:22, archived)
Nah, it looks good enough stock.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:33, archived)
Could have got a nice Seiko for that

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:31, archived)
U r a bandit m8 lol

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:10, archived)
Ho dow

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:00, archived)
I had their Zen Arcade album, but never really got into them

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:03, archived)
I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:14, archived)
I never really got that.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:19, archived)
I thought it would annoy someone , we'll see how it goes

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:22, archived)
You've managed to get grr

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:28, archived)
He's always annoyed

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:30, archived)
I'm just baiting mcbeef
but it's a bit too easy tbh. What's the easiest fish to catch, mongy?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:42, archived)
Bream, but they put up no right at all

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:45, archived)

ey put up no right at all ings can only get better
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:22, archived)
She was a couple of years below me at school, fact fans!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:19, archived)
wow your school must be some kind of prick factory

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:22, archived)
Michael Gove, Sandi Thom, Steven Thorpe, me, all excellent examples of the benefit of a private education.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:51, archived)
people who get nostalgic about the '60s need the shit kicked out of them

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:22, archived)
what, even people who lived through the decade and enjoyed it?
why have these people upset you so much? were you nonced up by Tony Blackburn or something?
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:24, archived)
All nostalgia is shit , the past is gone, let it go

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:29, archived)
I'm probably the only child born in the 80s who didn't get penetrated by a Radio 1 DJ

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:36, archived)
^so ugly only Radio 2 DJ's would bum him

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:56, archived)
I'd be lucky to get a handjob off a Meridian south east news weatherman :(

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:25, archived)
Intubate me with a pufferfish, it's Tuesday.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:14, archived)
I bet at least one jap fellow has tried sounding with a pufferfish

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:23, archived)
The Romans used to stuff pufferfishes up people's bums as punishment for adultery.
So there's that.
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:25, archived)
pooferfish, more like!

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:36, archived)
Tuesday bells, tuesday bell, tuesday all the way,
Oh what fun, it is to give, the moon away today - HEY!

MORNING!
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:48, archived)
shove a christmas tree up your arse, you fucking fairy

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:19, archived)
Alright, dozer.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:51, archived)
rude

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:16, archived)
weeeeeeeeeee

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:51, archived)
agreed

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:53, archived)
^ Irishman jumping off the cliff of wishes

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:20, archived)
I think my cold has come back

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:53, archived)
Return of the snot (oh yeah)

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 8:56, archived)
I think it happened at the christmas do
I wonder if I got off with someone
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:10, archived)
I think the only thing you picked up
was a virus
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:15, archived)
with your colour TV?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:01, archived)
bye buh-buh bye bye buh-buh bye bye bye bye

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:09, archived)
and that wasn't easy for me to say

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:13, archived)
I appreciate the effort

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:20, archived)
this time, it's personal

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:04, archived)
2 cold 2 furious

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:11, archived)
+ hearted lover
+ on my
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:08, archived)
it's not like it hasn't happened before

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:11, archived)
you thought it was a gonner but the cold came back
it just wouldn't stay awaaaaay
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:23, archived)
Morning morning Tuesday yeah?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:09, archived)
sounds oasis-y
I'm out
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:24, archived)
willy willy

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:12, archived)
you are my candy girl

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:21, archived)
It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:47, archived)
fuck me, it's chilly today
More laundry based optimism, today
(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 9:57, archived)
getting your tighty whities a little more brighties?

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:04, archived)
you know it

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:08, archived)
add a pinch of cinnamon to give it that Christmas smell

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:10, archived)
lol

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:12, archived)
Let not the cares of the world you deter, gents.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:26, archived)
Blumpkin spice.

