friday lunchtime alright thread

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 12:37, archived)

might get a petrol station sandwich

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 12:40, archived)

palate

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 12:51, archived)

Always amused by the ones
that are a single slice of ham between 2 unbuttered bits of cheap bread.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 12 Oct 2018, 13:10, archived)

Not really hungry
So just nibbling some bombay mix
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 13:18, archived)

brassicas

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:08, archived)

we just call them bras these days

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:39, archived)

Yeah, think I'll got for a pint

( mongychops, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 13:31, archived)

haematology

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:08, archived)

5/7

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:10, archived)

tits

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:11, archived)

eh phwoooar

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:26, archived)

Finally got our deposit back from the old landlord, so am now dining table shopping.
Some lovely reclaimed ones on Etsy
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:10, archived)

Princess Eugenie's got a gun
Her whole world's come undone
From lookin' straight at the sun
( $$ ✅, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:11, archived)

That reminds me I must get my mate jim a Margate fc shirt

( mongychops, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:13, archived)

I've dun her up the bum lol

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:29, archived)

lol

( $$ ✅, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:38, archived)

no embarrassing behaviour from her mum

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:33, archived)

or noncing from her dad

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:36, archived)

still time
I bet she pukes on her during the evening do
( $$ ✅, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:39, archived)

or gets twatted and yells "he's not your real dad!"

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 14:40, archived)

Alright.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 15:33, archived)

Morning thread!
What do you think about breakfast biscuits?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:58, archived)

in Germany people eat Brötchen. bread = Brot. so "breaddies", if you will
haven't had what you're speaking of in many years.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:03, archived)

morning
they're an alright snack if you're out and about but they're nit a breakfast in any way, shape or form
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:10, archived)

Alright
did you make a complete tit of yourself?
(97800, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:15, archived)

nah, it went pretty well
First stage was with the creative guys and we got on really well, then it went to HR who said my expectations salary-wise were pretty high. So as always, it all comes down to money.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:31, archived)

Good stuff. Money can be negotiated surely, if the creatives think you're worth it they'll put a word in

(97800, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:33, archived)

yer, that's usually what it comes down to
trouble is, Poland is still a bit of an India; Western firms outsource tech stuff here because people are cheap. If I charge Western prices (since Warsaw is as expensive as Berlin) then the business model falls apart.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:57, archived)

Just a load of sugar, get up earlier and have porridge

(97800, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:14, archived)

what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:28, archived)

I'd like it better if they hadn't put those bollards at each end

(97800, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:34, archived)

people forget that traders still need access to Dixons

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:45, archived)

I don't think about them.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:40, archived)

coffee drinker

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 8:01, archived)

Tea first thing, please.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:04, archived)

They sometimes eat them in Italy
I'm all about cannoli and coffee for life
( $$ ✅, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 8:32, archived)

I don't know what a breakfast biscuit is.
So Fuck you.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 12 Oct 2018, 8:38, archived)

Is there a difference between
them and other biscuits or is it just branding?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 12 Oct 2018, 8:40, archived)

alright cuntso

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 8:49, archived)

Alright bent.
I'm procrastinating today. Really not in the mood for work.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:29, archived)

Depends on what you mean.
Biscuits and gravy: breakfast of champions

Little foil-wrapped things, usually containing oats: a stopgap solution for emergencies only, when you literally have no time to have anything else, because you'll be hungry again in half an hour.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 8:52, archived)

I've just Googled "biscuits and gravy" and it appears to be a sort of scone, doused in sausage meat and milk.
What the actual fuck?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:11, archived)

keyword: America

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:15, archived)

America should be regarded as a failed state.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:43, archived)

should it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:46, archived)

Yes.
I think they've shown that they can't be trusted to govern their own country.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:54, archived)

Lol.
It is a sort of scone, covered in sausage gravy - you brown the sausage meat in the pan, reserve the fat and add flour to make a roux. Add milk and plenty of black pepper, cook to reduce, then pour over the biscuits and serve. Southern-style heart attack guaranteed.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:15, archived)

Looks like it's has the added benefit of looking the same whether you're eating it or throwing it back up.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:44, archived)

