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NEWSLETTER: "A G N B. THAT'S BANG OUT OF ORDER."

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This Week:
* HTML - The secrets behind Fujitsu
* BREASTS - Making ice-cream from human milk
* VIDEO - Dolphin wedding

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      "We're raving,
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |       We're raving
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|        ...together"

B3ta email 392 - 21 Aug 2009

Buy the audiobook version as read by Morten Harket
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue392/

         Meat:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Vegetarian:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Go on, buy a lovely skillet for cooking steak

  Seeing as we didn't flog an ad this week, let's
  fill the space by recommending the frying pan
  we just bought off Amazon. It's a cast iron
  skillet and it's meant to be ideal for cooking
  steak. Yum. You're not even supposed to wash it
  with soap, instead let the oils build up to
  season it. But that sounds a bit frightening.
  Still, should we be burgled we reckon it could
  produce a serious head wound.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00006JSUA/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Going cheap this week. "Cheep.
  Cheep."
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Headbanging, Code, Info and Magic

  >> Breast milk ice-cream <<
  Extraordinary scenes, as Phraser and the Blag a
  Million crew grab a van and attempt to sell ice
  cream made from human breast milk. We caught
  ourselves thinking, "OMG, you can't feed breast
  milk to children!" Heh.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Selling_Breast_Milk_Ice_Creams


  >> Songs in code <<
  Geeky fun, as Twitter nerds try to recreate
  popular songs through the medium of simple
  computer scripts. Ginger German, Chris Heilmann
  started this particular ball rolling. 
http://snurl.com/songsincode


  >> Information is Beautiful <<
  Fantastic stuff here from graph-and-diagram
  aficionado David McCandless including the truth
  about Twitter, the walled-off areas that hide
  all the world's good stuff and how many
  Wal-Marts it would take to fill up the hole in
  the economy.
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/ 


  >> Fuji HTML magic <<
  A while back we roundly mocked Fujitsu for the
  odd formatting of their web site's HTML. Turns
  out we were way out of line. Lorenzo spotted
  this, Pedantichrist told us about it.
http://snurl.com/htmlwoofun


  >> Don't text whilst listening to Queen <<
  "It's shocking," warns happinno. "Every day
  1000s... well, not 1000s: 100s... well, okay,
  not hundreds - but certainly a few people die
  on the roads whilst texting and listening to
  Queen. With your help we can stop this. Thanks
  to Defyingdarwin for all the work and to me for
  taking credit for it."
http://snurl.com/queenyq


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  School Projects

  We wanted to know if people still made things
  for school projects instead of just Googling it. 
http://b3ta.com/questions/schoolprojects/

  * TATTOO - "I majored in Anthropology in college,
  and for my senior project I had to do a paper or
  project on material culture in the modern world.
  I chose to do mine on Russian prison tattoos. I
  was not what you'd call a "motivated" student,
  (I finished 22nd from the bottom in my class)
  so it got to be a couple days before it was due
  and I hadn't even started. There was no way I
  was going to be able to write a 20 page paper
  in a couple days, so I opted for the project
  instead. What arose in the next couple of days
  has become the stuff of legend at my school,
  and the professor still uses my video as an
  example in class. I decided to videotape myself
  getting an authentic Russian prison tattoo on
  my ass. Words fail to describe the experience,
  so I'll let the video do the talking. I got an A."
  (raulduke)
http://www.vspworld.com/vsp/?p=20
     
  * SNOT - "I opened a book I was marking in my
  class the other day to find that in the absence
  of a glue stick a child had used a bogie to stick
  his work down."
  (Mrs Liveinabin)
     
  * CHRIST - "Draw the Resurrection of Jesus
  they said. Whereas everyone else drew bearded
  stick-men surrounded by yellow light, I decided
  to go for the realistic approach. At the end of
  the lesson I handed in a full-colour drawing
  showing, in gruesome detail, the body of Christ
  being dragged from its resting place by bears."
  (MJPerry)


  >> This Week's Question <<
  Have you taped all your remotes together,
  peep-show-style? Have you wired your doorbell
  to the toilet? What enterprising DIY have you
  done with technology?. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/technohacks/

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: SEXY LINKS
  Two is a pattern, three is a trend

  >> Sexy corner <<
  * EXECS - Gallery of grinning business types
  and their PR photos presented for your ironic
  appreciation. Or is it ironic?
http://sexyexecs.blogspot.com/

  * A-LEVELS - The site describes itself as "the
  more egregious examples of the UK photo
  editors' tendency to promote rather more
  teenage flesh on A-level results day than would
  perhaps seem required." Nothing to add here:
http://sexyalevels.tumblr.com/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that was made by our haters

  >> Whimsical Gravestones <<
  Collection of odd and often-amusing memorials
  from around the world. Makes you wish you'd met
  them when they were alive. The Scrabble one was
  oddly touching.
http://bit.ly/1bB2YS


  >> Lamebook <<
  The week's most massive Facebook fails
  aggregated together to save you having to share
  Superpokes and Funwalls with a bunch of losers.
http://www.lamebook.com/


  >> Cat ladders <<
  Elaborate climbing systems to help cats into
  and out of tall buildings, without opening the
  way to any burglar larger than a marmoset.
http://catladder.blogspot.com/ 


  >> Translation party <<
  Type an English phrase and this handy site will
  repeatedly translate to and from Japanese until
  any sort of sense is lost. "B3ta: We, Web and
  that are stored..."
http://www.translationparty.com/#2205524


