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NEWSLETTER: "I WAS SUCKING OFF THIS BIRD LAST NIGHT WHEN I THOUGHT, 'WAIT A MINUTE...'"

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This Week:
* QUIZ - 80s TV Quiz megamix 
* SONG - the Axolotl song
* QUESTION - Are you prejudiced?

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |    "We're waiting for   
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the Times to launch 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  its paywall.. together"

B3ta email 421 - 2 April 2010

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http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue422/

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: SPONSORED LINK
  Line 6 POD Studio UX2 USB interface   

  A couple of weeks back we bought this lovely
  interface to allows us to record our dreadful
  guitar playing on the computer. It's fucking
  awesome - loads of really amazing tones and it
  allows the most beautifully clean home
  recording we've ever heard. Five stars, would
  buy again, and best of all it's made us fall in
  love with playing the guitar again; wailing
  solos - the lot.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001EKECC2/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Lots of like really amazing shit man

  >> 80s quiz megamix <<
  Play alongside a veritable host of ancient quiz
  shows, with Monkeon's latest, where he's done
  some crazy youtube API shit and mashed up some
  shit old 80s game shows. He writes, "It almost
  sent me insane hearing the same clips over and
  over again when I was building it. I've had the
  You Bet! losing theme in my head for about a
  week."
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/quizarray/


  >> The Axolotl Song <<
  "The Axolotl is the luckiest animal in all of
  Mexico," proclaims Joel Veitch, for he has
  immortalised it in beautiful song!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Axolotl_Song


  >> Twitter Bird prank <<
  "We recently did this prank on a packed Twitter
  conference in Texas," explains phonepimp. "Hope
  you enjoy." Rampaging man in a blue bird suit
  crashes a speech by Twitter's CEO. Brilliant!
http://snurl.com/twitterbirdrage

 
  >> "Imagine" in 10 words or less <<
  Team Fishcake's abridged cover of the Lennnon
  classic. "We like to think we're not just
  paying tribute to John Lennon, but actually
  being better than him," says Mike Fishcake.
  "We're sure the people in his home town of
  Liverpool in Manchester won't mind us saying
  that."
http://snurl.com/asliceoflennon


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  How clean is your house?

  We wanted to know if you were an obsessive
  compulsive clean freak or just rubbed your
  dishes clean on your pants. Some of this lot
  don't even bother with the pants:
http://b3ta.com/questions/filth/

  * WALL BREAD - "I used to live in Middlesbrough.
  Naturally, our house was a total shithole, and
  the envy of the street. During a food-fight in
  the living room, I flung a piece of crust at my
  mate. Being a corner, its trajectory was not
  what I had anticipated, and it fell in a lame
  arc. Feeling despondent, I went to go and
  retrieve it, and that's when I saw something
  magical. The bread had never reached the ground.
  Instead it was held, suspended two feet off the
  floor, by some errant cobwebs. Of course, we all
  found this to be absolutely fucking marvelous,
  and it was forbidden to move wall bread under
  any circumstances." (SigmaX0)
     
  * U-BEND MUSHROOMS - "Back in the days of our
  student flat, hygiene was an optional quality.
  One day we noticed a mushroom growing on the
  U-bend coming out the back of the toilet.
  Rather than clean up we named him "Horace" and
  would water him with warm water to keep him
  alive. Was still there when we moved out a
  year later." (golddust)
     
  * BACK-KEBAB - "I woke up one morning late for
  work after a big night out. I pulled on my
  clothes and ran for the train. It was packed.
  Having walked half way down the train, I felt
  something weird on my back. I reached up into
  my shirt to see what it was... it was my skin
  peeling off! I was terrified, I took a corner
  and pulled it gently, pulled a bit more...
  this massive chunk of skin was peeling off,
  but I didn't feel any pain. finally the whole
  slice came off. I had a look - in front of this
  whole carriage of commuters - it was a bit of
  doner kebab I had fallen asleep on the night
  before, stuck to my back with ketchup."
  browser)


