NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 119: "THE RETURN OF SPAZZIMATION"
This Week:
* PRANK - Goatse in the papers
* TOY - Monkey Funk Mixomatic
* FREAK - Amazon Princess
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 119 - 23 Jan 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue119/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: GIVE US STUFF TO RAFFLE
Right you lot. We look at who's subscribed to
the newsletter and we know there's people
at all sorts of interesting companies
lurking about:
TV, music, film, hardware, games, even
bloody soft furnishings. All human life is here.
We're having a party on the 13th and we want
you to send us stuff we can raffle.
The money raised will be spent on the tech
costs of running our site.
So get in touch with [email protected]. Oh and
you're more than welcome to come to our bash.
It'll rock like Brian May on tiny springs.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/valentine.gif
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Goatse, funky, semaphore, secretary
>> Goatse vs. the press <<
For those at the back of the class who aren't
keeping up, Goatse is the foulest picture in the
world - a bloke stretching apart his man gash
so wide you could stick a pig through it.
Over the years the image has become
notorious, mainly through wind-up merchants
trying to get web message board users to
look at it inadvertently - the snapshot so
powerful it guarantees a reaction.
Goatse is seldom out of the news either. Last
year we gave you goatse art printed in the
local paper. Last week the web was full of
stories of the site being closed (oh no). And
now? Well, CCC - the bloke behind the
Monkeyman of Tunbridge Wells - is back with
more.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/2635353
>> Monkey Funk Mixomatic <<
Jonti has taken a break from Weebl & Bob
this week to bring you a musical toy.
It's got a big monkey groove that will bust
your nuts.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/testy/mixer.swf
>> Ninja semaphore email <<
"Give the ninja a message," waves Thomas Scott
"He'll find his sacred semaphore flags and
signal it to people." Huzzah.
http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/ninja
>> Most understanding secretary... ever! <<
Tuffy works for a radio station and has made a
little flash version of a nuisance phone call he
made to the secretary. She doesn't get very angry.
In fact, she's great. Yay for her.
http://www.simonhardwick.com/site/animations/betty...
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: B3TA RADIO
Lies Your Parents Told You Pt 2
This week we're doing the second part of
fibs your mum and dad told you as kids. Oh,
and we've found out that the one about "the
ice-cream van music meaning no ice cream" is kinda
universal. Blimey, we must have had that story 50
times.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/liesyourparentstoldy...
We've also invited b3ta regular Breel into the
studio for a chat. Oh you know him - he's the
bloke who invented gay dogs and ear socks.
http://www.breel.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/gaydog/
You can learn more about b3ta radio and how
to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/
BTW: Props to UK dance magazine Jockey Slut for
describing our show as a "good reason for
having ears." Huzzah. Tomorrow we'll have your
lungs too.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Challenging wank material #3 <<
She's taller than John Cleese, her thigh is
wider than Anne Diamond's stomach and she'll
sell you her knickers for $50. Fair enough,
really. Material is expensive. Anyway, if you
can whack one out to this then you'll be in
our special club.
http://www.amazonprincess.com/
>> Odd dolls <<
Kids take the most in before they're five.
Breed junior serial killers by giving them one
of these dolls every time they wear
mummy's underwear.
http://home.concepts-ict.nl/~kay/de/zwergde.htm
>> 3D chalk drawings <<
Last week the hot email being passed about was
a gallery of pavement art that fooled the eye
with three-dimensional trickery. Sadly, the work
wasn't credited and we wish to point out that
the chap is called Kurt Wenner, and he's a
chuffing genius. Have a look if you missed it
- it'll do your eyes in.
http://www.dodger.com/wenner/gallery.htm
>> French horn <<
Watch in mild incredulity as a bloke man plays
Beethoven only using bicycle horns glued to
his orange, jump-suited body. Did we mention
that he's French? Oh, you guessed.
http://snipurl.com/3e55
>> OHP art <<
We've been banging on for ages that all the
materials you need to create art can be found
in the office. All you need is imagination.
Oh, plus some sand and an overhead projector.
Inspirational bit of video.
http://www.pureesoiree.be/Post/
>> Return of Spazzimation <<
Over the last few years the web has thrown up
its own style of animation which inherits few
aesthetics from TV or film. You know the stuff,
found images, random pop culture references,
loads of things jumping around etc. This is a
fine, fine example. See how many famous people
you can spot in it. Or just sit back and go
"What the fuck?"
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/doodoocaca.p...
>> Drawing Adidas from memory <<
Here's a curio. What happens when you ask people
to draw brand logos from memory? Well, they get
it slightly wrong, that's what. If you've had
some poncey branding bod in to jazz up your logo,
frankly you've pissed the money away. People won't
notice the change. Yes BP, we are looking at you.
http://www.monochrom.at/markenzeichnen/index-eng.h...
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Babby hedgepigs
"Cutest thing I've seen recently?" squeals Jen,
"Baby hedgehogs! Not only does it tell you about
the different colours they can be, but they
have the cutest pictures too."
FACT: A hedgehog can run at more than 6 feet
per second and can travel in excess of
5 miles a day.
http://hedgehogclub.com/colorguide.html
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Inappropriate
Endorsements challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted sponsorship people would
come to regret:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/endorsements/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Cassidy' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Cassidy writes -
#1 "The Sun - An entry that required a bit of
thought from both creator and viewer.
Appropriate and pointed. (Beau Bo d'Or)
http://b3ta.com/board/2642306
#2 "Zippo - Original, amusing and neatly done.
What more could you ask? (Indole_Ring)
http://b3ta.com/board/2645684
#3 "Oliver Reed - Nice local-cinema-advert
effect and a salutary warning for us all."
(mechamatsimpsk)
http://b3ta.com/board/2640614
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, the challenge dictator revealed more
of his personal interests and demanded "The
Inanimate Sex Challenge"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/inanimatesex/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* NICECUPOFTEA BOOK DEAL - Yep, Nicey & The Wife
have scored a deal with Time Warner to write
this year's Christmas best-seller, "about
drinking tea, eating biscuits and sitting down."
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* Stuff for our raffle.
* A seven figure offer from a multinational
media company to buy a 49% share in b3ta.
* A small toy dog that can bark our name.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by billybofh, tom.jeffs4, PMGT,
Mooskleo, StrangeQuark, Pika1319 & Matazone
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the sideways b4ta quislings. (73631)
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TOP TIP:
Difficulty opening a jar of jam? Wrap a thick
rubber band round the lid. It gives great grip.
