NEWSLETTER: "IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY. THAT'LL BE $2.99, PLEASE"
This Week:
* NAZIS - On the BBC
* DR WHO - Knickers. Apparently.
* LULZSEC - Crazy CGI hacker news
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're doing the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | Rubic's Cube with...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| Ed Miliband"
B3ta email 483 - 17 Jun 2011
This issue in the obsolete tech of your choice:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue483/
Tramp Juice: [email protected]
Prune juice: [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Grow your own mushroom box
We've been growing things at B3ta Towers - first
off some basil plants on the window sill and now
we've got ambitious - mushrooms in the shed.
Piss-easy: buy the box, follow the instructions.
It makes us happy for some reason, try it.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B004OOYN2...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Lollies, Wheels and Dogs
>> Billy Potatoes 4 <<
Billy has a lolly... but how long can he keep it
IN A WORLD GONE MAD???
http://bit.ly/isiLQd
>> Animal wheel covers <<
"I have been collecting peculiar spare wheel
covers for cars," explains Wildyles. "They're
mostly horses and dogs, that have probably
died." It's probably the equivalent of WWI
fighter pilots with pictures of planes they shot
down.
http://animalwheelcovers.tumblr.com/
>> Bono the biggest dog in the world <<
"There's a fire at the school!" exclaims Pete
Donaldson. "Can Bono help?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Fairgrounds, Circuses and Carnivals
Last week we asked for your carney-stories:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fairgrounds/
* BOING - "My sister and nephew came to visit me
when I was a student in the fair city of
Stirling. I took them on the obligatory visit to
Stirling Castle, and we walked from the town
centre to the top of the hill upon which the
castle looms. My nephew was only five at the
time and found this rather a trek. My sister and
I kept encouraging him saying, "We'll soon be
there!" and "You'll see the castle soon!" and
"It's an amazing castle, you'll love it!" When
we got to the top, there was the great courtyard
and behind that, the restored splendour of the
castle itself, with its elaborate facade,
gargoyles and sinister-looking mythical
creatures. My nephew burst into tears. "Oh, oh,
what's wrong?" I asked, all concerned. Sobs,
tears. "I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOUNCY CASTLE!"
(chinaman)
* BULLSEYE - "In Ireland we have our fair share
of shabby, travelling fairgrounds. These were
very much a highlight of our younger years. Back
round the time when Kevin Costner was Robin Hood
and it was the only video my nan had for us to
watch, a fair arrived in our little village. My
friend and I scoured the entire show, which took
a whole half minute. Deciding we love life too
much (and in the next village a kid would die on
one of these rides) we settled on the games of
chance. After too long at the pluck-a-duck
stand, we headed over to the sucker arrow
crossbows. No one ever won these. But I started
singing the
"Dundadundadundadundadundaaaadundaaaaa-
duuunnnn" from Robin Hood and BAM. Bullseye. My
friend and I stared. 20 Pounds! We called over
the attendant and displayed my triumph. He
glanced at it, grunted and hit the board causing
the arrow to slide down and out of the winning
zone. Now being much smaller, we were smart
enough not to argue too much. But that, Mr
Dickhead, is how the same night your shitty
little stall came to be covered in old paint."
(dazbrilliantwhites)
* TOSS - "Disneyland, Orlando. 1989. At a
certain point in the day, if God had been
watching, he would have found 15-year-old me
hiding in the 'facilities' wanking furiously
after watching a stage show featuring Snow
White. I guess that's forgivable; I was 15.
Disneyland, Paris, 2006. At a certain point in
the day, if God had been watching he would have
found 32-year-old me hiding in the facilities
wanking furiously after having just watched the
Tarzan show featuring a very athletic and barely
dressed Jane. That's less forgivable, really."
(scarpe)
>> This Week's Question: Horrible things <<
What horrible things have you done to the one
you love (or loved)? Tell us of the times true
love has not been as true as it should:
http://b3ta.com/questions/horriblethings/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Dr Who girls' knickers <<
Just another collection of Who Girls' underoos.
The descriptions are wonderful. Obviously
bollocks of course.
http://www.drwhogirlsknickers.co.uk/
>> Danny Wallace: an email exchange <<
Author Danny Wallace crosses swords with an
idly abusive 'fan'.
http://goo.gl/j3Z5m
>> Dear Photograph <<
Pics of old photos, held up in front of the
changed, contemporary scene. Sweetly melancholic.
http://dearphotograph.com/
>> Britain's Got Talent hoax - confession <<
Big story last week, 100,000+ views for the
document, front page of tabloids etc - then the
confession gets about 3k views. Ho hum.
http://justpaste.it/cpn
>> Bounty on Blair <<
Yep, there is a bona fide cash bounty being
offered to anyone who attempts to arrest ex-PM
Tony Blair for his part in the Iraq war. It's
currently standing at £2k+. Conditions apply.
http://bit.ly/7ljDOj
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but on a screen smeared with fingers
>> Taiwan News takes on the LulzSec story <<
The CGI news brings its own special magic to
covering the LulzSec hackers. Poor little
4chan...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Taiwan_taking_on_the_Lul...