I'm hungry now.
All I had left in the cupboards this morning was rice cakes. You can't go to war on rice cakes.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:46, archived)

Go out and get some pig product.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:55, archived)

I do miss proper bacon.
You just can't find the stuff over here.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:56, archived)

That's a genuine tragedy.
What about black pudding? Whack that in a bap with some brown sauce and oh god now I'm hungry.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 10:01, archived)

they're a cynical tool of capitalism

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 8:54, archived)

^ this

( $$ ✅, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:05, archived)

Morning
I had to explain to the mental a while ago that eating a breakfast biscuit at night wouldn't stop her from getting to sleep
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:04, archived)

Dunno I don't eat breakfast

( mongychops, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:16, archived)

eating is cheating

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:27, archived)

You never break your fast?
Are you a breatharian?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 9:46, archived)

dawning

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:08, archived)

remember, remember, the 12th of October
and remember indeed Anthonyb3ta70100's birthday on the 10 of November, which is his birthday, on November 10th
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:11, archived)

Morning
We're both up early today.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:18, archived)

I bet Grrmachine is still scratching his bollocks in his dreams.

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:24, archived)

I think he had a job interview yesterday
So might be hungover today
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:38, archived)

good for him
you should start a morning thread, will. it'll really get this place going again
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:44, archived)

Capital idea

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:58, archived)

I hope this find's you well

(97800, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:51, archived)

I'm feeling fine thanks, you?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 6:58, archived)

Ugh™

(97800, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 7:12, archived)

sunn o))) on the stereo
how r u lol
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:00, archived)

Relaxing with a couple of cans
And the great British menu finals
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:07, archived)

how are the interviews going?

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:14, archived)

Good, ta
The job is an absolute fucking piece of piss, getting £8 an hour for rolling some rice in poppy seeds? Yes please!
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:21, archived)

hope it lasts for you!

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:39, archived)

Thanks

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 21:45, archived)

through the day, as if on an ocean

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:40, archived)

still alive, are you

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:53, archived)

n

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:54, archived)

i am truley sorry for your lots

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 20:55, archived)

sat on the cold floor of a german airport because ryanair is run by fuckin' chimps

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 21:41, archived)

psycho chimps?

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 21:53, archived)

I just had too jump through fucking hoops because apple decided my password had expired, but before I could do that I had to change the pin number, but that has to be a different number , and longer.... I could and more hoops, but fuck apple, typical Jews

( mongychops, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 22:16, archived)

An apple a day keeps tech support gay

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 22:33, archived)

I've never used apple apart from an iPod nano, that was alright, this pad things a cunt

( mongychops, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 22:34, archived)

iOS drives me up the wall.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 23:09, archived)

Thread, for those of you who like that sort of thing.
This morning I read on Wikipedia that the Bois de Boulogne on the outskirts of Paris has "a thriving LGBT community", which is a particulously egregious euphemism for "contains loads of six-foot muscular transgender Brazilians working as prostitutes".

What's the silliest euphemism you've heard lately?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:59, archived)

That's always historically been a prozzie area hasn't it?

( mongychops, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:00, archived)

Paris? Yeah probably

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:05, archived)

Yep.
It's a bit of a surreal experience going for a run in the afternoon and seeing girls in miniskirts at random locations in the middle of the woods.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:06, archived)

Chocolate miner
I smell of fish
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:13, archived)

How did it go?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:18, archived)

Not bad
Seems much less complicated than I thought. Each person does one very simple job then passes it on to the next person on the line. I can deal with the smell, but nobody mentioned crocs
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:24, archived)

Very stylish,
in an ironic hipster way.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:32, archived)

One lad had a little van dyke beard
And had to wear a beard snood. He looked fucking stupid.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:35, archived)

and they didn't make you wear one?
Discrimination.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 15:21, archived)

surely there's easier ways of cutting up a fish
rather than using alligators?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:32, archived)

I think I'd like to work with crocodiles

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:34, archived)

with on
c k
es
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 14:01, archived)

i cba with all that, man
summarise
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 14:15, archived)

Drugs

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 14:18, archived)

nice

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 14:19, archived)

Krokodil

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 14:45, archived)

ah. as you were.

