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Hullo bollockswoggler's, whass hapnin?

Anything cool this weekend?

Pizza with kiddo tonight, then mebbe cinema 2moz, Lego Movie 2 or that animated Spiderman one which has good reviews. Missus is going to Le Caprice for a pal's birthday in the evening, the lucky shit. I'll probably get a kebab and hit the shoe whilst trying to get my head round my new recording device.

Blah blah fucking blah
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:59, archived)
¯\(º_o)/¯

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:01, archived)
got your kids this wknd?
I'm struggling to think of something interesting to do with mine so the lazy cinema option is my current front-runner
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:06, archived)
Going to the Horniman Museum, there's a Lego exhibition on
www.horniman.ac.uk/visit/exhibitions/brick-wonders#image-0
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:24, archived)
My boy will probably turn up , might drag him to charlton

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:31, archived)
is he a fan?

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:34, archived)
+ny, yes

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:45, archived)
Spider-verse is very, very good.
Lego Movie 2 is fun, but not a patch on the first film.

YMMV, given that I have the same taste in films as 10 year old.
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:06, archived)
I thought the first Lego film was terrible

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:24, archived)
so everything isn't awesome?

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:31, archived)
far from it

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:33, archived)
Chinese tonight, followed by pub
Tomorrow, bit of cleaning, bit of relaxing, then see what happens
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:33, archived)
dinner and theatre tonight
poos and wees for the rest of the weekend
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:41, archived)
might do some guffs

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 12:45, archived)
mid-morning thread

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 10:25, archived)
I can live with that

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 10:50, archived)
noo-oooaahh no can do

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:07, archived)
drinkin' coffee & nibblin' nuts

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:03, archived)
I heard you love to have a good old nibble on some nuts.

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:04, archived)
girl you know it's troo

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:10, archived)
just admiring my new Birkenstocks

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:07, archived)
^ middle aged

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:09, archived)
my old pal Tony Vegas used to get the shit ripped out of him for wearing Birko's
They shut up pretty fast when he smashed the ITF championships
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:11, archived)
lol middle aged

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:15, archived)
Not really ideal tennis footwear.

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:56, archived)
Yer big lezzer

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:21, archived)
they're gr8

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:33, archived)
Admiring Queef's new Birkenstocks

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:09, archived)
alright dribble

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:10, archived)
$$

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:10, archived)
lol

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 11:11, archived)
Morning
It's reduced price chocolates day!
(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 6:04, archived)
or is it?

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 6:46, archived)
^signed up for b3ta after one too many lonely nights

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 7:07, archived)
Nommy wommy choccy wocs!

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 6:55, archived)
Dreadful racism. MODS!

(, Fri 15 Feb 2019, 6:57, archived)
Good Evening
How are you spending the eve of St Valentines massacre?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 17:57, archived)
Sicilian chicken, Sicilian red, Moroccan hash
English diarrhoea
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 18:18, archived)
English diarrhoea best diarrhoea!

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 22:36, archived)
driving lesson then xbox

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 18:26, archived)
I'm up the pub, probably get a bachelor's meal from the chinky on the way home

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 18:27, archived)
i'm fucking shattered
so hot shower, good/bad film, thai curry and an early night
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 18:29, archived)
how is it the valentine's day massacre if it happened on the 15th?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:04, archived)
It didn't, it was the 14th , hence the name

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:07, archived)
so surely, 'evening' rather than 'eve'?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:09, archived)
I think it was a morning massacre anyway

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:40, archived)
a big dinner and a big plop

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:20, archived)
whose sockpuppet are you?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:30, archived)
Bert Wensleydale

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:31, archived)
Alfred Gouda

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:39, archived)
Penelope Roquefort

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:40, archived)
Jean Michel Jarlsberg

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:42, archived)
Carmen Burrata

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:44, archived)
Fenella Fondue

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:45, archived)
Alexander the Grate

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:45, archived)
Jim Cheddar

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 20:26, archived)
plop puppet more like

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 21:19, archived)
YESSSSSSSSSS
Nice to see you Stiltsy you fackin ledge
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 20:27, archived)
b3ta <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:30, archived)
vlad

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:40, archived)
m <3

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:42, archived)
3 is greater than me eh, not even just equal too? Bit harsh near my bday

