NEWSLETTER: ISSUE90: "BEFORE I KNEW IT, I WAS ALMOST BALD"
This Week:
* SITE - Crap Hair Cut
* PHOTOS - Sock Fucking
* VIDEO - Soaking People
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web ... together"
B3ta email 90 - 30 May 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue90/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Haircuts, Lunch, Socks, Water Pistols & Weebl
>> Crap Haircut <<
Ah Dogbomb. He's been contributing to b3ta
for a while. And now? He's cut his hair.
Yeah yeah, sounds dull. But the joy is in
the detail and what a bad job he's made of it.
http://www.dogbomb.co.uk/20030529-haircut/
>> Email Lunchboxes <<
It's nice to able to email someone a picture
you found on the web. But have you ever felt
that the thing missing was the ability to wrap
the image up in a lunchbox? That's what the
Mantlepies guys think. Works best if you know
how fiddle with image URLs.
http://www.mantlepies.com/Ecards/Ecards.html
>> Sock Fucking <<
Remember the Red Hot Chilli Peppers "cocks
in socks" poster? Did you want to join in?
Now you can thanks to Steve's site. Warning:
nerdy blokes wearing socks on their cocks.
http://cgi.fucksocks.co.uk/
>> Soaking Pedestrians <<
"We decided it would be a good idea to purchase
a super soaker," writes Obscure Intro, "and drive
around squirting people, of course we caught it
all on film and here it is..." Hmmm. Can't you
get arrested for this? BTW: There's a lot of
video here. The last one on the second page
made our heart pound.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1261860
>> Weebl & Bob Papier Maché <<
If you've been reading b3ta for a while you'll
know all about the Weebl & Bob cartoons. Rob
Nyman is a fan and has shown his love by
building models of their stars. He did it all
himself, without any help from the grown-ups.
http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/~ppxran/weebl/index.ht...
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: OFFICE CUNT CORNER
Bad lyrics
Mugwump Lee writes -
"This is a showcase website for the fantastic
lyric-writing of one Will Van Der Byl. It is
actually for real, we work in the same office.
Although he doesn't know that everyone in the
building has seen it, laughed at it, formed
ironic fan-clubs etc. Oh, and the bike isn't
his."
http://www.freewebz.com/vanderbyl/a.htm
BTW: Has some twat in your office got a
cringe-making website that makes him look
a total dickhead? Tell us and we might
just tell the world.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Convert Your Cock Into A Vagina <<
Boys! The thing you've been waiting for: now
you can have a vagina of your own and pee
sitting down. Icky and expensive. Just like
the real thing.
http://www.castlesupplys.com/newframe/pocketv.htm
>> Database Your Gay Shags <<
Let's say you are a promiscuous gay man. Think
of the trouble you'd have remembering all your
shags. Thank fuck someone has made an incredibly
anal database to handle it all. Complete with
a checkbox for rimming. How handy.
http://www.tekknick.com/itrick/
>> How Dodgy Are You? <<
Now you can find out how many years in jail
your guilty past would buy you. As these
things go, it's rather entertaining. We
belong in prison for a long, long time.
But then we already knew that.
http://www.thesite.org/magazine/dodgy.html
>> Jap Sitcom "nigger" Fest <<
We've been trying to link to this item for
weeks but it's so popular that the site
keeps going down. It's a Japanese TV show
about a family obsessed with the word "nigger"
Too ridiculous to be considered rascism, but
certainly in questionable taste. If this
link doesn't work try Kazaa. It's worth it.
http://fredwick.com/files/tokyo_breakfast.asx
>> The Most Disturbing Conversation of my life <<
Tucker Max. Heard of him? You should have. He's
one of the few people out there writing
genuinely entertaining copy on the web. It
mostly involves him getting drunk and
shagging. This one is a lovely little chat in
a gay bar. Click around a bit. He's funny.
http://tuckermax.com/Stories/conversation.htm
>> Titanium Fansite <<
The web is a place for fans to live out
their geeky fandom. And also a place for
us to laugh at it. To you or me titanium
is the stuff that swanky laptops are made
of. Sample quote: "I have been a fan of the
metal ever since I heard of its important
uses in industry, such as its high
melting point." Fucking hell. The best bit
is the guestbook. Look-see!
http://titaniumfansite.4t.com/fsguestbook.html
>> "I fortold Christina Aguilera" <<
C'mon. The going's good. Let's laugh at more
net nutters. This one thinks his wank
fantasy art inspired songstress Christina
Aguilera. And the joke is? It looks nothing
like her. Webtard.
http://www.artoflawmack.com/poster_girl.htm
>> Techno Wanks <<
We all love wanking and what could be better
than doing it without fingers? Why not plug
your muffin into this device and get with
the groove?
http://www.audi-oh.com/Store/default.asp
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: 15 SECONDS OF STUPID
Short anims from b3ta people
>> Cows with no legs <<
Weebl has been on holiday for the last few
weeks - and do you know the first thing
he did on his return? He animated cows with
no legs. Strange little fellow.
http://195.149.21.55/misc/clow.swf
>> Exam lucky charm <<
Spacefish has been taking exams. Instead of
revising he's made a short song to send
to his friends and inspire them to do well.
Crap but charming.
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/flash/facts.html
>> Headbutt the screen <<
RoboticLegs has made this tiny interactive
toy. You can make a man headbutt the screen.
by dragging with your mouse. Oddly satisfying.
http://www.alittlepoison.com/comment/archives/chri...
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Wogan's Wig Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted the adventures of Terry
Wogan's Wig:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wogan/
We asked B3ta boarder 'HP' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
HP writes -
#1 "Terry's wig went to San Francisco - The
fabulous babe magnet that is Terry as a
rampant homosexual is nice enough, but
this is wonderfully executed too. (Tart Monkey)
http://b3ta.com/board/1286772
#2 "Woganberry - A truly awful pun with some
nice, simple, back to basics photoshopping.
(Marioshi)
http://b3ta.com/board/1273068
#3 "Specialist head wear for our Terry - What is
this? It makes no sense, but it's fantastic."
(skankycode)
http://b3ta.com/board/1254491
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, the scary Challenge Dictator gave us
the suggestion, "Bad Song, Worse Movie":
http://b3ta.com/challenge/badsongworsemovie/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* WANK HOLIDAY MONDAY II - "100k visitors so
far," writes Nik Roope, "Also our second wank
holiday is now on June the 9th." Yay for not
wanking.
http://www.wankholidaymonday.co.uk
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include:
* INTERVIEW WITH A PLUSHIE - Do you fuck
soft toys? Have you got photos of your
doing so? Do you fancy being interviewed
and mocked? Get in touch.
* CAT FISH SCREENSAVER - "My 6 yr old boy is
engrossed by all things gnarly." writes Lou,
"He loves your sea creatures screensaver
and requests a new version with animated
dogfish / catfish, as he doesn't quite get
the whole they are a fish, but a dog thing."
Make a small boy's dream come true. Here's
the old one:
http://www2.b3ta.com/screensaver/
* LEGO SEX AIDS - well we've had everything
else. Surely Lego strap-ons are the next
step.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Elliott Solomon, Nicholas.Axtell
Steven Lord, Jez, Ashley Ringrose & Follymoff.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the singing b4ta dwarfs. (66976)
