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Morning m8's

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 8:30, archived)
Aohy hoy

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 8:53, archived)
Gary

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 10:15, archived)
alright

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)
Cinema with kid then pub lunch I reckon

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 10:16, archived)
I'm losing my bollox on the horses, lady luck blessed me yesterday, and now the bitch is fucking me

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 14:55, archived)
wotcha

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)
M8y bubble bath, 'member?

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 11:35, archived)
Used to be a Christmas stocking treat
when I were a spogg
(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 12:55, archived)
Productive morning of yelling at my boys.

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 11:44, archived)
you mean your testes, yes?

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 12:01, archived)
Giving your nads a bollocking?

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 12:55, archived)
They haven't done all their chores

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 13:19, archived)
G'day!

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 12:26, archived)
way past morning now

(, Sat 31 Mar 2018, 15:09, archived)
well, this is wonderful!
looks like i'm getting a corn snake, complete with vivarium, for free

how has your day been improved?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:40, archived)
going out to eat, drink and be merry now
baibai
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:49, archived)
enjoy!

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:53, archived)
I rode my bike and only suffered one massive mechanical failure
calling that a win
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:20, archived)

Treat yourself m2^3
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:24, archived)
thanks, Tauheed Epps

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:45, archived)
and you've not injured yourself

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:33, archived)
just my pride
i forgot to tighten up one nut.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:46, archived)
you'll remember next time

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 18:12, archived)
lol, "nut"

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 19:37, archived)
My kid is live minecrafting with her cousin in new york
It's the closest we're going to get to them meeting up this year so it's fucking awesome
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:21, archived)
aw, that's nice

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:34, archived)
:)

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:44, archived)
what a fucking nerd

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:45, archived)
I've decided I'm going to get hyper wasted

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:26, archived)
I was gonna, but I'm not feeling it

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:29, archived)
hit the shoe
and hit it hard
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:37, archived)
Don't fancy It, I must be sick or saink

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:46, archived)
Bender

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:49, archived)
fucking terminal, i should think

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 18:13, archived)
don't peak too soon

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:34, archived)
wot, TWO shandies, you massive lightweight

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:48, archived)
Tomoz night for me
My dj partner's birthday so smashup in southwark
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:52, archived)
southWANK i call it

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:56, archived)
Going to a triple-bill concert tonight for only a fiver.
Oh, and I've also just been asked to be the keyboard player in a band.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 18:01, archived)
top fridaying

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 18:12, archived)
You're not wrong there.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 18:48, archived)
The Gaffer is a gonner.
Maynard no more.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 13:05, archived)
I went off them after Ænima tbh

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 13:17, archived)
It's funny how having a pipe up your 'arris can change your opinion of things.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 14:22, archived)
he always looked like the worst kind of disgusting rapist
RIP
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 14:38, archived)
Another one from the "I thought he'd been dead for years" list.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 14:56, archived)
Nick Berry continues.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
The handsome devil.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)
yeah, i thought he was long gone
do you think it's cruel to take your tarantula's shed skin and place it on the pillow of your sleeping, extremely arachnophobic nephew?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 15:21, archived)

tarantula’s shed fore arachn hom
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 15:36, archived)
well i wouldn't know about that
what with the not having one
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 15:40, archived)
Mazel Tov

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 15:42, archived)
l'chaim

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 15:52, archived)

a u

Lol
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)
i hear that happens after death

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:38, archived)
And before

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:15, archived)
who the fuck was that beardy old dickhead?

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:16, archived)
I only know him as Greengrass from Heartbeat.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:22, archived)
some of us are old enough to remember Selwyn Froggitt

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:36, archived)
That was me m8

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:09, archived)
soz ur ded m8

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 17:20, archived)
The gaffer was a good sitcom , proper gritty working class

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 20:29, archived)
What if I were to tell you...
I have a strange biological condition where I have to expel brown waste from my bottom up to several times a day?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 11:05, archived)
I'd say you were full of shit

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 11:17, archived)
stop talking shit m8

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 11:23, archived)
First time I visit since 11th of March, and I come back to a nawty stepping
WTF happened?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:35, archived)
Reason given?

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:45, archived)
none

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:48, archived)
mano is out of control

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:57, archived)
they got you bang to rights

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)
:(

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
you started 20 threads in a row, pushing all the actual posts off the board
so i stepped you for a few hours

thanks for clicking the button to indicate that you're very sorry
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 11:44, archived)
"actual posts"
As if anything posted here is of any value whatsoever.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 12:30, archived)
Literally Hitler

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 12:51, archived)
Litler

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 13:41, archived)
rubbish 'hobo' sequel

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:34, archived)
turtle power

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 22:46, archived)
that's me!

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 16:38, archived)
on the one hand, they all got on the popular page
on the other, they were just to bully me and I am clearly deeply wounded and upset by all this.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
morning

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 5:45, archived)
Morning m8

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 7:23, archived)
wotcha
I really need this long weekend
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 7:31, archived)
Same here man
All this legal shit is stressing me out, not to mention expensive as fuck
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 8:09, archived)
I can imagine
my Dad ended up representing himself in court to highlight how much the whole system was fucking him over. He's still a big supporter of Fathers4Justice today.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 8:13, archived)

a big supporter of Fathers4Justice dressed as spider-man
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:00, archived)
he says one reason those blokes manage to stay up on those public buildings for so long
is that most coppers are sympathetic to the cause, having gone through the same shit themselves.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:02, archived)
Hello.
My parents have decided to schedule their visit for 4pm. Really, what's the point?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 7:44, archived)
are they inviting themselves for dinner?

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 7:48, archived)
Pretty much.
Mum's framing it as "coming to see the grandkids" but the timing really doesn't bear that out.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 7:55, archived)
my in-laws are awful at this
the grandmother insists she can't afford to take a single day off to look after the grandkid when it's sick, then bemoans that we never have any free time of our own to "pop over" (600km round trip). Then she announced she's taking the week off before Easter "to prepare" (prepare what, ffs?) and will be stopping over for the night on her way through, both ways. Useless woman.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 8:05, archived)
I think I get on better with my in-laws than I do with my own parents.
As evidenced by the fact that I wouldn't even consider moving in with my mum and dad.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 8:45, archived)
Also, maybe she's starving herself before gorging on chocolate eggs?

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 8:49, archived)
fuck knows what her plan is
she seems to envisage cooking a massive easter feast for the whole family, except a) we're not going, so it's just her and her husband b) she's an awful cook and c) their old communist flat with crumbling kitchen is completely unsuited to roasting up a feast.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:01, archived)
Pop by for a surprise visit?
Thinking of making lamb fatteh for our Easter lunch.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:10, archived)
she works 300km south of us, where she has a work flat
and the family home is 300km north of us. So "popping by" is a fucking trek whichever direction you go.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)
What is a communist flat?

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:26, archived)
I think it's painted red

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:31, archived)
It's a machine for living in

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:39, archived)
My mums have invited themselves up for my first wedding anniversary
I'm being a cunt here, they're coming up to take us to dinner at the place we had our wedding lunch...that they paid for. It's a lovely and very welcome gesture, I just wanted to join in with the moaning
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 8:13, archived)
It's a hard life, eh?

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 8:43, archived)
Im.going to have a great weekend of relaxing and motorbike fixing and spending no time with people i don't like.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:10, archived)
I wanted to ride
my freshly fixed bike but since I started this thread my kid is sick and my step-dad's gone into a hospice so I don't think the weekend'll be much fun.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)
Yoivr also fixed a silly bicycle.

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:22, archived)
it's got pedals and wheels and it goes and stops
it's not like I'm trying to set a land speed record or cycle up Ben Nevis on it.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:27, archived)
All cyclists are scum. Pay some road tax

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:33, archived)
top trolling

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:35, archived)
Good stuff
The repairs I mean, not the other things
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:58, archived)
Easy for you.
I don't like anybody.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:20, archived)
:,(

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:21, archived)
oh shit, it's so quiet cos all you wankers have the day off

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)
Morning

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:02, archived)
I knew I could count on you
since every day is a day off
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:07, archived)
And likely to be so for a while longer
As I still haven't heard back from that interview
(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 10:33, archived)
What if I were to tell you...
That I had discovered a way to stimulate oneself sexually without the need for a partner?
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:17, archived)
I'd call you a wanker

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:21, archived)

twitter.com/JamieRoss7/status/979292569313128448?s=19
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:26, archived)
I'd adjust my fedora and wait for Jordan Peterson to comment on it

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:26, archived)
I thought he was the director of Get Out.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:39, archived)
This is how we do it, it's thursday night

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 20:22, archived)
Bullshit

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:28, archived)
Why can't the government website recognise a valid email address when there is a space after it?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:36, archived)
zionist conspiracy

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:37, archived)
I thought so

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:48, archived)
Why can't you type in your email address without adding a trailing space?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:38, archived)
Chrome autofill is a poo

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:52, archived)
Autocomplete is a waste of time.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 20:31, archived)
Because they employed stupid developers.
Who bafflingly know you should validate email against a regular expression, but seemingly don't know you should trim whitespace from user input.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:40, archived)
They also seemingly didn't employ any QA people either. Even a rubbish one should find that.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:42, archived)
I'm pretty sure when the government hires a company to do work for them they always get fleeced and a shit job

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:45, archived)
I used to do government work.
And you're 100%
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:52, archived)
I used to work for an 'IT services' company that did lots of government work and you're right.
The stuff I did was private sector but the whole thing considered engineers as grunts and that everyone should aspire to be a manager so good techies got turned into bad managers or left. All these companies have loads of layers of management and internal process to the point you could remove 70%of the staff and it would make no difference to the customer.

