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NEWSLETTER: "THE REAL YEAR IS 13.75 BILLION+1. NOT 2013, YOU RELIGIOUS NUTS"

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This Week:
* ANIM - Barley says
* PROJECT - the "bother-proof" Christmas card
* RASPBERRY PI - We bought one (thumbs up)

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're sieving the web      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   for gold, not shit"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 561  - 4 Jan 2013

Read this issue whilst thinking about teeth:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue561 

   Kittens :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Shittens : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK (sort of)
  Buy a Raspberry Pi
  
  When we don't sell an ad we like to link
  something we've recently bought: we entertained
  ourselves over Xmas with the much trumpeted
  Raspberry Pi, the £30 linux computer. Worried it
  might be inconvenient to plug into a TV but
  happily you can just plug it into your router
  then connect via SSH and setup a VNC server,
  thus using a laptop as your display/input.
  Definitely worth the trivial amount of money it
  costs to get a new toy to play with. Also fun to
  be exposed to the drag and drag games
  programming language Sketch which we previously
  hadn't heard of but is an doddle to use. Thumbs
  up - would buy again.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B009SMWSQA/b3ta-21

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

  >> Barley Says <<
  "I made this short but informative Public
  Information Film for 'Mashed'," writes mozza of
  this charming public information film. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says

  BTW: Mashed featured lots of B3tan content, you
  can still watch it via the C4 site:
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/2012-mashed/4od


  >> Is it still okay for "happy new year"? <<
  "Every year I get sick of people wishing 'Happy
  New Year' long after it's still OK to do so,"
  complains Dave Birss. "So I made a reference
  site where people can check if it's still OK to
  do so. The content changes throughout January,
  getting more tetchy by the day."
http://godd.am/newyear/


  >> iEye <<
  Sheep! premieres "the visual enhancement system
  that fits in your own eyeball." Life looking
  gloomy? Magic shiny make it all better.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/iEye


  >> How to brother-proof a Christmas card <<
  "When we were younger, my brother and I had a
  game of ‘brother-proofing’ each other's cards,"
  writes madsporkmurderer. "This consisted of
  covering the envelope with as much tape as we
  could. This year I decided to revive this game.
  However, I'm now a much larger child, with a
  welder and too much free time.
http://bit.ly/UnJRVh


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Relief
  
  Ages back, before presentfest 2012, we asked for
  stories of things that turned out less grim than
  you at first thought:
http://b3ta.com/questions/qotwrelief/

  * LUMP - "Lying in bed one Saturday morning
  feeling somewhat worse for wear after a
  particularly heavy night's drinking, I went for
  a lazy scratch of my nether regions. I was
  horrified to discover a growth on my scrotum.
  All sorts of terrible thoughts went through my
  head... thoughts which soon dissipated when I
  discovered that the "growth" was a fried egg
  Haribo which had somehow adhered itself to my
  ballbag." (mirodo)
  
  * LOFT - "My wife was due to have a baby middle
  of next month. 5am yesterday morning she started
  making 'having a baby' noises. I said I should
  call an ambulance. "Don't be stupid, I'm not
  going to have the baby here." My two year old
  wakes up and comes to see what's going on. More
  screaming and I call the ambulance. The 999 man
  starts talking me through how to deliver a baby.
  "Please, just send the ambulance." "Now, can you
  see the head yet sir?" "No, can you please send
  the ambulance?" Two year old wants to play
  giraffes. Relief #1 was the ambulance crew
  huffing and puffing up the stairs. Relief #2 was
  the baby crying, successfully delivered by a
  totally unphased ambulance man. Slightly strange
  Monty Python aspect was the other ambulance
  people asking me who did my loft conversion
  while the baby was half out. "They done a lovely
  job sir. Can I ask you what you paid?" (browser)

  * LOST - "Waiting at the bus stop with my son,
  then 2, a wee friend of his and the friend's
  mother. I got a bit distracted checking bus
  times, looking out change and so on when, to my
  utter horror, I realised that The Boy had
  vanished from sight. Not in the bus stop. Not on
  the pavement. Not on the road. Crowds of people
  around. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit. His
  friend's mother saw the panic in my eyes, saw me
  looking frantically around and asked me what was
  wrong. "Where's the Geeklet?", I asked,
  urgently. She gave me an odd look. "Still
  sitting on your shoulders", she replied."
  (ubergeekian)


  >> This Week - DUMPED <<
  Dumpee, dumper or still not sure what happened
  and hoping that one day the hurt will subside so
  that you can leave the house? Tell us all:
http://b3ta.com/questions/dumped/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Favourite book covers <<
  The New York Times got 20 designers to pick
  their favourite book cover and explain why - the
  results are genuinely interesting.
http://nyti.ms/UnJWZa


