NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 144: "KITTZENSHITZEN"
This Week:
* WEEBL - His catchiest tune yet?
* GAMES - Friday game special
* HUMAN ZOO - the staff of Harrow council
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
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B3ta email 144 - 16 July 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue144/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Magic Trevor, Virtua Flick-book & David Blunkett
>> Weebl's Magical Trevor <<
Jonti has one mission in his life: to compose
earworms. That is, songs so catchy that
they'll stay in your head forcing you to go
back and watch his work again, as if to scratch
an itch. Magical Trevor is in this tradition
and a work of evil genius. (Although we advise
you give the smiley banner-ads a wide berth.)
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/37/
>> Virtua flick-book <<
"This is my attempt at simulating the simple
pleasure of a flick-book for a paperless
environment", claims Monkeon, "the feel of
paper sliding between your fingers being
replaced by the rougher texture of plastic
keys brushing against your filthy paws."
To translate from Monkeonese, he means rub
your pinkies over the keys to play his
animation - you can always rely on Monkeon
to bring innovation to areas others frankly
wouldn't bother with.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/flickbook/
>> David Blunkett Cactus <<
David Blunkett and Sadie are the UK's cutest
couple. David is the blind MP behind quips
like, "You don’t need a guide dog for
hindsight." And Sadie? She's his faithful
mutt who stops him walking into cars. Enjoy
Mushybees prickly take on politics.
http://www.mushybees.com/blunkett
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: GOOD AND BAD
Stuff this week which is er.. good or bad
>> GOOD: X-files creator to make movie <<
Chris Carter is preparing to make his feature
film directorial debut. His sci-fi thriller,
tells the story of a future society in which
genetic testing allows plod to
bang-up those with a predisposition for
violence. Can't wait.
>> GOOD: Victor Malloy's Cure cover <<
The Cure's Boy's Don't Cry has been slowed
down and prettified with the addition
of slide guitars. This years Mad World?
We like it.
>> GOOD: You Are What You Eat <<
TV Gold. Dr Gillian McKeith prosecutes some of
Britain's worst eaters for crimes against their
own bodies. How? By analysing their own shit.
We'd love to see what she makes of
ratemypoo.com
>> BAD: accessable Odeon closing down <<
Odeon Cinemas' website was so shite that
accessibility campaigner Matthew Somerville
felt compelled to build a new version that
actually worked. What did Odeon do? They
closed him down. Twats. This man was
generating them business.
>> BAD: Geldof vetoes new Live Aid show <<
Bugger. We were looking forward to seeing
Adam Ant and Nik Kershaw back on the stage.
>> BAD: Jennifer Ellison Autobiography <<
Why bother publishing this? Yes it'll sell a
few tabloids to council mums via serialisation,
but the book itself will be left to pile up
in remaindered book shops (You know the ones
- they also sell Dale Winton’s autobiography
and books about Harold Shipman.)
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: HUMAN ZOO
Harrow Councillors
Introducing Councillor Eileen Kinnear, a lady
with spectacles that bridge an unholy union
between Buddy Holly and Dame Edna.
You'll need to scroll down to find her, but
along the way you'll meet such treats as
Rekha Shah (Shrek) and the The League of
Gentlemen wannabe Christine Bednell.
They should have gone to SpecSavers.
http://www2.harrow.gov.uk/mgMemberIndex.asp
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> 80s TV ads bit-torrent <<
"I've just put my entire collection of 80s UK
adverts online via bit-torrent", bellows Haku.
Wow. Looking for a nostalgia fest this weekend?
Grab all 271 adverts and veg out to three hours
of "I love the 1980s" without the inane
punditry. The more ambitious of you might
like to cut up this material for cheap laughs.
Make something good? Then send it in.
http://linux.tc3net.com/darwin/80s/adverts/
>> Winnebago swear-fest <<
Surely one of the great joys of owning your
own company is insisting on starring in your
own adverts. Witness the out-takes as the CEO
of a Winnebago-lot swears his way
through a difficult shoot.
http://homepage.mac.com/stevelyon/vacation/imovie....
>> Have a chav party <<
"Chav" has overtaken "Pikey" as the UK word of
choice to describe what as a teenager we used
to call "Kevins" or our Dad called, "Shits."
Championing this linguistic revolution
is chavscum.co.uk. This image from their site
has been doing the rounds this week, generating
"is it real?" comments all over the net. We think
it might be a photo from a dress-as-a-chav party
which is proving a popular gimmick for the nation’s
young. How long before someone opens a School Disco
style chav event? And the inevitable "Now That's
What I Call Chav" R'n'B compilation?
http://www.chavscum.co.uk/images/june2004/june041....
>> Mormon wankers <<
Enjoy this Mormonic tract on how to prevent
wasting the population paste. Tips include,
"Wear pajamas that are difficult to open" and
"tie your hand to the bed frame." Surely this
is the kind of stuff that's going to start a
lifelong bondage and mumification fetish?
http://www.phallic.org/mormon-masturbation.txt
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: BIT TORRENT TV
Stuff we've haven't watched this week
Other than the adverts we've seen bugger all
torrents this week that are worth telling you
about, so we're going to have a change of
tack and see if we can persuade the torrent
community to stick up some telly we would
REALLY love to see.
We're currently obsessed with post-apocalyptic
1970s British TV dramas. And you should be too.
>> Survivors series II <<
Terry Nation is best remembered for the
creation of The Daleks. However his finest TV
was the first series of Survivor which charted
a plague induced society breakdown. Nation
didn't work on series two, but we're still
desperate to see where the producers took
the story next. No sign of a DVD or a torrent,
so here's hoping.