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 19:57, archived)
dearest m,
you are the gratest,

ever yours,

broadsword
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 20:11, archived)
Awww he's lully

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 20:37, archived)
At work

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 20:29, archived)
just got vommed on
twice
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 20:58, archived)
Speed dating again eh

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 21:00, archived)
weirdly, my office building organised that
which prolly would have been a good idea if it wasn't 14 floors of spotty IT nerds
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 21:02, archived)
speaking of, I just won a Fortnite solo match
happy valentine's to me
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 21:41, archived)
There must be at least a few undemanding gays among them?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 22:02, archived)
Apparently, there's a bloke who visits my new place
That pays extra for a girl to gag on his cock and actually throw up on it
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 22:07, archived)
Painful prossie vomit blowjob

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 22:26, archived)
acid on the helmit
turtle power!
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 23:13, archived)


(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 23:37, archived)
Vomit as lube y/n?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 23:43, archived)
Depends on chunkiness

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 23:45, archived)
I believe I let fly
Let one go to pollute the sky
I keep on guffing every night and day
Spread my cheeks and I fly away

Hullo
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:08, archived)
R Smelly

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:11, archived)
It's the sphincter emission, hot and smelling of shitten

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:16, archived)
Incontinent + feline, maybe yours will catch on

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:18, archived)
lol

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:20, archived)
This should be on the parpular page

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:26, archived)
Hullo nullo's
I've got an interview tomorrow. Hurrah!

I can't think of any other R Kelly song's, soz.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:30, archived)
I've got one next Sunday
For the grand national. Don't fucking want it.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:47, archived)
that's surprising, I thought you'd be champing at the bit

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:48, archived)
Quite a seasonal role

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 13:01, archived)
It's for 3 days of work
That would significantly fuck up my money
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 13:33, archived)
best of luck with the interview m8

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:47, archived)
what position?
no homo innuendo pls
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:47, archived)
Operations Administrator for an accountants firm

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:48, archived)
good luck, you bent prick xx

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:56, archived)
thx hun xo

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:57, archived)
Mmm.
I don't really know anything about R. Kelly other than that he makes "R&B" records and he's a paedo.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 13:01, archived)
he enjoys weeing on people

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 13:16, archived)
Donald Trump must love him.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 13:17, archived)
Yeah 45, gonna do a pub crawl round greenwich

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 13:23, archived)
morning

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:29, archived)
Morning
I have to demonstrate science experiments for kids today. Wish me luck
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:35, archived)

demonstrate perform
for k on fl
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:39, archived)
Nice try
But I dont do biology. I suppose I could copper plate the flids?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:49, archived)
Copper plated flids has been added to a list of possible band names

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:50, archived)
trademarking Copper Bottom Retards

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:59, archived)
Damn
Could of used that one
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:01, archived)
turtle power!

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:18, archived)
FFS

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:54, archived)
I've bought some nickel sheets to do some plating
if they ever arrive from aliexpress is another thing
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:58, archived)
manolith you stupid romantic fuckhole

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 6:59, archived)
What are you hoping to plate?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:01, archived)
my Dad's old train tracks
they're the closest thing he has to an heirloom and they're all rusted to shit
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:18, archived)
was he one of them trainspotters as a lad way back when steam was still a thing?
#interestingtimes
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:39, archived)
nope
but Hornby (ex Tri-ang, ex-Pico, ex-Romex) had their main factory on the island, so everyone was connected to the model trains in some way. My uncle designed a few.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:51, archived)
alrightning

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:10, archived)
it's a little bit frightening

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:18, archived)
morning, forum friend

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:13, archived)
you're more of an acquaintance really

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:18, archived)
Hi

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:28, archived)
wotcha

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:36, archived)
Alright, "inner circle"

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 7:56, archived)
*secret handshake*

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:06, archived)
My handshake brings all the masons to the yard

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:10, archived)
and they're like
whispered mumbles of the ancient and sacred texts
We could teach you, but you'd have to be paddled.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:16, archived)
not really

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:20, archived)
Morning

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:23, archived)
alright smashers
so what exactly do at your job these days/nights?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:33, archived)
Watch telly and answer the phone, mostly
Getting there and back is currently a nightmare, due to the trains being fucked up
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:35, archived)
Can you hear the quote marks, when people ask to be booked in for a massage?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:51, archived)
No, but I hear an awful lot of moaning and spanking when they get there

