NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 166: "NUDE GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS"
This Week:
* HEADLINE WATCH - goat chaos
* GIZMOS - Phones for dogs
* PHOTOS - Black metal hall of fame
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B3ta email 166 - 21 Jan 2005
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue166/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Advert spotting, New Weebl
>> Pikey advertising <<
Kuroi Kyo writes, "I went into my local 99p
shop in Eastleigh and took this photo as the
sign always make me smirk. The shop is a
typical 'value' store and this guy in the
advert is supposed to entice people in - but
to me he just looks like a perv with his
scruffy unshaven look and leering eyes. It's
just a class bit of mis-matched advertising."
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4178422
>> Those Naughty Vikings <<
Weebl continues his sweeping history of the
world, told through the medium of eggs. This
week it's the Vikings' turn. BTW: Jonti has
recently won an award from Yahoo for having
the webs' sexiest penis or something. Yay.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/history6.htm
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: SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE
This is the way the world ends
Mobile phones for pets. Phones. For. Pets.
It's just so wrong we don't know where to
start. When is your dog going to be to busy
to call you from the land line anyway?
http://www.petsmobility.com/
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: BOOK OF THE MONTH
Snatch in a Mess
A story about a little doggy with tidiness
problems. Not exactly what we anticipated
getting from those particular Amazon search
words...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/086163661...
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Black Sheep
Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and
lies into one handy place on the interweb.
Last week we wanted to know about the black sheep
in your family. Frankly, we regret asking:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blacksheep/
#1 Uncle Rastus
"Watching film of her christening, my sister asked
who the single noticeable black fellah was. Dad
says, "That's Uncle Rastus, he's the black sheep
of the family... Mum refuses to talk of him."
My sister, now 28, often says it's a shame that
we never kept in contact with Uncle Rastus.
Apologies due to the random bloke that
Mum caught on film, I hope he enjoyed the
christening he was attending after ours." (Timrot)
#2 I think it might be me
"I bought my obsessive compulsive younger brother
a set of "day of the week" socks, then, a month
or so later, took away the Friday socks. I don't
think my mum will ever forgive me for the fun
she had trying to convince my brother that he
can wear Saturday socks on a Friday." (cooler_king)
#3 Bus thief
"My auntie used to go to Victoria Bus Station drunk
with some mates after closing, nick a double decker
bus and drive it down to Brighton - in 1947. She's
still a good laugh at 75." (lolwhites)
>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like you to tell us about job interviews you've
had or conducted. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/jobinterviews/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Gallery of failed dotcoms <<
This gave us a happy little half hour. It's a
gallery of failed e-commerce sites from the hazy
days of the internet bubble. Clickmango, boo.com,
they're all in there. "What a bunch of misguided
twunts they all were," we chortled, slurping
champagne by the pool of our dotcom mansion.
http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/mef.shtml
>> Goldfish race track <<
We always feel a bit sorry for goldfish stuck
in little bowls all day. So hurray for this
innovative tank which, by virtue of its
figure-of-eight design, effectively simulates
giving them an infinitely large pool. Also,
kind of like fish Scalextric.
http://www.designboom.com/mcf/vases/2285.html
>> Gaming tattoos <<
Tattoos are only for the cool kids, is that what
you think? Tragically, you're wrong, as shown by
this parade of losers with tats inspired by video
games. We feel particularly sorry for the Atari
guy: He endured searing agony, got an incredibly
shitty tattoo and now has to suffer from the
ongoing devaluation of the Atari brand.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/gamingtattoos...
>> Norwegian disco <<
This Open University-type lecturer carries on the
banner of the mighty Norsemen, as he teaches his
fellow-country-men how to dance the disco. Whiz
to just over halfway through for the money shot,
as the music starts pumping, the formerly-impassive
audience lumbers to its feet and our instructor
busts a groove, shaking his Nordic arse to dance
Valhalla.
http://folk.uio.no/tsandvik/fun/learn_disco.mpg
>> Nude gay Christian athletics <<
Nothing funny to see here. it's just a guy
explaining how in a gym people often get naked.