>> The Changes <<
Telling the story of a modern young girl who
wakes up in a world that technology forgot.
We read the Peter Dickinson novels at school,
only recently realising that a TV adaptation
existed. If you've got an old VHS at home
please share it. Nerds need you.
>> Doomwatch <<
More pre than post apocalyptic, Doomwatch was
the 70s equivalent of the X-Files, using ecological
disaster instead of aliens themes. Only two
episodes of this moody series made it to DVD,
again we plead with the torrenters of the world.
Please stick it on-line.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
BNP, La la la, Weebl and Eric & Ernie
>> URL trick of the week <<
"I've registered a BNP address," snarls
3dible, "and forwarded it to everyone's
favourite fascist newspaper." Blimey. We're
saying nothing.
http://www.vote-bnp.tk/
>> La la la <<
Joel has recently discovered he can use his
PC to make bad jungle. Thankfully he's
promised to spare us from his
LTJ Bukem
impressions and only stick out the ones
with silly voices. Extremely odd.
http://www.rathergood.com/lalala/
>> Weebl on politics <<
Jonti isn't a big one for politics. Normally
his conversation is limited to, "I've gone
meat blind" and "No - I'm NOT a bummer."
But he's had a go and raised a few smiles
in B3TA HQ, and that's the important thing.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/politics.htm
>> Bring me sunshine <<
Ernie Wise & Eric Morecambe are the UK's
best loved dead comics. Eclectech is a fan
and has chosen to celebrate their greatness
with a "midimusic extravaganza with monkeys
and meerkats." Of course. It's how they would
have wanted it.
http://eclectech.co.uk/sunshine.php
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Nazi Kittens
B3ta's haters have sometimes criticised us
for our obsession with Nazis and kittens.
We say kittzenshitzen! We also say yay for Nazis
and a bigger yay for Kittens, but we were
slightly surprised to be sent this photo of SS
troops playing with a darling kitten. Cute.
http://members.ozemail.com.au/~wilhelm.smith/image...
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Visions of the Future: Circa
1950 Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted you to show us how the
future would be, from the point of view of
a 1950s scientist:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/futurevisions/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Eclectech' to judge the
entries - here are her 3 faves.
Eclectech writes -
#1 "Penguin of the future - because if I'd
been a scientist in the fifties I know I
would have been thinking about penguins with
jet packs with a smile on my face. (cormee)
http://b3ta.com/board/3436930
#2 "Don't worry about him not being able to
breathe, he's had a nip of brandy first -
I couldn't resist the slightly pompous
British enthusiasm of this one. Splendid.
(camel-related incident)
http://b3ta.com/board/3435599
#3 "Ladies, your household troubles will soon
be over! - wonderfully executed and made me
snigger. (guplik)
http://b3ta.com/board/3460779
"Do I get a special mention? If so it goes to
Down on the farm for his fabulous burst of
colour in a predominantly black and white
challenge. And for his giraffe.
http://b3ta.com/board/3437532
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Fetid Cheese gave
us the suggestion, "Make stuff to sell on e-bay"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ebay/
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: FRIDAY GAME SPECIAL
Three games for the price of one
>> Dodge the blodge <<
In not possibly the most visually thrilling
gaming experience you'll encounter this week -
avoid the dots and hit the square. Every time
you get it right another blob appears. Gets
tricky quickly.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/eskiv/eskiv.htm
>> Bubble Trouble <<
Similar in concept to the previous game this
production pulls out the stops on the visuals.
Grab the bubbles to make yourself bigger - hence
making your character more likely to hit a
nasty. And it's got power-ups. Yay.
http://www.freepgs.com/mindistortion/games/bubbles...
>> Pointy clicky adventure <<
An adventure game ala Monkey Island. It
looks gorgeous and has a tricky set of puzzles
to solve. Might keep you busy 'til next week.
http://www.abc.net.au/gameon/chasm/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* B3TA FAME ACCADEMY GRADUATE #1:
Brian Mung writes, "In other news, MTV have
picked up my Fancy Soup series, so that'll
be screening before too long. Which is nice."
http://www.brianmung.com/films.htm
* B3TA FAME ACCADEMY GRADUATE #2:
IceZebra writes - "As a result of the cartoons
I started drawing on b3ta, I was contacted by
Ragdoll (makers of Teletubbies) to see about
becoming a writer for them. Heard from them
today, I shall now be writing a new TV series
for kids!"
http://www.another-world.biz/icezebra/cartoons/ind...
Well done to the both of you. 20% of your
wages to the Swiss bank account like we
agreed?
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* RESTUARTANT SPORTS - invent a new game using
cutlery that we can play whilst waiting
for service in an eating establishment.
* CHEESE CHESS - made a board from Kraft
singles and mould the pieces from Dairylea
Triangles.
* LIVEN UP RUSH HOUR - do something daft to
entertain your fellow commuters and film it
so we can show it to the people.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was writen by Robert Fox Manuel
with David Dana Stevenson.
Cuterosity via Joelosity.
Star... suggestions from Tomsk.
Links sent in by gypsychk, tom pennock,
Trinketsandstuff, jaf/juggler827
and stuff/guernsey.
Top Tippery by mictoboy
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord Fiesta.
Image challenge handled by Mystery Bubba.
Proofing by the b4 "not arf" ta . (76705)
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TOP TIP:
Protect your plates whilst moving home by
packing a paper plate between each one.