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 10:29, archived)
Are we all watching Royston Vasey then?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 22:10, archived)
No soz

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 22:36, archived)
Shit no.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 22:58, archived)
Yes m8

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 23:08, archived)
Inside no 9
Are you special?
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 23:50, archived)
not seen

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 1:29, archived)
morning

(, Tue 19 Dec 2017, 6:08, archived)
Yo

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 20:45, archived)
windy
I saw a good film last night. It was called Buzzard, it's what napoleon dynamite would've been if it wasn't intentionally lolwakki and shit and the main character was an apathetic waster.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 20:45, archived)
Have you seen 'Beyond the Black Rainbow'?
It might be up your street, or it might not.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 20:55, archived)
Sounds ok.
You might like Safety Not Guaranteed.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:04, archived)
*scribbles furiously*
*downloads*
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:09, archived)
It's got 'the moody one' from Parks and Rec in it.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:27, archived)
Ron Swanson? I've never watched Parks and Rec except for brief excerpts on YouTube but he seems like a good candidate for the moody one.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:44, archived)
Bumrush the show

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:05, archived)


/$$ /$$ /$$ /$$ /$$ /$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$ /$$$$$$ /$$
| $$ /$ | $$| $$ | $$ | $$ | $$ | $$__ $$ | $$ /$$__ $$ | $$
| $$ /$$$| $$| $$$$$$$ | $$$$$$$ | $$$$$$$ | $$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ | $$ \ $$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$ /$$| $$ \__//$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ | $$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$ /$$$$$$/$$$$
| $$/$$ $$ $$| $$__ $$| $$__ $$| $$__ $$| $$__ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ |____ $$ | $$$$$$$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$| $$ | $$| $$$$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$| $$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$| $$_ $$_ $$
| $$$$_ $$$$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ /$$$$$$$ | $$__ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$_/ | $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \ $$| $$ \__/| $$ \ $$ \ $$
| $$$/ \ $$$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ /$$__ $$ | $$ \ $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$ | $$ | $$
| $$/ \ $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$ | $$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$ | $$$$$$$/| $$$$$$/| $$$$$$$| $$$$$$$| $$ | $$$$$$/| $$$$$$/| $$$$$$/| $$$$$$/| $$ | $$| $$$$$$/| $$$$$$/| $$ | $$ | $$ | $$
|__/ \__/|__/ |__/|__/ |__/|__/ |__/|__/ |__/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ \_______/ |_______/ \______/ \_______/ \____ $$|__/ \______/ \______/ \______/ \______/ |__/ |__/ \______/ \______/ |__/ |__/ |__/ |__/
/$$ | $$
| $$$$$$/
\______/

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:36, archived)
hwey

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:40, archived)
hey girls

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 21:40, archived)
Watching the league of gentlemen

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 22:08, archived)
one week to go
how do you celebrate Rod Serling's birthday?
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 15:46, archived)
by googling 'Rod Serling'

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 15:58, archived)
seriously?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 15:59, archived)
some yank sci fi telly dramatist who died four decades ago?
how the fuck are any of us supposed to know who that is
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:00, archived)
he created the twilight zone
huge show in its day
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:02, archived)
We preferred tales of the unexpected in the UK, keep your yank shit

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:03, archived)
my cousin loved the opening credits
now we know she's a lesbian, that makes more sense
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:04, archived)
I have no recollection of it ever being on UK telly
The feature film, yes, but I never saw the actual programme
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:09, archived)
in fairness I don't watch a lot of telly though

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:09, archived)
just 'Triple D' and 'Nazi Megastructures'

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:13, archived)
gotta love trippin' to flavortown

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:17, archived)
iirc, it was shown here in the late 70's/early 80's

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:17, archived)
They brought it back again at some point, I only know this because The Grateful Dead played the theme

