well that was a load of shit ehup to owt on the weekend? fuck all here
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 15:50,
archived)
I fully intend to get shitfaced and watch crap filmsso no change there, then
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:08,
archived)
have you ever tried getting crapfaced and watch shit films?(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:18,
archived)
just to shake things up, you mean?yeah, i tried that
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:24,
archived)
I gather it wasn't a life changing experience(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:29,
archived)
not really, no(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:34,
archived)
might have a marathon mid-00s tribal house session, loads of Siesta Recordings, H-Foundation, Tyrant, NRK recordings etc.I'll 'lay down a set' and send all of you the mixcloud link!!!!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:23, archived)
the M4 is lovely at this time of year(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 18:47,
archived)
Everyone will be watching us, why don’t we lay down in the road(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Sat 16 Oct 2021, 20:20,
archived)
Working tomorrow, stuck him on ignore for a bit to much Mr meecee (
mongychops, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:25,
archived)
I've got the nipper for the weekend but I expect she'll be out with her pals tomorrow daytimeI'm chuffed to bits to see a bit of independence from her at last
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:29,
archived)
Running a marathon Then consuming as much beer and curry as humanly possible.
Followed by morning guffs that could strip paint
(
Cheers Cheers, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:35,
archived)
that sounds greatapart from the marathon, obviously
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:42,
archived)
i'm sure you will(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 16:51,
archived)
feeding my neighbours' cat while they bugger off to Germany for the weekend(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 17:33,
archived)
all weekend? how big is this fucking cat?(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 17:34,
archived)
It'll be pretty massive by Sunday evening, by the sound of it.(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 17:35,
archived)
He means the neighbors. He’s feeding his neighbors (who are apparently German cat buggerers) on behalf of Canadian pop-rock group The Weekend. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 19:28,
archived)
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 17:36,
archived)
that reminds me, i need dreamies(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 17:38,
archived)
dunno whether to get a pair of these or a pair of the camouflage Busenitz Proswww.flatspot.com/products/adidas-tyshawn-low-shoes-ftwr-white-grey-one-gold-metallic?variant=39376042131636&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwMKcsqbM8wIV1-3tCh1qzA5FEAQYASABEgKoJfD_BwE
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 12:22, archived)
Not clicking that, probably gay porn.(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 12:29,
archived)
They look quite dull for the price I'd rather have converse all stars
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 12:32,
archived)
'for the price'?That's the normal price of a pair of trainers.
What do a pair of chucks cost these days? Last time I had any converse was in the 90s, a pair of black suede One Stars.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 12:34, archived)
I wouldn't pay £75 for white trainers with shit-coloured trim (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 12:42,
archived)
What are you wearing right now? (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 19:27,
archived)
I have a much better idea for you, you should get this:fucked
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 12:34,
archived)
Shoes are a great way to protect your feet when walking.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 13:24,
archived)
Try thesewww.mytheresa.com/en-gb/dolce-gabbana-city-quilted-nylon-ankle-boots-2009540.html?catref=category
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 13:45,
archived)
nah m8 thesewheretoget.com/look/2746742
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 14:04,
archived)
hi sticklebricks, here's an idea, take your b3ta.com/talk reply there and STICK IT UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 14:34, archived)
^Not in the least bit triggered (
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 14:40,
archived)
Hi, I'd like to offer that same advice to occasional poster 'Mr. Tea'!(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 14:43, archived)
GD MRNNGAnyone like my edgy new branding?
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:41,
archived)
I see Steve Albini has finally apologised for being a lifelong dickwad(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:47, archived)
I have literally no interest in anything he has said or done in his entire lifeI'm sure this bothers him a great deal
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:55,
archived)
Who is this person?should I care?
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:58,
archived)
tedious American musician and producer(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:03,
archived)
I've been listening to Dua LipaI've not listened to young peopele's music in years. It's quite interesting, not bad some of it.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:06,
archived)
You're talking like she's my neighbourand keeps coming around and taking her clothes off in my front room then storming off in a huff because I'm not bothered. I've listened to one of her songs that's got a particularly good bass guitar part and I'm trying to learn it.
That's it.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 10:17,
archived)
Funnily enough she actually is my neighbour and does this all the time(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 11:34,
archived)
How many cups of sugar does she have now?(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 13:16,
archived)
Queef was a pop star in his yoof, fact fans.He went by the stage name of Dua Pu.