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:15, archived)
what are they moaning about?
poor customer service?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:39, archived)
Quite the opposite

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:00, archived)
there's no pleasing some people

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:13, archived)
I and my good lady wife wish to complain in the strongest possible terms.
I arrived at your premises this morning for my pre-booked "relaxing massage", and after a significant wait was attended by a young lady in most inappropriate attire. Furthermore, it soon became apparent that she expected to engage in lewd behaviour! May I respectfully suggest that you might consider hiring staff who do not confuse "neck muscles" with "base of penis".
Yours etc,
Colonel A S Smyth (rtd)
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:09, archived)
I blame Chaucer for all of this

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:26, archived)
good, chaucer was a legend*
leg? ledz? ledge?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:34, archived)
Ledz Eplin'

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:50, archived)
Happy Galentines, everyone.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:32, archived)
I'm surprised a blended whisky with a rhyming name hasn't tried to do a viral marketing campaign on Valentine's

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:35, archived)
"Because your spouse is so unbearable"

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:46, archived)
"Heinous spouse? Famous Grouse!"

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:54, archived)
Vg

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:56, archived)
^

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:17, archived)
Why's my dinner not on the table?
*thwack*

That'll Teacher
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:40, archived)
Morning.
Getting here was a sodding palaver this morning. I can't believe I am only just now having my coffee.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 8:51, archived)
yeah, the internet traffic was terrible this morning

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:40, archived)
yeah yeah

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:21, archived)
alright georgie fame

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:29, archived)
not bad thanks m8
Speaking of, I've got this 45, it's great

www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_xiKOZ9Kx0
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:35, archived)
nice
I have it on this flawless compilation:
www.discogs.com/Various-Blow-Up/release/330359
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:52, archived)
That's a cracking track list

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:12, archived)
innit
you must surely have been to Blow Up at some point in the '90s?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:37, archived)
nope

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:45, archived)
He's a bunch of wankers

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:39, archived)
Hey there, Georgie Fame...

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:52, archived)
love is in the air

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:26, archived)
shut up Phil Colins

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 9:41, archived)
<3

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:00, archived)
<3

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:02, archived)
<\3

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:11, archived)
))<3
PARP
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:12, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8211097
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:14, archived)
as the great shaggy once said
it wasn't me

i think someone automated it
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 12:13, archived)
I have always wondered what less than three
could be

@valentinesrap
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:37, archived)
2

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:37, archived)
two's a couple, three's a crowd
what's one then?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:40, archived)
the loneliest number

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 10:54, archived)
Only 5 more sleeps till bday

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:00, archived)
sleep well sweet prince

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:37, archived)
45?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:46, archived)
No, 5

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:53, archived)
Where do broken hearts go?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:23, archived)
ask Vixen

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 11:37, archived)
If you see a new thread by the side of the road that says
Fifteen miles to my baaaalllsack
Ball sack bebbeh

How's it going?
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 15:59, archived)
bit of a curate's egg really m8

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:00, archived)

bit of a curate's smegging smeggy sm
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:04, archived)
bit of a dog's egg really m8

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:03, archived)
snoop doggy egg

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:04, archived)
Bored out of my fucking swede
Glad I'm getting paid for this
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:23, archived)
is it cash in hand?

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:26, archived)
Gash in hand more like!!!

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 18:50, archived)
Cock in hand more like more like!!!

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 18:56, archived)
I got your "christmas boners" right here

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 18:59, archived)
Finally on my way home
Should only take me an hour and a half
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 22:14, archived)
Having trouble walking after all that?

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 22:20, archived)
Sat on my arse all day
Had to look a bit busy the last few hours because the boss showed up. Home an hour earlier than I thought I'd be, thanks to the replacement bus driver absolutely fucking flooring it so I could get my last bus
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 23:42, archived)
it going home

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:27, archived)
l8rz m8rz

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:38, archived)
very Nick Knowles

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:42, archived)
totally Babylon Zoo

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 16:49, archived)
alright "Spaceman"

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 17:07, archived)
Not bad thanks m8

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 17:14, archived)
Ooh what deletion drama did I miss

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 17:42, archived)
was there deloltion?

