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| Each week on b3ta we ask you to make cool shit. Here's some of the best stuff b3ta people made in 2005. It all fucking rocks. Enjoy. | |
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| Taking a suprising turn away from stupid flash animation this year, 2005 has been the year of the cook. | |
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Giant scotch egg
B3ta's chef to the titans Fraser Lewry has been busy this year, whipping up gigantic culinary concoctions. Our favourite was his Giant Scotch Egg. Rumour has it that that it's gone into production for fat bastards in the north. Prediction for 2006: Fraser makes a cookery book (and reveals himself to be a giant.) |
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How To Poach An Egg Your Ginger Fuhrer was hungry in his bunker and decided to teach the world how to poach eggs. With suprisingly controversial results. Prediction: Everyone gets cancer from the clingfilm. Apparently. |
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Ironing bacon Not content with freshly pressed shirts Thomas Scott decided to turn his irong prowess to the wonders of pork. Prediction: He is sacked for wearing a tie made of salami. |
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| It was a particularly fine year for people making their odd little ideas become a reality. But in a good way - not scary like you might think. | |
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Phallic Logo Awards 2005 was the very first year b3ta hosted the prestigious Pahllic Logo Award, rounding up the cream of the world's unintentionally sexual corporate identities. Prediction: Ford redesign their logo to look like a penis just to get the free publicity. |
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Kitten War Ruthlessly efficient, B3ta old schoolers Tomsk and Fraser applied the "pickthehottie" method to photos of lovely kittens. Only the cutest will win. An unashamed crowdpleaser. Top stuff. Prediction: Fraser finds an unexpected way to combine this with his odd cooking gig. |
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Wolf boy Proud father CCC entered his photoshopped son, Juanzo, into the local paper's 'Baby of the Year' competition. It looked like he might actually win it for a while, as the judges took pity on a child afflicted with the dreaded, but fictional, 'Wolf Syndrome'. Read on for the full tale. Prediction: CCC feels remorse and adopts a mong. |
| Also great... |
USB Barbie Wank experiment Cherie Blair Sex Calendar Star Wars in 168k Rate my insult Cats in Sinks Make your own Harold Shipman |
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| Fuck Playstation 7s - the web is where it's at, kids! | |
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Offensive Wanking Game frshhh came up trumps in the game stakes this year with this, the once and forever Offensive Wanking Game. Wank off over various things and people, such as a pirate, a duck and the Queen Mother (RIP), over 3 awe-inspiring levels. Perfectly complemented by the remix of Derek and Clive's 'Cancer Song' as a backing track. Prediction: Wanking still popular in 2006. |
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Click the colour, not the word According to wikipedia, "The Stroop effect in psychology is a demonstration of interference. When colour words such as blue, green, red, etc. are printed in various colours and someone is asked to say the colour the words are printed in rather than reading the words." Sounds like a great idea for a game. Prediction: Rob will get hate mail from the colour-blind. |
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Inexplicable otter game Making its way to the top on sheer weirdness, there's this offering from Crazymum. We still don't really know how to play it. But that premise: you control a drink-addled Magnus Magnusson, pissing bleach onto otters in a river of electric Eskimos. Oh yes, now that we understand. Prediction: Crazymum remembers to take his special brain medicine this year. |
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Gruesome Twosome quiz "Aliens invaded my house" Celebrity love-child quiz Pornalikes quiz |
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| Tremble in fear, television. Your days are clearly numbered. | |
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French film subtitle gag Newsletter legend CCC got busy with the trailer to a feelgood French flick and, with his magical subtitle stick, changed the meaning completely. The result? Excellence - a film about an irascible old Frenchman and the daughter he hates. Prediction: French-speaking viewer proves him wrong. |
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Burnt Face Man It's been the Year of David Frith and his stuff has just gone from strength to strength. Prediction: Lawsuit from parents of kids burnt emulating their web hero. |
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Countdown Uncut B3tard-at-large Chicago Dave unearthed supposed unscreened footage of cult UK word-guessing game Countdown. His characteristic style and attention to detail made us chortle anew at quite an old joke. Or maybe it's just the swearing. Prediction: Countdown releases 'Director's Cut' cash-in DVD box set. |
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Captain Morgan = tramp drink 2CV robot break dancer Weebl & Bob goes goth |
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| Saving the best to last, what the newsletter is probably best for is the song and animated video. Burn them all off to a DVD and have yourself a Christmas party. | |
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Soupy George Woo! Soup on your head! Joel went a bit loopy, syncing video of his own singing mouth and sticking it on a kitten for the entirety of this catchy number from his band, 7 Seconds of Love. But it's well worth his suffering for his art. Also features cameos from quite a lot of people we know, including Ginger Fuhrer Rob Manuel. Prediction: Sponsorship deal from Campbells results in Joel actually having to wear a giant tin of soup all next year. |
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Cillit Bang: Hardcore cleaning sensation Uber-annoying household scourer Cillit Bang takes on vaguely fascistic overtones thanks to Jakazid. The crafty genius embarks on a dark, hardcore odyssey of everyday cleansing power, remixing the cult UK TV ad. Watch this NOW. Prediction: Tune becomes the actual ad. Jakazid cleans up in ad-land. |
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Pig Farm Giant_squid wasn't cut out to be a corporate raider, he'd rather be a happy pig farmer. And wouldn't we all? Lovely, heart-warming song yearning for the simple life. Prediction: Giant_squid marries his pig-farm lady and lives happily ever after. |
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Black chicks, white knickers Cow in a tree If I Could Shit Out My Cock First drink of the day Weebl sings Aha Looking for my Leopard Flip out like a ninja Niggaz With Folkitude Camilla Queen Ringtones can fuck off! Google song |
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This lovely review was put together by your sexy newsletter team Rob Manuel & Dave Stevenson. Using small monkeys. | |