  >> This Week's Question: Prejudice <<
  Got some deep seated but irrational hatred you'd
  like to admit to? Do others fail to see past the
  spots, glasses and pasty complexion? Tell us about
  your experiences of prejudice:
http://b3ta.com/questions/prejudice/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> HP Linguistic Module <<
  Too late for April Fools, but well worth doing
  anyway. Print out and stick one to the front of
  all the printers in your office. Then sit back
  and enjoy.
http://webadboard.com/4-1-2010-HP-printer.pdf


  >> Misplaced manhole covers <<
  Strangely satisfying gallery of manhole covers
  put into slightly, but just slightly, the wrong
  place.
http://misplacedmanholecovers.co.uk/


  >> Naughty Nicky Campbell <<
  The talk radio host makes a tiny schoolboy
  error introducing a feature on fox hunting.
http://snurl.com/oohthatnicky


  >> Touching story about GoldenEye 64 <<
  Awww, sad video-games-related story. We'll
  probably be remembered the same way, but with
  lolcats and knob jokes.
http://snurl.com/saltyinternettears


  >> Geekiest alphabet ever <<
  And ABC packed to the absolute brim with
  comic-book references. In case you want to raise
  your child to be the world's most humongous nerd.
http://snurl.com/alphageeks


  >> Suspect Jesus of the week <<
  Entertaining single-subject blog scores a
  particular hit with this well-hung Jesus.
http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/jesii/565/index.html


  >> Animated gif photography <<
  Enjoyed this photographer's arty use of
  animated gifs. Gives a nice, jerky cinecam
  feel.
http://is.gd/b9Ptv 


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like a cinema but inside your computer. WOWOOWO!
  
  >> Song about the Daily Mail <<
  Hooray for Dan & Dan, tackling our favourite
  newspaper the Daily Mail. Really, we love it.
  The website is full of sexy photos that aren't
  quite porn and the mentals who comment on the
  stories always entertain.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Song_about_the_daily_mail


  >> Masterchef - Top 10 Innuendoes This Week! <<
  Everything is dirty, but that's just because
  we're OCD. BTW: We just wondered about writing
  a humorously out-of-date joke about Lloyd
  Grossman so looked him up on Wikipedia and,
  oddly, he's started to look like Steve Jobs and
  play the electric guitar.
http://snurl.com/dirtymasterchef


  >> iPhone vortex of death! <<
  Neat idea for an iPhone app here - it repeats
  everything you say in a higher pitch - so what
  happens if you make it talk to another iPhone?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Talking_Carl_fight


  >> Wonders of The Foockin Solar System <<
  TV's new face of science is Professor Brian
  Cox. He used to be a pop star in the 90s and,
  as a b3tan comments, "He is enthusiastic, but
  sounds like a stoned northerner telling you
  about a brilliant cake shop he's found...
  rather than the marvels of the universe." A
  spot-on bit of mockery which will only help his
  celebrity grow.
http://snurl.com/fookinsolarsystem

  >> 160 greatest Arnie quotes. <<
  10 minutes of cheezy one-liners. You'll never
  need to watch an Arnie film again - it's all
  here. Now somebody do one with every time Roger
  Moore raised an eyebrow.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/160_greatest_Arnie_quotes


  >> Lady Gaga - Chat Roulette Video <<
  Combining the two biggest world events of
  recent times this is a cultural overload. Mrs
  B3ta loves this.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lady_Gaga_Chat_Roulette_Video


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  It's shit this but you like it

  We'd rather get a time machine and rape
  ourselves as a baby than run this section
  again, but you make us do it and we are
  literally whores for the readers, so here you
  go. MC_Histamine informs us about Quim, a
  Portuguese goalkeeper. Quim is getting on a
  bit, 34 and seen better days.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quim


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Memequake Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to celebrate
  the humble meme

  Your favourites included:
 
  * SCIENCE - it's web chemistry as b3ta
    memes are compiled in a handy, cut-
    out-and-keep table (Mighty Nibus)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9983709

