NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 140: "HAPPY CLAPPY BABY DONKEYS"
This Week:
* GAME - Inverse invaders
* URL GAMES - Cock hungry fuck sluts
* B3TA RADIO - You've tales of being dumped
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 140 - 18 June 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue140/
Subscribe: [email protected]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
URL re-directs, Shooters, Limbs & Robots
>> More URL re-directs <<
The trick of re-directing a rude URL to an
ordinary corporate site is proving popular
with our readers. Peter Holt has joined in the
fun with this effort. Keep them coming. We'll
be bored of them soon, but you've got a couple
of weeks.
http://www.cockhungryfucksluts.co.uk
>> Invert's shoot-em-up <<
Young Jonti has been busy of late thinking
thinky thoughts about games. This one is
a particular curio: The game is a traditional
shooter, with the twist that you control the
base defences, attempting to destroy a
solitary, heroic spaceship. Yay for playing
Goliath for once!
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/testy/shooter.php
>> Heads and shoulders, knees and toes <<
Koit is on fire right now. He's continuing
his theme of reworking kids' songs for evil.
Fear his latest. We do.
http://www.koit.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/heads.html
>> Robot song <<
"I have been contemplating the psychological,
social and financial consequences should
robots ever develop true artificial
intelligence." writes Mystery Bob. "I have
collated my findings into Flash animated
form." And so he has. Educational.
http://www.mysterybob.com/robotsong.htm
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: B3TA RADIO
You've been dumped
You've been dumped, share your pain with us
on the penultimate B3ta Radio show of the
current season.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/your_dumped_stories/
* "To quote my hopefully soon to be ex-wife,
'It's not so much I've been sleeping with
another man, more sort of....men...oh and you
need to go to the STD clinic.' (mooglemania)
* "My bf decided to dump me at Xmas. So, he
bought me a present, and wrote on the tag
'thought you might need this, as you're
dumped.' The present? An 8-inch vibrator.
(Groovegenerator)
* "I was dumped by my first boyfriend because
he'd slept with my best friend, who was drunk
at the time. Might not sound very spectacular,
but we were all around twelve at the time.
Hooray for rednecks." (GirnsieBabes)
You can learn more about B3ta Radio and how
to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Amusing place name finder <<
The best thing in the world ever - if you live
in the UK, that is. Type in your postcode and
it will find muck-happy place names near your
house. Who could argue with the likes of Fanny
Hands Lane, Shatton Moor or Menlove Gardens?
Note: You'll probably get better results if you
live in the North. If you're American, or
foreign, try out postcodes like L1, WV3 or LS16.
http://places2.jump-around.com/closest/
>> Gayest link in the world <<
What could be finer than an animtion of a man
holding his penis, wearing school shoes, waving
a sign saying "gay" whilst singing, "shut up
and sleep with me?" Description doesn't do this
justice - if you don't break out into a huge
smile then you're dead inside.
http://www.jurito.net/otro/shutup/xtina.html
>> Flag judging <<
What the world has been crying out for: Someone
to assess all the flags of the world and give
them letter ratings in the manner of a pedantic
schoolteacher. His methodology is totally
uncontroversial. Writing your country's name on
your flag is plain stupid, isn't it?
http://ahpc-jp30.st-and.ac.uk/~josh/flags/meth.htm...
>> Heavy metal cat <<
What would B3ta be without a link to a cat
rocking out in some way or other. But this
one is different. It's a real cat. Not sure
if he's having a seizure but he's definitely
giving it up for the gods of Rock.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/metalcat.html
>> This is the future - circa 1983 <<
Synthtastic Soviet space race track. We really
enjoyed the emphatic mangled English and the
riffing on crappy video effects. By the way,
it's trying to flog you a book - sod that, but
great vid.
http://www.molvania.com/video_medium_2.html
>> Pumpkin case mod <<
We love nature and what could be better for
Mother Nature than a biodegradable PC case
Probably not so good for your computer
though. Anyway, this chap has made computer
chassis from hollowed-out pumpkins.
http://home.wi.rr.com/lamepictures/pumpkinspoof.ht...