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 14:46, archived)

I haven't heard any silly euphemisms lately
but I still want to join in with this thread. I might make one up.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:34, archived)

That's the spirit.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 14:14, archived)

Favourite interview question?
alt: answer everyone else's questions
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:25, archived)

Any question that's pertinent to your ability to do the job, really,
and those questions are a lot rarer than they should be. Far too many interviewers just pick something at random from the Fisher Price Big Book of Interview Questions ("What would you say is your biggest weakness?", "Would you say you were a team player?", "Where do you see yourself in five years' time?" and other idiotic ways to waste an interviewee's time).
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:29, archived)

I like the 5 years' time one
because it tells you whether people have actually thought about their future, or are just plodding along doing any old shit. And you can say "it depends on the opportunities available to be from my employer", and ask them directly what sort of promotion/training schemes they have in place.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:31, archived)

It's totally industry-dependent, though.
If I'm hired as a translator as part of a team of translators working for a team supervisor, anyone who asks that question will be expecting and hoping to hear that I want to be the supervisor five years down the line, but I have no interest in managing people.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:33, archived)

another lie basically

( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:46, archived)

it's an intricate dance where both sides are lying through their teeth
yes I have those qualifications, yes you'll get that certificate, a ha ha ha, jolly japes.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 11:07, archived)

You know there's a lot more to life than work

( mongychops, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:30, archived)

yeah, but we can't all inherit fat stacks of cash from dead relatives
although I probably will
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:38, archived)

Yeah I was well lucky my mum dying so young

( mongychops, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:43, archived)

"What do you think of me as an interviewer?"

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:35, archived)

You've got suspiciously soft hands that make me doubt you've ever worked a day in your life

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:25, archived)

why are you so fucking crap?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:41, archived)

Quality.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:44, archived)

During one interview, I was asked about the importance of data quality.
Post-interview feedback was at my answer was "too good", as the person asking the question didn't really know anything about the subject and was thus baffled by a proper answer.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:43, archived)

you make the NHS sound well shit
hope it's privatised soon
( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:45, archived)

Free at point of delivery to be removed, private insurance or you're fucked, anyone on under 45k can go and die in the gutter
GOOD TOIMES
(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:48, archived)

I just want mm and his colleagues sacked

( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:49, archived)

Oh, we'd all find homes in the new structure,
and devote our time to devising ways to impoverish you.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:52, archived)

you're probably stiffing 2 can more than me

( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:57, archived)

lol, stiffie

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 11:01, archived)

That's moronic.
What were you supposed to say? "Erm, dunno"?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:46, archived)

God knows.
They weren't too impressed when, on asking how I'd handle a disciplinary matter, I told them that I'd act in accordance with the organisation's established policies.

There were some right numpties in management, at that time. Joke's on them, though - now I'm the management numpty!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:51, archived)

they clearly had someone else they wanted but had to interview you and others for show

( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:52, archived)

Yeah, I think they'd already decided on which members of the team to promote.
I could have done with my being offered the interview, given that it was in the first week of my paternity leave.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:54, archived)

tits or arse?

( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:46, archived)

Well you could be going for a porn star job

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 10:49, archived)

I like those movie poster poses where they can display both at once

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:25, archived)

Customers who viewed this item also searched for "all the terrible things Rob Liefeld has drawn"

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:32, archived)

yeah
that's the pose
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:38, archived)

hullo nullo's
I hate the one where you have to say how you responded well in a crisis, or stepped up your game and went above and beyond.
I mean, what are they expecting? An Indiana Jones style escapade involving a jammed printer?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 11:36, archived)

Aye, that one's in the Fisher Price book and all.
If you can go above and beyond the call of duty when circumstances demand it, you can give 150% all day, every day. Can't you? Dance, monkey!
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 11:40, archived)

"well, there was that time management were so inept that I did their job for them as well as my own"

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:26, archived)

"So, what would you do to get this job?"

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 11:39, archived)

"Blow job, boss-to-be?"