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 17:56, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8211030
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 18:32, archived)
it puts delotion in the basket

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 22:43, archived)
Turns out my energy levels lasted until about one in the afternoon.
Knackered and freezing cold, but at least I've got my evening free. I might just get the beers in.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 17:49, archived)
I've got my eye on a juicy Puglian to have with my Brazilian fish stew tonight

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 17:57, archived)
I've got my eye on a couple of Gordon Titaniums with my breaded chicken.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 18:15, archived)
I've got a scratchy throat that suggests a cold is on the way.
So I bagged a medicinal bottle of The Haig Club's Clubman for ยฃ15.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 21:42, archived)

lian with my Brazilian fish stew +,woof woof
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 22:15, archived)
Alright Flasheart

(, Thu 14 Feb 2019, 0:30, archived)
Water's getting cut off tomorrow for "essential maintenance"
What's a massive inconvenience in your life?
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 10:54, archived)
work

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:05, archived)
your nan's minge discharge

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:16, archived)

Water knob
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:20, archived)
I'll admit, i haven't looked after it very well

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:59, archived)
Just give it a good polish from time to time

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 12:33, archived)
not sure

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:25, archived)
they built a school next door to where I work so the last 30-60 seconds of my morning drive now takes over ten minutes

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:28, archived)
Pervert

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:30, archived)
Tracie Andrews was hot

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:45, archived)
can't you go five minutes without the need to wank?

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:32, archived)
don't judge me

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 11:46, archived)
Arrive later.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 12:58, archived)
yes that is what is happening here

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 13:44, archived)
How about "dozy project managers"?
I've just had a call from one saying that she told me a big project was for tomorrow when it's actually for Monday, so I've got up and been at work at stupid o'clock for the past three days for no reason. TA LOVE.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 12:56, archived)

dozy all
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 13:14, archived)
Aitch tee tee pee ess colon slash slash double you double you double you dot beeter dot com slash tork

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 13:13, archived)
Relatives

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 13:31, archived)
Brexit

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 14:06, archived)
has anyone said b3ta yet?

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 14:14, archived)
What, ever?
Almost certainly.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 14:38, archived)
I said it only the other day

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 14:46, archived)
Interactive morning thread 2.0
where you can post replies and get replies in response to your replies.

Try it.

It's well cool.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 6:51, archived)
what does this button do?

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 6:53, archived)
It switches on the kettle and plays an MP3 selected at random from a mixed collection of big band music and speed garage.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 6:57, archived)
Buffalo Bill is so demanding these days

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:02, archived)
Goodbye
horses.

Best of all the animals.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:33, archived)
Alright Deedee

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 6:58, archived)
finally someone who understands me

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:07, archived)
I'm excited as hell for this

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:02, archived)
Get hype, get hype and cut the tripe.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:03, archived)
mornflake

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:06, archived)
Crunchy nut skin flakes for a delicious, nutritious start to the day.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:09, archived)
^ intimidating and unwelcoming for a lot of crocodile boarders

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:28, archived)
Calm doon there, Steve Irwin.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:31, archived)
Crikey!

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:32, archived)
morning
sub-reply to main morning topic node.

CLICK Reply TO RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:46, archived)
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(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:50, archived)
shut up nerd

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:54, archived)
We should do this whole thing in PuTTY.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:53, archived)
That would just be paneful

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:57, archived)
I've spent the last week converting an Excel file to html via MadCap Flare, AMA

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:05, archived)

ve spent the last week converting an Excel file to html via m Cap Flare, AMA, me.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:15, archived)

ve sp m b the last week converting an Excel file to html via MadCap Flare
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:49, archived)
hi yeti

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:48, archived)
l33t d0z3r

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 7:54, archived)

Click this button if you are a gay spaz who likes it up the bum-bum from other gay spazzes
                                                                                                                                                                                                                             I
                                                                                                                                                                                                                             I
                                                                                                                                                                                                                             V
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:10, archived)
Lol yr arrow's all askew
just like yr face lol.
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:15, archived)
late reply:
yeah not too bad ta m8
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:24, archived)
Gun't

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:10, archived)
Squar't

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:16, archived)
Hmm I'm not sure I trust this new technology, smells like data harvesting to me

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:43, archived)
When viewed under ultraviolet light, Mark Zuckerberg becomes temporarily paralysed.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:50, archived)
I don't understand why micto finds the guitar harder to play than the ukulele when they are basically the same instrument

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:47, archived)
there's nothing in his dictionary about it either

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:48, archived)
Perhaps he has extremely, comically small hands.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 8:51, archived)
watch the beginning of Deliverance

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 9:29, archived)
there are more strings
and you aren't allowed to play all of them at the same time a lot,
and they're closer together
(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 17:31, archived)
Morning

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 6:11, archived)
Is it? Damn.