>> Parental eBay auction <<
'Humourous' eBay auctions are usually shit.
We spare you from them weekly. But occasionally
a back story will amuse us. Here, someone's mum
is flogging their Playstation to punish him for
drinking all the booze.
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll
>> Earbags <<
You're a rugged, manly type (unless you're a
lady). You live free, in the wild outdoors. But
sometimes your ears get cold. What do you do?
Get earbags. They won't make you look like a
twat. At all. No. Twatty.
http://www.earbags.com/pressroom/images/boat.jpg
>> Gym class massacre <<
Get yourself a cup of tea waiting for this
one to download, my old chum. Worth a bit
of a wait though. Surprisingly effective use
of sound effects and mime, as students run
rampage during a dull PE lesson.
http://www.oldeenglish.org/OldeEnglish.org_-_Gymcl...
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Happy clappy baby donkeys
Tiny, bandy-legged baby donkeys and a cheery
midi soundtrack. This turned B3ta Towers into
a special school, as we all clapped and made
mongy sounds of joy to the music. We hope it
has the same effect on you.
http://www.littlefriendsranch.com/New%20foals.htm
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Corporate Rebranding Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted existing institutions
rebranded with names and logos that better
reflect them.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/corporaterebranding/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Matsimpsk' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Matsimpsk writes -
#1 Labour Party rebranding - A few people made
a similar joke, but this version is the
simplest and the best. It's also satire, so
if you don't find it funny, you're STUPID.
(rigby)
http://b3ta.com/board/3315022
#2 Razzla - I like smoking and I also like
looking at pictures of chickybabes with
their baps out. This splendid bit of, er,
market repositioning would allow me to have
a sly ogle, and then burn all the evidence
of my onanism with a satisfying post-wank
cigarette. Nice one! (Nebby)
http://b3ta.com/board/3314698
#3 Tesco Vodka - Because pikies and rejects
like alcohol too.
(Kris Fucking Kristofferson)
http://b3ta.com/board/3325656
Everyone else seems to sneak in a fourth
choice, so I'm going to as well. This is
here because mocking the afflicted is both
big and clever, especially if they have
stupid hair. Well done! (flares)
http://b3ta.com/board/3336340
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Dr Poppers gave us
the suggestion, "When the laws of physics pack
up."
http://b3ta.com/challenge/lawsofphysics/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* RUDE NAMES - Jane Charlesworth is a PhD
student and writes, "I was collecting data for
my research and came across this little gem.
It's not the name of a person, it's the name
of a gene!
5811..7259
note="unnamed protein product;
fucK ORF (AA 1-482)"
codon_start=1
"ORF in this context refers to 'open reading
frame', which is the defining limits of a
protein-coding region in a DNA sequence," She
explains. "Can you tell how boring
downloading DNA sequences is?!"
That's fantastic! We're very, very bored of
'funny' names by now, but that's taken it
to another level. If anyone can beat that,
we'd love to here from you. If otherwise,
stick it up your chuff-slit.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* BIOSPHERE CASE MODE - imagine the joy of
owning a PC with plantlife growing inside.
Maybe the fan could create wind and the heat
of the processor evaporate the moisture to
create tiny rainclouds.
* LAMB ATTACK - you play a farmer on a
technologically backward planet. Aliens
invade. No lasers for you, sunshine - your
only defence is to sling vast quantities of
defenceless livestock at the heavily-armed
marauders.
* ALLOFMP3 HACK FOR ITUNES - we love the
song price at allofmp3.com and we love
the iTunes application for playing our
music. Can some evil programming genius
hack them togther?
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Joan, Hapax Legomena
Silabub82, Roy van Rijn, scaper150,
jsquishee & tom_schnurr.
Top Tippery by Manic.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord. Yay Fnord.
Image challenge handled by the Increasingly
Mysterious Bob.
Proofing by b4ta on a mission of love. (74732)
Enjoy this newsletter? Why not consider giving
a donation to Scope?
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TOP TIP:
When landscaping on large areas such as
campuses simply plant/lay the grass and leave it
for a few weeks without set pathways. The
students will form their own natural paths
across the grass that will clearly show where
stone/gravel should be laid.
