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NEWSLETTER: "ED BALLS"

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This Week:
* MOODY BLUES - Sounding As Good As Ever
* TWITTER TOOL - Without My Pants
* THATCHER - Life-size cardboard version 

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    on a Blue Peter 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     stylee totaliser"

B3ta email 577  - 19th Apr 2013

Read this issue via autotune:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue577/ 

   Yay :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Nay : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Life size cutout photo of Margaret Thatcher

  If, like us, you can't control yourself with
  excitement every time you hear a new policy for
  fucking over the poor, selling off public
  assets for pennies and tax breaks for the
  rich, you'll want to celebrate in style by
  having your very own life-size cardboard
  Thatcher. We sleep with ours in our bed and
  call her Mummy.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0071DSAQA/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Stuff & nonsense, you know the score

  >> Without My Pants <<
  Monkeon likes to ponder old pop culture
  ephemera and wonder how to turn them into
  contemporary web things. This week it's the
  turn of 80s kids TV show Round The Twist.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/withoutmypants/


  >> Furtive wedding ring <<
  Man writes code to get the B3ta furtive bear
  icon on his wedding ring. Wonder what his wife
  thinks?
http://f1a.me/b3LzI 


  >> Dog with bed on head <<
  "It's dog video," writes williamandrews, "so
  kill me." Nice choice of music too.
http://bit.ly/103YqJE


  >> Moody Blues - Go Now Shred <<
  Black Moon, best known for his video editing
  skills, has taken it on himself to attempt a
  'shred' where you change the audio to a
  popular video to match what you think they
  might be playing. A well worn path but
  effective.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Moody_Blus_Go_Now_Shred


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: GINGER FUHRER TALKS IN DUBLIN
  Bottom Half of the Internet

  Your esteemed newsletter editor was recently
  asked to do a talk at The Story in London on
  the 'Bottom Half of the Internet' - this went
  down well enough for a member of the audience
  to invite him to Dublin to repeat the feat. If
  that's your neck of the woods then come and
  say hello.
http://t.co/2wWyU6ln4C


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Funerals II
  
  Last week we asked for more stories of funerals:
http://b3ta.com/questions/funerals2/

  * CUT UP - "Mrs Spimf and I tend to be late
  for most things. So it came as no surprise
  some years ago when we found ourselves running
  late for her Grandmother's funeral. We
  bickered all the way to the church about whose
  fault it was. We even hissed choice words
  during the service. Then we had to get from
  the church to the cemetery. Even though I had
  no clue where we were going I insisted on
  driving. I am a man/arsehole. This is the
  natural order of things. Barreling down the
  motorway Mrs Spimf muttered "you're going to
  miss your exit." There was a lot of slow
  traffic on the left with no gaps so like any
  safe and considerate driver I simply put the
  boot down to overtake the lot - only to find
  the slow moving traffic was actually the
  funeral cortege carrying dear old Granny. I
  only realised this as I scythed across the
  path of the hearse, effectively cutting up a
  dead woman. Naturally we arrived first at the
  cemetery, giving them plenty of opportunity to
  glare at us in my highly distinctive bright
  red sports car." (spimf)

  * MAGIC - "My grandad was a member of the
  magic circle, a certified magician. He tended
  to do more children's parties than anything
  Blaine-like and was well-loved and respected
  for it. When he died a couple of years of ago,
  my brother drove me to his cremation in
  Brighton. It was pretty much the first funeral
  we'd been to and the atmosphere in the car was
  (as expected) quiet and sombre... right up
  until my brother enquired, "Do you think
  they'll saw him in half first?" We had to pull
  over on the hard shoulder as we were laughing
  so hard we'd have probably caused an accident
  had we continued. My Grandad would have
  laughed too." (UTB)

  * STAR WARS - "Just watched Return Of The
  Jedi. Disgusted by the distasteful scenes at
  the end where everyone is celebrating the
  death of Emperor Palpatine. He may have been
  divisive, but he was strong and he made
  decisions and stuck to them, and I think he
  should get a bit of respect. He was, after
  all, a little old man who died, when you
  remove any other context whatsoever."
  (Amorous Badger)


  >> This Week - TRAVEL <<
  Been somewhere nice on your hols? Fine. Good
  for you. If not, tell us all about it in all
  the gory detail here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/travel/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> MRI fruit <<
  Magnetic resonance imaging allows doctors to
  look inside bodies by cutting people into
  10,000 slices but without the awkward oops
  I've broken my little brother bit. But what
  if people were fruit?
http://insideinsides.blogspot.co.uk/


  >> Pointer video <<
  Watch video whilst seeing where other viewers
  are sticking their mouse. Popular now, and
  might be amusing in a years time when it's
  only one lonely cursor.
http://donottouch.org  