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 17:39,
archived)
I'm on an 80s dancehall tip at the moment(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:24,
archived)
there were some great records at that time, plus it coincided with my peak clubbing and caning years(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:36, archived)
Even the name of the genre makes me do a little cringe. (
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:47,
archived)
This has good memorieswww.youtube.com/watch?v=gXCN1DhHTZA
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 10:13,
archived)
hate speech is banned on here m8(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 11:34,
archived)
just to explain this post here for the less intelligent poster, I am poking fun at homophobic attitudes such as that displayed by QR in his joke about 'coming out'.OK???????????????????????
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 14:44, archived)
I saw a live PA of that at the Brunel Rooms in Swindon a month or so before it came outIt had a revolving bar which was really fucking confusing when you're pilled off your tits.
Samples this, if you care: www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2fcDbCrBKU
It still samples that even if you don't. Both great records.
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 10:38,
archived)
I always seem to think she sang dance monkey Even though she didn't
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 11:46,
archived)
It's very noughties nu-metal.The 00s must be due for a revival now, so you're ahead of the curve.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:55, archived)
dozer will finally be 'cool' with his in-depth knowledge of 'Korn' and 'Linkin Park'(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:04,
archived)
Someone's summoning the banhammer....(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:06,
archived)
I'll never forget the judge's words as he handed down a 35 year sentence:"ur b& lol"
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:11, archived)
don't forget about Alien Ant Farm mate, they were shitting brilliant!!!(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:20, archived)
I'm so glad that everyone remembers all their other songs apart from their cover of 'Smooth Criminal'.It would be a terrible shame if 100% of their ongoing royalties went to the estate of Michael Jackson.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:32, archived)
er, SOMEONE's forgetting about that classic song of theirs, 'Movies'.(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:51, archived)
I heard he touches animal bottoms And is a bit of a bellend. The internet is ablaze with it
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:33, archived)
it is possible to be top-five 'BOH', as well as being a toucher of animal bottoms and a bit of a bellend.(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:37, archived)
Some friends of our have a Downes syndrome kid(they're religious so they didn't abort when they were told). Anyway, he's been going to a regular school but now he's started going to a special needs school and comes home making fun of all the other kids' disabilities. It's horrible but fucking hilarious - people are vile aren't they?
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 10:22,
archived)
MorningFriday is recycling day so was woken by the clattering smashing of glass at 6am.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:02,
archived)
I'm sleeping terribly at the moment, not helped by foxes making a horrible racket at about 5:30the cunts
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:10,
archived)
That was a fucking long opera No idea what the hell was going on for 3 and a half hours
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 23:35,
archived)
Well the whole fucking thing was in Sanskritand they turned the subtitles off to make sure it was extra cultural so we'd not be distracted by knowing what the fucking hell was going on and just concentrate on the performance.
Being fair it was one of the most brilliantly staged pieces I've ever seen, but it did go on. And on. And on. And on.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 8:01,
archived)
I’ve never been to an opera because I don’t like the singing. Except that Nissan Dorma, I like that one because it’s about football. And about cars, probably. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 3:16,
archived)
It's about the sunroof in someone's family hatchback(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 7:59,
archived)
The rabbit disguised himself as a busty blonde woman So the little fat hunter wouldn't shoot him. What's not to understand?
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 9:51,
archived)
Lionel Ritchie's song would have been better if he'd sunghullo
NOT REALLY, SHIT OFF
(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 13:55, archived)
IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKNG AT, SHIT OFF(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:03,
archived)
22 positions in a one night stand(
mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 21:17,
archived)
You sexy motherfucker! Where have you been micto?(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 22:34,
archived)
I agree, it has been a while(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 22:49,
archived)
Wherever it was, looks like he’s buggered off back there. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 3:19,
archived)
Hello My red dwarf breakfast has resulted in the most unholy eggy guffs
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:00,
archived)
leftover chicken tikka and pilau rice here, did a bbq in the dark last nightit was fackin lavly
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:02,
archived)
Not even though about what to make for dinner Still full
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:04,
archived)
pizza tonight cba cookingI've got a duck in the freezer and big plans for it for Sunday lunch: slow-roasted and glazed, and with a port and redcurrant sauce. And gout.