  >> London's top Twitter names <<
  Geo-tagged tweets laid out on top of a London
  map, to find the city's most popular Twitter
  surnames with locations. Disappointingly low on
  Hitlers.
http://bit.ly/X2PhCd 


  >> Javascript Amiga <<
  If you are a nerd of a certain age, those two
  words are all it will have taken for you to race
  off down the linky superhighway. If you are
  still here, don't worry; perhaps a
  Javascript/HTML Amiga emulator is not for you.
http://scriptedamigaemulator.net/


  >> British people problems <<
  Continually-updated listing of the tiny, nagging
  problems that bother we lucky denizens of the
  British Isles.  
http://www.reddit.com/r/britishproblems


  >> Vintage computer adverts - what's really happening <<
  A look at those old tech ads that's both funny
  at how crap they are and insightful about the
  story we were being told. "We bought it to help
  with our homework and the household account"
  indeed.
http://s349909351.websitehome.co.uk/blog/?p=342


  >> Dr Who Theme in odd, retro style <<
  The Dr Who theme comes courtesy of Damont
  Records' "TV Favourites and other childrens
  songs" 1975. Synthtastic.
http://bit.ly/UnKeiT


  >> Van Goghtical illusion <<
  Stare at the moving pattern; stare at the swirly
  picture; feel as if you're losing your mind; cut
  off your ear and mail it to a prostitute.
http://imgur.com/gallery/VIeMk


  >> Hollywood Snopes <<
  Great little read about some of the urban
  legends that hang around movie studios.
http://bit.ly/UnKkab


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like iPlayer but with no Spinal Tap easter egg

  >> Uncorrected personality traits <<
  Robyn Hitchcock sings a message that'll make any
  parent have an anxiety attack. Not sure if this
  meant to be comedy or not but compelling
  nonetheless. WIKIPEDIA FACT: Robyn's dad wrote
  the film 'Percy' a brit-sexplotation flick about
  a penis transplant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKFqHPjI1Io

  
  >> Attenborough sounds like a rudeboy <<
  Good to see David Attenborough keeping up with
  contemporary slang. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsSbHFPybzk


  >> World's most useless machine <<
  Useless but we reckon they'd sell like hot sex.
  If you make the mechanical hand into a kitten's
  paw.
http://bit.ly/UnKsq6


  >> Testing for electrostatic discharge <<
  Health & Safety video with memorable pay-off.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Electro_Static_Discharge


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Now incorporating Goatse Monthly

  Getwalker writes, "Hi, dunno if you've seen this
  before but it seems Goatse has some historical
  precedents."
https://www.google.com/search?q=sheelanagig&tbm=isch


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Guess the word

  As kids we used to play a guess the number game
  - player 1 thinks of a number, player 2 guesses,
  player 1 says higher or lower. We're kicking
  ourselves that we didn't think of applying this
  model to words. This version is almost great but
  needs a smaller dictionary without obscure words
  in it and a better interface.
http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~pahk/dictionary/guess.cgi 


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Bizarre Facts Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to illustrate strange
  knowledge.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * DEATH: tragic film franchise demises marked
  with sombre farewell (Captain Howdy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10900001
 
  * LUNAR: astronomical discovery receives George
  Lucas treatment (funkmotor)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10899498
  
  * BADGE: cockney film icon reminds audience who
  he is (robneymcplum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10902642
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/bizarrefacts/


  >> New challenge: Online Goes Offline <<
  Can you imagine a world in which people behave
  offline like they do online? We think you can,
  which is why it's this week's challenge.
  Suggestion by xandmi.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/online-offline/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * STRANGEST EMAIL WE'VE HAD FOR A WHILE - should
  we reply?
http://bit.ly/UnKE8J


  * APOLOGIES FOR LAST WEEK - as RS2000CUSTOM
  writes, "Whoops! You ain't put an edition number
  in the link. You now givin out a 404." Here's
  the missing number: 560. Simply edit the URL and
  stick that on the end - happy to help.


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include:

  * UNFAIR DEATHS - make a game with each level
  being an utterly unfair death that happens in 3
  seconds of starting.
  
  * AMAZON TROLLING - evil project idea.
  Systematically write backhanded compliment reviews
  on Amazon. "The spelling is quite good."
  
  * VIDS - savage^ writes, "Turbulent aeroplane
  movie footage fed through software to steady the
  image, so we can see the actors wobble their
  heads about all funny."

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by &#8207;@mattround,
  @TheMichaelMoran, @cr3, tuqueboy, DogHorse,
  tubaman, zacherynuk, Gruffi, Nicky Hewgill,
  @matthewgardner and db123. Image challenge by
  Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top
  tip via Rotating Wobbly Hat.
  Subjlols via waxdart.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Instead of the bother of converting your Nectar
  points just buy honey.

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