The main difference is the private sector expects results.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:59, archived)
I'm pretty sure you are s traitor and should be shot

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 20:20, archived)
I once had a lovely chat with a bloke from a consultancy firm who was laughing about how his job was just fleecing the gullible with worthless bullshit.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 21:53, archived)
alright, 'the ceo of capita'

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 23:35, archived)
More like Crapita!
Ahahaha hahahahahaha, see what I did there?!
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 23:57, archived)
alright, 'ian hislop'

(, Fri 30 Mar 2018, 0:48, archived)
Blackspaces matter too

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 20:02, archived)
All spaces matter.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 21:54, archived)
A partner, you say?
What is this fresh perversion?
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:59, archived)
you're pulling my plonker m8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 20:06, archived)
I'd say you were alone and horny

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 20:12, archived)
Tits m8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 20:29, archived)
Rectal cramping
a slight moistness
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:35, archived)
Rectal cramping

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:36, archived)
hello!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:36, archived)
I needed a poo 30 minutes into a 45 minute call
Then the waffly manager extended it by another 25 minutes. My sphincter was like Sisyphus pushing the rock of poo back up my colon.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:38, archived)
Sometimes it's ok to just shit in a waste paper bin.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:55, archived)
as long as it's someone else's bin

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
Jocelyn Brown'szzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)
I'll jostle YOUR brown in a minute, m8!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
disgusting

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:28, archived)
definitely

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:40, archived)
I like this

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 17:32, archived)
^ baker with dirty hands

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:54, archived)
so you're saying you have a very versatile manager

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:09, archived)
(small measure of recognition for this reference)

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)
+ When I go out camping, I need

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:57, archived)
a slight moistness

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:36, archived)
The dt's

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:38, archived)
dead leg

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:43, archived)
also, for you sparkies
i.imgur.com/Q0I8zap.gifv
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:51, archived)
Looks alright to me

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:56, archived)
Don't touch it, it's hot

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:00, archived)
Bit of phase tape will fix that

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:07, archived)
What about we magic pianos?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:04, archived)
#leditofftheroad

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:12, archived)
For once, I've typed what I intended.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:14, archived)
'us magic pianos', surely?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:23, archived)
Considered it, but went with "we" so as not to imply that anyone else on this board is an enchanted instrument.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:52, archived)
lol wee

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:28, archived)
irie

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:11, archived)
A bad one

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:20, archived)
that weird shooty pain up the bumhole
that makes you go "ooo!" and everyone knows you've just had a shooty bum pain
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:30, archived)


(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)
yeah, like you've never had it

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
I have no clue what you're on about

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:52, archived)
lies, lies from tiny eyes

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:54, archived)
do naughty boys regularly put thunb tacks on your chair?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:12, archived)
no, but i've heard the phrase "it's just a little prick" more than once

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:22, archived)
thunb

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 17:56, archived)
Actually, I think I may go for a nap...

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:33, archived)
it's kind of a funny tingly feeling
y'know, down there
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:43, archived)
all part of growing up, m8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:47, archived)
also I've started noticing boys more

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:52, archived)

ti +n
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
don't sit on the edge of hard seats, then
pins and needles in the "private" regions is fucking bizarre
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:50, archived)
mine aren't "private"

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:53, archived)
communal areas?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:54, archived)
chill out zone

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
no smoking though

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
I ain't smoking though, vaping innit

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:00, archived)
check out this sick vape trick, broh
thumbs.gfycat.com/TemptingTalkativeBobolink-mobile.mp4
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:43, archived)
defo trying that at the next meet-up

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:50, archived)
that's what the lube is for

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:02, archived)
AIDS

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
I preferred it with the little a

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:53, archived)
I fucken bet you did

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:56, archived)
hey don't judge me

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:57, archived)
pervert

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:01, archived)
makes me sick, I don't know about you

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:03, archived)
I think he should be banned

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:04, archived)
on it

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:05, archived)
just you try it

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:08, archived)
you can't push me around anymore
I won't stand for it
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:08, archived)
I do what I like and there's nothing you can do about it

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:11, archived)
You're a bully, and your reign of terror is over

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:15, archived)
YEAH YOU TELL HIM M8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:21, archived)
they couldn't ban me

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)
Ennui.
lol, "wee"
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:53, archived)
orinoco flow was shit

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 14:56, archived)
I've got an Enya EP somewhere in my collection.
No idea what it is, but it's there. 2 Enigma albums, too, so I was probably going through a phase.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:03, archived)
menopause probably

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:03, archived)
lol

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:05, archived)
MCMXC AD and Cross of Changes, by any chance?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:05, archived)
Greatest Hits and The Best Of...

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:09, archived)
Aye.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:15, archived)
g+
e
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:52, archived)
The sooner you set yourself free from that closet, the better you'll feel, I'm sure.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:55, archived)
alright 'R Kelly'

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:19, archived)
Ay oop, R Kelly!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
How did you know I liked pissing on kids?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:29, archived)
it'd be terrible if this was your most liked post

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:38, archived)
hah, turns out there's already a pretty high bar
www.b3ta.com/talk/7838073
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:41, archived)
jesus fucking christ

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:44, archived)
i'm amazed that we all forgot about this

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:58, archived)
I think it's the post that started my heavy drinking

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:00, archived)
wanking more like!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:02, archived)
HAHA!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:04, archived)
fucking hell

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:45, archived)

Eni sme
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:13, archived)
I keep mine in an album

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:17, archived)

an al my
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:21, archived)
*chuckle*

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:21, archived)
probably trying to impress some hippy bird

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:24, archived)
Yeah, as if teenage me knew any "birds".
All boys school and a limited social circle.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:54, archived)
worst MC in the whole Womble crew, no question

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:14, archived)
^

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:16, archived)
silly person.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:22, archived)
that's life

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:01, archived)
ROSSAGES!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:15, archived)
You've earned yourself a second ^, fella

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:16, archived)

a second ^ an amusingly shaped vegetable
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)
wow, thanks m8, I'll spend them this weekend!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:22, archived)
don't spend them all at once! hahaha

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:23, archived)
might get the latest 'Look & Learn'

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:23, archived)
Cor
Pick us up a copy of Scream!, will you?
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 15:28, archived)
sure!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:07, archived)

You've earned yourself a second ^ when it's clear and yella, you got juice there
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:44, archived)
^ cloudy and brown

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 17:16, archived)
bit racist

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 17:58, archived)

bit racist texture like sun
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:26, archived)
crimebusters of the sea!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:38, archived)
lol

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:41, archived)
and it's TANGY and brown, you fuckin' amateur

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:00, archived)
That knocking-off-early feeling.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 16:27, archived)
Occasional spotting

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 17:28, archived)
Poor Windy Pig :(
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-43571120
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 18:02, archived)
he knew what he was doing

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 19:13, archived)
ALRIGHT?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:49, archived)
just trying out a new, 'in your face' posting style

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:49, archived)
I'd rather you kept it away from my face please.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)
you don't mean that

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:53, archived)
No means no, mcbeef.
#metoo
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:54, archived)
Gotta catch 'em all, munch.
#mewtwo
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:56, archived)
*sigh*

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:01, archived)
you'll be able to snag a mew soon. excited?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:26, archived)
Once I got my mudkip I gave up

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:30, archived)
Yup, these new research things look great, esp for the solo player

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:31, archived)
yer
I fixed my bike. It doesn't make any funny squeaks or grunts or groans any more. Unlike my sphincter.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:57, archived)
I've got some bad news for you m8
www.physics-astronomy.com/2017/06/nasa-wants-to-probe-uranus-in-search-of.html#.WrvLKS7waUk
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:58, archived)
as long as they don't stuff a rover up there, I'm ok with it

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:02, archived)
^Bumdog millionaire

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:31, archived)
Pics pls so I can be all judgemental and shit

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:28, archived)
I'm waiting for it to stop snowing so that I can take it outside and get a glamour shot

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:36, archived)
HI RICHARD MCBEEF OFF OF THE INTERNET