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:15,
archived)
An ex of mine once made duck a l'orange He was trying to impress me. It managed to be both undercooked and horribly fatty
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:27,
archived)
hopefully he didn't present with you the bill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:43, archived)
Every time you post another pun, smash monkey ducks. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 1:40,
archived)
She thinks duck fat is bad.As the French would say, c'est mal lard.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2021, 6:29, archived)
I still get bunnies from a ex localI.have dug two out of the freezer and am planning a stew, with rice. Fuck I am interesting today
(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:45, archived)
Haven't had rabbit stew since I was a kid (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 15:00,
archived)
same, it's fantastic meat thoughI had roasted saddle of lamb at some place in the West End a few years ago, it was delicious
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 15:02,
archived)
rabbit is really niceasked my butcher for it last year, he said there's no call for it, so they don't get it in. If I'm asking him for rabbit, surely that's call for it
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 16:35,
archived)
also, my mum said can she have some whisky marmalade(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 16:36,
archived)
if I've got spare once it's made, she absolutely can(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 17:02,
archived)
she does love her marmalade(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 17:03,
archived)
some positive news just inmrs has been contacted about a 6 month contract, working from home, after tax it would bring in nearly 4k a month - that would really sort us out, I can't bring myself to hope, really
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 17:36,
archived)
that really is excellent newsbest of luck to mrs queef
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 17:57,
archived)
even if it doesn't happen it shows she's still a viable prospect in her industry after 3 years off work(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:04,
archived)
not to mention giving her a confidence boost(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:09,
archived)
it's what people on universal credit are expected to live on for a year(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:40,
archived)
I know , and millions are spent on sending a fat wanker into space. This world has depressed me since I was about 8(
mongychops, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:58,
archived)
I;m just waiting for the revolution, tbh(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 19:03,
archived)
actually, it's less than thatjust worked it out, 52 weeks of jobseeker's allowance/universal credit comes to ยฃ3886.20
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:58,
archived)
innit20% less that what she was on before tho, used to get 20k bonus as well, man those were different times
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:47,
archived)
Well best of luck ro her. She's had a few fucking bum hands , about time she got a straight flush (
mongychops, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 19:02,
archived)
Yeah some non-shit luck would be nice(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 19:27,
archived)
There is an absolutely stunning new jump hour on ablogtowatch for only 10 months of banking her money , worth thinking about. Its gorg (
mongychops, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 19:37,
archived)
lol bum handsSeriously though, glad to hear things are looking up
(
Cheers Cheers, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 20:55,
archived)
That's funny, I haven't had kid stew since I was a rabbit.(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 15:39,
archived)
why are you wearing that stupid man suit?(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 17:25,
archived)
which James Bond are you tho?www.bbc.com/culture/article/20211011-which-bond-character-are-you
"You are Bond, James Bond. You always run while others walk. You act while other men (or women) just talk. They call you the winner who takes all. Mind you, you're also a bit of a dinosaur."
but which one am I?!
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:08,
archived)
Apparently I am Bond. James Bond.(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:13,
archived)
what you too?(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:15,
archived)
And me.It's almost as if everyone who takes that quiz gets Bond, regardless of what answers they click.
(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:18, archived)
what a silly quiz(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:21,
archived)
I got Blofeld(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 18:08,
archived)
Hullo queefo, 7/15theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/oct/14/the-guardian-thursday-quiz-general-knowledge-topical-news-trivia-14-october
(
broadsword wโ, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:39,
archived)
5/15the first one I got right was question 10, I was quite disappointed because by that stage I wanted to finish with zero.
(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 14:46, archived)
come on Porky, where's your gumption?(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 11:05,
archived)
I wrote this in the style of 'Barbie Girl'(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 11:17,
archived)
Morning In honour of the birthday of fictional character David Lister, breakfast today is a triple fried egg sandwich with chilli sauce and chutney
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 10:15,
archived)
I plan to make a tomato & chili chutney soon, as part of my xmas giftswhisky marmalade and smoked salmon too
I'd be pleased if someone gave me that, I think
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 10:39,
archived)
I'd be pleased with all but the Marmalade Why my a/c chose to give Marmalade a capital m is beyond me
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 11:01,
archived)
Happy birthday David Lister on your birthday today on 14th October which is your birthday on 14th October!(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 10:41, archived)
Contrary to half of the internet, I did quite like Red Dwarf when both it and I were youngbut fuck me it was an abomination by the time it got to that utter shitshow of a plot point.