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:20, archived)
there was a good episode i remember
where a bloke wakes up to find that words now mean something completely different and he's the only one who doesn't know what's going on. i think the word for lunch was changed to dinosaur
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:23, archived)
Cranberry.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:01, archived)
just checked it out, the episode is called wordplay
it is very weird
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:06, archived)
I like the radio version,
but none of this is any excuse for not knowing who Rod Serling is. Shame on all of you.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:01, archived)
i think my granddad listened to the radio version
i'd ask him, but he's a bit dead.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:08, archived)
There is a place where you can ask him.
A place not only of sight and sound, but of mind. A place both of shadow and substance, of things and ideas. A place called, The Outer Limits.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:36, archived)
silly person.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:39, archived)
I used to enjoy The Outer Limits.
It had the good fortune to be relaunched during my post X Files, consume all scifi phase.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:42, archived)
they even take the piss out of the twilight zone on futurama
i would have thought more people would remember him
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:03, archived)
The mornign sun, when it hits your face, really shows your age
well, the paper boy does take great care with his aim and the print leaves proletariat headlines on your crow's feet.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:05, archived)
i don't have crow's feet

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:08, archived)
Most people who watch futurama have never seen the twilight zone. I guess it's shit like that that got futurama cancelled

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:05, archived)
i enjoyed both

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:08, archived)
Listen to Maggie May, it's one of his best.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:04, archived)
had a neighbour called maggie may
we used to drive her nuts singing that at her
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:05, archived)
I had an order from a 'Gail Platt' today

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:10, archived)
was it some mouth widener?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:17, archived)
it was an inflatable chin

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:21, archived)
ah, the jimmy hill

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:27, archived)
I just had Mike Willey

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:56, archived)
:)

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:09, archived)
wanking

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:01, archived)
isn't that how you celebrate every day?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:05, archived)
No.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:06, archived)
Shoving my arm up an Emu's arsehole

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:07, archived)
is that this year's turducken?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:09, archived)
Sounds forrin.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:24, archived)
chicken inside a duck inside a turkey

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:27, archived)
now it's a party!

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:33, archived)
a medieval party

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:45, archived)
Mmm, turd...

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:37, archived)
quarter circle forward + punch

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 18:57, archived)
Watch videos of people riding the Tower of Terror
Possibly the best theme park ride there is.
Edit: I ripped off a story from the Twilight Zone for my GCSE Eng Lag. Got a B. Thanks Rod!
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:08, archived)
i like the dragon khan in fort aventura myself
i ripped off a horror story, but i can't for the life of me remember who wrote it
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:16, archived)
Just watched the video of that
Nice corkscrew action!
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:20, archived)
i managed to go there the week after the park opened
cost 25 back then, dread to think what they'll be charging these days
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:21, archived)
47
So doubled.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:24, archived)
bloody hell!

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 16:28, archived)
farting in a hooker's mouth

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 17:58, archived)
What rugby team does he play for....oh hahahaha

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 18:31, archived)
alright chuck berry

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 18:58, archived)
alright

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 19:31, archived)
fuck Rod Serling

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 19:32, archived)
I think we've established that he's thoroughly dead.
Don't see why you feel the need to desecrate his remains.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 19:46, archived)
+ in the cunt piece

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 19:47, archived)
Right in the fucken pouch, m8

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 20:44, archived)
I like the episode about the avid bookworm who survives the nuclear holocaust.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 20:09, archived)
Baby if you've got to go away
I don't think I can take the pain
Won't you stay another day?
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:49, archived)
Yeah k

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:52, archived)
Oh don't leave me alone like this
Don't say it's the final kiss
Won't you stay another day?
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:05, archived)
Disgusting

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:06, archived)
I'm not buying Mortimer's story that it's about his dead brother

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:09, archived)
It's about a man he raped and murdered

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:10, archived)
well that makes this verse make a lot more sense:
I touch your face while you are sleeping
And hold your hand
Don't understand what's going on
Good times we had return
To haunt me
Though it's for you
All that I do seem to be wrong
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:17, archived)
Go maim yourself with a potato

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:22, archived)
is this official nhs advice for those suffering from mental illness?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:26, archived)
If we get through one more night
If we get through one more night
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:53, archived)
I'm appalled that Xmas time is taken as carte blanche to broadcast the word "faggot" on the radio.
And not in the context of a nice meal or a bundle of sticks.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:54, archived)
What other way is there?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:56, archived)
Search me, but it must be rude, as my son was telling me last night that he'd learnt a new swear word,
an F word, not f-u-c-k, but f-a-g-g-o-t. Must be something filthy.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:59, archived)
Did he already know slut? I had to tell my boy what junk was

