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Hello my new internet friends.
What does Saturday have in store for you bunch of horrible fucking cunts?

Am I doing it right?
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 14:16, archived)
alright jammy d, might go for a poo in a bit

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 14:18, archived)
Dozer the dozerian, good evening.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 14:27, archived)
Wrong

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:59, archived)
Bad evening?

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 19:04, archived)
Watching a doc on Julius Caesar before picking up the nipper
Might shit on a squirrel later
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 15:42, archived)
Is it that spazzy old bird?

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 15:51, archived)

Mary Beard?

I quite like her. Not like that, obvs..
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:03, archived)
<- not horrible

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)
no, indeed

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 22:27, archived)
might bleed my radiators

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:15, archived)
Do it when they're cold

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:25, archived)
Mine need doing
But the system has to be repressurised afterwards and I don't know how to do it
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:44, archived)
Bicycle pump?

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:06, archived)
Fuck knows

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:19, archived)
Who're you calling fucknose?
Ah ha ha.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:40, archived)
I drained and repressurised the central heating, once.
Buggered if I can remember how.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:32, archived)
Let the water out, then fill it up again, hth

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:53, archived)
Plumbing is basically witchcraft, as far as I'm concerned.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 20:48, archived)
Hoping the landlord will sort it
Although I may have to play the needy female card
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 18:22, archived)
I'm just watching chunders garden

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:26, archived)
Having a beer. Might watch Thor later

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:29, archived)
Gypsy jazz concert 2nites.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:32, archived)
After wading through a shitload of housework
I am now relaxing with a film before cracking on with some form of evening meal.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:46, archived)
Found weed, put it in the food processor and blitzed it to bits
Then made cakes with it
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 21:34, archived)

Hello netizens.

Today I am playing a shitton of GTA Online, and looking forward to going out later for a friend's birthday - to a Saff African restaurant I like, because it's a tornado of meat.

/FOOooooooooOOOd
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 16:56, archived)
Tornado of meat sounds like a really upsetting porno.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:07, archived)

upset exci
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:26, archived)
Have spent the day painting and sanding.
Shortly I'm having coq au vin and getting drunk.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:10, archived)
Took apart 2 broken hudls, in the hopes of making 1 working hudl.
Still 2 broken hudls, so time well spent!
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 17:16, archived)
Juicer time

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 18:15, archived)
Convoy is on at 9pm
Don't think I'll watch it as it's shit.

Plus Mcbeef might go all 10-4 on here.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 20:36, archived)
Die hard 5 is on
It's shit but funny
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 21:35, archived)
Firstly, Convoy isn't my favourite Transformer. He's not even in my top ten.

(, Sun 4 Mar 2018, 0:18, archived)
Hark, I am back from yonder pub, innit.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 22:24, archived)
High West Rendezvous Rye

(, Sun 4 Mar 2018, 1:58, archived)
Hey now! Hey now, now!

(, Sun 4 Mar 2018, 9:00, archived)
My daughter insisted we made a 'snow bunny'. Turned out a lot more sinister than I expected.
You can watch it die here: ipcamlive.com/5a9a82bbe10aa
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:13, archived)
Bunnies are sinister

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:17, archived)
I let the real bunny out for a run around in the snow. I think he hated it, tried to claw my throat when I picked him up again.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:31, archived)
See? They're evil!

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 12:54, archived)
Shit its nose just fell off

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:18, archived)
How does it smell?

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 14:10, archived)
Get your hair cut hippy

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
Not allowed to, it's a Sikh thing

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:24, archived)
Most of the sikhs I know have skin heads

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:26, archived)
I don't really have time for haircuts these days. Hardly even have time to go for a piss now the new baby is here

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:29, archived)
why is it 1970 in your garden?

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:37, archived)
it's a sex thing

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:39, archived)
should have guessed

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 13:32, archived)
Localised time anomaly

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:42, archived)
I hope an aeroplane engine falls on your house

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:42, archived)
A turban prop

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 14:24, archived)
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:43, archived)
get your cock out

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:44, archived)
It was out :(

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:53, archived)
What an ugly fence

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 13:15, archived)
This is very difficult to wank to

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 19:43, archived)
The bunny
is looking a bit wilted now.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 22:37, archived)
At one point the left arm fell off and it looked like it was doing a nazi salute.
Now the right wrist has drooped which makes it look a bit bent.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 22:43, archived)
Morning guy's

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:07, archived)
morning
still snowy?
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:15, archived)
Seems to be melting now

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:34, archived)
morning
stupid fucking car fucking battery's gone flat
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)
I'd give you a jump start
but I'm fairly sure we're in different countries. How is the snow in Poland?
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:27, archived)
too cold for snow
We regularly get a dusting of powder, but none of the big flat flakes you see when it hovers around zero.
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:34, archived)
You probably made it yourself out of old speak & spell parts

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:35, archived)

cdn.drawception.com/images/panels/2012/3-30/dXWsMLRghD-12.png
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)
Saturday it's Saturday
alright
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:30, archived)
Don't know what to do today

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:35, archived)
I do
Foooook all
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:48, archived)

today with myself, duh-nuh-nuh
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:58, archived)
No weekly visit to the nerd shop, this week.
: (
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:42, archived)
you can help me figure out what's wrong with my RFID/433mhz arduino project

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 9:59, archived)
I can tell you what's wrong with it m8

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 10:20, archived)
Needs more mhz.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)
the BO reeking sales staff will be disappointed

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 10:14, archived)
Good news, it's back on.
Hurrah!
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
willy

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 10:14, archived)
bum

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 10:22, archived)
Fresh
https://mobile.twitter.com/UtahReps/status/968894820658724864
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 10:37, archived)
That it be.

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 10:51, archived)
Urrrggg, too much rum fun

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:05, archived)

strikey-g!
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:11, archived)
ambassador, with this strikey-g opportunity you are really spoiling urs

(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 11:12, archived)
Well team,
i was busy today shovelling snow and salting paths. i fell over twice. now it is the weekend and I'm going to relax.
I hope you have a nice weekend and do things you enjoy and i love you all and stay safe and warm and hug your loved ones and hang out with friends and do your hobby and get on the fucking shoe.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:35, archived)
Shit it out your cunt
No shoe for me, might blaze it instead
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:39, archived)
420

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:54, archived)
I just went out to play in the snow and grab some weed and some fooooooood
I saw three buses stuck, one had crashed into someone's garden. No cunt is driving anywhere near here for a while, it's all fucked. FUCKED.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 20:29, archived)
well bent

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:40, archived)
hyper hyper super bent

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:54, archived)
super bent fighter ii turbo: championship edition

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 18:26, archived)
It only took 2 or 3 hits, but it's a heavy spade and I hit it pretty hard

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 18:38, archived)
Fat shaming and racist, I'm chalking this down to birthday excited

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 18:40, archived)
people have been banned for less

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 18:48, archived)
Andy fairweather low'zzz

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 20:07, archived)
Fairly sure this is the japanese name for the original series that power rangers was adapted from

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 20:02, archived)
No

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:51, archived)
cool

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:54, archived)
Going aht for a film evening now, bless yer 'art.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:54, archived)
if it's a rubbish film, just get out and get fresh

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 18:06, archived)
for the weekend
snowin' out
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 20:20, archived)
thanks love

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 18:38, archived)
I accidentally punched a window handle, and now my knuckles really hurt

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 18:39, archived)
Winners don't use drugs.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 19:04, archived)
Tell that to people fighting cancer you prick

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 19:22, archived)
what a piece of shit

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 19:31, archived)
Was meant to put the shoe on next weekend
but that's been shut down now. Boooooo!
(, Sat 3 Mar 2018, 8:52, archived)
HAPPY SNOW DAY!
I just knocked like an 8' icicle off my gutter! Strikethrough lols!