(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 12:16, archived)
It went rapidly downhill after they lost the ship (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 13:02,
archived)
I have referenced the internetand it is the birthdate of non nonce Cliff Richard. Happy birthday non nonce
(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 12:09, archived)
I'm not cooking a living doll as well (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 12:11,
archived)
I had that record "I still think that locking girls in trunks is politically unsound" always amused me
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 13:04,
archived)
alright dbtanother leisurely day ahead? are you going to buy another boozer or go back to being a shit GP?
(, Thu 14 Oct 2021, 7:53, archived)
Huh...Still going eh?
(
Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:58,
archived)
Any of us are less surprised than no-one?(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:43,
archived)
Has anyone triedCovering it in jam and spunking in its eye?
(
Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:26,
archived)
*Bumrapes*(
Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:25,
archived)
Well that was uncalled for
(
Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:26,
archived)
I do apologise...... I seem to be a day early
(
Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:26,
archived)
Early, Punctual or lateI still don't want it.
(
Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:28,
archived)
It's this sort of dreadful homophobia that has really ruined this place.(, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:48, archived)
Personally, no, I’m just running on empty, wondering where I’ll crash. What about you Benny?Where I live, a Benny is someone from Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, or New York who goes down to the Jersey shore and acts like a muppet.
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:39,
archived)
I can certainly do the muppety thing(I assume you mean have someone shove their hand up my arse, right?)
(
Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:41,
archived)
That is precisely what I meant, yes. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:45,
archived)
yesterday was your candle dayor pancake day, whichever you prefer
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:48,
archived)
Crikey...18 years. Maybe I'll take my profile for a pint later.
(
Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 15:56,
archived)
We’re doing our best to kill what’s left of /chatCheers
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 15:33,
archived)
Exactly! It’s not our fault we’re shit at it. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 17:39,
archived)
It's still a load of bollocks.(
djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 18:03,
archived)
It’s a lovely forum of debate and exchanged pleasantries. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 20:25,
archived)
Fuck off(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 21:38,
archived)
Holy shitbags!Alright, old timer?
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 20:28,
archived)
How come you've got no candles? (
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 20:29,
archived)
I'm supposed to be cleaning But I'm eating cheese on toast and watching journey to the centre of the earth
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:29,
archived)
one of my favourite books when I was a ladthat and around the world in 80 days
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:33,
archived)
I love reading Couldn't do it much as a kid, because my brother would take any book I was reading and either hide it or burn it, the cunt
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:35,
archived)
Yep, total sociopath Any kind of reading is gay, any desire to learn is bent, only cunts go to college, he got his learning from the school of life. He's an expert on some bloke down the pub told me
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 14:11,
archived)
cheap ass tom yum noodles here, pimped up with a few additionsstill pretty fucking lame
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:14,
archived)
The person charing the MS Teams meeting I'm inhas set a photo as their background. They are in the photo in their own background so he's standing there behind himself it's fucking weird.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:11,
archived)
Someone's also put their camera on as they eatbut the person speaking has theirs off so it's all a bit like watching a zoom link to an old people's home.
I'm also doing loud farts so I have to keep checking my mic's off otherwise it'll keep spotlighting me when I guff.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:30,
archived)
I AM AN HUMAN! LOOK AT MY NORMAL HUMAN LIKENESS! SEE HOW NORMAL IT IS!(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 13:30,
archived)
Is your lack of pooping making you feel sick... bloated... and annoyed?If so you'll be happy to know that scientists have discovered an unusual nutrient which acts like "nature's drano" to...
- Help you poop up to 171% more than you do right now - That's the difference between pooping about 2x per week versus 7 days a week...
I don't know how they worked out that percentage, but it's completely wrong. And for that reason, I'm out.
(, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 8:24, archived)
The leaflet we give out with bowel prep for capsule endoscopiessays it "begins to soften your stools (poo)". I guess there's no good word that every member of the general public will understand, because I suppose the ethics committee wouldn't go for "it'll make you shit like an elephant".
(, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 8:42, archived)
Why not just say "poo" and have done with it?(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 10:41,
archived)
This has just inspired me to write a joke, I'll whack it on qotw and wait to be newslettered again.(, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 11:57, archived)
Wednesday? If only it was WENTsdaylike if it had went or gone or something
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 8:59,
archived)
I slept until nearly 8:30, unheard of(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 9:17,
archived)
We're going to the opera tomorrow nightSatyagraha is over 3 hours long, by Phillip Glass, and is sung in Sanskrit without any subtitles. So that'll be fun!