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)
HULLO PAL
GOT ANYTHING FUN PLANNED WITH THE FAMILY THIS LONG WEEKEND, OR ARE YOU THE SORT OF CUNT WHO GOES TO SOMEWHERE SHIT LIKE CENTERPARCS, YOU KNOW, LIKE MONSTER MUNCH
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)
Where should I take my family, oh wise one?
You can't say "London".
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:03, archived)
Chagford, Devon
It's lovely
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:03, archived)
Do they have water slides?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
certainly not

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:19, archived)
Really? I've got, like, four

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)
Booooooring.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
I AM NOT THAT SORT OF CUNT, IN FACT I HAVE A RATHER SNOBBISH VIEW THAT CENTERPARCS IS IN FACT JUST AN EXPENSIVE VERSION OF BUTLINS FOR HORRID PEOPLE WHO ARE RICH ENOUGH TO NOT HAVE TO GO TO BUTLINS BUT TOO STUPID TO GO ANYWHERE BETTER

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
Ooh, I'm someone's definition of rich.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:16, archived)
I didn't mean you
if I remember correctly your wife made you save up specially so you could go somewhere better than butlins
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)
We didn't have to "save up" for it, but I wouldn't be heading back there on a regular basis.
V. pricey for what it is, although certainly a cut above our usual Haven getaways.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:55, archived)
YOU HAVE IT EXACTLY

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)
AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, NO I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING FUN PLANNED FOR THE SIX DAYS I HAVE OFF WORK, INSTEAD I AM PLANNING TO CLEAR LOADS OF OLD CRAP OUT OF THE LOFT IN ANTICIPATION OF SOMEONE CONVERTING IT INTO A BEDROOM

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:24, archived)
YES YOU HEARD ME, SIX DAYS!!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:26, archived)
As someone who has recently cleared a loft
I will be with you, in spirit, every step of the way x
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:27, archived)
I'd prefer if you were actually up there lugging down the thousands of books that for some reason my wife thought should live there

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:40, archived)
I've done my time, thank you
All I'm willing to offer right now, is moral support
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:42, archived)
I helped my mate insulate his the other day
300mm like a pro
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:44, archived)
GS?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:47, archived)
even insulated his hatch

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:48, archived)
you dirty bitch

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:52, archived)
COOOOOLLLLLLL

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:38, archived)
you are a noisy boy

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:03, archived)
SORRY M8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:04, archived)
It's just that I'm sat right here
you don't need to shout
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:05, archived)
all this typing in caps is exhausting too

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:07, archived)
is there a reason why we associate capital letters with aggression?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:08, archived)

We are accustomed to capital letters denoting some level of importance, like the beginning of a sentence, or a proper name. We are also unaccustomed (or, at least we were pre-internet) to seeing type in all caps outside of aggressive sales advertisements.

A single word in all caps amongst other words gives that word an extra emphasis, and draws more attention to itself. A vocal equivalent would be a spoken word that is vocalised louder than other words. This is why writing in all caps is taken as "shouting" online; shouting is aggressive.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:09, archived)
shouting doesn't have to be aggressive, you could be spuring somebody on

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:10, archived)
or they might be too far away to hear
in fact given that everyone is far away it makes more sense to shout online
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:13, archived)
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)
I shout the words as I type if they are in caps

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:11, archived)
One of our customers does all her emails in caps. Mind you, she's thick as shit so probably doesn't realise.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:34, archived)
Oh, and she says U and PLS when writing to senior management.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:36, archived)
good heavens

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:36, archived)
I suspect they have a quota to fulfil, summat along the lines of "people who shouldn't be in their current job"

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:41, archived)
NOPE. STILL HALF LEFT MA8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:11, archived)
u nutter

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:14, archived)
i'm mad, me

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:17, archived)
RIP

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:36, archived)
I like that guy

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:39, archived)
Wiv da angle's now

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:42, archived)
CLASSIC!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)
Y

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:45, archived)
GUD LOL

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:57, archived)
Not bad
Only 3 days to chocolate and roast lamb day
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:56, archived)
I'm having my Easter tomorrow

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 11:57, archived)
you mean you are nailing a jew to a cross?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:00, archived)
alright Corbyn

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:06, archived)
alright

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:06, archived)
Could do it the other way round

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:08, archived)
standard

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:13, archived)
But it's good Friday
Are you going to have chocolate fish?
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:22, archived)
I'm having a full lamb roast

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:27, archived)
On a Friday?
You wildcard!
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:35, archived)

i.imgur.com/XacKUvw.gif
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:44, archived)
Probably caused a serious traffic accident.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:56, archived)
Really, though, a single leg ought to suffice.
Unless: www.thespruce.com/lamb-on-a-spit-1705925
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:42, archived)
ACTUALLY, YES I AM, FEEL MUCH BETTER TODAY.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:13, archived)
GR8, M8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:22, archived)
Funny how a day as bad as yesterday makes you have a think.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:20, archived)
glad to hear it
even though you were so rude about me t'other day
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:27, archived)
light him up

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 12:38, archived)
Boss took me out for lunch and we had a chat and I feel much better

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:19, archived)
sounds like it got sexual
good for you
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:22, archived)
Feeling sick
Going home
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:00, archived)
^snowflake

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:02, archived)
Catch me on your tongue and I disappear

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:04, archived)
strikey g ousside how bow da?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:10, archived)
Stroke a gay MORE LIKE

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:28, archived)
standard

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 13:31, archived)
morning
there's a blizzard going on outside
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:14, archived)
mo'n

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:16, archived)
'mon then, cunt

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:27, archived)
'mover here and say that
fucknuts
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:53, archived)
Hi mate.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:38, archived)
how's the bataclan?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:12, archived)
^ WoW WAN party?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:41, archived)
I miss LAN parties.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:49, archived)
The idea of lugging a big, beige box and crt round to a mate's house never struck me as entirely practical.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 7:53, archived)
Lol old.
We had micro towers and lcd.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:00, archived)
Lol young.
We had micro dots of lsd.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:50, archived)
Have you seen some of the stuff going on with micro-dosing lsd as a lifestyle drug?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:55, archived)
I want in on this trend

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:58, archived)
I'm tripping as I type this

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
lol, dyspraxic

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)
I have indeed
Research into psychedelics could be massive - so many interesting possibilities
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:06, archived)
plus lots of sitting round with your mates laughing your arse off

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:15, archived)
Wasn't that what got Lance Armstrong in trouble?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:27, archived)
no he cheated by stretching his legs longer so he could cycle quicker

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:35, archived)
and by removing one of his bollocks to be more streamlined

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)
i don't remember that being part of the advertising
was his remaining bollock stretchy too?
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:38, archived)
very, very stretchy indeed.
Stretchy Armstrong, they called him
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:40, archived)
that's a catchy name!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:40, archived)
I never understood the point of Stretch Armstrong
once you've stretched him out a bit...then what? And you can get batman version now too.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:59, archived)
dunno, never had one

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:05, archived)
fat lot of good YOU are

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:09, archived)
AND a good lot of fat

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:18, archived)
A lot of toys are like that, though.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)
I made that up myself, cool huh

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:04, archived)
what were the alternatives, in 1998?
it took us about 2 hours to set up a Command and Conquer match between four people across modems, when you had to disconnect to call your mate's house to ask him what his IP address was.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:13, archived)
Lol old.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:13, archived)
Go out and socialise with non-spotty dweebs?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:51, archived)
yer, when you're skint and 15 and you live in the middle of the Thanet cabbage fields
top advice there
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:59, archived)
lol, unlucky

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:09, archived)
I was basically Charlie, without the chocolate factory

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:20, archived)

chocolate factory intricate network of underground tunnels
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:29, archived)
swattin' grrrmachine with a big palm tree y/n

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:38, archived)
you lost me

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:46, archived)
^

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)
you pair of idiots

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:58, archived)
Napalm will find you though

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:05, archived)
the penny has dropped
I also don't surf
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:14, archived)
Oh, I see.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:39, archived)
Multitap and a copy of Micro Machines on the Mega Drive?
Local multilayer is better than online, in my opinion.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:03, archived)
I had micro machines on the Amiga
my brother wrote his own serial link connector for multiplayer over two amigas, and that was epic in 1994.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:21, archived)
My social group owned a mishmash of commodores, ataris, spectrums, pcs and segas.
The idea of linking any of them together would have been ludicrous. Shame, as amigas and ataris were reasonably portable.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:28, archived)

group worker
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:30, archived)
I set up a LAN in my student house
Unreal Tournament and Red Alert 2 for dayzzz
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:12, archived)
yeah, I was in a student tower block, we had cat 5 running out of windows and down corridors.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:13, archived)
good toimes
I made a mint selling cat 5 cables on ebay when domestic broadband became a thing.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:21, archived)
lol, nerd

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:04, archived)
There's a hurricane going on inside
Fucking spaghetti
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:14, archived)
Eminem's firstzzzz

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:15, archived)
the snow here is going sideways, and occasionally up

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:21, archived)
Just glad there's no snow here
I'm cold enough as it is
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:42, archived)
i want to know more about the daily express front page

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:36, archived)
it's prolly a pic of St Margaret's Bay instead of Dover
cos that bit of the cliff is more picturesque
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:46, archived)
wash my feet

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:44, archived)
wash your own fucking feet

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:45, archived)
Glorious sunshine here in elite, affluent London

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:52, archived)
EASTER

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:54, archived)
Going to do a full Easter roast lamb extravaganza 2moz with the nipper
There's a night in Shoreditch I quite fancy for Saturday night after she's gone home. Keyword: fuckin' shoe.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
That's 2 words

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:28, archived)
do you get a different sun there?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 8:59, archived)
must do because many people are extremely brown, black even

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:05, archived)
pfff

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:07, archived)
strikey-g a to e!!!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:43, archived)
no way, you're crazy!!!

