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Always the showman

(Frogbeat, Sun 1 Mar, 21:04, 15 replies)
STOP COOKING!

(baying cyber-mob, Sun 1 Mar, 2:03, 29 replies)
as within most colonies,the Queen spends all her time laying eggs,perhaps upto 1500 a day.
...occasionally stopping for a swan sandwich
(just Dubya not so rubbery, Wed 25 Feb, 17:15, 18 replies)
The most useful gadget he owns.

(monkeon, Tue 24 Feb, 17:03, 11 replies)
The gods want their entertainment.

(patella, Mon 23 Feb, 3:24, 10 replies)


(just Dubya not so rubbery, Sun 22 Feb, 14:56, 3 replies)
Sag ihm nicht, Hecht!

(ferret, Tue 17 Feb, 1:24, 18 replies)
Looks like someone forgot about them

(Barbarossa, Fri 13 Feb, 12:19, 11 replies)
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival

(the wub, Fri 13 Feb, 12:14, 7 replies)
He has a lazer eye.

(monkeon, Thu 12 Feb, 22:33, 18 replies)
XML feeds
Challenge
Stars of the past today
This week we're raising the celebrity dead and putting them to work. What sort of films would Charlie Chaplin make if he were shuffling about today, would Bob Ross ditch the brushes for a Wacom tablet and would Marilyn be flogging her arse on a reality show?
You tell us with pictures.
See all 66 images (open)
set by HappyToast on 26th Feb at 8am
Challenge
Film Spoonerisms
This week we're coming up with film spoonerisms, swap corresponding letters and do us a picture of the lolarious results.
See all 146 images (open)
set by HappyToast on 19th Feb at 8am
Newsletter
Brand-new good for you - B3ta newsletter 653 is out now. But whatever you do, don't tell anyone.
Read newsletter 653
published by rob on 13th Feb at 6pm
Trying to collate a list of some of the world's worst records
...and came across this rubbish. Can anyone beat this?

See all 20 popular links (13 made popular today)
linked to by Flobbit on 2nd Mar at 10am
Question of the Week
Things you can't unsee...
The Eightball Says Yes wimpers, "Waiting for a bus on Upper Street, Islington twenty years ago I was approached by a very old and very potty woman. She must have been 80.
"She was licking her lips salaciously and saying 'fuck me, fuck me.' She then lifted her skirt to show me her fanny. I looked, I ran, I wish I could rinse my mind out, but the image remains."

Tell us and the internet what you cannot unsee
Read all 102 stories (open)
asked by chthonic on 13th Feb at 1pm
Challenge
Animals at War
George Orwell never made a sequel to animal farm, but if he had, it no doubt would have included global warfare between all animal species.
Show us this hell in all its furry mayhem. Cats vs Dogs, Monkeys vs Parrots, Dolphins vs Beetles on Fruitbats.
Tool up Fido, it's war!
See all 109 images (closed)
set by HappyToast on 11th Feb at 11pm
Newsletter
It's 93 years since the first robot was shown on film and yet they still don't have the vote - call that justice? In other news, B3ta newsletter 652 is out now, with the Facebook LOLs and the Nigel Farage candle and the shouting and the hitting and such.
Read newsletter 652
published by rob on 6th Feb at 5pm
Challenge
Lies
This week we want you to tell porkies. Come up with a massive fib and show us it in pictorial form.
Or if you can't think of your own, illustrate the terrible untruths people have tricked you with.
See all 50 images (closed)
set by HappyToast on 4th Feb at 8pm
Question of the Week
Things You Still Can't Do Properly Despite Being a Proper Grown Up
An Inflatable Bearded Whumpus asks "What can't you do properly despite the fact you're a fully grown and responsible adult?"

Nothing instills confidence more than overhearing a builder on the site opposite muttering "Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey" to himself.

Basically, stealing the idea from this thread on reddit.
Read all 94 stories (closed)
asked by chthonic on 2nd Feb at 10am
Newsletter
B3ta newsletter 651 - title in a self depreciating way, "We bought it to help to with your Grandad's homework."
Read newsletter 651
published by rob on 31st Jan at 8am
Challenge
In drawers
This week, you've voted to rummage through your drawers and make something with the results.
Pick a drawer, open it, empty it, abuse it, take a photo and post it.
Or if that doesn't work, just photoshop the nick nacks you find.
See all 24 images (closed)
set by HappyToast on 29th Jan at 9am
Newsletter
650! 650! 650! Yes, it's B3ta Newsletter 650! Just 350 more of these fuckers and then our sinister Phase II can begin. Have your emergency kitten ready!
Read newsletter 650
published by rob on 23rd Jan at 6pm
Challenge
Comedy Crossover
This week we're swapping characters, places and things between comedy films and tv shows.
Delboy falling through the Cheers bar, Herr Flick asking for Pike's name, that sort of thing.
Suggested by monkeon
See all 100 images (closed)
set by HappyToast on 22nd Jan at 7am
Question of the Week
More Fire!
It's nearly ten YEARS since we last asked a question about fires.

Channel your inner neanderthal and tell us about fires, mostly to shut up that smug fucker that's made an oh-so-clever "wheel".
Read all 85 stories (closed)
asked by chthonic on 20th Jan at 9pm
Newsletter
We are a grandmother! Of a bouncing baby B3ta Newsletter 649. Want to know what's in it? Noises. Noises and wasps. DON'T CLICK IT WHATEVER YOU DO
Read newsletter 649
published by rob on 16th Jan at 7pm
Challenge
surveillance
This week we're taking a close look at the government's plans to spy on us. They want to read our Emails, peek in our zips and even fiddle with our software's backdoor.
Depict your thoughts on this and suggest what other draconian policies they might be plotting.
See all 56 images (closed)
set by HappyToast on 14th Jan at 7pm
Newsletter
Spanking new B3ta Newsletter 648 is ready to click and collect. There's an Austerity board game that we made, cute dogs, some frankly psychedelic thing involving the sitcom "Friends" plus more!
Read newsletter 648
published by rob on 9th Jan at 6pm
Challenge
Extract a character
This weeks challenge is to extract someone from a famous album cover or film poster and put them in a completely new situation, ideally one that makes us giggle.
See all 122 images (closed)
set by HappyToast on 8th Jan at 9am
Question of the Week
Moving home
"Moving house is one the more stressful moments in life," claims Social Hand Grenade. What horrible things have happened to you as you shift your black bin bag of undies from one hovel to the next?
Read all 64 stories (closed)
asked by chthonic on 6th Jan at 1pm
Newsletter
Happy New Year and all that! Also Happy New Newsletter - B3ta Newsletter issue 647 is out now, with Katie Hopkins, Father Jack and cuddly dinosaur and many many more yay!
Read newsletter 647
published by rob on 2nd Jan at 6pm
Challenge
starfish
Lets start the new year with a one word challenge. Give us your starfishes in all their forms (except for chocolate). Challenge suggested by starfish lover mediocre.
See all 73 images (closed)
set by HappyToast on 31st Dec at 5pm