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 9:24,
archived)
christI'd rather sit through 'Cats' than that, and I'd rather hack my cock off with a rusty spoon than sit through 'Cats'
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 9:37,
archived)
I'm sure it'll be a laugh-a-minute(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 9:49,
archived)
Take a shitload of acid before you go in That should liven things up
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 11:12,
archived)
Please, I implore youRent a prostitute and lose your virginity. You will be a happier person
(, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 9:41, archived)
Discover the potent "erectile tonic" men are taking to rapidly harden up in bedNot only does this potent tonic help you perform like you were 23...
It's completely natural, easy to make and full of ingredients you can find at your store.
What's more, it boosts your overall energy levels, makes you healthier, happier and feel "younger" all over....
Had enough of not being able to get it up? Well, not anymore.
Because now it's time to reclaim the hardness and outstanding performances of your younger years...
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 9:22,
archived)
I like his musical version of War of the Worlds that he does on his radio 1 show(, Wed 13 Oct 2021, 11:59, archived)
I keep getting ads for hiphop.com, are the represed vinyl any good? (
mongychops, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 16:55,
archived)
most reissued vinyl is better than the original releases these daysExpensive though
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 17:19,
archived)
I did a couple of DJ gigs in Romania many years agoSome of the other UK DJs used CDs and I was all snooty about it, until I realised that lugging 2 x 30kg boxes across Europe wasn't as smart as what they were doing, which was carrying two discs in their coat pockets.
Fuck it I'm way too far down the road to change now
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 17:41,
archived)
i would love to visit Romaniamostly because I loved vampire stories as a kid
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:10,
archived)
It's a fucking dump tbhWorst foreign country I've been to and I like a bit of edgy, hence my love of Palermo which is really pretty dodgy
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:18,
archived)
can confirm(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:29,
archived)
try Macedoniaan entire country of Soviet peasants stuck in the 1950s
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:33,
archived)
sounds delightful(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:35,
archived)
if you're a fan of concrete, pollution and abject poverty, it's lovely(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:38,
archived)
Estonia has nice prisons but the old bill are cunts. The judge was alright (
mongychops, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:44,
archived)
Abject poverty isn't my thing, but it threatens to be my life (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 20:30,
archived)
Bolivia is probably the most depressingly shit country I've visited.The altitude makes it hard to breathe, everyone's poor as fuck, and the entire country looks like a neglected dirt road surrounded by bigger neglected dirt roads.
On the plus side, alpacas are very cute, and very tasty in pepper sauce.
(, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 23:18, archived)
people will be talking about this for years to come(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 17:19,
archived)
classic biscuitsthose are nice
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 17:29,
archived)
I don't reckon I've eaten a non-savoury biscuit in 20+ years(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 17:43,
archived)
i'm not a fan of biscuits reallybut those fox's classics are really nice
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 17:52,
archived)
get yourself some own brand custard creamsyou insufferable food ponce
(, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 18:28, archived)
ffs SmashEdit: or was it an unintentional joke?
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mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 23:17,
archived)
We can but hope, eh readers?(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 12:14,
archived)
I'm going to hold my breath until they turn up and post in this thread.(, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 12:16, archived)
let's do an experimentstop posting and we'll see
(we'll shout if we need you back)
(, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 14:20, archived)
Afternoon Lovely smell of the sea in the air today
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Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 14:12,
archived)
Er, okay mateimgur.com/a/JgDOpTu
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 14:23,
archived)
If you're interestedwww.facebook.com/marketplace/item/835086757058924/?ref=browse_tab&referral_code=marketplace_top_picks&referral_story_type=top_picks&tracking=%7B%22qid%22%3A%22-7613126810673673506%22%2C%22mf_story_key%22%3A%22301031950875540661%22%2C%22commerce_rank_obj%22%3A%22%7B%5C%22target_id%5C%22%3A301031950875540661%2C%5C%22target_type%5C%22%3A6%2C%5C%22primary_position%5C%22%3A0%2C%5C%22ranking_signature%5C%22%3A1976629634216755200%2C%5C%22commerce_channel%5C%22%3A501%2C%5C%22value%5C%22%3A0%2C%5C%22upsell_type%5C%22%3A21%2C%5C%22grouping_info%5C%22%3Anull%7D%22%7D
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 14:23,
archived)
Metal guru, is it true? Unlikely. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 17:09,
archived)
how the fuck have I been bitten by a mosquito last night?surely those cunts should be dead by now
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Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 7:57,
archived)
an entirely meritless annoying little shit causing nothing but irritation?checks out
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Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 8:15,
archived)
nice beat but I'm not mad on the MCing(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 8:36,
archived)
I am so not fucking feeling it right now I could just crawl back into bedand stay there for the rest of the day
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 9:35,
archived)
Morning Christmas shopping all done, food shopping done, Halloween sweets bought, think I'll spend the rest of the week sat on my arse, watching films
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Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 9:40,
archived)
I have bought one Christmas presentbecause we had a voucher for Screwfix and my brother in law keeps borrowing my drill so we're buying the cunt one of his own.
