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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 119: "THE RETURN OF SPAZZIMATION"

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This Week:
* PRANK - Goatse in the papers
* TOY - Monkey Funk Mixomatic
* FREAK - Amazon Princess

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 119 - 23 Jan 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue119/

        Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
          Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: GIVE US STUFF TO RAFFLE

  Right you lot. We look at who's subscribed to
  the newsletter and we know there's people
  at all sorts of interesting companies
  lurking about:

  TV, music, film, hardware, games, even
  bloody soft furnishings. All human life is here.

  We're having a party on the 13th and we want
  you to send us stuff we can raffle.
  The money raised will be spent on the tech
  costs of running our site.

  So get in touch with pep@b3ta.com. Oh and
  you're more than welcome to come to our bash.
  It'll rock like Brian May on tiny springs.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/valentine.gif

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Goatse, funky, semaphore, secretary

  >> Goatse vs. the press <<
  For those at the back of the class who aren't
  keeping up, Goatse is the foulest picture in the
  world - a bloke stretching apart his man gash
  so wide you could stick a pig through it.

  Over the years the image has become
  notorious, mainly through wind-up merchants
  trying to get web message board users to
  look at it inadvertently - the snapshot so
  powerful it guarantees a reaction.

  Goatse is seldom out of the news either. Last
  year we gave you goatse art printed in the
  local paper. Last week the web was full of
  stories of the site being closed (oh no). And
  now? Well, CCC - the bloke behind the
  Monkeyman of Tunbridge Wells - is back with
  more.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/2635353

  >> Monkey Funk Mixomatic <<
  Jonti has taken a break from Weebl & Bob
  this week to bring you a musical toy.
  It's got a big monkey groove that will bust
  your nuts.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/testy/mixer.swf


  >> Ninja semaphore email <<
  "Give the ninja a message," waves Thomas Scott
  "He'll find his sacred semaphore flags and
  signal it to people." Huzzah.
http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/ninja?id=40237499


  >> Most understanding secretary... ever! <<
  Tuffy works for a radio station and has made a
  little flash version of a nuisance phone call he
  made to the secretary. She doesn't get very angry.
  In fact, she's great. Yay for her.
http://www.simonhardwick.com/site/animations/betty_competition.html


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: B3TA RADIO
  Lies Your Parents Told You Pt 2

  This week we're doing the second part of
  fibs your mum and dad told you as kids. Oh,
  and we've found out that the one about "the
  ice-cream van music meaning no ice cream" is kinda
  universal. Blimey, we must have had that story 50
  times.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/liesyourparentstoldyou/


  We've also invited b3ta regular Breel into the
  studio for a chat. Oh you know him - he's the
  bloke who invented gay dogs and ear socks.
http://www.breel.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/gaydog/


  You can learn more about b3ta radio and how
  to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/

  BTW: Props to UK dance magazine Jockey Slut for
  describing our show as a "good reason for
  having ears." Huzzah. Tomorrow we'll have your
  lungs too.


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Challenging wank material #3 <<
  She's taller than John Cleese, her thigh is
  wider than Anne Diamond's stomach and she'll
  sell you her knickers for $50. Fair enough,
  really. Material is expensive. Anyway, if you
  can whack one out to this then you'll be in
  our special club.
http://www.amazonprincess.com/


  >> Odd dolls <<
  Kids take the most in before they're five.
  Breed junior serial killers by giving them one
  of these dolls every time they wear
  mummy's underwear.
http://home.concepts-ict.nl/~kay/de/zwergde.htm


  >> 3D chalk drawings <<
  Last week the hot email being passed about was
  a gallery of pavement art that fooled the eye
  with three-dimensional trickery. Sadly, the work
  wasn't credited and we wish to point out that
  the chap is called Kurt Wenner, and he's a
  chuffing genius. Have a look if you missed it
  - it'll do your eyes in.
http://www.dodger.com/wenner/gallery.htm


  >> French horn <<
  Watch in mild incredulity as a bloke man plays
  Beethoven only using bicycle horns glued to
  his orange, jump-suited body. Did we mention
  that he's French? Oh, you guessed.
http://snipurl.com/3e55


  >> OHP art <<
  We've been banging on for ages that all the
  materials you need to create art can be found
  in the office. All you need is imagination.
  Oh, plus some sand and an overhead projector.
  Inspirational bit of video.

http://www.pureesoiree.be/Post/?P_ID=2207


  >> Return of Spazzimation <<
  Over the last few years the web has thrown up
  its own style of animation which inherits few
  aesthetics from TV or film. You know the stuff,
  found images, random pop culture references,
  loads of things jumping around etc. This is a
  fine, fine example. See how many famous people
  you can spot in it. Or just sit back and go
  "What the fuck?"
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/doodoocaca.php


  >> Drawing Adidas from memory <<
  Here's a curio. What happens when you ask people
  to draw brand logos from memory? Well, they get
  it slightly wrong, that's what. If you've had
  some poncey branding bod in to jazz up your logo,
  frankly you've pissed the money away. People won't
  notice the change. Yes BP, we are looking at you.
http://www.monochrom.at/markenzeichnen/index-eng.htm


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Babby hedgepigs

  "Cutest thing I've seen recently?" squeals Jen,
  "Baby hedgehogs! Not only does it tell you about
  the different colours they can be, but they
  have the cutest pictures too."

  FACT: A hedgehog can run at more than 6 feet
  per second and can travel in excess of
  5 miles a day.
http://hedgehogclub.com/colorguide.html

  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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  : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Inappropriate
  Endorsements challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted sponsorship people would
  come to regret:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/endorsements/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Cassidy' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Cassidy writes -

  #1 "The Sun - An entry that required a bit of
      thought from both creator and viewer.
      Appropriate and pointed. (Beau Bo d'Or)
http://b3ta.com/board/2642306

  #2 "Zippo - Original, amusing and neatly done.
      What more could you ask? (Indole_Ring)
http://b3ta.com/board/2645684

  #3 "Oliver Reed - Nice local-cinema-advert
      effect and a salutary warning for us all."
      (mechamatsimpsk)
http://b3ta.com/board/2640614


  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, the challenge dictator revealed more
  of his personal interests and demanded "The
  Inanimate Sex Challenge"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/inanimatesex/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * NICECUPOFTEA BOOK DEAL - Yep, Nicey & The Wife
    have scored a deal with Time Warner to write
    this year's Christmas best-seller, "about
    drinking tea, eating biscuits and sitting down."
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * Stuff for our raffle.

  * A seven figure offer from a multinational
    media company to buy a 49% share in b3ta.

  * A small toy dog that can bark our name.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by billybofh, tom.jeffs4, PMGT,
  Mooskleo, StrangeQuark, Pika1319 & Matazone
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the sideways b4ta quislings. (73631)

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  TOP TIP:
  Difficulty opening a jar of jam? Wrap a thick
  rubber band round the lid. It gives great grip.

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