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 11:47, archived)

I hope the interview room doesn't have a black leather sofa

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:27, archived)

"Are you easily offended?"
Got asked that one at my current place of work
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 12:56, archived)

Well are you, you massive ugly twat?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:03, archived)

Am I fuck you ant swilling cunt

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 13:45, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 6:22, archived)

Morning.
Any plans?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 6:32, archived)

job interview today
Not been to one for yonks
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:10, archived)

morning
wrong side of it here though
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 6:43, archived)

Why?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:03, archived)

roll it over

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:10, archived)

How is it?
Time to get a wash on.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 6:45, archived)

just polished my smart boots

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:10, archived)

You, later on.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:13, archived)

three blokes must have IMDB profiles listing "Monty Python Auxillary Mincer"

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:26, archived)

I can just imagine the call from the agent.
"You've been hired to work with the Monty Python troupe! Now, here's what you have to do..."

Sending good vibes yr way for the interview. I've got an aptitude test myself this afternoon.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:31, archived)

is that one of those bullshit Myers-Briggs type things?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:14, archived)

Very fortunately not.
It's a translation test. At first they said to me "You'll need to set aside a two-hour window at some point this week", so I was expecting to have to do it online using their own proprietary platform or something. As it turns out, they're just going to send me the Word doc and they want it back two hours later. Should be fine.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:17, archived)

yeah, there's no way that system could be abused by potential employees

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:25, archived)

I'm opposed to people who insist on you using platforms over which you have no control.
You have no trace of the work itself on your own hard drive as soon as you've delivered it and they'll likely as not use it as an excuse to spy on you. When I was still a freelancer, one client made me use their platform and then remarked snidely that I hadn't connected to it very often. If I'm a freelancer then I'mma do the work in my own fukken time.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:44, archived)

yeah, I interviewed years ago for a firm like that (Lionbridge)
they interviewed me for the wrong role, I tore their language test to shreds (identified 150% errors in language, style, and formatting), and then had to go through a bullshit onboarding process for a translation tool that I was never going to use.

They never sent me a contract to sign, went silent on me for six months, then suddenly dumped an URGENT project on me with a completely ridiculous deadline. I sent them a reply stating that no contract existed between us and that my freelancer rates were 300% due to the deadline, and never heard from them again.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:53, archived)

Hahaha, Lionbridge are cunts.
My pet peeve is agencies who spam their entire contact list with "We've got [ridiculously large volume] to deliver by [impossible deadline], who can take on how much?". There is virtually no surer way (other than machine-translating everything) to get a terrible, terrible end product and give the translation industry a bad name.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:07, archived)

m'ing

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:00, archived)

absolutely merciless

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:11, archived)

alright

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:01, archived)

spose

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:11, archived)

Hello.
Good luck with the interview. I'm told that Poland doesn't treat its unemployed very well, so you should be well motivated to succeed.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:13, archived)

well, they do and they don't
If you've got a proper employment contract you get 26 days off plus 11 nationals (all paid), 3 months' notice, maternity/paternity leave and all your social payments made for you. Everyone else has to register as self employed/PAYE and just issue an invoice, so you get none of the above. I've been self-employed for 14 years, so a paid day off would make a nice change.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:19, archived)

Unemployed, Grrry.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:56, archived)

durr
yer, unemployment is about 600zl if you qualify at all, which is about 120 quid, which falls by 25% after 3 months.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:02, archived)

My colleague's missus is Polish, and he's wont to advocate for the UK adopting the same system.
Seems a bit Daily Mail, to me, but then he did make loads of money flipping houses, so he'll be first against the wall come the revolution.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:11, archived)

trouble is, most poles still have a decent family support network
ie mum/grandma owns her home outright with no debt and has a spare room, and basic food staples are cheap and no-one has a credit card so personal debt is really low. It couldn't work like that in the UK; you'd be under the bridge doing heroin by the end of the first week.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:25, archived)

Quite.
Also, all the unemployed Poles come over to the UK to both leech of our benefits system and steal jobs from hardworking brits. Or so they say.