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:05, archived)
yes

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:01, archived)
hi, fellow soulie

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:09, archived)
got my flares and v neck sweater for the all nighter
*pivots*
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:22, archived)
Just sewing a couple of new badges on my vest
*talcs*
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:31, archived)
E.L.P

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:21, archived)
i just had a look and no it isn't

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:22, archived)
you should ban him for this

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:26, archived)
maybe it's a different outside

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:29, archived)
from the rest of this thread, i'm going to assume you're not that experienced with 'outside'

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:38, archived)
oh yeah, and how many consoles do you own, you shut-in?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:50, archived)
2, or 4 if you count ones that are somewhere in the loft

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:03, archived)
nerd

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:15, archived)
yeah. wanna make somethin' of it, ya puke?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:24, archived)
oh, the power gloves are off now, are they?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:31, archived)
you're the glass joe to my little mac

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:38, archived)
shut up, nerd

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:55, archived)
amateur

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:16, archived)
i had more but got rid of them/they broke
the dreamcast and ps2 are presumably still kicking somewhere but guitar hero aside, there's nothing worth dragging them out for
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:23, archived)
oh, half of these are not exactly ready to rock
But I have 7 currently in the house. I gave one away and lost another.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:32, archived)
i sold my wii u under dire financial circumstances
the ps3 and 360 broke. the mega drive hasn't worked for years. i gave the snes away. there is a gamecube somewhere actually so i revise my answer to 5
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:38, archived)
Hollow out the broken mega drive and bung a pi in there?
Bonus nerd points if you can get the original controllers connected.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:48, archived)
Hi huns
Just checking in...
No snow here but it is parky.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:30, archived)
we call them 'Asians' these days m8

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:32, archived)
Oh, sorry...
Hi Asians!
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:43, archived)
:)

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:11, archived)
some doddering old northerner keeps asking you intimate questions?

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:45, archived)
not raining on the way to work
counts as a win
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:30, archived)
DLR strike is still on, which makes my commute a bit of an anus

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:34, archived)
Ugh, you have my sympathy
There was a woman speaking noisily into her mobile phone on the train. Banging on about how she's crap at maths and can't spell. Then she went on to bitch about some girl she knows who "thinks she's soooooooo clever"

Thankfully she got off at Portchy.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)

clever off of "Sooty", member
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:40, archived)
nice

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:01, archived)
eurgh, portchester people are worse than hitler

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:41, archived)
i know right

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:03, archived)
wow, you get to go on the DLR every day
i am jealous
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:44, archived)
There's a bit near the O2 that goes up and down a bit,
like the world's gentlest roller-coaster!
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 9:58, archived)
exactly
it just feels like the most whimsical mode of public transport
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:06, archived)
It's awesome

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:10, archived)
I'm glad everyone can enjoy a bit of train chat

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:16, archived)
I must say, the train journey into work is a lot better than the bus
The walk is longer at both ends, but it's a better journey overall.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:19, archived)
there's an old railway station down the road from me
it turned into a dumping ground for old steam locos in the '70s which are still there as a half-arsed musuem.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 10:30, archived)
Hey folks,
work is a real pain in the arse at the minute and nearly got in a punch up with a contractor today. The bank holiday weather looks like a load of poo and my bum thing has come back, probably triggered by the stress.
cheer me up.
comedy forum. blog.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 20:36, archived)
You don't get paid enough to fight mate , and I've just heard my best mate Jim's missus is in a hospice now , I can't call him, I'll go see him tomorrow, shite tho, I love the fella and his missus

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 20:47, archived)
that sucks man.
a mate in crisis is awful
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 20:53, archived)
:(

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 21:18, archived)
Sorry to hear about your broken bum, Windy.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 21:19, archived)
Alright Tea
I liked your beat but your choice of acapella could have been better. How about Hardnoise's 'Untitled' next time eh. Something grittier.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 21:28, archived)
Which track you talking about? I've sent you so many, lol.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 21:30, archived)
Your most recent, 2pac lol

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:26, archived)
Oh that one. I thought the rap worked pretty well because it's about fucking and went with the visceral funky bass.
But I'll check out that other tune you mentioned. I'm pretty much a complete rap ignoramus, so do please pass on recommendations for anything that you think might sound good as an acapella over one of my choonz.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 23:21, archived)
Set it Off by Greg Nice

(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 6:55, archived)
Sounds like *someone* needs a trip to London in his diary to look forward to

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 21:22, archived)
Could we bring the dogs to the new gaff?
They are extremely well behaved and very small
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 21:38, archived)

small gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:13, archived)
Absolutely
The nipper especially would love that
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:28, archived)
You could always do a big poo in the middle of the floor and watch your dogs eat it.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:15, archived)
Love

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:24, archived)
Man+

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:29, archived)
^

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:51, archived)

Man HIV
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 23:22, archived)
it could be worse
you could be brb
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:43, archived)
If you haven't seen it already,
I recommend going to see "Ready Player One", for some tremendously enjoyable and mindless cheesy 80s nostalgia.
(, Thu 29 Mar 2018, 0:12, archived)
four o'fucking-clock thread
i hate laminate flooring. i hate some of you. talk amongst yourselves.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:00, archived)

youtu.be/FYFy8Tp2Log
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:09, archived)
ladies love em

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:11, archived)
one of those guys looks like christopher walken

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:26, archived)
Mate of mine is doing well in the world lino laying championships.
He has made the semi vinyls.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:10, archived)
Wow, hope he's a vinylist!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:12, archived)
Street Tuff

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:12, archived)
heh

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:02, archived)
cushioned flooring is where it's at

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:14, archived)
just because your mattress is on the floor, doesn't make it cushioned flooring, m8

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:18, archived)
it's not on the floor
there's no room, what with all the clothes
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:22, archived)
it would be less echoey wouldn't it
i want a carpet but we have this laminate shit for free. she's also talking about getting a fucking mural in the hallway. a fucking mural. probably of fucking lions and tigers and shit. a fucking mural. fuck.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:19, archived)
i got it fitted when i moved in
parquet in the living room, bedroom and hallway, victorian tile in the kitchen and mediterranean mosaic in the bathroom. £420 for the lot, including fitting.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:21, archived)
also, murals are pikey fucking throwback shit

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:37, archived)
no fucking shit
it's a really narrow hallway too.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:53, archived)
off-white, then
make it look less narrow and gloomy
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:57, archived)
Put up a murel of a nice terrace to the side
make it look more roomy.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:58, archived)
I don't think I've ever seen a mural on he inside of a house, before.
Still, if you can think of a better way to demonstrate one's support of Irish reunification, I'd like to hear about it.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:57, archived)
i have
it was utter wank
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:01, archived)
I wish I lived in Dave Courtney's house
thejohnfleming.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/davecourtney_sideofhouse.jpg

c8.alamy.com/comp/BHJCD2/camelot-castle-home-of-celebrity-gangster-dave-courtney-who-was-recently-BHJCD2.jpg
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:05, archived)
good god

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:09, archived)
also
Courtney Trouser
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:10, archived)
lol

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:11, archived)
I remember him choking someone on Jerry Sadowitz show

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:11, archived)
he's a complete knobber

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:11, archived)
Is he that cockney gangster that wrote for lads mags at the tail end of the 90s?
The prick.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:12, archived)
I must confess that I wasn't reading 'lads mags' at the tail end of the 90s so I can't verify this

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:21, archived)
a mate of mine has this in his house
imgur.com/gallery/ebdvS

it's fucking massive. it was a deliberately inconvenient gift for his thirtieth. it's double lol now as the girl with him on the horse is now his ex #lads #bants
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 18:47, archived)
That's you isn't it

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 18:54, archived)
i'm one of the ones in the group underneath

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 19:18, archived)
So I can see

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 20:13, archived)
Jesus, what a twat