EXCLAMATION MARKS!!
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:26, archived)

⛄⛄⛄⛄⛄⛄⛄
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:28, archived)

🌨️🌨️🌨️🌨️🌨️
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:39, archived)

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:41, archived)

⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:45, archived)

⛸️⛸️⛸️
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:57, archived)
8-sided snowflakes make the baby Jesus cry.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:44, archived)
Knocked over a bicycle, more like.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:31, archived)
no it was a very long icicle attached to my gutter
i don't knock bicycles over, i'm not feral.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:07, archived)
you jammed the icicle through the spokes of a passing bicycle
just admit it
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:48, archived)
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:51, archived)
Love it
Such a positive message, during such cynical times
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:04, archived)
What we gonna do here is go back
I can't take the hearbreak of you leaving me again
And I'm not the one I was back then, no, no, no, no
One thing I can't take is to sit home all alone
Do what you like, my dear, but I'm not staying home
Night and day (I was patient)
But I've had all I could take (All I can take)
Tonight's the night, the chance is right
Maybe I'll find a friend to spend the weekend
(Goin' out, but to dance ain't why)
Goin' to find a friend to spend the weekend
Tonight is party time, is party time tonight
Tonight is party time, is party time tonight
Tonight is party time, is party time tonight
Tonight is party time, is party time tonight

just sayin
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:56, archived)
and you're sayin what we're all thinking

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:03, archived)
I literally couldn't disagree more

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:04, archived)
greater

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)
yeah right it's A) too cold to rave and B) i'm here to dance
in this house
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:19, archived)
broke the ice covering the pond
and the bit I fished out was about three inches thick
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:16, archived)
^ done more snow fishing than mongy

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:18, archived)
It was the wrong type of snow for fishing , you need a sudden couple of foot over night

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:19, archived)
You doing pr for the railways, now?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:21, archived)
Not now, then

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:23, archived)
I hope there's no fish in there

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:18, archived)
Not as far as I'm aware

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:19, archived)
Cool, they'd rather have the ice lid than it broke

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:20, archived)
Is that right?
Why's that?
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
protection

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
Oh, like "it'd be a terrible shame if your ice accidentally broke" type thing?
gotcha
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:28, archived)
I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:29, archived)
cake and sex next thursday

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:30, archived)
can I sleep with the fishes?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:41, archived)
no, just sex

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:43, archived)
that's fine, I've got work on friday anyway

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:49, archived)
"sleeps with the fishes" loses its menace, in this context.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:42, archived)
The shock of breaking ice disturbs them, it also keeps the water temp even

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:30, archived)
throw it over the neighbours fence
I used to do that when I was a kid
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:21, archived)
I see...get it..icey ...lol

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
lol

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
that's quite clever, actually

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
mind=blown

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:04, archived)
whoa

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:41, archived)
what did you break it with?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:51, archived)
the vibrations he caused when walking towards it

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:53, archived)
my spiritual vibrations, you mean

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:54, archived)
your chakras look at a bit tight

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:58, archived)
they are chafing a bit
perhaps something negative has wandered into my transum
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:10, archived)
spade
We tried with sticks, but it wasn't budging
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:54, archived)
racist

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:58, archived)
how many thwacks did it take?
sorry for the dull questions. i'm REALLY bored
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:28, archived)
Have you met brb?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:29, archived)
i don't think so
but the fact that i can't be sure haunts me everyday
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:45, archived)
knocked over an off licence, more like

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 16:26, archived)
I broke up some fat-balls to feed the birds.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:12, archived)
disgusting

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:29, archived)
who are you calling marks, eh? cunt.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 17:31, archived)
keep it kayfabe

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 20:23, archived)
Is Two Hats around?
Currys want to wish him a happy birthday: mobile.twitter.com/TeamKnowhowUK/status/969540919115571201

Also, holy shit, someone responded to one of my tweets.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:27, archived)
Happy 50th th

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:33, archived)
cheers

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:38, archived)
haha
my goodness
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:38, archived)
+, my guinness

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:47, archived)
dunno who he is, soz

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:42, archived)
No idea
I have been evacuated from the shopping center and I am annoyed.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)
Do you look like a terrorist?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
Depends
Do terrorists usually have shopping trolleys with little white flowers on them?
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:04, archived)
Maybe, dunno, I don't get to meet them very often

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:06, archived)
But you do sometimes, right?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:08, archived)
I've said too much

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:09, archived)
Crazy Hassan says hi

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:19, archived)
i think you should stick to tweeting brand accounts
they're paid to respond to you. in fact, i'll reply to you if you pay me. otherwise, you're going on ignore
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:47, archived)
hey, come on now
let's keep it friendly for Two Hats' birthday
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:53, archived)
it was a business proposition

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
So, you reckon Lexi would have replied to me if I'd offered her money?
Sounds a bit seedy.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)
Yep, she charges for autographs

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:22, archived)
I hope this snow is gone by monday.
Sitting on the kitchen chairs all day is doing my arse in.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:00, archived)
The postie's just rung the doorbell and was covered in snow when I opened to him.
He also looked like Danny John-Jules, but that's not really relevant.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:01, archived)
Fanny mong-tools, more like

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:05, archived)
Should have made him sing tongue tied

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 15:05, archived)
5/7 Mid-priced aisle, u?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-43234395
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:49, archived)
1 lol

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:52, archived)
lol
🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:54, archived)
7

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:53, archived)

🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:55, archived)
"Savile fucker" Your score: 2/7

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:56, archived)

🧀🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:58, archived)
10/10 Didn't even click the link.
Cheese me.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:58, archived)

💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:01, archived)
Chocolate ice cream?
Woo and yay.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:09, archived)
alright 'chaka'

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:54, archived)
6/7

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:14, archived)

🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:19, archived)
fanks hun xoxo

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:22, archived)
4/7

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:29, archived)

🧀🧀🧀🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:30, archived)
3/7

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:35, archived)

🧀🧀🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:39, archived)
a shameful 2

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:35, archived)

🧀🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:39, archived)
I did it, then got distracted and have forgotten my score, I'm so sorry dearest b, I've let you down :'(

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:38, archived)
sweetest m
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

always, b xx
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:40, archived)
Customer of the day: Marcus Wareing

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:56, archived)
Dunno who that is?
I just had Sue Cumming
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)
gordon ramsay's old protege

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:04, archived)
I bet he's got everything up until jilted

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:37, archived)
First pint of the day: kronney top

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:12, archived)
I find most chefs to be wankers

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:28, archived)
says everyone always

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:34, archived)
says you

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:36, archived)
Is this a gay thing ?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:37, archived)
defo

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:38, archived)
I'm not a h'eau m'eau sekshurl.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:03, archived)
As funny names go, this one isn't very funny.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:23, archived)
3 out of a possible 7
which is a prime result
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:45, archived)

🧀🧀🧀
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:00, archived)
looks like a potato waffle

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:05, archived)
they are waffley versatile

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:09, archived)
yes!