I do, however, have a plan for my dad who is incredibly difficult to buy stuff for. He's got a new Triumph motorbike and he'd like a little screen for it so I'm gonna get it for him from my sister and myself.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 10:22,
archived)
I'm late finishing the Christmas shopping this year I'm usually done by September. Very pleased with the lovely silver and turquoise necklace I got for my niece
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Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 10:29,
archived)
Yeah I've only got one so far also(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 11:03,
archived)
Had enough tzatziki to last a lifetime. Anyway back home now.Just been to see James Bond. A bit long, got a numb bottom by the end but pretty good. Sad ending but good to see Freddie Mercury got his comeuppance in the end. Did I miss much?
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Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 19:03,
archived)
I was going to pretend to confuse tzatziki with Yahtzeebut I can't be arsed
(, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 21:59, archived)
Has anyone done a Yahtzee joke yet?(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 23:51,
archived)
The biggest question from that whole filmare Nokia still making phones then? And if they are would James Bond really use one?
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 9:30,
archived)
I reckon Bond would have some crazy and obviously unrealistic gadget,like a phone that connects to the internet or something.
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 12 Oct 2021, 9:47,
archived)
not too much chatting going on today eh(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 15:41,
archived)
This is possibly the weirdest spam email I've received to dateWhat a serial robber thought was just another break in, turned out to be the most frightening thing he had ever experienced.
Police found him crippled on the living room floor, seven feet away from his gun, screaming in excruciating pain "He's not human!".
The scene was incredibly awkward, as the person he was pointing at was a little boy in Teddy Bear pajamas, no older than 10 years, surrounded by his worried parents and grandparents.
When an officer interrogated the family they said that Jimmy -the little boy- had learned a self-defense move after watching this video with his grandfather.
The two-finger trick, called the "Death Touch", was invented by a Chinese Kung Fu Master and it allows anyone, no matter their physical strength or condition, to bring down an attacker just by poking him in a vulnerable spot.
"We saw the video a couple of times and practiced a little bit. I'm shocked Jimmy almost killed an 180 pound man just by touching him...and he did it in the dark!"
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 15:50,
archived)
Watch the self-defense move right here.
glentissa.digital/Sug8f-CAg9uOWI6RiVSvJUiXzpaniI-TTLYowJ85rbEfyA
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 15:50,
archived)
the guy tells you his whole life storythat itself is lethal
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Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 16:02,
archived)
The Buddha's Palm technique!That boy must have the bone structure and qi flow of a kung fu genius.
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Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 16:47,
archived)
Two fingers on my vulnerable spot and I’d be crippled on the living room floor too, it’s true. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 16:53,
archived)
So, not the 5 point palm exploding heart technique?(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 18:41,
archived)
Hiya , got a new phone yesterday which is much easier to see text on. Still think I need reading glasses now tho (
mongychops, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 16:14,
archived)
Hello thereI've had to increase the font size on my phone recently :(
My mother held out on getting glasses until she was 50, because that's how old her mother was when she got hers. I'm going to try to do the same, just to keep the tradition going.
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Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 16:31,
archived)
As your official shit /chat ex_gpI can't see you making 50. Sos m8 :(
(, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 16:37, archived)
ah well, saves on expensive frames(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 16:40,
archived)
Our youngest was watching something on the telly that mentioned wills She asked about themI told her and she said how much are you going to leave me.Five yeats old and she's planning my death ffs
(, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 17:11, archived)
I fancy Cazal 607 frames, because despite being a middle aged honky, for some reason I think I can pull off the Run-DMC looklol pulling off Run-DMC
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 18:07,
archived)
Timothée Chalamet’s Wonka: is it so wrong to find him scrumdiddlyumptious? asks The Guardian’s Stewart Heritage. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 17:14,
archived)
His name is short for Timotheeeeee.(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 17:34,
archived)
You've read 97 articles this year.Please give us money so we can continue doing this important journalism.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 17:51, archived)
textbook Heritage, asking the real quezzles(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 18:09,
archived)
Morning. Been up for hours. The little one's got the shits pretty badly, or has had.