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 18:59, archived)
m'lady

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 19:21, archived)
innit. it's 'orrible
pretty sure he's just too polite to chuck it away
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 19:29, archived)
I think it's awesome
I wish I knew someone who thought so much of me that they took the time to fucking paint something
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 20:15, archived)
Here you go.
i50.tinypic.com/2ngaff4.png
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 20:17, archived)
a naked Chinese man with no arms sitting down?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 20:22, archived)
When I was a teenager I painted a mural on one of my walls
It had stonehenge, UFOs, dragons, the all-seeing eye and loads of black and white op art shit. I might as well have written 'I AM TAKING LOADS OF ACID' in foot high letters. My mother thought it was really good.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:02, archived)
lol
no marijuana leaves?
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:04, archived)
sadly not
It was actually pretty good, I wish I'd photographed it
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:07, archived)
did she put it on the fridge?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:05, archived)
what, the wall?
No m8
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:06, archived)
shame

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:07, archived)
no aliens smoking spliffs saying "take me to your dealer." ????
shame
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:06, archived)
big shame

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:12, archived)
When I was a teenager, I just covered my walls with pictures of topless birds.
My mother thought it was better than me being gay, so there's that.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:16, archived)
is this where you were when you were reading lads mags at the tail end of the 90s?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:22, archived)
No, this would have been the mid 90s.
I used to read the likes of loaded to pass time on the bus to work, when I was at uni, but tried to look a bit more cultured by covering my walls in film posters.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 18:13, archived)
mural gay

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 18:49, archived)
get married and have your wife shit on it

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:04, archived)
I can recommend this

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:15, archived)
Pooing in the corridor is something we all do at a certain age

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 18:05, archived)
In fact, you might call it

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 19:55, archived)
"a shite of passage"!!!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:38, archived)
[Canned laughter]

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 22:38, archived)
You're an in-laminate fucking object.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 19:20, archived)
Got any pearls of wisdom?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:46, archived)
yes

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:49, archived)
no u neva

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)
righty tighty, lefty loosey

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:50, archived)
unless you're a mazda van wheel nut
as my dad found out after breaking three wheel studs
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:57, archived)
always wipe until nothing remains

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:54, archived)
wipe until the singularity, got it

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)
there's blood there now, do I have to keep wiping?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:07, archived)
of course!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:21, archived)
Who's blood?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:33, archived)
you are

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:43, archived)
s'up cripp

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:47, archived)
more than a handful's a waste

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:54, archived)
there's loads of stuff it's good to have more than a handful of though

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:07, archived)
Peanut M&M's, for instance

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:10, archived)

t M&M'
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:18, archived)
yeah, like that's a handful
thimble full perhaps
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:24, archived)
i didn't mean yours

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
oh

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)
i use andre the giant's hands as a unit of measure

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:18, archived)
a handful of sand is still a rubbish beach

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:30, archived)
not to an ant

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)
ants don't have hands though

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:53, archived)
yes they do

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)

wrong again, idiot
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:11, archived)
QUICK, post cartoon ants
d2gg9evh47fn9z.cloudfront.net/800px_COLOURBOX8299510.jpg
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:13, archived)

ost cartoon ants rotect the queen
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:15, archived)
lol

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:18, archived)
which one's the queen?!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:19, archived)

the more watermarked, the better
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:19, archived)

agreed
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)

bump
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:32, archived)

oh hi
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:43, archived)
pearl necklace of wisdom, more like

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)
you'd still wear it like a cumslut of knowledge

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)
knowledge is power, m8

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:59, archived)
"do what I say or I'll wipe it on you"

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:01, archived)
"The Jews did 9/11"

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:03, archived)
You are never too old to storm a bouncy castle

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:05, archived)
The last one we hired had a roof, door flap, Bluetooth pa and disco lights.
It was awesome.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:22, archived)
We had one for my nieces' birthday
It was closed off with a weird flappy entrance that earned it the name " the fanny bouncer"
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:26, archived)
"a vagina like a bouncy castle" isn't something I've ever considered before.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:37, archived)
Maybe you should
Just make sure you take your shoes off
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:56, archived)
pfpfpfpppfppfppfpfppfppfppfpfpfpssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:13, archived)
bloody cleats!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:18, archived)
How dare you!?!?
We've never cleated in our lives. We're drug free, you know.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:49, archived)
^Been caught tampering with balls

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:52, archived)
riiiiight......

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:14, archived)
Works very well to the tune of "Save A Prayer"
by Duran Duran
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:50, archived)
Never knock a nail in with a duck

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:06, archived)
no

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:07, archived)
It is better to be truthful and good, than to not

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:26, archived)
one could argue whether we are always truthful
do we not fall victim to our cognitive biases?
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:29, archived)
not sure lol

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:35, archived)
lol

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:35, archived)
lol bi asses

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:12, archived)
come on m8, children post on this forum

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:13, archived)
and we should teach them intolerance towards bi asses?
you sicken me
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:43, archived)
my new phone has a 'gif keyboard' ffs

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 13:54, archived)

i uf

lol
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:01, archived)
'member those little keychains that had 6 or so buttons on them
and each button was a shit sound effect like a bomb falling or a car horn or some shit?
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:10, archived)
I used to have a toy ray gun that had a sound fx box that clipped to your belt.
Pull the trigger on the gun and you'd get whichever sound effect you'd set the belt box to. One of the sounds was the classic "falling bomb" which made very little sense in the context of a small pistol.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:14, archived)
i had something like that but it mounted to the handlebars of a bike
and was shaped like one of the monster munch monsters, funnily enough
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:15, archived)

and I
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:19, archived)
hilebars?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:50, archived)
now this I do remember

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:19, archived)
didn't you have to collect tokens for those?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:42, archived)
almost certainly

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:50, archived)
"28, I was"

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:02, archived)
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrm

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)
no

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)
Bet you pronounce it "gif", too.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:10, archived)
yup, I fucken do

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)
make your bass about 6dB quieter and turn all the effects down by 50%

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)
I had mine taken out under sedation

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:34, archived)
(said Gerry McCann)

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:48, archived)
would that work with having things put in, too?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:49, archived)
You can't trust dentists
I've always said
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 15:52, archived)
11:03 and all swell
*rings bell*

alright
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:03, archived)
nooning and 04 here m8

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:04, archived)
five past noontime here

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:05, archived)
you're both clearly wrong 'uns

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
darnit, now we missed a minute

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:08, archived)
if we wait long enough it'll be 11:07 again

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:45, archived)
Not convinced by this, I've been waiting ages and it hasn't happened yet

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:36, archived)
he means 11:07pm

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:43, archived)
6 in the morning here
police at my door
Fresh Adidas squeak across the bathroom floor
Out my back window I make a escape
Don't even get a chance to grab my old school tape
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:08, archived)
Ice T's real name is 'Tracy Marrow' lol

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:09, archived)
Here's Ice T promoting some abysmal 90s Polish pop
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIBWQUG56_s

Dunno what was in it for him.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:10, archived)
Ice T is a real treat on the Audiobook edition of The Legend of Drizzt.
He's clearly baffled by the whole thing.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:22, archived)
Pickled gherkin, more like

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:27, archived)
I've made a few escapes out my back window this morning IYKWIM

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:10, archived)
time is an abstract concept
*salivates*

alright
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:12, archived)
yes

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:13, archived)
meanwhile, on Imgur
imgur.com/gallery/JlQep8Z
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:13, archived)
I, too, am an As Man.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:24, archived)
you're as man as anybody

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:46, archived)

i'm an as man!
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:06, archived)
great gimmick for a great guy

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:17, archived)
monty sopp!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:22, archived)

i.makeagif.com/media/5-27-2015/97lFsT.gif
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:17, archived)
Dr Cosmo Kramer, proctologist

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:33, archived)
I dunno what's gone on here, but the comments make the story intriguing
www.kentonline.co.uk/canterbury/news/fisherman-injured-in-lake-attack-180431/
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:14, archived)
yer, lots of people pitching in defending the attacker

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:17, archived)
DigDave put it better than any of us could

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:45, archived)
Nice to see that my style of internet English is normal for Kent.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:52, archived)
he looks like Holly Johnson, just sayin

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:51, archived)
Americanos...blue jeans and chinos...coke, pepsi and oreos!
there
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:54, archived)
finally the treatment I need
when is this going to be available on the nhs?
metro.co.uk/2016/03/14/taking-lsd-for-breakfast-helps-you-beat-your-facebook-addiction-5751904/
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:23, archived)
Weetatrips

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:29, archived)
Frost-e's

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
Coke pops

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
Special Ketamine

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:31, archived)
Dunkin' Microdotnuts

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:33, archived)
is that image an accurate representation of a trip?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:29, archived)
100%, spot on

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:35, archived)
not sure I want my eyes to turn into an 8-bit loading screen tbh

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:39, archived)
you're missing out

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:18, archived)
If you're not in the swim, +

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 17:43, archived)
Not sure that aimlessly riding the buses around town is much of an improvement over aimlessly scrolling through Facebook.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:35, archived)
Gets you outside though, plus increases your chance of dying in an RTA

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:40, archived)
i never once used facebook on the countless times i dropped acid, i didn't even use the internet or a mobile phone