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:22, archived)
7 marks were available, and I snagged 3 of them.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 13:54, archived)

🧀🧀🧀  
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 14:01, archived)
OK flebber's, here we go: THREAD TWO
How's about that then guy's and gal's? Haha, like Jimmy Savile used to say - remember Jimmy Savile? He was great wasn't he
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:26, archived)
he had a pretty cool Range Rover
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2086103/How-Jimmy-fixed-Range-Rover-LIVE-DJ-Saviles-bizarre-converted-4x4-complete-bed-sink-auction.html
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)
Very odd to read an article like that, written before all the scandals broke.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:43, archived)
didn't sell first time round
then when it was relisted... www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/car-dealer-forced-to-hide-jimmy-1379333
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:56, archived)
"His charity work he did very well, but what he did do, you can’t forgive him for that.”

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)
I've forgiven him

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)
^victim shaming

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:02, archived)
too many stubborn stains on the mattress

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:01, archived)
Imagine the smell?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:02, archived)
oh I am

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
There's a service history you don't want to see.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:03, archived)
His pussy wagon.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:48, archived)
Now then now then, wiggle yer big toe

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:57, archived)
Actual lol at that

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:17, archived)
He changed the lives of so many kids... nobody can deny that.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:29, archived)
you don't see him on the telly so much these days
I wonder why
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:32, archived)
probably too busy with his charity stuff

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:35, archived)
Now then, now then, now then. What have we here?
A Mr McBeef who just wants to be Jimmy, for thee dey.

*fixes it*
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:36, archived)
as it 'appens

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:47, archived)
jingle jangle

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:54, archived)
He never replied to my letter to Jim'll Fix It when I was a kid
that was literally the worst thing he ever did
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:36, archived)
Oh man that sucks, I've gone off him a bit now

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:38, archived)
did a lot for charity

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:37, archived)
He was right at home at Oxfam.
Clunk click, fuck that chick.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:40, archived)
wise words

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:42, archived)
I never met the bloke.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:43, archived)
^lucky escape
He used to hang around hospitals down your way.

You married yet?
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:47, archived)
Nah.
We'll get round to it one day. I think we've been engaged nearly 3 years.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:52, archived)
The trouble with weddings is that it's a lot of money for one day.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:55, archived)
you could spend more and stretch it out over several days

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:58, archived)
or buy a car

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)

never met was systematically raped and tortured by
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:48, archived)
How did you know?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:52, archived)
he made me film it

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:55, archived)
I wrote to him twice and was brutally rebuffed (sg raped)
All I wanted to do was work on a farm and go scuba diving.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:49, archived)
probably couldn't find a farm that offered scuba diving as an option

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)
lol

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:53, archived)
he would never allow ugly kids on

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:54, archived)
post your rejection letter so we can see

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:56, archived)
oh you've turned this around on me!

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)
see? see what I did?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)
haha you really got him there!

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:19, archived)
boy is my face red!

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:22, archived)
yeah it is
you may want to get that checked out
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:24, archived)
it's probably a rash from having loads of savile jizz around his chops.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:33, archived)
I bet it contains a lot of acid

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:43, archived)
You're definitely uglier then me though...

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
ok

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:35, archived)
His watch sold for 30k just after he died

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 11:01, archived)
That'll be chucked at the back of the "unwise investments" cupboard
together with the Rolf Harris paintings and the signed Jonathan King records.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 12:39, archived)
Morning

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:22, archived)
I hope you know what you're doing

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:23, archived)
What could go wrong?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:27, archived)
so much m8, SO much
you're dealing with unknown unknowns here
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:47, archived)
Then my ignorance will protect me
it's my greatest asset.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:49, archived)
you've got many great assets m8
I believe in u
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:51, archived)
*eyes suspiciously*
what do you want?
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:06, archived)
what are you offering?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:46, archived)
Shooting

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:55, archived)
rude

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)
Morning

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:27, archived)
Isn't it tho?
Amirite?
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:28, archived)
Just about

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:43, archived)
This is the best!

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:44, archived)
That weather, eh?

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:33, archived)
Very weathery

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:37, archived)
Woo yay morning
Get that Friday fel
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:46, archived)
woo
and yay
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:49, archived)
I might venture a dibnah
If thats not too much
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 7:50, archived)
Calm down.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:16, archived)
Yeah you're right, thats a bit too much

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:21, archived)
hey

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:08, archived)
Hey hey

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:12, archived)

youtu.be/GDT7GP9l1-I
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)
I got the blues this morning


blue shit
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:24, archived)
Have some Labi Siffre
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKISdd2mKzU
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:30, archived)
I managed to get a beautifully edited 45 of that a few months back

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:32, archived)
Contemporary R&B, more like.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:51, archived)
what fucking snow?
easiest drive to work I've had this year
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:29, archived)
Fake snow

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:31, archived)
I'll plough your driveway if you know what I mean ;)

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:33, archived)

frinkiac.com/video/S04E09/1WDDST9AURdu6m3-QuykeEMeHZ4=.gif
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:53, archived)
Don't forget to put down a layer of rock salt.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:54, archived)
pervert

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:01, archived)
Tell that to Curry's
cunts aren't delivering my telly today
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 8:56, archived)
seems to be a centralised phone number, can't actually get hold of your local branch
do you want me to go down there in person?
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:00, archived)
pls

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)
I'll do it for a tenner

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:01, archived)
Fiver

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)
Quid and a blowie

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:16, archived)
(The lowest offer) -1

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:22, archived)
Walk to the depot and commandeer the van.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:02, archived)
The stock hasn't arrived from their central warehouse, and even if it had, they can't get their trucks out, apparently
Fair enough I suppose. No point complaining. Just disappointed #NoBirthdayPresentForTH
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:14, archived)
hey, come on now
you have your family around you. That's the best present ever.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:16, archived)
is it fuck

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:20, archived)
murder suicide for you then

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:21, archived)
I'm *THIS* close, m8

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:23, archived)
being infamous is almost as good as being famous

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)
It's being *more* than famous

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:57, archived)
I'm famous with you, I'm just not *in* famous with you

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:20, archived)
: (

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)
haha
you idiot
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)
I just did

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:04, archived)
thanks m8
I could use a little muscle here
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)
he didn't
he just guffed in an envelope and pushed it through your letterbox
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)
at least he TRIED

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:20, archived)
I'll have to take your word for that

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:24, archived)
garidead's abandonned his role
morning mongy
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:00, archived)
mOrninG.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:31, archived)
morning yeti
can't get the staff these days
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:00, archived)
I thought you'd started giving out YTS's.

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:01, archived)
I could do with an apprentice
Who'll take over when my fingers are wracked with arthritis?
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:09, archived)
Get one of those microphone transcriber gubbinses,
so you can dictate the morning thread.
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:12, archived)
fuck this

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:43, archived)
*fucks*

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:53, archived)
thanks mate

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:00, archived)
best attitude so far

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:01, archived)
do a dennis reynolds

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:09, archived)
"Tools! Tools! I have to have my tools!"

