NEWSLETTER: "A G N B. THAT'S BANG OUT OF ORDER."
This Week:
* HTML - The secrets behind Fujitsu
* BREASTS - Making ice-cream from human milk
* VIDEO - Dolphin wedding
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're raving,
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | We're raving
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ...together"
B3ta email 392 - 21 Aug 2009
Buy the audiobook version as read by Morten Harket
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue392/
Meat: [email protected]
Vegetarian: [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Go on, buy a lovely skillet for cooking steak
Seeing as we didn't flog an ad this week, let's
fill the space by recommending the frying pan
we just bought off Amazon. It's a cast iron
skillet and it's meant to be ideal for cooking
steak. Yum. You're not even supposed to wash it
with soap, instead let the oils build up to
season it. But that sounds a bit frightening.
Still, should we be burgled we reckon it could
produce a serious head wound.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00006JSU...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Going cheap this week. "Cheep.
Cheep."
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Headbanging, Code, Info and Magic
>> Breast milk ice-cream <<
Extraordinary scenes, as Phraser and the Blag a
Million crew grab a van and attempt to sell ice
cream made from human breast milk. We caught
ourselves thinking, "OMG, you can't feed breast
milk to children!" Heh.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Selling_Breast_Milk_Ice_...
>> Songs in code <<
Geeky fun, as Twitter nerds try to recreate
popular songs through the medium of simple
computer scripts. Ginger German, Chris Heilmann
started this particular ball rolling.
http://snurl.com/songsincode
>> Information is Beautiful <<
Fantastic stuff here from graph-and-diagram
aficionado David McCandless including the truth
about Twitter, the walled-off areas that hide
all the world's good stuff and how many
Wal-Marts it would take to fill up the hole in
the economy.
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/
>> Fuji HTML magic <<
A while back we roundly mocked Fujitsu for the
odd formatting of their web site's HTML. Turns
out we were way out of line. Lorenzo spotted
this, Pedantichrist told us about it.
http://snurl.com/htmlwoofun
>> Don't text whilst listening to Queen <<
"It's shocking," warns happinno. "Every day
1000s... well, not 1000s: 100s... well, okay,
not hundreds - but certainly a few people die
on the roads whilst texting and listening to
Queen. With your help we can stop this. Thanks
to Defyingdarwin for all the work and to me for
taking credit for it."
http://snurl.com/queenyq
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
School Projects
We wanted to know if people still made things
for school projects instead of just Googling it.
http://b3ta.com/questions/schoolprojects/
* TATTOO - "I majored in Anthropology in college,
and for my senior project I had to do a paper or
project on material culture in the modern world.
I chose to do mine on Russian prison tattoos. I
was not what you'd call a "motivated" student,
(I finished 22nd from the bottom in my class)
so it got to be a couple days before it was due
and I hadn't even started. There was no way I
was going to be able to write a 20 page paper
in a couple days, so I opted for the project
instead. What arose in the next couple of days
has become the stuff of legend at my school,
and the professor still uses my video as an
example in class. I decided to videotape myself
getting an authentic Russian prison tattoo on
my ass. Words fail to describe the experience,
so I'll let the video do the talking. I got an A."
(raulduke)
http://www.vspworld.com/vsp/
* SNOT - "I opened a book I was marking in my
class the other day to find that in the absence
of a glue stick a child had used a bogie to stick
his work down."
(Mrs Liveinabin)
* CHRIST - "Draw the Resurrection of Jesus
they said. Whereas everyone else drew bearded
stick-men surrounded by yellow light, I decided
to go for the realistic approach. At the end of
the lesson I handed in a full-colour drawing
showing, in gruesome detail, the body of Christ
being dragged from its resting place by bears."
(MJPerry)
>> This Week's Question <<
Have you taped all your remotes together,
peep-show-style? Have you wired your doorbell
to the toilet? What enterprising DIY have you
done with technology?. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/technohacks/
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: SEXY LINKS
Two is a pattern, three is a trend
>> Sexy corner <<
* EXECS - Gallery of grinning business types
and their PR photos presented for your ironic
appreciation. Or is it ironic?
http://sexyexecs.blogspot.com/
* A-LEVELS - The site describes itself as "the
more egregious examples of the UK photo
editors' tendency to promote rather more
teenage flesh on A-level results day than would
perhaps seem required." Nothing to add here:
http://sexyalevels.tumblr.com/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that was made by our haters
>> Whimsical Gravestones <<
Collection of odd and often-amusing memorials
from around the world. Makes you wish you'd met
them when they were alive. The Scrabble one was
oddly touching.
http://bit.ly/1bB2YS
>> Lamebook <<
The week's most massive Facebook fails
aggregated together to save you having to share
Superpokes and Funwalls with a bunch of losers.
http://www.lamebook.com/
>> Cat ladders <<
Elaborate climbing systems to help cats into
and out of tall buildings, without opening the
way to any burglar larger than a marmoset.
http://catladder.blogspot.com/
>> Translation party <<
Type an English phrase and this handy site will
repeatedly translate to and from Japanese until
any sort of sense is lost. "B3ta: We, Web and
that are stored..."