My mum's bugbear was Romanians, rather than Poles - they get given free bikes on arrival, and then chase local girls. Kent must be like one long Benny Hill sketch.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:33, archived)

*interview- based high fives*

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:34, archived)

biscuit factory today, isn't it?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:35, archived)

No, sushi place
Biscuit factory next week. I don't actually like biscuits
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:43, archived)

A friend of mine used to work in quality control at a biscuit factory.
She gave it all up to become a teacher. Her biscuit consumption probably hasn't changed much.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 7:45, archived)

I'd never be a teacher
The sushi place is easy to get to, one bus and about 20 minutes travel time, but it has to be kept at between 3 and 5 degrees. Biscuit place is an hour and a half and 2 buses away, but it's a guaranteed 40 hours if I get nights and I get blue dragon stuff cheap
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:04, archived)

No, neither would I.
It doesn't stop people suggesting it to me all the time, but it's still a hard nope.

Sounds like you'll get some decent fringe benefits either way.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:12, archived)

If I can get soy sauce, fish sauce, coconut milk and all that stuff cheap, I'll be happy

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:32, archived)

good luck, potential fish-stuffer

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:15, archived)

Now that's something I've never been called before

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:31, archived)

frinkiac.com/video/S10E23/sJ6-9dC-cJdv1lW19rKNq1PHoRY=.gif
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:06, archived)

That's what Osaka seafood concern is all about

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:11, archived)

I can't believe it's National Coming Out Day already

( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:17, archived)

I hope it goes well for you
and that your Dad doesn't take the news too harshly
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:21, archived)

he came out as well!

( $$ ✅, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:56, archived)

your mum must be in tears

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:43, archived)

Already a confirmed lesbian, all is good

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:58, archived)

RIP diana ross

(97800, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:32, archived)

seems to be all and it's rosy it's a beautiful day

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 8:54, archived)

what happened to rosalicious?
she forsook us all
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:04, archived)

arrested for shoplifting

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:07, archived)

what a dirty slag

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 11 Oct 2018, 9:18, archived)

hiya

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 18:17, archived)

Got another interview tomorrow
And the biscuit place I went to last month have just emailed and asked me to go for an interview there next Wednesday. Hope I get one of them!
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 18:53, archived)

Would you say you were a fairly egregious person?

Edit: Does it include free biscuits?
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:06, archived)

It used to
But now you can buy them cheap at the factory shop
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:24, archived)

:D
I'M FORTY-EIGHT
( vladimir, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 22:21, archived)

I'm 44 on the 22nd

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 22:51, archived)

Would you say you're confident working independently, or that you're more of a team player?

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:16, archived)

Your manager turns up pissed as a fart. How do you handle him?

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:20, archived)

What's the best fight you've ever had? Did you kill anyone?

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:21, archived)

I beat up a pensioner who disrespected my previous company
I did it to show loyalty and to uphold the company's integrity
( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:23, archived)

And then Stannah fired you.

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:39, archived)

School bully pushed me in front of a bus
I kicked the living shit out of her
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:28, archived)

Was it the bus' turn to push you?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:36, archived)

No it wasn't
It was only doing about 5mph, but that's not the point
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:38, archived)

Murderers grow up so fast these days, don't they?

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:40, archived)

Goose Green, don't want to talk about it

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:32, archived)

It's okay, nothing leaves this dead forum.

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:41, archived)

I'm equally confident working alone or in a team
I have good leadership skills but am perfectly happy to hand over the reins to someone else
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:27, archived)

At the second, group stage, B&Q used to tell you to sing your favourite song and dance in front of the other candidates.
Utter, utter cunts. "Would you call yourself desperate for money, or do you still have a shred of dignity?"
(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:44, archived)

what song did you sing?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:47, archived)

I failed the first bit, a multiple choice phone thing.
Lol, shit at being a retail monkey.
(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:55, archived)

I mean, "The white man marches on"

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:59, archived)

amen

( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:03, archived)

Might make sense if you want to be a Cbeebies presenter,
less so to stack wood in a warehouse.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 19:54, archived)

I don't know many Cbeebies presenters that work in B&Q

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:03, archived)

shit pay shit treatment
glad we do scenario-based interviews. Give people a work situation ask them how to do it/solve it then take it from there.
( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:03, archived)

How good will you be at this actual job and not some bullshit fantasy, far more sensible.
Thing is I'd already worked there for a few years before, obviously they raised their standards while I was gone.
(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:06, archived)

Pensioners must be good at it

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:04, archived)

I don't think it's possible to dance to let the bodies hit the floor

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 21:31, archived)