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:10, archived)
I came here to get started, to cold get ill or get retarded

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:49, archived)
also, bottom

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:49, archived)
lol bum

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:50, archived)
lol

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 9:51, archived)
lol

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:07, archived)
this is nonsense

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:01, archived)

nonsense wack
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:04, archived)
+tonight


Get it right m8
(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:21, archived)
i no but it's not tonight yet and i thought the pedants might kick off

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:32, archived)
Before we get too depressed about the state of our politics, let's remember our history. The great debates of the past, all stirred great passions. They all made somebody angry, and at least once led to a terrible war. What is amazing, is that despite all

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:12, archived)
I'm so glad something shut you up

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 10:15, archived)
Is Storm Emma gonna piss off on Monday?
I'm fucking freezing even in my house
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:49, archived)
No.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:57, archived)
Put a jumper on.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:03, archived)
mem

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:25, archived)
It's absolute bobbins.
Apparently I'm on the edge of the 'red warning' and fuck all remotely dangerous has occurred.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:03, archived)
No idea
But I'm sitting here wrapped in blankets and with the heating on full blast
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:08, archived)
They were saying on the news that we're going to run out of gas.
That'll be a laugh.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:10, archived)
Government has to ask large industry to cut back on the gas a bit , distribution problems not in this country but from foreign supplies, but ffs snow did it

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:16, archived)
Doesn't help that the Rough storage facility is closing; used to be able to hold about 9 days supply.
We've been coming very close to having to do the same for 'leccy for the last few winters and all.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 23:23, archived)
After the curry I've just had that is highly unlikely

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:30, archived)
We should collect cow farts

(, Fri 2 Mar 2018, 5:28, archived)
Might just take a sleeping bag to work then, electric heating there

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:33, archived)
I've cut the pipe in my house and letting it fill the house with gas so I can sell it back to people at a higher price

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 21:43, archived)
Happy birthday Justin Bieber

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:53, archived)
Oh, this wasn't meant to be a new thread.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:53, archived)
It's okay, I like it

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:54, archived)
yeah i have no problems with it either

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:04, archived)
hope he hits the sniff hard tonight

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:55, archived)
no real names pls

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:58, archived)
oh shit i havent got his pressie yet, better get to tescos

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:02, archived)
he's gluten intolerant

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:04, archived)
oh, fuck him then, fucking intolerant fucking cunt

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)
actually, let's just go over there and kick the shit out of him instead

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:10, archived)
and happy St Davids day to our welsh boarders

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:03, archived)
Happy March to the Marches

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:28, archived)
thanks

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)
Cheers

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:10, archived)
I think manolith banned him

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:20, archived)
The boiler's packed in
Bye everyone. I hardly knew ye.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:17, archived)
shit!
of all the days
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:19, archived)
quite
I'm hoping it just that the condensate pipe has frozen. Fingers fucken crossed.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:24, archived)
place some healing crystals near it

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:27, archived)
amethyst? I should I go full quartz on this shit?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:29, archived)
Triggered.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:31, archived)
Ok, defrosting the pipe seems to have worked
thank fuck for that
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:34, archived)
'defrosting the pipe' sounds like a revolting euphemism

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:47, archived)
I basically read it as "I'm wanking in the en-suite toilet"

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 18:04, archived)
Don't judge me

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 18:48, archived)
If I wanted to hear about old boilers
I'd have asked how your mum was.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 19:02, archived)
Oh
right
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 19:06, archived)
there's a timing concern

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 19:19, archived)
No, I understand

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:10, archived)

Welp shit, goodbye then
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:50, archived)
My eldest kept demanding vodka, to deal with the cold weather.
I poured him a shot, but he wouldn't touch it, so I ended up drinking it - it wasn't quite as bad as I remember it being.

/vodkablog
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 19:51, archived)
think he won that

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 19:53, archived)
He's been rattling on about cocaine a lot, recently.
Maybe I should hoover up a couple of lines to make a point.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:00, archived)
Just let him know he's completely out of the will before he starts banging on about youtube suicide

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:08, archived)
Till he starts calling it shoe you'll be alright

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:13, archived)
Might get him to talk to Frank.
If only he hadn't been banned.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 20:40, archived)
hey my lunch was really nice
did you have lunch yet? was it nice? if not, why not? what's the matter with you? you don't like lunch? get some help. jesus fucking christ.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)
I've literally just started making lunch.
It'll be the first thing I've eaten all day and it's a quarter to four in the afternoon.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)
No it isn't.
It's quarter to three.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:45, archived)
No it isn't
It's ten to three
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:49, archived)
not any more it isn't
keep up ffs
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
Fuck off, it's 14.51

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
now

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
*synchronises*

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:53, archived)
cum in her fart box!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
haha, you know I will

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
it's two in the afternoon, 34 degrees
Queensland, harsh summer heat
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:55, archived)
it's just food ffs, calm down

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
Oi, don't be rude

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:55, archived)

i, don't be rude mmy nommy nom lovely foodies all for me
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:19, archived)
I don't even eat

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
I hate lunch, it's bent

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
I thought you'd like it best then?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
Ah, because Boyce is, in fact, bent!
Yes, I see now!
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:53, archived)
Too obvious?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:57, archived)
No, he's too scruffy

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
I bet you've got a mouth full of coq au vin right now

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:57, archived)
Hahaha
Crème brulee all over his face.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
he regularly wipes the head chef's jus off his chin

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)
jus did 9/11

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:21, archived)
chef's jus can't melt McBeef's chins

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:44, archived)
I hope manolith bans you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:59, archived)

a i
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:02, archived)
I do love a bit of bin chat

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:03, archived)
minolith

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:04, archived)
binolith more like!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:06, archived)
haha yeah
because he's full of rubbish!
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)
I get this!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:08, archived)
Of course you do!
You're not an idiot!
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:09, archived)
Stay about from my bans.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:10, archived)
he usually lets them meltdown for a while longer first, doesn't he?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:48, archived)
it's for our purposes and provides wonderful entertainment

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:51, archived)
i hope you die of something preventable but you were too proud to get it seen early

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:05, archived)
cheese and cucumber sandwich and a black coffee

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)
i clicked 'I like this!'
but honestly i fucking hate coffee.

still though.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 16:04, archived)
i drink far too much coffee

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 17:07, archived)
Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:12, archived)
Shut up fat Lauren you fucking slag

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:13, archived)
we all know about you and Debs

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:17, archived)
I swear she's got spanx on under her leggings, she's got fat at the back of her knees, how's the fat cunt managed that

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:22, archived)
like, fucking a pig?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:20, archived)
I'm reporting you to HR

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:21, archived)
+H Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:25, archived)
he will fuck you up

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:28, archived)

f t
up in at night with a cup of cocoa after a long hard day
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:22, archived)
this advice is thousands of years old and people are still pricks
chances are, it's shit advice.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:26, archived)
okay

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:32, archived)
Chances are, people are pricks.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:33, archived)
so happy clappy bullshit isn't going to change things is it

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:34, archived)
Bit fatalistic.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:44, archived)

alistic
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:48, archived)
It's like raiaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin on your wedding day

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:40, archived)
yeah, that's a much better perspective on it

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:42, archived)
ironic rain
if you're a weathergirl and zzzzzzzzzzzzz
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:53, archived)
And you're Lady Raine Spencer, mother of Diana Princess of Herts
About to make a speech about reigning in an era of low rainfall
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:02, archived)
^TGGI

