NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 89: "GIVE UP WANKING ... FOR THE BLIND"
This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Wilf Lunn
* VIDEO - Dog vs Water
* CAMPAIGN - Wank Holiday Monday
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web ... together"
B3ta email 89 - 23 May 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue89/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: WILF LUNN INTERVIEW
British Eccentric Speaks Out
Mike Trinder writes -
"I've always been a fan of Wilf Lunn, since
I first saw him making a halitosis hat on
kids TV in the 70s.
"I thought I'd lost my treasured copy of his
first book which told you how to make all sorts
of useless stuff, so when I found it again I
was determined to track him down and say hello.
"A quick Google and email later, he phoned me
up at work. I've never been so happy."
Read the interview. Wilf Lunn is one of
Britain's greats...
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/wilflunn/
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: DOG VS WATER
B3ta goes "You've been framed"
Grover Sanschagrin writes -
"I've made this video of my friend Noma's dog
attacking a pool pump. My friends laughed pretty
good."
Yay. We love this. You should all film your
pets more often.
http://www.sportsshooter.com/port_popup.html
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: SEND US YOUR BLOODY CASH
So that we can spend it on b3ta
Do you like what we do? You do know that we
do it for love don't you? However running
the site costs us money. Not in staff costs
'cause we're stupid and work for free.
The money is spent on our servers. We've just
bought a second one and we really need your
cash to support it.
We can take paypal, direct transfers and
cheques. Even £5 would be useful. Dig deep.
http://www.b3ta.com/features/appeal/
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: WANK HOLIDAY MONDAY
Give up masturbation for the blind.
B3ta legends Manic and Koit have produced this
lovely song and Flash video. It's very
beautiful and it's about their love for online
pornography.
The song also supports the "Wank Holiday Monday"
campaign created by Nik Roope for the Royal
National Institute of the Blind.
They haven't asked for this campaign but
Nik is giving it to them anyway. Lucky them.
http://www.bloggerheads.com/jpeg/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Balls, Jpegs, Art Quiz, Shit, Credit & Myra
>> Throwy Ball Game <<
"I made this game with a mate for a friend's
band," mutters Quiet Phil, "You can play it by
yourself but, as with all things in life, it's
better with a partner." Yay. This is
excellent, with innovative and intuitive
game play.
http://www.athlete.mu/downloads/game.html
>> Art or Arse <<
"I made a quiz", squeals Margaret Nissen,
"wherein you have to guess whether stuff is art
or just regular old crap from the net." Harder
than it sounds.
http://www.modestypanel.com/artorcrap/
>> Shit on a Plate <<
We get a lot of substandard entries for the
newsletter. This is the worst. Electrichamster
has sent in a photo of his flatmate Matt proudly
displaying his own shit on a plate. Look at that
smile - what mother could want more?
http://www.electrichamster.net/cantcookwontcook/tu...
>> Share Your Credit Card Details <<
Mr. Fancyteeth has had a brainwave. "I've
noticed how everyone wants to publish all
their personal credit card details on a
website," he writes, "Well now, thanks to me,
they can. And I'll animate them to the theme
tune of 80's TV crime drama, Magnum PI."
What could be better?
http://www.mycreditcarddetails.co.uk
>> Myra Hindley In Space <<
Big Brother is starting again. Luckily Brian
Mung doesn't work for Endemol, otherwise it
would be set in space, star Myra Hindley and
look a lot like this.
http://www.brianmung.com/myra.htm
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> I've Upgraded my C64 to Windows <<
Computer case mods are quite a thing on the
net. Here's our latest favourite. It uses old
Commodore boxes to house modern PCs. Woo.
We're like pigs in 80s shit.
http://www.mini-itx.com/projects.asp
>> Free Holiday for Ladies <<
Girls: Aged between 20 and 28? You can stay in
Athens free of charge. You've got to shag the
landlord, mind you. (Shame it's not real and
the bloke is simply collecting material for
a book.)
http://www.ezb8.com/default.asp
>> Russian Conference Whores <<
Men: Like looking at pretty ladies? Like
laughing at bad translations of Russian mobile
phone conferences? You're in the land of
luck as this site combines both.
http://www.mobile-review.com/exhibition/svyaz2003-...
>> Ban Comic Sans Font <<
Oh god. Don't tell us you don't know Comic
Sans. It's the most revolting font ever made.