And you don't have to get all freaked out, just
because they're absolutely in the nude. And right
next to you. Oh, and here are some pictures of
naked athletes.
http://www.gaychristianonline.org/gaychristianathl...#USI
>> Nerd cover versions <<
There's a grand tradition of computer geeks
altering the lyrics of popular songs to reflect
their own particular interests. We rather enjoyed
this extensive collection, with highlights including
'50 Ways To Hose Your Code', 'Can't Parse This' and
the wonderful 'Addicted To MUD'. If you don't get it,
you're not nerdy enough.
http://www.poppyfields.net/filks/authindex.html
>> Frost Car Graffiti <<
The cold winter mornings have started to get us
down. But who could resist a smile on seeing that
someone had drawn a charming series of characters
into the frost coating on all the cars in the street?
http://iftk.com.br/modules.php
>> Black Metal Hall of Shame <<
Satanism is funny, heavy metal is funny. When the
two of them come together it's comedy gold. Words
absolutely fail us in trying to describe these
wretched attempts by rockers to look like they
could steal your soul.
http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal....
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Baby koala and happy squirrel
Few things in this world carry the full weight
of cuteness that a baby koala can bring to bear.
They're like furry little old men.
http://www.lakeapplets.homestead.com/babies.html
There's such an expression of innocent delight
on this little squirrel's face. You just know
she's going to be frolicking in the snow with
her friends later on. Probably a hedgehog in a
wooly hat and a duck with muffler.
http://www.steves-digicams.com/dpotd/dec2004/12112...
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Natural Rejection Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted you to show us the animals
that were left no chance by evolution:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/naturalrejection/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Freshlegs' to judge the
entries - here are her 3 faves.
Freshlegs writes -
#1 "One of God's blueprints - Behold the thought
processes of God! Was I drunk when I judged this?
Perhaps; but this image has it all: crudeness,
a ridiculous animal and surreal originality.
(CaroWallis)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4164883
#2 "Bach Tapir and rabid flautists - the theme of
animals being hunted to extinction due to
unfortunate markings was ubiquitous this week,
but nowhere so blindingly obvious as in this one.
(camel-related incident)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4157443
#3 "Christmas and the Gift Duck - the mental image
of this duck being gleefully torn to shreds on
Christmas morning gives me pause to reflect on
the plight of our inferior animal cousins."
(collapsibletank)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4160635
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, the entire B3ta board conspired to
give us the suggestion, "The Land That Scale Forgot"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/scale/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* ROB HAS A FACE FOR RADIO - mysteriously, your
ginger editor, Rob Manuel has been turning up
on the radio recently. Firstly reviewing games
consoles and websites for the Phil Jupitus BBC
6 breakfast show, then singing about child
molesters on Scotish radio, and finally
permforming under the name Barry Yams for
a late night BBC radio 1 comedy show. You can
listen to a stream here. Osymyso fans will
enjoy the music to be sure.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/oneclick/comedy/050121...
* MISTER SHAW-TWILLY'S school in the Isle of Man
may be under a curse of silly names. Apparently,
a previous headmaster was called Richard Head.
"And he was, too," moans James Cumming. "He
smashed me in a piano when I was twelve."
* THE LONDON UNDERGROUND SONG writers have been
in touch. "Me and a mate wrote it," says Adam
Kay. "We're junior doctors and we recorded a
whole album for Macmillan Cancer Relief." You
can check that out here:
http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/home.php
* WEEBL'S STUFF wins Yahoo award. Yes, it's more
internet back slapping. Where's the money is
all we want to know.
http://weebls-stuff.com/
* CURSOR LOVE BUNNY is unfair apparently. "I
can't beat the bunny thing, its no fair, I
have a disease," cries 'Beaniebethbaby', "I
got a gene disorder that causes tremors and
I got other shit. I'm going to shoot a bullet
threw my spine!" All we can say is that all
of B3ta are really, really sorry. Please
don't shoot your spine, you'd only miss.
http://b3ta.com/bunnygame/
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: FRIDAY GAME
Majestic cog-wheel game
You're a sticky blob of something. Jump around
the screen, grabbing the red pills by latching
onto the slowly rotating wheels that can raise
you to the skies. Slow-paced, but gripping.
http://www.tonypa.pri.ee/wheels.html
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* GIVEMEBACKMYGOOGLE.COM - have you noticed
that affiliate schemes are breaking Google?
Have you tried searching for products
recently? The first few pages are normally
taken up by dickheads like kelkoo trying to
grab their crappy 5%. Cunts. I want
information, not this crap. GIVE ME BACK
MY GOOGLE!
* SUBSERVIENTQUADRIPLEGIC.COM - an update
of the subservient chicken one. Except
when you type stuff, your wheelchair-bound
slave does fuck all. Except dribble. And
occasionally piss himself.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson and the b4ta wiki crew.
Links sent in by zog, Weebop, ben
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob.
Proofing by b4ta. With spikes. (76525)
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TOP TIP:
Get rid of ants by sprinkling curry powder
around. Ants hate the delicious taste of curry.