  >> Drawing on the sky <<
  1) Look up
  2) Take a picture
  3) Make the sky look like a person
http://tlamadieu.wix.com/roots-art#!skyart/ck0q


  >> Newspaper photobombs <<
  In what hopefully isn't a viral campaign for
  Metro, here's a lovely collection of commuter
  heads replaced with carefully folded
  newspapers.
http://bit.ly/15mJFti


  >> Ronson docs <<
  Here's a tip: whimsical journalist Jon Ronson
  has several hours of his radio docs as MP3s on
  his site. Load your phone. Go for a walk.
http://www.jonronson.com/ronsonon.html 


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like Youtube but with cruddy B3ta shit round it

  >> Kiss from a Rose... Improved <<
  There are those that think Seal's "Kiss From A
  Rose" is the greatest love song ever written
  and can't be improved. These people are wrong.
  The impossible has been done.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Beautiful_rendition_of_Seals_Kiss_from_a_Rose


  >> Harrison Ford interviewed about Star Wars <<
  Ford refuses to answer questions but creates
  perfectly serviceable comedy. Nice clips, but
  can we really get excited about Star Wars 7? A
  franchise that hasn't made a good movie since
  1983?
http://bit.ly/103YsRK


  >> Washcloths in space <<
  What happens when you wring out a flannel in
  zero gravity? Fascinating but it's also clear
  whilst floating about would be cool for
  a bit, that gravity is bloody useful - things
  not staying where they are put would get old
  very quickly.
http://boingboing.net/2013/04/18/what-happens-when-you-wring-ou.html 


  >> I've just shipped my pants <<
  It's an ad but it is funny and also we think
  the ad doesn't really apply to a UK audience
  so fuck it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ive_just_shipped_my_pants


  >> Cat vs Vacuum Cleaner <<
  Who would win in a fight between a cat and
  vacuum cleaner? Comedy wins, that's who.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_vs_Vacuum_Cleaner


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Not funny, mostly right angled  

  * Made up bollocks? Someone they really hate?
  Or could this be possibly true?
http://bit.ly/178cLes


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Super Pets Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to give superpowers
to pets. Your favourites included:
 
  * JACKASS: seated gentleman showered with
    jet-powered cat effluent 
    (orbojunglist) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10952410
 
  * NUCLEAR: devastating blast from 
    skillfully positioned dog-do
    (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10951199
  
  * ASSASSIN: delightful picture story from 
    dangerous, Pyongyang-bound pony (Fresh 
    Water Mole) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10952538
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/super-powered-pets/

  BONUS Challenge Result: in this week of 
  national mourning, don't forget our 
  mini-challenge devoted the the UK's first
  female despot 
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/thatcherrip/ 


  >> New challenge: Bankrupt Hollywood <<
  Imagine a world... where all the big film 
  companies have their cgi and post-
  production work done by B3ta for free. 
  Then do that work, and enter it into this 
  week's challenge. Suggested by 
  orbojunglist
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hollywood/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * TATERS GETS EXHIBITION - he writes, "If
  you're one of them London folk, go to Orbital
  Comics (near Leicester Square tube) over the
  next month - I've got a load of pictures wot
  I done in the gallery bit."
http://www.orbitalcomics.com/andrew-hickinbottom/


  * NIETZCHECATS - what to do when you've run
  out of Nietzsche quotes? Shardcore has, of
  course, got them to read the entire text of
  Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
http://nietzschecats.tumblr.com/post/47691949398/a-new-dawn


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * TEA ADS - Why can't a business give us free
  cup of tea with an ad stuck on it outside the
  tube instead of a rubbish right-wing newspaper?
  
  * KILL SOMEONE WORSE THAN HITLER TIME MACHINE
  DRAMA - wwe go back in time to kill Bono to
  prevent U2 inspiring Coldplay. We know there's
  already a filming called 'Killing Bono' but ours
  would be betterer.
  
  * SIDEBOARDS THAT DON'T FALL OFF KITCHEN WALLS
  - just sharing some personal drama that
  happened whilst writing this newsletter.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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    Cats:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Twats:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
  @MarkTyndall, &#8207;@Newnab, Paolo Nutini's Bikini,
  Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, Chilli Heatwave,
  slartifartfast, @owenblacker, legoman82,
  stoodles & ccc. Image challenge by Fraser
  Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Tip via
  Munsta.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  A cigarette filter, a length of cotton and a
  modified Barbie doll filled with red food
  colouring combine to make an excellent
  teaching aid for young girls entering
  womanhood. A 4mm drill bit, when making the
  modifications, ensures a snug fit.

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