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 7:49,
archived)
Morning Still not sleeping well because of pain
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 8:46,
archived)
plumber arrived 8.30 on the dot as promised-head explode emoji-
(, Mon 11 Oct 2021, 11:11, archived)
#pcmasterrace(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 20:22,
archived)
Sunday Sunday here again a walk in the parkhave you ever talked of the past with an old soldier? I think I have. It was a while ago now though.
(, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 10:44, archived)
yes, my grandfather was a general in WWII, he got up to all sorts. We have some cool heirlooms from himHe was a right cunt, unfortunately
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 11:17,
archived)
my sister's got his silk map of the Rhineland with an escape route marked on itit was sewn into the lining of his coat in case of disaster. And a load of deutschmarks from when they blew up an armoured car, turns out it was full of looted cash. Unlike a lot of 'don't want to talk about it' soldiers, he loved to go on about it all, he fucking loved the war I think
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 11:36,
archived)
shame he was a nobmy nan lived through the war as a farmer's wife and had loads of stories of that time. but she fucking loved herself so they were all about how amazing she was
(, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 11:43, archived)
he was unbelievably racistWe always used to say he fought for the wrong side
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Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 12:10,
archived)
read Sven Hassellhis books on being a soldier in a penal battalion are great
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 15:20,
archived)
I've got a couple of nazi germany era thingsbut they're props from a tv show, not actually real
(, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 11:44, archived)
I have a genuine Luftwaffe officer's cap It's too small to wear though :(
My daughter used to like wearing when she was younger which always made me laugh
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Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 12:04,
archived)
damn those tiny headed nazis!(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 15:18,
archived)
My grandfather helped sink the BismarkAs well as rather a lot of the Swordfish they gave him to fly, according to his stories.
Also most of his wedding presents went down with HMS Ark Royal in the Mediterranean.
(, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 17:53, archived)
nobut I suspect this guy has: thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/575642-3-million-euros-worth-of-nazi-memorabilia-found-in-alleged
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Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 12:24,
archived)
A Nazi nonce.What a class act!
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Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 14:35,
archived)
A guy, who sadly died of Covid used to come into our pub.He got a military guard at his funeral it turned out he actually WAS in the SAS. It's amazing the amount of early door drinkers we got who had been in, but "didn't like to talk about it", I bet he would have had some belting stories
(, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 12:49, archived)
I spent my formative years talking to old soldiers in British legions (
mongychops, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 14:05,
archived)
"tenner a suck and i'll salute you afterwards"(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 15:33,
archived)
i used to talk to my granddad about the warhe had some good stories. the one i remember most is where he and 3 others got sent out as scouts, one north, one south, one west and my granddad east. he was the only one who came back.
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 15:08,
archived)
those crafty buggers(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 16:52,
archived)
It's been more than 12 hours since the morning thread.Anyone up for a foooood thread?
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 19:56,
archived)
Not so hasty there friend :)(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 22:39,
archived)
I just had some chicken, if that helps (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 20:27,
archived)
Thank you, Smash Monkey 2. I, likewise, had chicken.In a casserole with bacon and mushrooms.
You know, I reckon we can rescue this thread. Come on, everyone!
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 20:43,
archived)
Chicken and bacon in the same dish?What sort of nutter are you?
(, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 20:56, archived)
My nickname in Wormwood Scrubs was Mr. 'Mad Dog' Tea.(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 21:07,
archived)
mine was Mr. Dyson for some reason(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 22:41,
archived)
*something about sucking down everything in a 3-foot radius*(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 22:42,
archived)
Something about pretending to be a patriot and then moving your production overseas as soon as you got knighted (
mongychops, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 23:08,
archived)
Didn’t know about that, I thought dyson was one of those “proudly made in England” companies for some reason. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Sun 10 Oct 2021, 13:10,
archived)
made a big chilli for tealooking forward to round two tomorrow :)
(
theniwokeup has been awake since, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 21:21,
archived)
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