  >> EVERYTHING that is crap on amazon <<
  Fun with Amazon's product tags, as someone has
  collected together every product that's been
  described as 'rubbish'. Can there be a more
  objective method of filling your house with
  crap? 
http://snurl.com/crap_products_at_amazon


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like Rudetube but without the rude bits edited out

  >> Dolphin wedding <<
  Worth it for the catching the wedding bouquet
  shot - if only everyone's wedding videos could
  be this good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F1wjBSgqwQ


  >> QVC guy falls off ladder <<
  If we worked in marketing for a satellite
  station we'd blow our entire budget stunting up
  stuff like this daily.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCzbLtRDV_Q


  >> Crap reenactments <<
  The point of TV news is that it's almost as
  good as being there. Say, for example, there's
  an bear in the woods, you'd hope that TV might
  be able to film it? But not, they miss the
  action and stunt it up with a cardboard
  stand-in. What is news's loss is comedy's gain.
  Gets good at around the 40 second mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5C2gihnEkE


  >> Cardboard crocodile eats school kids <<
  Parents! Do you have a child that's going to
  school this September? Maybe they're using a
  school bus and they're nervous about being away
  from their parents? Show them this video. YOU
  ARE EVIL, DON'T DO THAT!
http://www.cool4cats.biz/page16.htm


  >> The Room - the Citizen Kane of bad movies <<
  Back when we were young people, hipsters had
  know about Plan 9 from Outer Space - then a few
  years back the definitive crap movie was Troll
  II. These days - if you want to be down with
  the kids you need a Nintendo Gameboy strapped
  round your neck playing a chiptune version of
  "Hip to be Square" by Huey Lewis and The News,
  and most of all, you need to be quoting "The
  Room."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Room_the_Citizen_Kane_of_bad_movies


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  If we type out the joke it will ruin the surprise

  Bamber writes, "A friend of mine who emigrated
  to Australia earlier this year was looking for
  short courses at her local college and came
  across this nugget."
http://www.boxhill.edu.au/ShortCourses/TLDGC.htm


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  You remember animated gifs don't you?

  >> New challenge: Sausages <<
  This week's one-word challenge is to 
  celebrate the king of foods; that most 
  magical mix of meat and spice: SAUSAGES!
  Challenge suggested by The Hedgehog From
  Hell.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sausages/


  PLEASE NOTE - the win a laptop compo is open
  for another 3 weeks, so please enter if you
  haven't already. Currently 434 images and at
  least 11 of them will win prizes.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mockthepoliticians/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.


  * OLD MONEY TO NEW MONEY - Tinlad writes, "As
  per the newsletter request, please find
  attached link which will take you to a
  JavaScript abomination that I've cobbled
  together that will tell you how much a certain
  amount of pounds from back in the day (back to
  1264) is worth now (well, up to 2008). Probably
  not very accurate." Oooh, this has a nice
  slidey thing that's fun to use. 
http://www.mydarkmaterials.co.uk/oldmoney/


  * RETRO GAMES EVENT - The Janey Thompson's
  Marathon game, produced by B3ta peeps Matt
  Round and of course your Ginger Fuhrer has been
  bunged into a cabinet and will be featured in
  the upcoming Retro Gaming show in Leeds.
  Organiser Gordon Sinclair has just sent us two
  tickets so you might even see us here, should
  you want to pop down:
http://snurl.com/retroleeds


  * ASTROTURFING LAW - you know when brands post
  bullshity comments on their own youtube vids
  saying how great they are? Apparently since
  2008 it has been illegal. Iwasnteventhere
  writes, "Following on from the copy cunts link
  in the latest newsletter I discovered even more
  skulduggery going on over at Land Rover."
  Interesting stuff, and hopefully, if we work
  together we can send everyone in the British
  car industry to jail.
http://snurl.com/advertisingbollocks


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: FRIDAY GAME
  This is only one level
 
  Sneaky little flash game by the same chap who
  did the "Achievement Unlocked" game that we
  featured a few months ago.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/this-is-the-only-level


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something wickedly ace and cool and tell
  us about it. If you are in it then people will
  see your stuff, and probably want to touch your
  penis or vagina.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * PUPPIFY - MrTrent asks, "As wonderful as
  Kittenify is, I'm more of a dog person myself.
  Is there any chance some kind soul could
  replace the kittens with puppies? I'd be ever
  so grateful." BTW: Another reader mentions
  kittenify works particularly well on porny
  thumbnail sites like youjizz. YOU PERVERTS,
  
  * WHAT'S YOUR AMAZON IQ? - "A site that rates
  your IQ according to your Amazon purchases. i.e.
  -10 points for each Clarkson book bought."
  (Monkeon)

  * INSTANT REGRETS - chopeh requests, "a
  collection of user submitted instant regrets:
  i.e. shaking a tramps hand."

  And a special "yay woo" to @EddEgg who ponders,
  "I often get too lazy to go for a piss. Does it
  make my bladder stronger or just damage it? Get
  someone to do some science stuff"

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @ChieferMadness,
  @rmt_1982, @sumarumi, @armyofcats, @jennyc72,
  @Albertgordon96, @jivameuk, @lennym,
  @The_No_Show, @Tinpot, @mydogminton,
  @richardcbenson, @CreepingCreep, AND
  @jaredearle. Love you all. Additional linkage
  and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
  Trinder is QOTW bloke. Games via via
  tzambissamo Subjlols via  arichw.


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  MGMT isn't actually an acronym, it's the word
  'management' condensed to four letters. It took
  me a while to discover BDSM has surprisingly
  little to do with Buddhism. (furiousg)
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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