You've seen it in parish church newsletters,
on the side of vans and on shop hoardings. It
must die. Join the campaign and register your
disgust by covering your city with stickers.
http://www.bancomicsans.20megsfree.com/photos.html
>> Jumping Cow Game <<
Thank fuck for Tetra Pak. They make groovy
packaging for milk. They've also commissioned this
game. We have no idea why, we can't see the
connection. But we do know that it's good. It's
plays like Mario in low gravity.
http://games.tetrapak.com/milkrunrun.php
>> Pixel Art Tower <<
This project has been doing the rounds of the
design sites for a while now. They're asking
designers to draw one story of a hi-rise block
each. It would look wonderful printed on the
wall of a child's bedroom. B3ta's designer
Denise Wilton in there too - see if you can
find her.
http://www.mrwong.de/myhouse/
>> Hack This Site <<
Here's a neat idea. Can you hack the this site?
It presents a series of pages with passwords
which get increasingly difficult.
http://www.try2hack.nl/levels/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the X-Ray Vision Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted to see the world with
X-Ray vision:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/xray/
We asked B3ta boarder 'pollollups' to judge the
entries - here are her 3 faves.
Pollollups writes -
#1 "Pantomime Horses - fantastic work and you
can just hear those horses sniggering inside
the costume. (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/1237150
#2 "American Muppets - I love beaker and this
makes more sense than you can ever imagine
(woowoowoo)
http://b3ta.com/board/1242708
#3 "Recursive Chicken - clever clever and nicely
done, but the joke is worth the effort. Would
have won if it was animated." (sick_boy)
http://b3ta.com/board/1230104
"Oh, and a special mention for Ijon Tichy's lego
pirate thingy. We like."
http://b3ta.com/board/1223550
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Glis gave us
the suggestion, "The Wonderful Adventures of
Terry Wogan's Wig"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wogan/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Bookish follow-ups on previous stories.
* DOGS IN CARS - "A huge thank you to everyone
who helped Dogs in Cars become the success
it is", barks Jerome Turner, "We now have 300
pictures of dogs. Woof! However, we are still
trying to get the project published as a
book." Good luck guys.
http://www.dogsincars.co.uk
* MONKEY MAN - "We've been interviewed by the
Sunday Telegraph," chirps CCC, "Richard &
Judy have been in touch - Meridian TV want
to do a slot, Private Eye (i.e. Ian Hislop)
have read it and laughed and Loaded magazine
are going to do a photoshoot. I am also
planning to do a book, based on the whole
affair." Er.. Again, good luck guys.
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/monkeyman/
* ROGER MOORE SAYS YAY - Remember Dan Chambers'
requiem flash? Dan writes - "Well blimey. I've
been in contact with Roger Moore's PA and
apparently the great man has seen the animation
and enjoyed it enough to add a link to his
website!" (Editor writes: Roger Moore grew up
near to my Granddad in Streatham. My granddad
lent him 25 shillings to buy a pair of shoes
when he married his first wife. He still
hasn't paid up. Roger, are you reading? Remember
Douglas Gordon Harris? Hmmm? Don't you think
it's time you coughed up?)
http://www.thetoiletonline.com/rogermoore.htm
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* EXTREME PLUSH TOY ADVENTURES - we're always
seeing little photostories that people have
made featuring their soft toys. But they
don't have the senses-shattering excitement
and action we crave. Can you do better? Why
not take your teddy bear to see a prostitute?
And murder her?
* PAYPAL STRIP TEASE - are you a sexy
exhibitionist? You've seen all these cyber
begging sites like savekaryn yeah? Why not
offer to remove one item of clothing for
every £100 you raise? C'mon it's net gold.
* SAYITWITHPANTS.COM - imagine the warm glow
of walking about wearing smalls imprinted
with the phrase "the boss is a cunt." Your
boss would never know. But you would. And
you'd feel good. Mmmm, so good.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us. Even the crap
stuff.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Seaneeboy
William Forde, mnb098mnb & Geoff Sloan.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the spooky b4ta kids. (66657)
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TIP: If you spill candlewax on fabric, let it
harden and then take some brown paper and place
it over the distressed material. A hot iron
placed onto the paper will melt the wax into
the paper, removing it from the fabric.
And finally, goatse book cover:
http://www.joeclark.org/book/