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:04, archived)
No one cleans behind our fridge, so he must know what a slut is.
Not sure I'm comfortable discussing promiscuity with him, he's still of the opinion that sex is something gross that he wants nothing to do with.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:08, archived)
I've heard a version say blaggard, and any version without Shane is rubbish

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:58, archived)
I do hope that a lo-fi, whimsical cover version is used for next year's John Lewis advert.
Suitably bowdlerised, of course.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:01, archived)
Have you been listening to Radio 3?
'Fagott' is German for 'bassoon'.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:59, archived)
+Shatner's

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:00, archived)
Eberhard Jessop-Jessop's Concerto in Bb major for Shatner's Bassoon.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:04, archived)
I'll bet mcbeef has some Cake stories to tell.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:09, archived)
He's the kind of guy who has no time to have qualms about saying 'faggot' on the radio.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:11, archived)
He's a good looking rebel who doesn't play by the rules.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:26, archived)
He's a flebel without a cause.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:27, archived)
+ On the bozboz

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:12, archived)
^ upset faggot

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:00, archived)
maybe
show me something first ;) x
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:00, archived)
Nah, gonna be an hero

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:01, archived)
alright wanna-be-Terence-Trent-D'Arby

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:13, archived)
can you blame him?
Terence is DA BAMB
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:18, archived)
no, soz

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:13, archived)
Cock shit wank fart poo

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:27, archived)
Knob plop bollocks

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:32, archived)
Mornington Crescent!

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:32, archived)
nitty gritty

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:36, archived)
^ listening to the boy from the big bad shitty

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:47, archived)
jam plops.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 15:04, archived)
yes it does

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 15:29, archived)
come on m8 I'm trying to get a serious discussion going here

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:38, archived)
Shit bollocks wank fart

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:48, archived)
i only just got here

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 15:00, archived)
Alright slashtalk how's it going lol

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:57, archived)
trying to work out what the best christmas sweets are
so I can gorge myself senseless next week
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:00, archived)
Toffee Poppets

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:01, archived)
Turkish delight.
Poss. GS
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:06, archived)
After Eights obvs

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:11, archived)
hot buttered bum

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:15, archived)
lol, bum

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:19, archived)
wanna cyber?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:27, archived)
Y

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:30, archived)
Bags of poo

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:31, archived)
Sugared almonds

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:34, archived)
Tits

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:36, archived)
Sugared Tits
Almonds
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:42, archived)
a big sweaty cock

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:45, archived)
giant fizzy cola bottles

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:55, archived)
I am bored at work.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:32, archived)
What happened to the 18th edition being released? Has it been pushed back

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:33, archived)
I thought it was January 2018 for review and then July 2018 for introduction.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:43, archived)
Ah ok , I've not been keeping up on the news

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:45, archived)
Yeah, so it'll be Jan 2019 when we'll all have to have got it,
Gives sparks 6 months. Depending on how long ago you did 17th will mean whether you do it all again or just a short course on the new stuff.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 13:50, archived)
Hellooooo bayyyBEH
This is the Big Plopper speaking (Richard mcbeef).

How's it going? Ready for Christmas yet?
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:37, archived)
S'alright.
Went to a corker of a gig on Saturday night.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:39, archived)
I only went to a few gigs this year, shame really

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:42, archived)
You did WHAT? You killed WHO?
Oh baby, you knoOOOOOW I'm calling the police
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:40, archived)
lol
Nice weekend m8?