http://www.translationparty.com/#2205524
>> EVERYTHING that is crap on amazon <<
Fun with Amazon's product tags, as someone has
collected together every product that's been
described as 'rubbish'. Can there be a more
objective method of filling your house with
crap?
http://snurl.com/crap_products_at_amazon
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like Rudetube but without the rude bits edited out
>> Dolphin wedding <<
Worth it for the catching the wedding bouquet
shot - if only everyone's wedding videos could
be this good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> QVC guy falls off ladder <<
If we worked in marketing for a satellite
station we'd blow our entire budget stunting up
stuff like this daily.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Crap reenactments <<
The point of TV news is that it's almost as
good as being there. Say, for example, there's
an bear in the woods, you'd hope that TV might
be able to film it? But not, they miss the
action and stunt it up with a cardboard
stand-in. What is news's loss is comedy's gain.
Gets good at around the 40 second mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Cardboard crocodile eats school kids <<
Parents! Do you have a child that's going to
school this September? Maybe they're using a
school bus and they're nervous about being away
from their parents? Show them this video. YOU
ARE EVIL, DON'T DO THAT!
http://www.cool4cats.biz/page16.htm
>> The Room - the Citizen Kane of bad movies <<
Back when we were young people, hipsters had
know about Plan 9 from Outer Space - then a few
years back the definitive crap movie was Troll
II. These days - if you want to be down with
the kids you need a Nintendo Gameboy strapped
round your neck playing a chiptune version of
"Hip to be Square" by Huey Lewis and The News,
and most of all, you need to be quoting "The
Room."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Room_the_Citizen_Kan...
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
If we type out the joke it will ruin the surprise
Bamber writes, "A friend of mine who emigrated
to Australia earlier this year was looking for
short courses at her local college and came
across this nugget."
http://www.boxhill.edu.au/ShortCourses/TLDGC.htm
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
You remember animated gifs don't you?
>> New challenge: Sausages <<
This week's one-word challenge is to
celebrate the king of foods; that most
magical mix of meat and spice: SAUSAGES!
Challenge suggested by The Hedgehog From
Hell.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sausages/
PLEASE NOTE - the win a laptop compo is open
for another 3 weeks, so please enter if you
haven't already. Currently 434 images and at
least 11 of them will win prizes.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mockthepoliticians/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* OLD MONEY TO NEW MONEY - Tinlad writes, "As
per the newsletter request, please find
attached link which will take you to a
JavaScript abomination that I've cobbled
together that will tell you how much a certain
amount of pounds from back in the day (back to
1264) is worth now (well, up to 2008). Probably
not very accurate." Oooh, this has a nice
slidey thing that's fun to use.
http://www.mydarkmaterials.co.uk/oldmoney/
* RETRO GAMES EVENT - The Janey Thompson's
Marathon game, produced by B3ta peeps Matt
Round and of course your Ginger Fuhrer has been
bunged into a cabinet and will be featured in
the upcoming Retro Gaming show in Leeds.
Organiser Gordon Sinclair has just sent us two
tickets so you might even see us here, should
you want to pop down:
http://snurl.com/retroleeds
* ASTROTURFING LAW - you know when brands post
bullshity comments on their own youtube vids
saying how great they are? Apparently since
2008 it has been illegal. Iwasnteventhere
writes, "Following on from the copy cunts link
in the latest newsletter I discovered even more
skulduggery going on over at Land Rover."
Interesting stuff, and hopefully, if we work
together we can send everyone in the British
car industry to jail.
http://snurl.com/advertisingbollocks
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: FRIDAY GAME
This is only one level
Sneaky little flash game by the same chap who
did the "Achievement Unlocked" game that we
featured a few months ago.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/this-is...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something wickedly ace and cool and tell
us about it. If you are in it then people will
see your stuff, and probably want to touch your
penis or vagina.
Things we'd really like to see include
* PUPPIFY - MrTrent asks, "As wonderful as
Kittenify is, I'm more of a dog person myself.
Is there any chance some kind soul could
replace the kittens with puppies? I'd be ever
so grateful." BTW: Another reader mentions
kittenify works particularly well on porny
thumbnail sites like youjizz. YOU PERVERTS,
* WHAT'S YOUR AMAZON IQ? - "A site that rates
your IQ according to your Amazon purchases. i.e.
-10 points for each Clarkson book bought."
(Monkeon)
* INSTANT REGRETS - chopeh requests, "a
collection of user submitted instant regrets:
i.e. shaking a tramps hand."
And a special "yay woo" to @EddEgg who ponders,
"I often get too lazy to go for a piss. Does it
make my bladder stronger or just damage it? Get
someone to do some science stuff"
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @ChieferMadness,
@rmt_1982, @sumarumi, @armyofcats, @jennyc72,
@Albertgordon96, @jivameuk, @lennym,
@The_No_Show, @Tinpot, @mydogminton,
@richardcbenson, @CreepingCreep, AND
@jaredearle. Love you all. Additional linkage
and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke. Games via via
tzambissamo Subjlols via arichw.
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MGMT isn't actually an acronym, it's the word
'management' condensed to four letters. It took
me a while to discover BDSM has surprisingly
little to do with Buddhism. (furiousg)
http://www.sickipedia.org/