(, Wed 13 Feb 2019, 6:43, archived)
Celebrity Juice
All a bit gay really!
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 23:16, archived)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1987389
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 23:31, archived)
"Die screaming motherfucker"
Someone doesn't like rabbits.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 23:52, archived)
I know why there's always loads of guitars in cash converters
it's fucking hard to learn the cunt.
ukulele is a piece of absolute piss in comparison
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:05, archived)
Not my thing but I'm not sure this would go down in value for a while , didn't read it all tbf
www.christies.com/features/David-Gilmour-legendary-Black-Strat-comes-to-auction-9637-3.aspx
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:09, archived)
mine's a surprisingly decent left-handed ashton
basic, but perfectly serviceable
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:12, archived)
I've never played a note on a guitar, all lost on me

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:31, archived)
I wish two hats or Frank were here, I have questions

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:31, archived)
I'm glad frank isn't, the massive prick

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:34, archived)
He was one of the funniest people who ever posted on b3ts

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:58, archived)
opinions and that

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:59, archived)
I've got a guitar.
Can't do owt with it, mind.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:35, archived)
sounds eerily familiar

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:38, archived)
I had lessons on the classical guitar, when I was a kid.
Eventually, my parents offered to buy me a new guitar, and I asked for an electric - they wanted me to get another acoustic, so I agreed to compromise and get a semi-acoustic, they ignored that and got me a cheap twelve string, which was basically impossible to play on account of the strings being too high above the fretboard. It got fixed, last year, but I'm fucked if I can be bothered to learn it now.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:45, archived)
That's a bit crap.
I'd love to learn, but I think I'd need proper lessons with a real-life teacher rather than just learning off the internet, because the temptation to sack off is far too great.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:57, archived)
I could never be bothered to practice.
Even the terrifying man who used to teach me at secondary school couldn't persuade me to actually put any effort in, but that never stopped my parents insistence that I carried on having lessons.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:07, archived)
Terrifying music teachers are rarely a motivational factor.
I wish I had my brother's sense of motivation for it: he got a bass guitar for Christmas one year and literally spent his entire waking life playing it for the following month. He's an incredible player now.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:10, archived)
Our music teacher had no fingers on his right hand , played trumpet, shame we took the piss probably , but he never told us his story

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:20, archived)
Fucking lol.
Our chemistry teacher came in one Monday with one fewer finger than he'd had the previous week. His only explanation was "My bike ate it." We all laughed, because he was a total cunt.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:25, archived)
lol

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:28, archived)
My re teacher got ms bad and was dead in 2 years, she was alright to be fair, bit funny tho

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:33, archived)
My form tutor from 6th form had a heart attack whilst out walking and died alone in a field.
That was a bit devastating, as he'd turned out to be a really nice bloke.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:41, archived)
Yeah, my English teacher, who was a sort of Tesco Value Stephen Fry and a lovely bloke,
had a heart attack halfway through the school year. He came back after about six months, a lot quieter than his former self had been.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:44, archived)
My English teacher had huge tits,
as did her daughter who joined our school in 6th form.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:57, archived)
My art teacher did
but then, she was fat
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 21:59, archived)
Cor, jubblies!

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:00, archived)
As a 17 year old, I thought of little else.

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:47, archived)
We had a really camp English teacher called Mr David, what we called 'Camp David' behind his back.
In fairness he did show us Walkabout without fast-forwarding through the bits where Jenny Agutter was in the nip, which was nice.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:43, archived)
Not quite my tempo

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 23:01, archived)
Ukes not nukes

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:46, archived)
Try the violin
2 years of lessons and I just about managed to learn little brown jug. Violin is fucking hardcore.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:02, archived)
Cor, jugs!

