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This Week:
* GAME - Inverse invaders
* URL GAMES - Cock hungry fuck sluts
* B3TA RADIO - You've tales of being dumped

________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 140 - 18 June 2004

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  URL re-directs, Shooters, Limbs & Robots

  >> More URL re-directs <<
  The trick of re-directing a rude URL to an
  ordinary corporate site is proving popular 
  with our readers. Peter Holt has joined in the
  fun with this effort. Keep them coming. We'll
  be bored of them soon, but you've got a couple
  of weeks.

  >> Invert's shoot-em-up <<
  Young Jonti has been busy of late thinking
  thinky thoughts about games. This one is
  a particular curio: The game is a traditional
  shooter, with the twist that you control the
  base defences, attempting to destroy a
  solitary, heroic spaceship. Yay for playing
  Goliath for once!

  >> Heads and shoulders, knees and toes <<
  Koit is on fire right now. He's continuing
  his theme of reworking kids' songs for evil.
  Fear his latest. We do.

  >> Robot song <<
  "I have been contemplating the psychological,
  social and financial consequences should
  robots ever develop true artificial
  intelligence." writes Mystery Bob. "I have
  collated my findings into Flash animated
  form." And so he has. Educational.


  You've been dumped

  You've been dumped, share your pain with us
  on the penultimate B3ta Radio show of the
  current season.

  * "To quote my hopefully soon to be ex-wife,
  'It's not so much I've been sleeping with
  another man, more sort of....men...oh and you
  need to go to the STD clinic.' (mooglemania)

  * "My bf decided to dump me at Xmas. So, he
  bought me a present, and wrote on the tag
  'thought you might need this, as you're
  dumped.' The present? An 8-inch vibrator.

  * "I was dumped by my first boyfriend because
  he'd slept with my best friend, who was drunk
  at the time. Might not sound very spectacular,
  but we were all around twelve at the time.
  Hooray for rednecks." (GirnsieBabes)

  You can learn more about B3ta Radio and how
  to tune in here:


  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Amusing place name finder <<
  The best thing in the world ever - if you live
  in the UK, that is. Type in your postcode and
  it will find muck-happy place names near your
  house. Who could argue with the likes of Fanny
  Hands Lane, Shatton Moor or Menlove Gardens?
  Note: You'll probably get better results if you
  live in the North. If you're American, or
  foreign, try out postcodes like L1, WV3 or LS16.

  >> Gayest link in the world <<
  What could be finer than an animtion of a man
  holding his penis, wearing school shoes, waving
  a sign saying "gay" whilst singing, "shut up
  and sleep with me?" Description doesn't do this
  justice - if you don't break out into a huge
  smile then you're dead inside.

  >> Flag judging <<
  What the world has been crying out for: Someone
  to assess all the flags of the world and give
  them letter ratings in the manner of a pedantic
  schoolteacher. His methodology is totally
  uncontroversial. Writing your country's name on
  your flag is plain stupid, isn't it?

  >> Heavy metal cat <<
  What would B3ta be without a link to a cat
  rocking out in some way or other. But this
  one is different. It's a real cat. Not sure
  if he's having a seizure but he's definitely
  giving it up for the gods of Rock.

  >> This is the future - circa 1983 <<
  Synthtastic Soviet space race track. We really
  enjoyed the emphatic mangled English and the
  riffing on crappy video effects. By the way,
  it's trying to flog you a book - sod that, but
  great vid.

  >> Pumpkin case mod <<
  We love nature and what could be better for
  Mother Nature than a biodegradable PC case
  Probably not so good for your computer
  though. Anyway, this chap has made computer
  chassis from hollowed-out pumpkins.

  >> Parental eBay auction <<
  'Humourous' eBay auctions are usually shit.
  We spare you from them weekly. But occasionally
  a back story will amuse us. Here, someone's mum
  is flogging their Playstation to punish him for
  drinking all the booze.

  >> Earbags <<
  You're a rugged, manly type (unless you're a
  lady). You live free, in the wild outdoors. But
  sometimes your ears get cold. What do you do?
  Get earbags. They won't make you look like a
  twat. At all. No. Twatty.

  >> Gym class massacre <<
  Get yourself a cup of tea waiting for this
  one to download, my old chum. Worth a bit
  of a wait though. Surprisingly effective use
  of sound effects and mime, as students run
  rampage during a dull PE lesson.


  Happy clappy baby donkeys

  Tiny, bandy-legged baby donkeys and a cheery
  midi soundtrack. This turned B3ta Towers into
  a special school, as we all clapped and made
  mongy sounds of joy to the music. We hope it
  has the same effect on you.

  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


  Results from the Corporate Rebranding Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted existing institutions
  rebranded with names and logos that better
  reflect them.

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Matsimpsk' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Matsimpsk writes -

  #1 Labour Party rebranding - A few people made
  a similar joke, but this version is the
  simplest and the best. It's also satire, so
  if you don't find it funny, you're STUPID.

  #2 Razzla - I like smoking and I also like
  looking at pictures of chickybabes with
  their baps out. This splendid bit of, er,
  market repositioning would allow me to have
  a sly ogle, and then burn all the evidence
  of my onanism with a satisfying post-wank
  cigarette. Nice one! (Nebby)

  #3 Tesco Vodka - Because pikies and rejects
  like alcohol too.
  (Kris Fucking Kristofferson)

  Everyone else seems to sneak in a fourth
  choice, so I'm going to as well. This is
  here because mocking the afflicted is both
  big and clever, especially if they have
  stupid hair. Well done! (flares)

  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta contributor Dr Poppers gave us
  the suggestion, "When the laws of physics pack


  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * RUDE NAMES - Jane Charlesworth is a PhD
  student and writes, "I was collecting data for
  my research and came across this little gem.
  It's not the name of a person, it's the name
  of a gene! 

  note="unnamed protein product;
  fucK ORF (AA 1-482)"

  "ORF in this context refers to 'open reading
  frame', which is the defining limits of a
  protein-coding region in a DNA sequence," She
  explains. "Can you tell how boring
  downloading DNA sequences is?!"

  That's fantastic! We're very, very bored of
  'funny' names by now, but that's taken it
  to another level. If anyone can beat that,
  we'd love to here from you. If otherwise,
  stick it up your chuff-slit.



  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * BIOSPHERE CASE MODE - imagine the joy of
  owning a PC with plantlife growing inside.
  Maybe the fan could create wind and the heat
  of the processor evaporate the moisture to
  create tiny rainclouds.

  * LAMB ATTACK - you play a farmer on a
  technologically backward planet. Aliens
  invade. No lasers for you, sunshine - your
  only defence is to sling vast quantities of
  defenceless livestock at the heavily-armed

  * ALLOFMP3 HACK FOR ITUNES - we love the
  song price at allofmp3.com and we love
  the iTunes application for playing our
  music. Can some evil programming genius
  hack them togther?

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


  Subscribe: [email protected]
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  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Joan, Hapax Legomena 
  Silabub82, Roy van Rijn, scaper150,
  jsquishee & tom_schnurr.
  Top Tippery by Manic.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord. Yay Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by the Increasingly
  Mysterious Bob.
  Proofing by b4ta on a mission of love. (74732)
  Enjoy this newsletter? Why not consider giving
  a donation to Scope?


  When landscaping on large areas such as
  campuses simply plant/lay the grass and leave it
  for a few weeks without set pathways. The
  students will form their own natural paths
  across the grass that will clearly show where
  stone/gravel should be laid.

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