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:55, archived)
I did three tabs pretty much every weekend for about two years and to this day I don't have a Facebook account
Really makes you think
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:18, archived)
I just hope that with this and hashtag delete facebook Rob has paid the server company for the extra bandwidth b3ta is going to need as people flock back

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:23, archived)
what if rob's been selling all our data?
we'll have to move to voat
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:48, archived)
morning

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 6:03, archived)
hi ho

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 6:24, archived)
alright Lone Ranger

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 7:16, archived)
dwarf cowboys need ladders

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 7:45, archived)
Howdy pilGrimnir.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:18, archived)
Meh.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 7:12, archived)
you made it this far

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 7:18, archived)
Where's my participation trophy?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:55, archived)
fuck off you millennial prick

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:57, archived)
Aren't we Generation X?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:07, archived)
alright 'Billy Idol'

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)
playing with myself, more like

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:13, archived)
lol

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)
That's just rude, mcbeef.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:30, archived)
chortle

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:43, archived)
That boy sure loves himself the Edit button.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:52, archived)
strikey-g edith bowman

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)
Alright, Avid Merrion.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:04, archived)
depends who you ask
For some the cutoff is 1980, for others it's 84. I'm slap-bang in the middle of that but I'm not a fucking millennial.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:40, archived)
'78, so I get to have a floppy fringe, wear lumberjack shirts and disparage everything with a shrug,
without any trace of irony.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:42, archived)
lol old

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:13, archived)
*shrugs*

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:18, archived)


(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:19, archived)
well, if that's how it's defined - yes you are

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)
typical fucking millenial

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:32, archived)
right?
all 'ooh, i'm so special. the rules don't apply to me'
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:47, archived)
one study defines it one way, another study defines it a different way
I meet the definition of one but not the other. Unless I'm some sort of quantum millennial.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:48, archived)
Followed about by a holographic Dean Stockwell?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:49, archived)
i replied to your deleted post
i hope you're happy. murderer.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:49, archived)
I hope you've learned a valuable lesson.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:57, archived)
yes. you SHOULD be banned

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)
it really doesn't matter though

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)
just a label innit
and I can only name 3 pokemon. Maybe 4.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:51, archived)
go on then, it may be more than you think!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)
Pikachu obvs
then there's charizard the orange one, blastoise the green one and squirtle the blue one. If the pink one's called jigglypuff then that's five.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
close, blastoise and squirtle are both blue
one evolves from t'other (eventually). it's bulba/ivy/venusaur that you want for green guys
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:46, archived)
I don't really know what you're saying
but I'll take your word for it
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 12:00, archived)
I must be millennial-by-proxy.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:01, archived)
Smiles

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 7:37, archived)
with your mouth, or somewhere else?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 7:53, archived)
My bum

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 7:56, archived)
pert

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:04, archived)
Squirt

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:13, archived)
squart

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:03, archived)
It's wazzing it down and the DLR is on strike
Ffs
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:15, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE1ct5yEuVY
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:19, archived)

The most important skill in staying calm is not to loose sleep over small issues. The second most important skill is to be able to view all issues as small issues.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:21, archived)
This is what happens when you give equal rights to computers
Machine Apartheid now!!1
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:22, archived)
That's the stupid thing eh
The 'drivers' are only on the trains to reassure passengers, they do fuck all and they could run the whole service without them. Wankers
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:29, archived)
Ready to take control if it suddenly goes all skynet, though

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:43, archived)
I got in to an argument with a bloke on the picket for the uni pensions thing.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:32, archived)
Good work
I've been booked to DJ in the West End on April 28th. Problem is that it is also my wife's birthday and I'm taking her to Tom Kerridge's restaurant (1h 15min out of London) as a surprise. This double-booking is going to require some serious plate-spinning but I think I can just about make it work.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:35, archived)
McBeef carboard cutout with articulated arm and a mix tape
at least for the first half an hour.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:40, archived)
I reckon I can get there for about half ten
Hopefully this is OK for all parties

I will be gutted if I can't do it, if I'm honest. I'm only doing an hour so my wife won't be a DJ widow on her birthday
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:44, archived)
Send her to the toilets with some shoe
there will probably be a queue for the ladies loos so it'll take her that long to get in, get a shoe on and get back.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:59, archived)
good thinking

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
This has got sit-com written all over it

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:47, archived)
shit-vom more like

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:52, archived)
depends on where you're DJ'ing and where you're eating, I suppose

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:53, archived)
Eating: Marlow, Buckinghamshire
DJing: near Oxford Circus

If I get a cab to the venue from Paddington it won't take more than 10mins or so. I can do this, I reckon
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:58, archived)
so, shit in one, vom in the other
seems pretty straightforward
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:59, archived)
ah but which way round?
decisions, decisions
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:01, archived)
I'd say get the shit out of the way first
Worst case scenario, you need to spew while DJ'ing. Easier to turn away from the decks and throw up, than run off for a shit.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:04, archived)
I've given this some careful thought, as you can see

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:05, archived)
but I could spew into the wine bucket whilst eating
and just crap myself whilst on the 'ones and twos'
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
Yeah, but a) it's your wife's birthday. Does she really want to watch you puke?
and b) think of your trousers and shoes, m8. You'd have to get all the way home with warm crap all over you. Your clothes will be ruined.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:10, archived)
*sigh*
I suppose so
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)
shit and puke in the taxi m8
you're welcome
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:17, archived)
Ideally half-in and half-out of the window
so there's a big puke-streak down the side of both sides of the door
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:25, archived)
I've got three words for you m8:
jive bunny megamix
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:57, archived)
standard

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:58, archived)
C-C-C-Come on everybody!

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:07, archived)
one two one two one-wa-one wa-one

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:10, archived)
You've done this before, I can tell

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)
lol c-c-c-come

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:41, archived)
disgusting

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:08, archived)
Have you thought about cloning yourself?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:59, archived)
do you know what, I haven't actually

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:09, archived)
YouTube tutorial.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)

No, YOUtube tutorial, m8
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)
I've thought about cloning him

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:16, archived)
Two billy idol references in one thread, you are spoiling us

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:58, archived)
Scab.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
He didn't seem to understand that although I worked for the university,
My pension had already been ruined. And it was fellows and professors that are now upset are the ones on the committee that voted for mine to be changed.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:13, archived)
ah but this is different because they stand to lose a lot more money

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)
He tried the "not a race to the bottom argument" and I agreed with him in principle.
But that it was difficult to support someone when they've already fucked you.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:33, archived)
Isn't it wonderful how the gradual dismantling of the union movement has effectively pitched "us" against each other,
whilst "them" are sitting pretty?
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:33, archived)
suits me fine
down with the ghastly proles, they've got too uppity
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:40, archived)
I'm still waiting for the violent uprising that will see the likes of you publicly hanged.
Any day now, I'm sure.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:45, archived)
I shall simply release the hounds on them

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:33, archived)
Don't start.
It's not us vs them. I'm pretty pro union and striking on the whole. Until someone who has actually been involved in my personal loss of pension benefit asks for my help
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:50, archived)
That's exactly it, though.
The right thing would have been for them to stand up for your pension, and you to stand up for theirs in turn.

If I've judged the current mood right, this is the point where I single out the International Jewish Banking Conspiracy as the real enemy...
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:57, archived)
Yid scum

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:15, archived)
Alright, Corbyn.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:19, archived)
#topical

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:34, archived)
You got the joke!
Have a biscuit.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:41, archived)
It's a drizzly Wednesday morning in London
McBeef is annoyed already and this is my last day at work before the Easter break.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:32, archived)
It's overcast but dry here
but bearing in mind we work Friday but have next monday off, here's the long weekend forecast.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:44, archived)
wednesday

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:44, archived)
that's what my socks say

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:47, archived)
Grrry's puppet show weather section is bang-on again

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:26, archived)
super cres

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:42, archived)
I'm having to make small talk with a plumber, any tips?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:55, archived)
what do you think of all the Poles then?
What's your favourite spanner?
Want a biscuit?
Seen much flange recently?
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:58, archived)
Tell him you think Brexit supporters are disgusting, thick peasants

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 8:59, archived)
I bet you've seen some pipes in your time eh?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:01, archived)
*some sort of weak mario joke*

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:03, archived)
Get right to the fucking.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:03, archived)
tell him that you've always been in awe of people like him
because what he does is so complicated, you'd never be able to wrap your head around it. Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:03, archived)
go on to say that it's not just his trade specifically, but all of the working class that you admire
what a great bunch of lads. And girls of course! Haha.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:06, archived)
he just explained to me what the problem was and what he is doing to fix it so I had to admit that I didn't have a fucking clue what he was on about

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:14, archived)
and then we fucked

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:15, archived)
well there you go then
you should tell him so
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:16, archived)
you mean you stared at him blankly while he chastised you for flushing your condoms

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:43, archived)
wanna fuck?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:03, archived)
ok, let me get rid of this plumber first

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:17, archived)
just get your balls out and say "well...what do you think?"