Mine were greet.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:43, archived)
yeah, it was alright
nothing interesting to report, really
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:45, archived)
Yes

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:48, archived)
good lad

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:24, archived)
There's a fucking great tree in my lounge blocking off my liquor cabinet and spraying needles everywhere

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:53, archived)
Sounds like you're ready for Christmas M8

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:10, archived)

i.imgur.com/lleTyea.gif
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:16, archived)
My dad's former neighbour was an insurance assessor before he retired.
He used to get called out all the time over Christmas to assess damage caused by burning trees.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:17, archived)
it's the blim burns, too many contaminants in the resin

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:20, archived)
may the yule log slip from your fire and burn your house down

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:21, archived)
Sure am buddy
I'm so excited I could literally start ploppin' around the christmas tree, have a happy holiday
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:56, archived)
Have become slightly addicted to watching Taskmaster on Dave
Well, via the website so the ads are cut out.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:58, archived)
I went to the filming of one of the first episodes of that at the Clapham Grand
got bored halfway through and wandered off to the pub
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:14, archived)
Yeah, can see how it would take an age to setup each of the sections
And watching the action happen on a video screen would also be wank, but hey it works on tv.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:18, archived)
Last time I was in there was to see Mobb Deep in about '95
It followed an afternoon in the pub in St John's Wood with the Chemical Brothers and I was fucking ruined on MDMA, weirdest hip hop show ever
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:18, archived)
UNSUBSCRIBE

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:27, archived)
Thank you for subscribing to Richard Facts.
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(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:32, archived)
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(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:39, archived)
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(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:39, archived)
lol

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:39, archived)
MASSIVE DRUGS

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:51, archived)
the biggest

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 14:13, archived)
I have 30 minutes reserved with that website called amazon
Should all be sorted in 30 minutes. As long as I remember my slot time.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:00, archived)
Slot time?
Explain
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:12, archived)
GS

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:15, archived)
They're sending a man round to push a load through his slot.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:52, archived)
poon

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:18, archived)
all things considered, not really, but so what

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:19, archived)
I'm a reindeer

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:22, archived)
Good for you buddy

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:23, archived)
^ reading this in Sam from Quantum Leap's voice

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:24, archived)
lol

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:27, archived)
reindeers are the best

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:24, archived)
thanks all :-)

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:25, archived)
I'm alone and have no social engagements booked. I have not bought any presents and do not expect to receive any. I couldn't be more ready!

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:39, archived)
JOYYY TOO THE WORRRLD, DA NERR NERR NERRR

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:44, archived)
booking my flight

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:48, archived)
Party at 2Can's!
I'll put it up on Facebook, this is going to be a monster!
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:54, archived)
Yeah
just about. Few last minute bits to get. I'm ahead of the game this year due to having had a breakdown resulting in six months off work. GO TEAM MENTAL.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:47, archived)
you should have called the RAC lol

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:49, archived)
I bet you're not going to tell your brother that one at the Christmas dinner table.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:17, archived)
Haha you couldn't be more wrong

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:41, archived)
Got on a lucky one, came in 18 to 1, I've got a feeling , this year's for me and you

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 11:49, archived)
that's me whistling diddly-dee for the rest of the fucking day thanks

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:01, archived)
You're a bum, you're a punk, you're an old slut on junk, lying there almost dead on that drip in that bed

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:11, archived)
bum lol

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:19, archived)
You came 18 times to her 1? I bet she wasn't a lucky one ydob

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 12:03, archived)
morning
how does it feel, to treat me like you do?
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 7:42, archived)
It feels great

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 7:45, archived)
you lay your hands upon me m8
pbs.twimg.com/media/BcgYoSNCEAEf-Sy.png
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:22, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZx2dFPpB2M
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:25, archived)
FAKE SANTA!
Sad.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:12, archived)
New Order?
Poo Ordure more like!!!!
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 7:45, archived)
Joy Division's originally planned debut album was to be named "Warsaw", fact fans

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:23, archived)
Well, they were called Warsaw at that point but changed their name because there was a local band called Warsaw Pakt

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:30, archived)
They were shit

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:37, archived)
Ok m8

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:41, archived)
but everyone knows THAT, pakt fans