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:12, archived)
collague on desk next to me is eating beef hula hoops
smells like a tramps bum
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:48, archived)
making you nostalgic?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:51, archived)
I'm not a HOBOsexual FFS
Edit:although, when I've got a cold I may seem to be.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:53, archived)
someone's got a curry here.
it smells great.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:54, archived)
i'm about to have some tomato soup with the last of the fancy bread
i'll report back later
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:56, archived)
shit on them

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:07, archived)
Where there is cheese, let there be crackers

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:03, archived)
thank you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:07, archived)
where is the hatred in this hate thread?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:06, archived)
not here, woodo

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:08, archived)
right here, buddy
*middle fingers*
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:14, archived)
I'm not sure I want to sow love

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:06, archived)
but you get to reap it afterwards

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:08, archived)
I'm not sure I want to reap it either

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:09, archived)
^reapist

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:19, archived)
Where there is originals

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:18, archived)
let there be love

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:22, archived)
let there be nonces

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:23, archived)
Old folk like to chew them

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 14:45, archived)
Fucking hell
My staff are annoying the shit out of me today. Who's annoying the shit out of you today? You can't say 'Paint!' or 'Jammy Dodger' posters.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:55, archived)
Southern.
It took me 3 hours to get home yesterday and over 2 hours to get in this morning. Cock suckers.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:57, archived)
Serves you right for moving out of London
I was home 5 mins earlier than usual yesterday
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)
London is shit and full of forrins.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:16, archived)
no u

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:22, archived)
Hahahaha.
Winchester Boy and his Aussie Mrs. Clogging up London for real Londoners like me.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)
real Londoners from Kent like you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)
I was born in Woolwich, mate. SE18.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:27, archived)
born in Woolworths more like

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
Why is there a placneta in the pick'n'mix?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
lol

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:31, archived)
Filthy mudblood.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:37, archived)

was born in suck
oo il
wich ies
SE £
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:32, archived)
Touche.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:38, archived)
Wrong snow on the line?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)
*licks boom-boom*

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)
get those delay repay claims in

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:02, archived)
Set your fæces to Cunt
I just invented an alternate version of your name #youinspireme

I'm annoyed by having to pay bills. I don't work to give away my money you know.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
Sounds like fair trade of goods and services to me.
My new username reminds me of a classic joke.

How do you get a gay man to shag your girlfriend?

Shit in her cunt! amiright?
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:12, archived)
since I am homo only by genus and not by preference, I do not understand that fetishist reference

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:15, archived)
^homo erectus

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:16, archived)
upright WANG eh lads?!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:18, archived)
overrated comedian

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:22, archived)
EH LADS EH EH EH EH

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:17, archived)
LADS?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:18, archived)
come back, lads!
....please?
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:19, archived)
IYERRR

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)
Kids, tune in tomorrow at the same time for the next exciting installment of "Dara's Alphabet"!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:02, archived)
looks like you're gonna have to smoke that joint alone now

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
I've bunked the fuck off, lol!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:25, archived)
Good call.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:53, archived)
Muhammad

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)
he's a right prick innee

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:05, archived)
No-one, m9-1.
I've been having a good day so far. Lie-in to mark the start of a four-day weekend, and the vet's just given me a sizeable discount because she and I are, you know, like, tight.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:02, archived)
are foreigners not allowed access to normal doctors in France then?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
Scrounging in supermarket bins for expired factory chicken breasts
and letting them dissolve under your tongue provides a cheap and easy access to antibiotics.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:16, archived)
I'm generally apathetic about it all tbh
It seems one of my team has been let go but no-one knows why (including her or her recruitment agency). Just one other member has been told he's got her workload from now on. Shame really, she seemed nice.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:04, archived)
haha, you're a pathetic something alright!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
man, that hurts, why would you say something like that?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
it was something he said to one of his co-workers, not you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:12, archived)
Jake Yapp was on TV, last night.
He rubs me the wrong way.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:07, archived)
Are you sure his name isn't Jay Kyapp?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:14, archived)
He's a northern comedian.
*shudders*
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:18, archived)
Urgh, how revolting

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
His Dame Dora Dale character is painfully unfunny.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:29, archived)
Looks like yet another day when /talk fails to find consensus on which commedians are actually funny

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:32, archived)
No one has ever been funny, ever.
Comedy is a lie.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:33, archived)
98% of the stuff on radio 4 is super shit

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:35, archived)
The Now Show goes from strength to strength, though.
Couldn't type this with a straight face.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:38, archived)
The quickets I move
is when someone performs a "topical comedy song" on The Now Show. Oh, dear lord, no. No. Noooooooooo
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:16, archived)
how old would Friz's baby be nowadays?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:20, archived)
Is that a song?
I can imagine The Tiger Lilies doing that...
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:29, archived)
to be fair, the times Friz posted here were a Living Hell

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:35, archived)
I thought Jim Al-Khalili's name was Jamal, for a bit.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
one of my pals has a friend whose name is either 'Johnno Doherty' or 'John O'Doherty'

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:24, archived)
I hope it's the latter, as "Johnno" would be a stupid name.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:32, archived)
You'd make a rubbish Australian

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:52, archived)
Or paddy

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:56, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8155133
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:18, archived)
You wouldn't have it any other way.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:27, archived)
you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:07, archived)
I never annoy anyone

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:07, archived)
not sure

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:13, archived)
you're a white middle-class parent m8
surely SOMEONE'S got your wick up?
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
Anna Chlumsky

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:23, archived)
^

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
Old friend who has gone completely mental. I mean, proper, certifiable mental.
We were friends when we were kids, he's always been a troubled soul, but I met up with him a couple of years ago in person not having seen him in deacades and he had gone the full picnic. He'd pulled some of his own teeth out because that's how "they" were listening to him, then he ended up in a loony ward. Mind you, the orderlies still let him post on twitter and facebook, where - unsurprisingly - his conspiracy theories and rambling rants looked quite at home.

Anyway. He sent me a ranty message on Facebook and told me never to speak to him again and blocked me.

I'm partially relieved, but also guilty. The pathology of his mental illness is that he'll view anyone trying to help is as being part of the conspiracy against him. He buys his own medication online, god knows what he's taking.

Being able to keep an eye on him meant I could spot when he was going crazy at someone online and make contact with them to explain that he was utterly mental. I ended up having to tell a journalist at The Telegraph that they may want to consider carefully before basing any articles on his experiences of being abused by a secret cabal of high-ranking politicians (not saying it didn't happen, but they may want to get some other evidence before going to print).

Anway. He's blocked me now. I fear he'll end up on the street, his best hope is being institutionalised.

So there. That's who's annoying me today.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:18, archived)
that was me m8

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)
You could be one of the voices in his head...

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:29, archived)
if only manolith had just given him his old account back

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
No helping some people.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:26, archived)
And this poor sod reallly, really needs help

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
I assume he has sacked his family off?

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:41, archived)
Disgusting

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:41, archived)
Luke 23:34

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:46, archived)
Anyone who confronts his own reality is an enemy
his reality is very warped. Messages from world leaders, delusions of Hollywood wanting to make a film of his life, people trying to poison him. Conspiracies to control him. He will do anything to avoid taking his medication, mental health professionals are all working for MI5 etc.

He'll make friends with someone on social media, then rant at them for not reading his posts and then go utterly crazy at them because they don't understand how he's going to overturn the world order.