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:05, archived)
Check out my plums

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
show him your scabby vegan testes and ask him if he thinks you should be worried

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)
ask his views on press fit

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:28, archived)

pre cro
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:43, archived)
[Dull bicycle-related reply here]

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:56, archived)
Plumbers are all scum

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:55, archived)
but not all scummers are plumb

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:08, archived)
Friend of mine has posted some shit on FB
about how awful the rat race is, some image with school-college-job-death and how terrible that is. Problem is, he's posted this while on a year out in India while his father pays all his costs, same dad who has paid for this guy's drug debts, extended stays in rehab, house, unpaid tax bill etc. The words "bit fucking rich" come to mind.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
I'd say something

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:09, archived)
but then I'm a massive prick

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)
I'd tell him to hit the skag

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)
or ask him what he's doing for work while he's out there

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:17, archived)
Tell him you agree - and that in fact every other Boomtown Rats track is equally awful

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)
I was about to dispute this
until I remembered that Gary Gilmore's Eyes isn't by the Boomtown Rats. Sorry.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)
You're thinking of Rat Trap
Rat Race is The Specials and is a brilliant tune
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:29, archived)
You're one of 'the specials' m8

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)
Oh stick it up your bum

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:48, archived)
The Specials were shit m8

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:37, archived)
Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:39, archived)
Proper Jamaican ska is great, Prince Buster and so on
Late 70s ska revival by cunts from the Midlands...? No.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:42, archived)
Elton John's "Jamaica Jerk-Off" is the greatest reggae track of all time.

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:51, archived)

reggae track specialist video
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:57, archived)
When I heard he was to be in "The Golden Circle" I had high hopes.
But it turned out not to be a porno.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:00, archived)
Elton John porn? It would look like someone was being banged by a dinner lady

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:05, archived)
Well, I'll admit they're no 10cc but still...

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:54, archived)
ask him who paid for his flights
and where that money came from
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:44, archived)
Naaah, why bother?
He's deeply fucked up and starting a "look how privileged you are" argument would not sort anything out. What makes me roll my eyes is he's a die-hard tory, gets very angry about the idea of the state supporting people, bangs on about how people should be self-sufficient, yet he's a fucking trustafarian with a dad who bails him out of every problem he's gotten himself into.

Oh, what's the point - he's got his world view, I've got mine, easiest to find instances when we see things the same as neither of us are going to fundamentally change the other's mind.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:04, archived)
Kick his fucking head in

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:18, archived)
This is the kind of bold and radical thinking we need more of

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:39, archived)
alright

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:08, archived)
alright

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:14, archived)
word

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 9:42, archived)
'Sup?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:08, archived)
just finished greasing my balls
ball bearings, on my bike
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:11, archived)
Did you have your face right down for the rim?
How's your seat? Any tearing?
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:13, archived)
I was in such a funny angle for so long that my fingers have cramped up

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:20, archived)
If ball removal is difficult, brace your tool against the flange

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)
Do I need a specialist crimping tool?

(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 11:12, archived)
I think Christopher Wylie may well be the biggest fucking wanker of all time.
He's doing some good things by owning up to Cambridge Analytica's shenanigans but my god he looks like a cunt eh
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:52, archived)
fuck my life
a man that is friends with Bill Gates just came to my house
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:01, archived)
that was me

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:04, archived)
no way!
i'm bill gates!
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:08, archived)
cool
see you at Sean's BBQ on Sunday
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:17, archived)
it's not on /calendar

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:22, archived)
Nothing is
since joysponge mcoverreact waded in
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 19:05, archived)
I think there's at most one serious bash a year on there

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 19:18, archived)
And plenty of "conferences"
I dunno, it's one rule for spambots....
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 19:19, archived)
shame

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 19:32, archived)
I gave up after nobody wanted to come to the lake with me :(

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 19:21, archived)
oh
:(
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 19:32, archived)
It can't be anti going to the lake so it's clearly me putting them off, bet they'd go with that Dean macey prick

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 19:50, archived)
Where do we go from here?
Down to the lake, I fear.
La la la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la.
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 10:46, archived)
The fact he sent Ian McKaskell out with such shit hurricane info still spins my nut.

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 20:55, archived)
Woe is you.
I'm stuck in an Easter school assembly. Care to swap?
(, Wed 28 Mar 2018, 4:05, archived)
lol wylie

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:03, archived)
Next thing she's wearing my rolex

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:22, archived)

www.reddit.com/r/DIY/comments/84mhaf/i_made_a_watch/
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 23:55, archived)
suit with a lol wacky dyed hair

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:04, archived)
Oh him
Yeah he looks like a knob
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:04, archived)
wanna cyber with him?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:08, archived)
sure why not

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:47, archived)
Oh, him.
The one time I turned up at work with pink hair, I got sent home.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:40, archived)
strikey-g wile e coyote blowing up road runner

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:10, archived)
Lol gud 1 lol

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:16, archived)
I'm not saying his look would prevent me taking anything he said seriously,
wait no actually I am saying that.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:21, archived)
At 28, you'd expect him to have grown out of dying his hair pink.
Or at least dyed his beard to match.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:44, archived)
i'm really upset, how do you cheer yourselves up?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:53, archived)
www.b3ta.com/talk

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:57, archived)
www.b3ta.com/talk

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:58, archived)
www.b3ta.com/talk

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:59, archived)
By the way 2T
how much would someone need to pay you to drink a can of Castlemaine?
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:00, archived)
from context, I shall assume this message is aimed at me
not much. 50p a can?
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:01, archived)
You can't hate it THAT much then
(yes, today I'm typoing for Inkland)
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:05, archived)
well it depends on how badly the patron wants me to drink it
I'm saying that 50p per can is my minimum
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:06, archived)
I bet that the Scottish government haven't taken this element of the minimum pricing policy into account

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:10, archived)
you're tooty now

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:57, archived)
*sigh*
I know
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:03, archived)
And the blowhole

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:39, archived)
have a wank
at www.b3ta.com/talk
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:03, archived)
Thanks for the advice some time ago
my thumb is much better now.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:06, archived)
www.b3ta.com/chat

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)
i heard those guys are the real cunts

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:48, archived)
you heard right m8

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:42, archived)
furious air guitaring

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:11, archived)
Oooh, good call!
what's your top 5 for windmilling?
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:16, archived)
god gave rock and roll to you, bill and ted version
down with the sickness, you shook me all night long, battle stations and fast as a shark
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)
Bill and teds bogus journey
has an excellent soundtrack.

Drinking again.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:55, archived)
It has indeed
I may watch it later
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:58, archived)
I get the girls round for a night of Bridget & Dirty Dancing :) :) :)

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:11, archived)
cor!
I'm wetter than a spastic's chin thinking about this
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:27, archived)

& the Midget
Dancing Videos
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:56, archived)
i count all the money i've made from modding www.b3ta.com/talk

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 16:57, archived)
I wish I'd accepted that gig, in retrospect
my life was just headed in a different direction at the time, you know?
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:03, archived)
I wish you'd taken it too, this guy is a joke.

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:07, archived)
ah well

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:09, archived)
don't look back in anger

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:33, archived)
>:(

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:42, archived)
i heard they turned you down due to your absurd and allegedly perverted demands

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:50, archived)
temporary chevron

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 17:50, archived)
I drink heavily and watch videos like this:

youtu.be/PdaaGlyu7EQ

And this:

youtu.be/usFFKNRB2z8
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 18:22, archived)
This was me, m8s
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-43553317
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:12, archived)
It'll need ch-ch-changing

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:16, archived)
5/7

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:23, archived)
Is it pronounced bowie or bowie?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:28, archived)
To rhyme with zowie (also spelled duncan)

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:29, archived)
neither
it's pronounced 'bowie'
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:29, archived)
a-wuz-a-wuz-a-wuz-a-wuz

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:35, archived)

i.redditmedia.com/v4rBGvw1_9cuL7z3h-ElyNqfTceN3F2qXu8i3AAN28o.jpg?w=799&s=b7d9fd57ba0cee60b6990764fdc99337
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:45, archived)
pah, level 3
amateur
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:49, archived)
bowely

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:36, archived)
a TRUE Londoner once explained it's pronounced as in bow, not the bow and arrow or row the boat but
bow before someone or a nice fisticuffs
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:42, archived)
that's wrong

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)
not saying I believed it since the whole world seems to be saying it right
just spamming /talk with others nonsense
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:00, archived)
nope

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:49, archived)
About time! I'm sick of statutes taking all our food and jobs

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:39, archived)
I'm pissing rusty water out my bumhole
♫ Woah lord I got the mcbeefs ♬
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:41, archived)
I can say that in Portuguese
Cagei agua maron!
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)
Caguei água marrom
♬ pare de mãe eu tenho os mcbeefs ♫
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)
this only needs an accordian and 4 chords to be a hit in Brazil

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:25, archived)
Get yer bass out and lets get us a hit

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:27, archived)

b
+s
lol
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:29, archived)
rude

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:34, archived)
you know your problem?
you care too much about the homeless
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:48, archived)
The homeless round here eat very well,
People are always buying them burgers and stuff from maccas. I don't understand it, you're just encouraging them, let the buggers starve. I was hungry and I decided o needed work, so I went and got a job, and now I'm transport manager, so if I can do it why can't they?
Handouts make it worse. Giving them money makes it worse. Starve them. They'll learn.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:05, archived)
look, if it wasn't you who did it, then just say
you don't have to make a song and dance about it
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:06, archived)
i can't look at that picture of his soaped-up face
without thinking that statue has been having more fun than me
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 15:38, archived)
If someone gave you 50 quid, what would you spend it on?
That's the last of my company budget for this fiscal period.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)
50 scratch cards

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:22, archived)
+n sniff

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)
I'd get mcbeef in to do a set

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:23, archived)
what about the other 45 quid?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:24, archived)

e har
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:28, archived)
Vaseline, pair of crotchless tights, latex gloves and a Mars bar

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:24, archived)
mothers day was last week m8

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)
30 square foot of cork flooring

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:27, archived)
Braw!