Jump about, punch and shove the other candidates

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 21:46, archived)

I still need a new ash tray. I got one but it seems not for me, I can't bond with it

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:03, archived)

I looked some up when you mentioned before, never realised there was such a variety out there

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:07, archived)

Loads, it's a tough purchase , I had a Spain 82 one, better than this, my mate broke it
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ASHTRAY-WORLD-CUP-ESPANA-82-WORLD-CUP-SPAIN-82-/292604053456
( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:12, archived)

That was years ago, but it still hurts

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 20:30, archived)

didn't your kids make you one in some shit demented arts and crafts class?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 21:42, archived)

My cousin got me one from the algarve
In the shape of a toilet. Appropriate, as it's shit.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 21:34, archived)

I just got feedback on the corporate video I edited:
"Great work, but it's not very sexy." The film is 10 business suits having a workshop about improving revenue streams ffs.

What's the worst feedback you've ever received?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:23, archived)

Decree absolute

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:25, archived)

@@VERY late shipper would not marry again @@

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:27, archived)

Don't force it up. Ease it in

( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:29, archived)

A kind of high pitched squealing noise

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:30, archived)

i expected you to be much fatter

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:36, archived)

I bet I could *make* that sexy.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:39, archived)

Have you tried adding some choking, pretend incest, an ATM scene and a multiple cumshot finale?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:39, archived)

I can only edit the footage they give me
If you've got clips of middle aged German salesmen doing that stuff, I'll splice it in
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:42, archived)

Might be worth asking if Lexi Belle wants to get involved.
Send mongy a gaz, he knows about that sort of thing.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:45, archived)

mongy would use Cuoco's bumhole for bullet points

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:49, archived)

she's meant to be playing Harley Quinn

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:53, archived)

Only in a cartoon

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:58, archived)

oh. that's ok, then

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 15:03, archived)

I wonder how MONO! would feel about this.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 15:47, archived)

Lexi retired

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 14:57, archived)

Nothing quite so sexy as a cashpoint.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 15:19, archived)

getting fingered and having your slot punched
I'm tumescent
( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 15:28, archived)

"You're quite hairy"

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 15:21, archived)

Everyone loves a shaved Aardvark

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 15:25, archived)

I imagine Piers Morgan's cock looks something like a shaved aardvark.
Only much smaller.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 15:28, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 6:20, archived)

morning poop, more like
it shall be a sunny day here.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 6:29, archived)

sunny here too, but chilly with it

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:23, archived)

Uh-huh.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 6:36, archived)

a wella wella wella

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:23, archived)

Morning.
I'm showing a bunch of school tours around where I work today. Trying to get pre teens interested in science and engineering.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 6:39, archived)

We have to start recruitment young

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 6:55, archived)

Hide all the bleach, knives and porn

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:17, archived)

show them where you hide the bodies

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:24, archived)

Tell them what you need to get a meth lab up and running

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:31, archived)

Acknowledged

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:17, archived)

Recognised

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:25, archived)

s4.b3ta.com/host/creative/97800/1539153076/templateresponse.jpg
(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:31, archived)

Morning with zest and relish.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:18, archived)

And croutons.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:29, archived)

You can't do it without the croutons.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:42, archived)

You're fired.
- Richard Sherwood, Customer & Marketing Director B&Q UK & Ireland
(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:49, archived)

You've lost me now.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:04, archived)

youtu.be/7UdMfKt7-40
(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:13, archived)

gentlemen's relish, more like

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:39, archived)

Mmmm...anchovy paste.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:43, archived)

is that what it is?
rank
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:48, archived)

Patum paperium
Anchovies, butter, herbs and spices. You can also get poacher's relish, made with smoked salmon, and angler's relish, made from smoked mackerel.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:01, archived)

I can't imagine how awful the food must be
for those condiments to serve as an improvement
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:09, archived)

You're just supposed to have it on toast, brah.
I bet you don't even like Marmite.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:12, archived)

Marmite was used as punishment when I was growing up
"eat your dinner or you'll get marmite".
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:13, archived)

If they couldn't make you eat your dinner,
why would you eat the marmite?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 10:17, archived)

Marmite is lovely

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:29, archived)