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:26, archived)
Not jug related but you may like this
www.amazon.co.uk/Turrican-Soundtrack-Anthology-Vol-3/dp/B00HKV96Q6/
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:42, archived)
my lad tried the violin for a couple of years
he actually managed to make musical noises
but was a lazy little cunt about practising
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:29, archived)
I only took violin because it got me out of double maths
But despite it being fucking ridiculous, I actually liked it
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:38, archived)
WOOOOOYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
AW-RAAAAGHHTT!!!

Not really, hi guy's. How's it going?
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:07, archived)
I've found out today that they're interviewing my kid ahead of my next court hearing and I am not fucking happy about it
The poor sod's already been way more involved in this shit than she should have. Pretty fucking upset about this tbh
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:09, archived)
no-one cares you blogging prick

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:10, archived)
We do care, and that's shit.
It's a bad thing they are involving her more.
It's a good thing that you have a great connection and relationship with her, and this will show.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:14, archived)
unless she's been well-coached and/or indoctrinated by her poisonous mum

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:27, archived)
Is that a concern?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:31, archived)
absolutely it is, and I've raised it twice before
the kid just wants to please and says what she thinks you want to hear - and keeps stuff to herself that she thinks you won't want to hear.

I bet she goes home from mine to her mum's and when she gets her 'what did you do/eat/did you get exercise?' interrogation she probably tells her mum she's had a rubbish time because she instinctively knows that's what her mum would like

breaks my fucking heart tbh
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:34, archived)
Like that advert where the kid tells each parent the other parent's given them crap food
so they get a home-cooked fancy meal at both houses. Except waaaaaaaay fewer lol.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:35, archived)
^

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:44, archived)
Oh man, I used to go round a mates for tea that eat at few hours earlier than my parents did and then keep schtum and eat a second dinner. Those were the days.
28, I was.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 19:14, archived)
Stone

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 22:35, archived)
will they not have some sort of person who is qualified to talk to children about what they want or am I being naive?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:40, archived)
they will indeed but these govt agencies are overworked and underfunded and as such mistakes can be made and the calibre of staff might not be top notch
the last interview I had with them went in my favour but the report she submitted to the court was atrocious, full of glaring errors - either she didn't have the time/inclination to read it before submitting it, or she did was therefore really fucking bad at writing
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:43, archived)
Did you report this person?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:52, archived)
no, because ultimately she was on my side and said nice things about me

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:53, archived)
likely some cunt who feels that all children are better with their mothers
and all men should be castrated for existing
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:48, archived)
the judge I got for the last two hearings was a total mug who bought all the bullshit yarn she was spun

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:51, archived)
watch yourself
they'll screw you over in a heartbeat
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:56, archived)
I am only too aware of this
What should be a case of 'this is ridiculous, go away and stop bothering us you awful woman' may well turn into 'you tragic victim, we must help you against this selfish man who clearly doesn't care about his kid'
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:59, archived)
wear a mic
tell them you're wearing a mic. record EVERYTHING. if they ask why, tell them it's as much for their safety as yours that there is a permanent record of whatever's gone on. they'll be fewer likely to stick the knife in if they know others will be able to hear it
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 18:09, archived)
Ffs

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:56, archived)
Bugger

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:11, archived)
What, so they can just go behind your back and interview her without your consent?
What the fuck, man.

I am knackered with all this bullshit at work. For the first time in I can't remember how long, I've had to force myself to eat because the stress is taking away my appetite.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:13, archived)
apparently they can
You can only do what you can re work, sometimes something has be allowed to go to shit in order for people to realise it wasn't achievable. Otherwise you're busting a gut only to be setting yourself up for 'well you managed it last time, do it again' in the future
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:24, archived)
This is exactly what I'm trying to get my boss to understand.
I'm absolutely willing to put in a bit of extra time to meet the deadline, especially since I'm on a temporary contract at the moment and coming up to the end of my probationary period (he's already told me I'm going to get a permanent contract, so it should be a formality, but still...), but even with the best will in the world, what he's asking is physically impossible and I refuse to let him walk away from this experience thinking that it's my fault.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:28, archived)
is it worth requesting a little sit down and a chat?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:29, archived)
'Im upstairs has already requested one.
I worked from home today because I've got so much on at the moment, but he wants to talk things over "in person". The two project managers handling the admin side of the project have already had three meetings with him in which they've told him he's asking the impossible, and he hasn't budged an inch, so I'm not particularly optimistic about him changing his tune, but it will at least be the chance to say "This is not going to work unless we subcontract it out or unless I drop literally everything else I am doing and do only this. There are no other alternatives."
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:34, archived)
knife him

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:36, archived)
That's true; I didn't think of that.