>> All the LulzSec passwords <<
Every porn password released by the Lulzsec
hackers, end-to-end at very high speed. Check if
yours is in there - but don't pause the video,
else youTube will be able to read your gmail!
http://youtu.be/0uXbosbLBBQ
>> Dalai Lama joke failure <<
Australian news presenter inexplicably tries out
a one-liner on the Dalai Lama. Even as he's
saying it, you can see his moment of dawning
realisation.
http://bbc.in/kN4riw
>> BBC Nazi technical hitch <<
BBC Scotland run into a couple of hiccups with
Hitler and Rudolf Hess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> eHarmony cat-lover <<
Debbie's a recent MBA fraduate, looking for love
on a dating site. Also she loves cats. She
really, really loves cats. Almost as
entertaining is just reading the comments of the
people who took it at face value... This link is
everywhere this week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Nyan Cat <<
Unstoppable, untoppable, hypnotic flying rainbow
biscuit cat - classic. OMFG LOOK AT THE PROGRESS
BAR!
http://youtu.be/QH2-TGUlwu4
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Best job title ever
@ereuben writes, "This is a job title you want
on a business card."
http://bit.ly/kq8t5W
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: FOLLOW FRIDAY
@KillingStation
The inside scoop from the BBC's worst canteen -
wonder how long it'll take the Daily Mail to
write an article on @KillingStation with a bash
BBC slant?
http://twitter.com/#!/KillingStation
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Cybercops Challenge
Last week we wanted you to picture Britain's
E-Crimes Unit at work.
Your favourites included:
* AN IN-JOKE - about the timing of our compos
(1.618...)
http://b3ta.com/board/10444904
* CHAT - where criminals gather, the cops will
always snoop (OneForTheRoad)
http://b3ta.com/board/10445801
* ERROR - it's a blagging with shooters, but on
your desktop (Afinkawan)
http://b3ta.com/board/10445331
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cybercops/
>> New challenge: b3tadvertising <<
Imagine that B3ta is an advertising agency. Then
imagine that you work there, and show us the ads
you'd make for existing or imaginary products
and services. Challenge suggested by Holly Would.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/b3tadvertising/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* RESPECT TO DARKLORD, long term B3ta /links
regular has passed away and McMookMac writes, "I
mentioned a 'Darklord Friday' below in the sad
post by tootla. I can't think of a better send
off than a whole links day dedicated to him!
Like a lot of us I did not know him personally
but always enjoyed his quality linkage and
comments, he will definitely be missed here."
http://www.b3ta.com/search/links
* WIKI JP - peter.mcarthur writes,
"Interestingly, the rules of the 'All Wikipedia
links lead to Philosophy' vary by language. If
you try playing by the English rules on Japanese
Wikipedia, you just end up in a loop. English
speakers tend to "front-load" their sentences --
they put the most important ideas first -- but
the Japanese put the important ideas at the end,
so to find Philosophy you have to click on the
*last* word of the first sentence."
* CROSS-SECTIONS - we asked for this last week
and drdingy writes, "bin dun in previous
newsletter 438." Oops. (Our error is that, much
like the Paul is Dead stuff of 1968, this
newsletter has been written by impostors since
2005)
http://insideinsides.blogspot.com/
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: FRIDAY GAME
HTML5 wonder thing
Flash was the rock that early B3ta was built on.
Now it's as about as fashionable as an H &
Claire CD single. HTML5 is where it's at and,
gosh, can't it do wooshy things?
http://musiccanbefun.edankwan.com
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
* BBC TV CENTRE VIDEO GAME - loveaintgonnawait
writes, "I've always thought the BBC's
Television Centre would make a great map for a
multiplayer video game. It's iconic, and there
are so many confusing corridors, secret passages
and obscured balconies, it'd be fun to run
around in. Now TV Centre's up for sale - and
already half deserted - and it's very likely to
be at least partially demolished, so if anybody
with the technical know-how fancies making a
Quake/Unreal/Halo level (or whatever the kids
play these days), I'd be happy to show somebody
the cool bits and let them take photos for
textures and that. From B, a TV Centre
employee." So if that's you, get in touch and
we'll pass on the details.
* RULE 34 - Crap Little Monkey writes, "I've had
an idea how to explore how true internet rule 34
really is. A random word generator (1, 2 or 3
words) that adds "fetish" to the end and does a
google search. See if you can find a porn site
in the 1st page of results. If you can, rule 23
is validated."
* @IAMGOINGTODIEINJULY - "I've got an idea for a
popular twitter account", writes PeteKylie,
"Sign up to Dignitas and live tweet your death.
Any takers?"
Send e-jizz via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Lovers: [email protected]
Haters: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Al Qaeda, The FBI,
Lulzsec, @piratechristoph, executiverocker,
littleghoti, lingmops, GeorgeMonbiot,
recklessrik, benwoodhams, codepo8, bengoldacre,
Bootsthealchemist, Terry Oblong, davidnield,
iamjamesward Top Tippery by sandettie light
vessel automatic. Again. Additional linkage and
image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is
QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Manic.
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TOP TIP:
Fed up with soap welding itself to the soap
dish? Imperial Leather soap has a small, raised
plinth with a paper label, on which you stand
the soap, thus creating a surface which will not
adhere to the soap dish. That is its purpose,
not for decoration. Which also explains why it
never seems to come off until the soap has
nearly all gone.