I think he's accused his whole family of childhood abuse. They don't know what to do.

And, like I said, he's very intelligent and resourceful and can be a tricksy bastard.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:02, archived)
no that is all true actually

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:09, archived)
He makes it all the more convincing
by pulling his own teeth out and not showering. That's a big help.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:15, archived)
Not surprising, fluoride in the water means They can take over your body's motor control if you expose yourself to it

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:18, archived)
I'll gaz you his number
you can start a movement
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:30, archived)
+1 for pillow

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:11, archived)
if he was really your friend
you'd smother him with a pillow
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:02, archived)
that's why he won't tell me where he is
(when he'd been sectioned and was on the loony ward I was quite relieved. His posts on fadebook were actually quite funny - he wasn't best pleased!)
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:04, archived)
Nothing yet, but there's room for growth

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)
Jews

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:27, archived)
Two Hats outside his sweet new gaff
i.redd.it/rwv50wf6k1j01.jpg
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:34, archived)
that lawn looks as though it could use a few poos

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:37, archived)
What's for tea?
Ass burgers.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:40, archived)
blur the door number pls

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:46, archived)
He's lost loads of weight.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:47, archived)
Job centre
I'm freezing and still have to do job search and go to the job centre.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:40, archived)
Still. Free money.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:48, archived)
Bet she doesn't know the secret phrases that will trigger more cash

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:53, archived)
Also, not free
think of it as a tiny refund of the fortune you've willingly shovelled into the national insurance fund over the years
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:59, archived)
Don't talk to me about national insurance.
I pay fucking shedloads. It's heartbreaking.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:13, archived)
You need to spend all your savings then get sick m8

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:16, archived)
Someone else paying for my accomodation would be nice.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:19, archived)
I'd gladly work for it
As i'd get a decent wage. Still, got a possible job in a fortnight
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:04, archived)
50 fucking quid a ticket to see the Muppets from the shittest seats in the O2, rob dog cunts

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:49, archived)
Ralph's fallen on hard times.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:31, archived)
i am annoying the shit out of myself.
and by that i mean i need a poo lol

but seriously i am in a very low mood.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 12:51, archived)
if only you could tell someone.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:02, archived)
Well, you've come to the right place for a sympathetic hearing,
words of comfort and great advice.

I'm sure somebody will suggest a pillow...
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:04, archived)
...is used as a silencer.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 13:05, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8101183
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 7:31, archived)
rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated
greatly exaggerated warmly anticipated
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 7:37, archived)
oh thank god

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 7:43, archived)
but like saying beetlejuice 3 times
you've basically summoned your own morning thread that you're responsible for now
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 7:45, archived)
+p +c

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 7:55, archived)
oh great, now that makes no sense at all

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 7:59, archived)
I spotted the monstermunchism before your odd strikey g
I make no apology
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:04, archived)
Morning.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:00, archived)
hi

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:06, archived)
Cock

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:06, archived)
no thanks, I only just finished one

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:07, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiJd_d8I-iE
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:08, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R0oXjIzOx4
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:09, archived)
dribble

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:18, archived)
dribble's fucked off and abandonned you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:54, archived)
Hi

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:34, archived)
this is all drimble's fault

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:54, archived)
morning m8

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:35, archived)
drimble has forsaken you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:54, archived)
Snow day
Everyone's home. Yay.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:52, archived)
drimble walked out on you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 8:54, archived)
gutted

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:00, archived)
My lads off, my daughter's school re opened, she was fummin

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
Ha, I bet
their old school is still open today. They're feeling pretty smug.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:13, archived)
No snow day here but, after much fussing about just night, daughter has abandoned dressing up for World Book Day in favour of warm clothes.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)
just pile on every item of clothing she owns until she looks like a hill
then she could claim to be The Groke from the moomins.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:26, archived)
don't mention world book day please, fucking hell

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:35, archived)
And I'd made a special trip to Asda to buy her a Batgirl costume, too.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:41, archived)
I have had to buy two different mad hatter outfits for mine.
My ex sent me an email pretending to be our kid saying that she didn't like the first one.
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:50, archived)
Shame you're no longer on speaking terms with your daughter.

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)
Oh hi dad, I've hacked mongys account, can you buy me this, k thx
www.time4diamonds.com/rolex-gmt-master-ii-stainless-steel-red-ruby-precious-stones-mickey-mouse-print-dial-116710ln-3498.html
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:02, archived)
no problem darling
I'll have it sent to mongy's house seeing as you're using his login

xxx
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:20, archived)
Cheers mate, er dad ,

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:23, archived)
Well, lag my pipes before they freeze
it's morning!
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:39, archived)
I don't think today's got off to a very good start at all tbh

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:45, archived)
$$

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 9:50, archived)
I miss Paint! :(

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:34, archived)
you'd better get professional decorators in for the new gaff then hahahaa!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:43, archived)
hahahaha

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:45, archived)
hahaha oh man, that is rich
Love it!
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:46, archived)
no it was me not rich
misunderstandings!
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:48, archived)
my god, I fucking love this place

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)
we really do have a right laugh here

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:54, archived)
We do
we ALL do
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:55, archived)
I have to go on record and say I don't

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 11:18, archived)
he gaz'd me to say if he ever saw you on the streets he was going to cut you

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:45, archived)
oh
I'd better give him a call, sort all this out, yeah?
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:46, archived)
too late

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:47, archived)
+ a nice slice of his homemade apple pie

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:47, archived)
oh boy, that sounds great
The warm, sweet solution to a cold winter's day!
(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)
Fake news! Sad!

(, Thu 1 Mar 2018, 10:52, archived)
Hello all.
Thought I would introduce myself. My name is Jammy_Dodger you can refer to me as simply JD or cunt.

Either is fine by me
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 19:14, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8155133
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 19:20, archived)

Cheers $$
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 21:15, archived)
to quote the great Harvey Price:
hello cunt
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 19:21, archived)

Hi Scott.

You need a new username
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 21:16, archived)
o/

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 19:27, archived)
alright frank

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 19:33, archived)
Insisting upon himself whomever it is

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 19:36, archived)
*whomst
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoCcDi8zH8M
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 21:35, archived)
It's not frank
It's dozer
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:23, archived)
Must be a separate ban button for each by now

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:27, archived)

I don’t know who these are, are they the same person?
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 21:25, archived)
then it can fuck off

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 22:13, archived)

Is this a reference to “talk to frank”
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 21:16, archived)
frank is someone God put in the sandbox forever, it's a b3ta-thing

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 22:02, archived)
it's a reference to fucking cunt bastard spastic horse slasher cunt twat fucking shitcunt fuckhead faggot

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 22:21, archived)
scope
spastic
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 22:27, archived)
<s>then it can
www.b3ta.com/talk/8155160
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 22:40, archived)
Why are you a
it's a reference to
www.b3ta.com/talk/8155161
?
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 22:45, archived)
no u

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:32, archived)
*burnt*
:(
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:45, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 19:51, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8155063
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:10, archived)

Cheers
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 21:16, archived)
Firm handshake's

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:13, archived)
double wank and shit chips

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:21, archived)
turtle power

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:47, archived)
clicking this

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 21:09, archived)
Not sure they've understood the haiku, but is a good go
imgur.com/a/y0rvE
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:52, archived)
are we grit it off the road