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:49, archived)
Get your first 70 minute album of Pakt Order sent to home or work for just £1 when you use code 'b3ta' here

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:37, archived)
Gives me a stonk-on every time.
Last night I watched Beyond the Black Rainbow. Hands-down the trippiest damn film I've seen in my whole life.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:07, archived)
sounds like the care bears grew into an emo phase

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:24, archived)
Wife and daughter have gone off on holiday with her mum leaving me alone for a week.
I feel like Macaulay Culkin in that film - Richie Rich.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:14, archived)
they haven't gone TO a destination, they've gone AWAY
from you.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:24, archived)
failed marriage lols

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:26, archived)
I've never really thought about it

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:54, archived)
thinkings not your strong point

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:54, archived)
With cuprenol?
MHORNHING
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:55, archived)
strepsils for me

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:03, archived)
Shit

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 8:58, archived)
+on a dog's tits, it's 8:58!

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:03, archived)
You're not still hungover, are you?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:11, archived)
I am
But I got pissed again last night. Turns out it's the 4th beer that cured the hangover and probably number 7 that got me the new one.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:42, archived)
i feel nothing

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:05, archived)
welcome to my world

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:07, archived)
and how does nothing feel about that?
hahahaha
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:13, archived)
oh!

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:24, archived)
yes, I'm afraid we had to amputate both your arms

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:15, archived)
How's your third party wank machine business coming along?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:17, archived)
I did my best,
I just couldn't get past all the hair.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:44, archived)
feels like heaven

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:05, archived)
he' ven

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:08, archived)
peter hook is 61 now, blows my mind

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:11, archived)

mind knob every Tuesday night
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:13, archived)
wednesday

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:17, archived)
you would, wouldn't you?
larecord.com/larwp/wp-content/gallery/sept2013_peter-hook_fonda/PETER%20HOOK%20AND%20THE%20LIGHT-FONDATHEATRE-SEPT%2021%2C%202013-61-2.jpg
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:13, archived)
no need m8

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:15, archived)
Caroline Aherne isn't

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:19, archived)
Ooh, you edgemeister, you.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:26, archived)
people being dead is well lol

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:28, archived)
Well, harold ramis did write a couple of comedies about it

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:31, archived)
yeah but he's dead too, lol

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:51, archived)
serves him right

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:58, archived)
That's where writing comedies about the dead'll get you.

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:59, archived)
dunno, Peter Jackson had his hand in horror comedy "The Frighteners"
and he ain't dead yet
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:31, archived)
Yeah, but he had to stick around for long enough to do 'Lord of the Rings'.
He could have carked it before doing 'The Hobbit', though; that wouldn't have been a massive tragedy.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:35, archived)
I treat everyone with the same level of contempt.
You are not special.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:15, archived)
gunnery sergeant fartman more like!!

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:28, archived)
Stupid cricket cunts ffs

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:30, archived)
What happened?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:41, archived)
If there are a lot of them, they can be really noisy at night

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:43, archived)
Britain's sports team performed just like they always do, and Brits are understandably shocked and upset

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:43, archived)
Lost by an innings , that's the ashes over

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:48, archived)
It was pretty much over after the first test.
We're shit abroad because we can't tweak the wicket to favour us.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:03, archived)
Oh yeah, everyone will forget about it when we are at trent bridge in the summer and the balls swinging

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:09, archived)
lol, "balls swinging"

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:11, archived)

trent biffin's
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:19, archived)
Filthy
But in a good way.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 9:59, archived)
"spank me daddy" filthy, or covered in mud filthy?

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:27, archived)
Soul tainted filthy

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:36, archived)
How does it make YOU feel?
morning
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:22, archived)
no-one's ever asked me how I feel about it

(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:28, archived)
Was/Am meant to be going to a wedding in January
At Cameron House.

Given there are currently 45 fire fighters trying to put the flames out, not sure that'll be happening now.
(, Mon 18 Dec 2017, 10:24, archived)

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