It's the shiznit.
I got some special edition Guinness Marmite when that came out a few years back, and a Marmite Easter egg.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:34, archived)

The Guinness one is nice
Didn't try the Easter egg. I love putting it on toast, under cheese
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:43, archived)

I tried that, once.
It was an abomination. Likewise beans on marmite toast.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:20, archived)

Beans are wrongness personified

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:29, archived)

It's been ages since we last had a quality foodwrong thread.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:35, archived)

It's usually Grrry (savoury) or mcbeef (sweet).
Nice for someone else to have a go.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:42, archived)

Imagine putting Marmite in your cheeseburger, eh.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:50, archived)

If a cheeseburger has marmite in it, is it still a cheeseburger?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:53, archived)

I'm tempted to try it out at lunchtime now and report back.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 10:15, archived)

Please don't.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 10:30, archived)

Too long

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:42, archived)

Marmite's nice but
Bovril is king.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:03, archived)

They're different animals.
A cup of hot Bovril is good when it's cold out.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:06, archived)

Bovril is fabulous
And the only thing I enjoy when I'm in hospital
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:29, archived)

represent

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:37, archived)

^defendant

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:40, archived)

*sighs*

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:41, archived)

sadtimes
a couple on youtube have broken up. Vlogging is hard
( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:57, archived)

It's good that the BBC now considers this sort of thing to be front page news

(97800, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 7:59, archived)

I just want to laugh both in their faces
"Ah ha ha. Fail."
( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:02, archived)

- 1 subscriber

( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:03, archived)

if you work in a media bubble and think everyone else gives a toss about your work
then you naturally push that shit to the fore of your content delivery network. The bods at the BBC are no different in that regard.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:12, archived)

you guys might laugh at my train videos
but to German men aged 45-65, I'm kind of a big deal
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:12, archived)

afternoon

(hmmmm, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:10, archived)

top comedy

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:13, archived)

contrarian life m8

(hmmmm, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:53, archived)

Morning
Upstairs' dog is barking its head off
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:30, archived)

Sounds like a mid-season episode of a 70s sitcom.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:33, archived)

Pretty sure it sounds like a dog

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:44, archived)

shut up clifford you fat red fuck

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:19, archived)

cum on feel the noize

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 8:48, archived)

alright

( mongychops, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 9:30, archived)

morning
also: customer of the morning - Steve Pratt
also: bottom
( broadsword w⚓, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 10:35, archived)

Pratters to his mates

( $$ ✅, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 10:38, archived)

Pratt-oh you LEDGE

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 10 Oct 2018, 11:03, archived)

Good evening.

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 17:46, archived)

Wait, quarter to six counts as evening now?
When did that happen?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 17:49, archived)

I call the shots around here.

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 17:54, archived)

I'm pretty sure that's not true.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 17:57, archived)

FUCKIN IS, OK???????

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 17:59, archived)

Alright?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 18:10, archived)

yes mate
and you?
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 18:10, archived)

Aye m8
Just want to finish work, not sure what to have for tea. The usual.
Owed some money from the old landlord, so that's nice.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 18:15, archived)

did you buy your gaff in the end?
buying has never been easier
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 18:18, archived)

It'll do

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 18:42, archived)

I am Dr. Alexander Mishkin

( $$ ✅, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:11, archived)

AMA!

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:14, archived)

sure

( $$ ✅, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:16, archived)

willy bum bum

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:21, archived)

bum

( $$ ✅, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:28, archived)

silly old willy

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:47, archived)

Where can I get some of those cool chemicals like what was in the news

(97800, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:23, archived)

Donskoy District
ask for Lev
( $$ ✅, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 19:29, archived)

Comrade

( mongychops, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 20:25, archived)

I wanna sex you up.
Actually Color Me Badd's words, not mine, but I think I can see where they were coming from. I also dreamed that I went to a brothel last night, whatever that means.