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:59, archived)
You are lacking lurking skills
Luckily I like :)
welcome
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 22:25, archived)
fuck off

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:35, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8155152
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:45, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8155166
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:46, archived)
Alright

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:35, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8155167
CUNT
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:47, archived)
upset

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:53, archived)

sorry
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 23:59, archived)
Talk about threads with less fewerer legs than Douglas Bader.
One of our service providers said they'd be able to commit to a big project non-stop for about six weeks, and every day for the past week now they've delivered under quota or not delivered at all. Anyone welched on you recently?
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:18, archived)
what's your favourite cheese for toasting on toast?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:19, archived)
Somebody stop this fanatical cheese-obsessed toast maniac.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:21, archived)
gruyere

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:54, archived)
or as I call it 'oooh yeahhhh'

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:05, archived)
i think you have to pay extra for that

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:21, archived)
lol
dirteh
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:23, archived)
Denise Welch blocked me on twitter a while back.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:37, archived)
did you bully her?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:40, archived)
Maybe... Can't remember.
I think it was about her drunken antics on Celebrity Big Brother.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:47, archived)
I don't know who Denise Welch is
am I missing out?
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:50, archived)
definitely not

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:54, archived)
I read it as "Denise Richards" at first
and was all "eh lads eh eh lads eh eh".
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:48, archived)

Denise Keith
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:54, archived)
the grape juice magnate

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:54, archived)
fanny magnate more like
lol
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:59, archived)
that's me m8 lol

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:01, archived)
Nah , I did just hear Lemmy's version of enter sandman, blimey that'll give kids nightmares

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:57, archived)
Their cover of God Save the Queen by the Pistols is good

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:34, archived)
as is their version of Queen's 'Tie Your Mother Down'

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:59, archived)
I like their version of Leaving Here.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 18:43, archived)
customer of the day: Sandi Toksvig

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:33, archived)
yeah right
as if lesbians buy furniture
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:36, archived)
Flat pack

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:41, archived)
Flap lap

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:55, archived)
sware down m8

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:54, archived)
Perhaps she was in the market for a tasteful sex toy cabinet.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 16:58, archived)
+r

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:39, archived)
i was talking to her nephew a few minutes ago

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:07, archived)
strikethrough to suggest you were performing a sex act on a boy

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:11, archived)
oh

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:15, archived)
palking her

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:38, archived)
errr, WELL gay!!!!!

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:40, archived)
cheese on toast

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:41, archived)
instead of a roast?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:45, archived)
What is this, a Tesco Value Des'ree thread?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:47, archived)
Everydays'ree

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:52, archived)
dunno, i prefer AC/DC

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:57, archived)
No, you like AC/DC the moast.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:58, archived)
whatev

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:01, archived)
+ and spunk up my bum

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:49, archived)
Your dinner parties sound like they escalate quickly

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:51, archived)
i had a really weird dream about rimming last night and i woke up with a cat on my head

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:18, archived)
that's my calling card

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:20, archived)
hahahahah

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 17:40, archived)
fuck off Des'ree

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:51, archived)
I love the most

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:52, archived)
while watching space ghost coast to coast

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:16, archived)
biscuit

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:17, archived)
mem

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 15:23, archived)
Classic Britain
www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/ski-centre-in-kent-closes-due-to-too-much-snow-a3777781.html

ffs
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:50, archived)
Lol
"It's the wrong type of snow!"
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:53, archived)
Can't believe they don't have piste grooming equipment, might rent them mine

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:57, archived)
may I borrow it after they are done?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:00, archived)
Yeah course, I'm always happy to lend my forum chums my piste grooming equipment

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:01, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:08, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:48, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8155142
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 20:18, archived)

piste child-
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:01, archived)
you couldn't make it up

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:00, archived)
I guess you could

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:01, archived)
We got told to go home.
On my way for a lunchtime pint I got asked to help jump start a car. So basically my shirker attitude may have saved a life.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:18, archived)
closed because ambulances wouldn't be able to get there
Seems sensible enough.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:19, archived)
sorry, I mean
LOL BRITTUN WOT R U LIKE
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:27, archived)
dinlo, mersh.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:36, archived)
I've never got a bus to chatham, but I know the 96 goes to bluewater which is nearby, I'd have to wing it from there

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:20, archived)
sounds great
I'll see you there
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:21, archived)
I'll be in the waghorn

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:23, archived)
might get my fucken tits out

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:22, archived)
about time

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:23, archived)
People are starting to go home here.
All my trains are fucked.

Doo-dah.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:26, archived)

fucked belong to us
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:27, archived)
I'll give you a lift

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:27, archived)
this means gay sex btw

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:28, archived)
You had me at "I'll"

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:30, archived)
mental I'llness

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:10, archived)
Bloke outside the shop just accused the weather of being racist

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:56, archived)
It is a bit

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:57, archived)
notice there's never any black snow?
there is black ice though. Hmm.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:02, archived)
There's yellow snow,
but you're not supposed to eat it.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:05, archived)
I'm just angry all the time

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:06, archived)
You know what? that's ok
You're allowed to be angry
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:10, archived)
anger is just nature's way of telling you you need to stab some cunt

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:45, archived)
This post is sponsored by Staedtler Mars Plastic Eraser
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(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:57, archived)
Had a protein shake for breakfast this morning.
The subsequent crop of guffs has been bountiful.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:04, archived)
What kind of protein? Blended beef jerky?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:10, archived)
No m8, that sounds nauseating and at the same time weirdly suggestive.
I've never tried the famous tuna milkshake. This was just a big scoop of vanilla whey and a scoop of creatine in milk. Cheapy protein powder as well so it was toe-curlingly sweet.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:15, archived)

reatine in milk um

lol
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:21, archived)
oh, you wag!

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:23, archived)

the famous tuna milkshake? And that isn't suggestive and nauseating? Go back to Carry On School.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:24, archived)
One man's tuna is another man's beef, or something.
For the truly suggestive and nauseating, try mixing a tin of tuna with a tub of cottage cheese, for a creamy, lumpy substance with a tang of fish.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:28, archived)
Cottage cheese looks and smells exactly like baby sick.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:33, archived)
So if you sprinkle cottage cheese witih cheapy pre-grated parmesan, does it smell like cross-generational sick?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:35, archived)
Only when you've microwaved it for 5 minutes
*beeeeeeeep*
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 14:52, archived)
Mid Morning Salutations!
I've just booked in to see Black Panther at the weekend.
I might wear my Minstrel outfit to show my solidarity for my coloured chums.

It's in 4DX which means I should be blown and rained on.
Anyone else watched a movie in 4dx?
What's it like?

What new things have you tried lately?
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 10:58, archived)
11:00
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:00, archived)
calm down, Enya

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:02, archived)
Georgia

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:01, archived)
Horbs xx
How's things?
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:01, archived)
I saw the first Hobbit movie in one of those cinemas with moving seats and wind machines on
I got squirted on during the river barrel section, but that might have been my incontinent step-mother.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:06, archived)
It's funny because legionella!