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:40, archived)
you have to establish dominance then you can become the alpha male of the pack

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:41, archived)
Will the women in the office become my harem at that point?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:44, archived)
only if you bite him firmly at the base of the scrotum

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:50, archived)
I'd be concerned about sending him mixed signals with that particular manoeuvre.

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 18:02, archived)
it's a standard transfer-of-power move

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 18:07, archived)
You seem well-versed on the matter.

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 18:10, archived)
i have controlled many a testicle in my time

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 18:13, archived)
<s> severed

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 19:53, archived)
at least you're all saying the same thing
if your voice was a sole, lone dissenter the chances of being listened to would be much, much lower. If you pitch it as you trying to spare the dude from ultimately looking like an idiot that might help, you'd come across as fewer of a blooing whingebag
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:50, archived)
In a sane world, where logic and reasoning are things, this would prevail.
The next couple of days will determine whether I am, in fact, living in such a world.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 18:00, archived)
I think it's good they want her input

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:15, archived)
I wish she could be kept out of it, she's only 10

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:25, archived)
When the adults behave worse than children it's best to get the child's opinions

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:56, archived)
I really hope you're right

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:59, archived)
Not bad
Bit ill but nothing serious
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:11, archived)
Man up!

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:20, archived)
That's your solution to everything you dorty bogger

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:25, archived)
Man up
The bumhole moar like
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:32, archived)
and that right there, young master wilhelm, is what we call 'the joke' ;)

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:35, archived)
Ba-dum dum tish

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:55, archived)
have a line of billy
/ac
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:25, archived)
+ goat's snuff

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 20:15, archived)
morning

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:37, archived)
^ ill will

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 18:04, archived)
Looking for a new job.
I'm still employed, but the company is shaky at best.
I'm sick of the uncertainty
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:15, archived)
Does it have a green door?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:26, archived)
With a goat behind it?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 17:48, archived)
Alright, 'Kevin Turvey'.

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 19:18, archived)
afternoon

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 12:57, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8210781
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 13:23, archived)
Or the fella from dollar

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 13:27, archived)
there's a slight hint of that cunt who owns Pimlico plumbers as well

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 13:40, archived)
Yeah , Mullins

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 13:42, archived)
They're clearly planning to eat it

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 13:30, archived)
He's a massive Hawkwind fan, how weird is that
He's actually on one of their albums I believe
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 15:18, archived)
He looks like a Chris Lilley creation

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 15:23, archived)
Mary Berry

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 16:42, archived)
Morning
It's good to see you all
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:01, archived)
Morning Brucie.

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:10, archived)
Get out of my garden before I call the police

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:34, archived)
And put some clothes on, for fuck's sake

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:35, archived)
I really must cover up that webcam.

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:36, archived)
7/10 must try harder

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:43, archived)
The bruce willis rugby erection sequel, at infest

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:54, archived)
turtle power!

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:00, archived)
Leaving forever

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:02, archived)
FFS

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 11:11, archived)

u fucken buftie
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 11:41, archived)
Hi will

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:44, archived)
+y

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:32, archived)
Yo

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:45, archived)

+momma
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:33, archived)
Morning
If I find the cunt whose car alarm has been going off since 5.30, I'm gonna feed him his keys
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:51, archived)
Morning.
Still too far from Friday.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:53, archived)
is it PAYDAY CANS this week, ocsp?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 7:55, archived)
I don't know that acronym.
More bemoaning another 5 days of rubbish work to get through.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 9:02, archived)

too +ting
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:01, archived)

Tooting.
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 9:03, archived)
you can't see me
/cena
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:45, archived)
manolith and TH would've liked this reference
rip :'(
(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:45, archived)
lol gutted

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 9:01, archived)
Will you reply to this Will?

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 8:58, archived)
sniff this

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 9:02, archived)
It's on the turn

(, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 9:13, archived)

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