Do you go out for a mid-week routine-breaker on 'Humpday'? Or do you save your energies for the weekend? Which is the most appropriate mediaeval torture implement for the person who first decided to call it 'Humpday'?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 14:26, archived)

i was very much looking forward to getting utterly twatted on my birthday
but now i can't, because that's the day i'm being admitted to hospital for the sleep clinic study
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 14:58, archived)

Get twatted the day before and stay up till midnight.
Technically, it counts as celebrating your birthday.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 15:05, archived)

charity day all the day before
so i most likely will. then i just have to sleep in an unfamiliar bed, with people monitoring me and a colander on my head.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 15:10, archived)

you stupid fucking pastafarian

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 15:17, archived)

you leave the flying spaghetti monster out of this

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 15:21, archived)

I have this song on record, as well as "I want your sex"
I bet Richard has them too
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 15:24, archived)

I bet he used to but he threw them out when he found that other people had heard of them.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 15:53, archived)

Scaphism
The Persians outvie all other barbarians in the horrid cruelty of their punishments, employing tortures that are peculiarly terrible and long-drawn, namely the 'boats' and sewing men up in raw hides. But what is meant by the 'boats,' I must now explain for the benefit of less well informed readers. Two boats are joined together one on top of the other, with holes cut in them in such a way that the victim's head, hands, and feet only are left outside. Within these boats the man to be punished is placed lying on his back, and the boats then nailed together with bolts. Next they pour a mixture of milk and honey into the wretched man's mouth, till he is filled to the point of nausea, smearing his face, feet, and arms with the same mixture, and so leave him exposed to the sun. This is repeated every day, the effect being that flies, wasps, and bees, attracted by the sweetness, settle on his face and all such parts of him as project outside the boats, and miserably torment and sting the wretched man. Moreover his belly, distended as it is with milk and honey, throws off liquid excrements, and these putrefying breed swarms of worms, intestinal and of all sorts. Thus the victim lying in the boats, his flesh rotting away in his own filth and devoured by worms, dies a lingering and horrible death.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Tue 9 Oct 2018, 17:25, archived)

The land of milk and honey suddenly doesn't sound like such an attractive holiday destination after all.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 17:31, archived)

Well you could always try:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Land_of_Rape_and_Honey
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 22:31, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 6:31, archived)

i.pinimg.com/originals/da/d2/cd/dad2cd8245514f0ebd2ab2770b17060a.jpg
(97800, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 6:52, archived)

stick it on a hallmark card and post it to someone who gives a fuck m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 6:56, archived)

RUDE

(97800, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 7:00, archived)

u sound well upset
Take a chill pill!
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 7:13, archived)

take a kill pill, oxygen thief

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 7:26, archived)

ZING!!!!!@
Oh man, that really told me a thing or two!
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 7:34, archived)

This sexy flirting's getting out of hand.
Get a room you 3 ha ha ha.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Tue 9 Oct 2018, 7:49, archived)

oh hahaha top kek

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 7:57, archived)

aaaah ha ha

( $$ ✅, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 8:21, archived)

rejected

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 8:26, archived)

yo

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 8:50, archived)

denied

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 8:55, archived)

Innit

( mongychops, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 9:34, archived)

refused

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 9:55, archived)

Oh k bye

( mongychops, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 10:11, archived)

Merry Tuesday!

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 9:42, archived)

a-ok'd

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 9:56, archived)

Suppose so.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 10:01, archived)

revoked

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 10:02, archived)

Maybe I don't care. Did you consider that?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 10:31, archived)

I don't ever consider if someone doesn't care
because I don't care whether they care or not.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 10:41, archived)

Oh. :(

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 10:48, archived)

Morning
I'm back b3ta, whats going on this autumn?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 6:18, archived)

hi
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 9 Oct 2018, 6:53, archived)

guyrim
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 21:15, archived)

You are on the Naughty Step

Reason: impersonating banned user dozer

You'll be allowed back in 10516 seconds.

Take this time to read the FAQ.

When you return, please don't misbehave again as repeated ignoring of our rules can result in a banning.
(97800, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 21:28, archived)

potd

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 21:33, archived)

I was on the Naughty Step once.
I didn't like it
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 22:03, archived)

Did some kid burn your neck?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 22:09, archived)

Sounds fair , stop pretending to be other forum posters

( mongychops, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 22:19, archived)

Gayrim more like

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 22:08, archived)

guyrim
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 8 Oct 2018, 23:02, archived)

^

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 8 Oct 2018, 23:26, archived)