  * PEPPER - the inevitable Beatles 
    pastiche includes many an old
    favourite. Literally Hours of fun 
    (CaptainSpaulding)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9978925

  * DOMO - our favourite Japsanese TV
    hero dances on a beach. Nice grass 
    skirt, too (elvisweathercock)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9980453


  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/memequake/


  >> New challenge: Remaking Films With Animals <<
  This week's challenge is classic b3ta: 
  fire up Photoshop, and remake Films 
  and TV programmes, but with animals 
  instead of humans
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/animalfilms/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * CYRIAK IN THE PAPERS - good to see our
  favourite animating B3tan in The Guardian. Well
  done that chap.
http://bit.ly/br679G


  * SPONSOR A B3TAN FOR AUTISM - Ed, the chappy
  who writes the music on Joel Veitch's
  animations, is running the London Marathon for
  the National Autistic Aociety. He's made this
  little vid. Joel helped a tiny bit with some of
  the shoe-moving.
http://snurl.com/stopmotionmarathon


  * B3TAN FOOLS METRO NEWSPAPER - this involves
  some naughty lies being put on Wikipedia, which
  we heartily discourage as the last time we
  mentioned something like that they deleted your
  Ginger Fuhrer's page and edited the B3ta entry
  down to about two paragraphs in revenge. Read
  the links in order, and a stern telling off to
  Rusty Shackleford for such naughtiness.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/448271  
http://snurl.com/irishtimes


  * GENDER CONFUSION - "Hi it's Sam Grimmett here.
  Just dropping a line to say muchos grassy arse
  for featuring Embrace Life in the 12th Feb
  newsletter!!! Small thing though- I'm a laydee!
  I know it will make all the difference. Bloody
  b3ta misogynists. Only joking, what about a new
  policy assuming all multiple gender names are
  girls? Given the b3ta demographic it should be
  a right laugh." Sorry Sam, we'll never suggest
  you have a penis again. BTW: Here's your link
  again because it's bloody ace - and over
  4 million views! Gosh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-8PBx7isoM


  * HOW TO GET RID OF RUBBISH FLATMATES -
  Irregular Shed writes in response to last
  week's plea, "They got rid of the girl who was
  in my room before me by sprinkling milk on her
  pillow, roughly in the area where her nose
  would be, and then just leaving nature to take
  its course." Milky milky.
  
  
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: FRIDAY GAME
  Run, Jesus RUN!

  Bored of playing God? Then welcome to the first
  Jesus simulator - run to the right, hitting
  space to jump or work miracles as you go. If
  you reach the end without the 10 second timer
  running out, it shows your score as apostles.
  Then you get crucified.
http://snurl.com/runjesusrun


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * TWEET MY DEATH - We reckon someone should put
  a camera in their coffin and tweet a pic every
  day of their decomposition along with hilarious
  prepared captions.
  
  * MODERN RHYMING SLANG - Santander bank - wank,
  Intel Inside = Died and Greggs pasty = nasty.
  Stuff like that.
  
  * ACRONYMS FAKE OR REAL QUIZ - does BAAPS
  really stand for British Association of
  Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons? 

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:

  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via jammy
  doughnut-related incident, planearm, EnDee,
  dum.dum.dum.dummm, redazril, PenguinOfDeath,
  hieronymous bosch, Ruddles, @bounder, The
  Magical Mr Q, @jamsandwich, @essers. Subjlols
  via smugb. Additional linkage and image
  challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
  bloke. Sicki joke via peter milner42 And Bad
  Horsey who says, "I'm a wee bit miffed that,
  after posting the online punchup between Bruce
  Everiss and, well, the rest of the world, that
  it made the newsletter without a credit!" so
  this newsletter is both specially credited and
  dedicated to him. May his horses always be bad
  but in a good way like Jacko in the 80s.


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  One good thing about paedophiles, they always
  slow down outside schools.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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