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:18, archived)
+ella, ella
/rihanna
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:20, archived)
The 422, I wasn't impressed, starts off at the desolate building site which is the O2, a nice meander through Charlton village but then bang, you're in Woolwich town centre and wondering were your life went wrong, worth it as a one off experience only,

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:06, archived)
Calm down, Olive

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:11, archived)
The 26 I found acceptable, functional but nothing to write home about really, mind you I've only done waterloo to shoreditch, shit might pick up on the last leg

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:16, archived)
the Hackney Wick bit is MENTAL

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:27, archived)
Yes you could enjoy the vibrant bethnal green road scene if you travelled a few more stops

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:29, archived)
nah it goes down Hackney Road, skips Bethnal

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:49, archived)
He could peak down there from Cambridge heath , probably

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:05, archived)
That's true, it's only a few mins walk
it's a versatile route, no question
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:08, archived)
The people who devise these routes deserve more credit
they're the real heroes
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:28, archived)
you're welcome, m8

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:30, archived)
*gasp*

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:33, archived)
in the old days the 73 used to be 'the crack bus', you could get on, go upstairs, buy and smoke a rock then get off.
Biggest load of urban legend bullshit I've ever heard.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:27, archived)
Dicky from the block

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:28, archived)
haha
I love that
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:28, archived)
There was a bungalow on the same street as my school
that was a "brothel". Everyone knew someone who knew someone who had gone there and had sex with a prostitute.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:29, archived)
that was me

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:31, archived)
Oh I know

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:32, archived)
What, you were the prostitute?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:10, archived)
And now you really feel alive , so you ride the crack bus

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:40, archived)
I wouldn't mind getting blown as part of the experience at the cinema.
Maybe not while watching Black Panther, but to each their own. "4DX" also sounds like a type of transmission.

Haven't tried anything new lately, really. I don't know whether that means I'm being boring or that I've already tried lots of things.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:10, archived)
What would you like to try?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:20, archived)
Off the top of my head, paintballing.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:23, archived)
yeah that's not too bad.
I was at an indoor one. They had it all done up like a futuristic war zone.
You could even buy these dynamite stick things.

Feral.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:27, archived)
I know someone who does the 4DX thing, and he swears by it
I'm putting the heating back on, it's fucking perishing in here
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:13, archived)
Manchester looks like an urban snow globe.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:19, archived)

snow globe hellhole
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:37, archived)
Godspeed

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:20, archived)
+you black panther

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:22, archived)
one of the worst gigs I've ever seen
dull as shit
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:01, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:24, archived)
I generally go to my local community cinema
They don't even show 3D films, which is good because they give me headaches. They also do nachos with proper nacho cheese
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:16, archived)
Overpriced?
I always begrudge paying 7 quid for a hot dog and a water
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:20, archived)
foood should be banned from cinemas
there
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:24, archived)
This is the kind of level headed blue sky thinking I can put my weight behind 110%

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:27, archived)
A vote for TH is a vote for common sense

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:28, archived)
Yeah! Are you fat cunts really unable to take a 2 hour break from stuffing your faces?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:27, archived)
agreed
I'll get this discussed in parliament
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:27, archived)
they'd go bust within days
there
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:38, archived)
/s t .lol

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:43, archived)
lol

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:47, archived)
lol

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:50, archived)
sounds like a them problem

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:44, archived)
I think you need to be banned

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:48, archived)
You can't ban me, I quit!

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:49, archived)
yeah enjoy watching your films in a closed-down cinema with no leccy YOU IDIOT!

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:52, archived)
maybe I will, smart guy
just to see the look on your face
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:53, archived)
YEAH YOU DO THAT

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:56, archived)
man, you're going to look pretty stupid when I do
pretty stupid
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:58, archived)
Not as stupid as you look ALL THE TIME

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:00, archived)
no argument there

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:02, archived)
Apology accepted

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:05, archived)

th m
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:29, archived)
or they should be in less rustly packaging

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:59, archived)
yeah, that would be a start
Not a fan of taking a seat, and finding empty wrappers and cups under my feet, either
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:02, archived)
Much cheaper than most other cinemas
£2.80 on Wednesday and normal price is £4.50. Drinks are about £2 and cheesy nachos are £2.50
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:53, archived)
£4.50? Do you live in 1991?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:56, archived)
Facking £12 in Basingstoke!

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:59, archived)
Genesis in Mile End does two adults and a kid for £15
And it has a really good bar and you can take your pints in with you.

Highly necessary when you're being forced to watch Trolls or Smurfs 2
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:03, archived)

in Mile End does two adults and a kid for £15
And it has a really good bar and you can take your pints in with you.

Highly necessary when you're being forced to watch Trolls or Smurfs 2
is my favourite band of all-time


lol
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:05, archived)
haha, you got me there!

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:09, archived)
lol

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:10, archived)
Now that's what I call lol 26

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:12, archived)
I've watched Monsters Inc and Monsters University so much now
that I'm prepared to do a Masters thesis on the social strata of the monster world.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:05, archived)
mine's never been a big 'watch something over and over again' person thankfully
She did ask to watch Time Bandits a second time, the moment it ended, which I was more than happy to oblige. The more of my life I spend in the company of time-travelling dwarves the better.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:08, archived)
six quid in Warsaw, except half-price Wednesdays

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:05, archived)
15 grand for a passport though, swings and roundabouts

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:06, archived)
Polish passports are well cheap
about 20 quid IIRC
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:21, archived)
€20 a month for me, and as many films as I like.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:13, archived)
Like I said, it's a community cinema
All the staff are volunteers and that keeps prices down
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:09, archived)
for crisps with cheese on them
bargain
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:58, archived)
They're really good

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:11, archived)
you don't actually own the cheese though

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:59, archived)
All food is merely rented

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:12, archived)
Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:22, archived)
It soon catches up with you afterwards though
JOANNA IS A STUPID HEARTLESS BITCH
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:25, archived)
Eddie Grants later work really let his true feelings out.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:29, archived)
New things?
The D3 - not a bad route, bit infrequent though
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:51, archived)
When I was a kid, they introduced the 40A
Which stopped at the main road, 5 minutes from my house, and went on the motorway into Portsmouth town centre. It would even take you as far as South Parade Pier. If you got a day ticket, you could go anywhere from Clanfield to Southsea. But then, they changed the route after a couple of months, so the bus didn't stop down my road anymore. Sad times.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 11:57, archived)
the dream was over :(

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:02, archived)
It was a great few weeks though
halcyon days
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:02, archived)
fond memories

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:09, archived)
We had a green line service that went to windors, as urban youths we could never afford such a luxurious trip as they were a private bus company, but we all dreamed of it

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:09, archived)
city folk probably complained about the sudden influx of smelly peasants from the provinces

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:16, archived)
Don't really like 3D, 4D is more annoying than anything else.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:19, archived)
Can't say I've been on those busses , thanks for the heads up

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:24, archived)
I cycled the busway from Dunstable to Luton on Sunday.
It was alright.
Part of the route was shut for repairs, but we cycled on through regardless, like true rebels.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:28, archived)
yeah Massive Attack are well shit

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:24, archived)
Isn't one of them a nonce?

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:28, archived)
yes, and it's '3D'
he was a great graffiti writer back in the 80s, should have stuck to that instead of branching out into shit 'trip hop' and noncery
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:31, archived)
Noncery: never a good career move.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:40, archived)
Unless you're a peedo.

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 12:49, archived)
I quite like "trip-hop".
I'm lumping Tricky and Portishead under that label, whether they like it or not.
(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:06, archived)
no

(, Wed 28 Feb 2018, 13:06, archived)

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