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:28, archived)
Have t and g chipboard with that

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:31, archived)
Dunno. Could do with some more socks.
So maybe socks. And a t-shirt.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
bivvy pegs

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)
is that like half a set of tent pegs?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:37, archived)
i would think its more pegs than a tent a similar size
aquaproducts.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=12_29&products_id=310
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:38, archived)
they look like you could do some serious damage with them

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:43, archived)
many anglers don't like hammering pegs in due to vibration near the lake so they make them sharp and strong to get in hard ground

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:46, archived)
is that superstition or are fish genuinely that easily scared off?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:55, archived)
they are very easy spooked, and big carp who've been around a while are extremely cautious, it's why we try and make our rigs undetectable

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:59, archived)
I need some new shoes,
so shoes, I suppose.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:32, archived)
You're at the point of no return m8

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:34, archived)
you've been infected with McBeef's Disease m8
don't start any food threads or you'll shart yourself by sundown.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:36, archived)
where on Earth does one get shoes for 50 squid?!

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:33, archived)
shoe zone

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:43, archived)
I don't think I've ever paid more than £50 for a pair of shoes.
The ones I'm wearing now I got from a Clarks outlet store, probably £25 - I resent paying top dollar for shoes just for work.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:23, archived)
Then what happened?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:57, archived)
25 2 quid scratch cards

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:37, archived)
^ high roller

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:38, archived)
My nan gives me a £5 scratch card for my birthday
and I never win. I'd rather have the fiver, but I don't want to sound ungrateful.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:53, archived)
she's living vicariously through you
my great-aunt used to send every one of her grand-neices and nephews a quid in the post for their birthdays, right up until she died at the age of 91.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:00, archived)
i used to get one irish punt from my dads mum, don't think she realised it was worth about 60p

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:08, archived)
"You ungrateful fucking shit fucking wanker cunt dick."
Direct quote from your nan.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:25, archived)
Just bought my nipper Donkey Kong Country Returns for her 3DS, so that.
It was listed on some prick website in a list of 'best 3DS games of all time' so I thought it was worth a crack.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:38, archived)
any occassion?
or just cos you're a Bloody Good Dad?
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:44, archived)
I feel desperately sorry for her at the moment
When I pick her up, her mum opens the door as little as she can and basically shoves her out. She's not stupid, she knows she's in the middle of yet more conflict and to be honest it breaks my heart. I just thought a little gift might be well received.

#comedywebsite
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:48, archived)
my ex was having a chat with my son in the car about gangs, she told him never agree to deliver packages for people even if the offer you new trainers, i said no, you must never do that, you ask for cash, how we laughed

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 11:57, archived)
heh
Top class parenting
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:01, archived)
she was a bit flustered last week, 2 kids in her school had their house broken into and watched their brother get stabbed up, the 7 year old told her that he told his 5 year old brother to stay in the other room, then rushed to the bathroom to get towels

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:05, archived)
jesus

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:06, archived)
7 kids in the family, old mans inside doing a 9 stretch for statutory rape, but was a high ranking gang member, the one who got stabbed had been running county lines for a while, only 14

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:10, archived)
mental

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:11, archived)
Ah, one of 'those' families eh

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:14, archived)
Nah darkies

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:15, archived)
oh right, I was thinking white trash

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:23, archived)
They're more shooty
this lot were stabby
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:52, archived)
lineman for the county eh

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:43, archived)
records
should get free delivery with that too
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:01, archived)
all online now
www.fish-uk.com/uk_rod_caught_fish_records.htm
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:07, archived)
I'd forgotten that there were websites more out of date than b3ta

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:11, archived)
pay rob to shut the site down

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:26, archived)
Good idea.

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:28, archived)
Wasn't Frank going to buy it at one point?
that should totally happen, this place is dead on its arse without him as owner
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:31, archived)
unfortunately rob would accept payment in crayons so the deal fell through

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:37, archived)
there was some cunt who threatened to pay for it to be shut down
it wasn't frank though
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:05, archived)
it was me, m8

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:07, archived)
tenner on the gas, tenner on the lecky, a bottle of gordon's, some tonic water and a nice piece of steak

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:38, archived)
I bought my mum some of this for mothers' day, she says it's fucking great
www.masterofmalt.com/gin/whitley-neill/whitley-neill-rhubarb-and-ginger-gin/
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:40, archived)
that sounds rather nice

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:45, archived)
Rhubarb gin mixes well with prosecco.

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:27, archived)
best answer so far

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:42, archived)
my needs are simple, grry

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:44, archived)
I'd buy all the regular posters a pint
or I'd buy myself a pint in London hahahaha
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:41, archived)
how much is a pint these days?
trying to work out what the cut-off point is.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:51, archived)
there's a pub near victoria station
that does a pint of cider for £3.50, iirc
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:52, archived)
The 'spoons?

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)
it may well be
can't remember, i hadn't slept properly for 3 days at that point
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:05, archived)
I paid £6 in a Soho pub last night

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:54, archived)
dunno
might just get some cans in
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:55, archived)
Blockbusters used to do 8 Castlemaine for a fiver
RIP
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:09, archived)
You couldn't pay me to drink castlemaine
well, actually you could. I mean, obviously. I'm not an idiot.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:12, archived)
What is the least you'd accept as payment
to drink a can of 4X?
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:22, archived)
I'll just have a J20, cheers

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:20, archived)
Are you sure?
It's no bother. It would be my pleasure!
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:20, archived)
I'm driving

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:21, archived)
ah fair enough
I don't want to encourage irresponsible behaviour
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:23, archived)
this thread has carp and stabbings in it
chalking this one up as a Successful Thread.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:43, archived)
^likes 'stabbing the carp'

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:51, archived)
nonono, it's 'crap', not 'carp'

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 12:53, archived)
I just watched a "look out, terrorists! Tell the rozzers" video that popped up on a news site
it had that kind of "if you see something dodgy then tell us" and showed a figure taking surreptitious photos of some cops, another leaving a load of empty industrial chemical bottles by a bin, and then someone buying a hammer in a hardware shop. Buying a hammer in a hardware shop?!? Why was that fucking dodgy? Because it was a darky putting it in his basket! FFS!!! An ethnic with a hammer!?!? Terrorism! I'm checking to see if it was the fucking Daily Mail what made the film...
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:23, archived)
I want to get a couple of my knives sharpened, and I found this local website
If the guy turns up NOT dressed like the guy on the homepage, I'm going to be very disappointed:

www.thesharpening.co.uk/
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:27, archived)
Also, The Sharpening sounds like a terrible 12-rated horror movie

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:28, archived)
Or what went on in the dressing rooms at Pat Sharp's Fun House
back in the 80s
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:33, archived)
*shudder*

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:35, archived)
or a PG comedy based around pencils

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:36, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8160828
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:37, archived)
"I keep the blades sharp like my mind, m'lady."

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:30, archived)
*studies*

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:41, archived)
That is absolutely AWESOME!
Must be a faff working in the winter though
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:31, archived)
They can get you for anything.
I know of one bloke that they pulled in on 'suspicion of intent to supply' because he had clingfilm, weighing scales, knives and matches in his kitchen.
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:35, archived)
they charged him with baking and entering

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:38, archived)
pfft!

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:44, archived)
I think he was done for battery?
But he was let out on a tempura license
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:43, archived)
he only did it for the dough

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:44, archived)
The stuipd thing? He didn't kneed it anyway.

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:45, archived)
hey monster munch

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:05, archived)

I was quite pleased with that
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:24, archived)
i'm sure, but when there's 2 typos in an 8 word post...
that's a monster munch post
(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:31, archived)
I was so excited at thinking of it I didn't poof read it

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 14:45, archived)
Booze and porn.

(, Tue 27 Mar 2018, 13:30, archived)

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