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NEWSLETTER: HELL YEAH LET'S PARTY LIKE IT'S 1997 IT'S THE B3TA NEWSLETTER

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This Week:
* QUESTION - Your shit celeb encounters
* CAT GIFS - Reenacted by a human
* CHALLENGE - Put jokes into the background

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're writing the      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   newsletter aged 40
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      together!"

B3ta email 610  - 6 Dec 2013

Stick this issue in your web gob and chew:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue610 

   Sub :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Snub : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Miranda Hart's Maracattack DVD

  Here's the DVD for sale on Amazon. Take a look
  at the Frequently Bought Together items at the
  bottom.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00FXYJADG/b3ta-21 


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Music, Tweets, More music & number plates

  >> Old musicians are better a bit faster <<
  "As a long time board lurker, I have only ever
  had one thing I wanted to share with the world",
  writes rimbaud, "my theory that pop musicians
  get slower and slower over time and this is bad.
  I therefore present my grand work that I hope
  will convince you. I also need some good
  suggestions."
http://fifteenpercentfaster.tumblr.com/


  >> Father Jack Hackett's vs Twitter <<
  "Something I made recently which floats tweets
  around the screen" ,writes rolandino, "tweets
  that include the swearing of Father Hackett
  (from Father Ted). Includes sound samples of his
  swearing, so have your sound turned up. Daft
  experiment in many ways. Works best on desktops."
http://bit.ly/1cf6bmO


  >> Derek had a Double Dose <<
  "I've been experimenting with some new
  software", writes swedemason, " I spunked every
  effect i could on this fairly random bit of
  video, apologies if it makes you feel abit sick,
  or induces flashbacks."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Derek_had_a_Double_Dose


  >> Personalised number plates = shit <<
  "What is it about personalised number plates
  that makes them seem so shit?", writes
  feelwelcome, "I got After Effects last week."
http://bit.ly/1cf6fCX


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: USVSTH3M STUFF
  3 good things they / we did this week

  * FIVE CAT GIFS REENACTED BY A HUMAN CAT GIFS.
  CUTE. Adorable. But we reckon human GIFs might
  be the FUTURE, so we got Tom, one of the
  UsVsTh3m team, to reenact some of the greatest
  cat GIFs of all time.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/69169102523/


  * ARE YOU ON SANTA'S NAUGHTY LIST? Take the Are
  You On Santa's Naughty List? quiz now.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/naughty/


  * 24 BIZARRE AND SOCIOPATHIC LIFE LESSONS -
  every child learnt from The Sims
http://usvsth3m.com/post/68884279191/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Self-inflicted Injuries
  
  Last week we wanted the awful damage you'd done
  to yourself with only the help of your own idiocy:
http://b3ta.com/questions/selfinflictedinjury/

  * MUM HUMOUR - "My friend T and I spent a year
  living with my parents while working in a sheet
  metal shop. One he was moving heavy sheets from
  one pile to another when the guy assisting him
  grew annoyed at the slow pace. So they started
  flipping several plates at one time. One set
  slipped and slammed T's hand into an upright
  stack, slicing through his glove and into the
  back of his hand. Off to the emergency room in a
  company truck with T holding a wad of paper
  towels against the cut with his hand in his lap.
  When we got home that night, he discovered that
  blood had soaked through to his Y-fronts so he
  dropped them into the bathroom trashcan. Next
  morning we discover that my mom had fished T's
  underwear out of the trash and laundered them,
  getting out the bloodstain. They were neatly
  folded next to the bathroom sink, along with an
  ancient box of Kotex and a pamphlet titled "Now
  You're a Woman" (Wahoo)

  * ROCK HARD - "We're playing the end-of-year
  ball at the all-girls college. Our band is in
  the cool-and-edgy basement, it's a great, hot,
  intense, sweaty gig. Crowds of female students
  dancing away. Feeling like proper rock stars we
  strip to the waist and finish on a jazz-funk
  version of Black Sabbath's "Paranoid". The crowd
  goes wild! It comes to the guitar solo, and
  BANG! We shift gear from slow funk to full-on
  metal as I hurtle into an over the top frenzy,
  the girls go even wilder and I climb the amp
  stack giving it the full-on rock god treatment.
  It doesn't *get* any better than this! Climax of
  the solo, big drum roll, and I leap like Dave
  Lee Roth off the amp stack, arm wheeling like
  Pete Townshend at his finest. I pull the splits
  in mid-air. I only remember that we're in a
  low-ceilinged basement just *after* I crack my
  head on the a pipe in the ceiling, spin wildly
  in mid-air, and land on my hip & elbow from a
  height of about 8 feet up. Half-unconscious,
  flat on the floor and crippled with pain, I've
  bent my guitar lead, and there's no sound coming
  out with a minute of the song to go. I pull
  myself over to my effects pedals, plug in with a
  tiny patch cable finish completely horizontal.
  20 yrs later I *still* have the scar in my
  forehead from the bolt in the pipe. Rock 'n'
  roll, maaaaan." (Young Master Ploppy)
  
  * DAISY - "When I was about five or six, I was
  dicking around in the garden and I pushed a
  daisy up my nose. So far up my nose, in fact,
  that I had to be taken to hospital to extract
  it." (V3lvetPresley)


  >> This Week - CELEB ENCOUNTERS III <<
  Which famous arses have you met this time?
http://b3ta.com/questions/celebencounters3/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * NEW STATESMAN TROLLING READERS - with this
  ridiculous bit of journalism
http://bit.ly/1cf6gH6


  * I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BAUBLE - Deck the
  halls with Miley Cyrus, fa la la la la, la la la
  la.
http://bit.ly/1cf6kqk


  * FIND THE INVISIBLE COW - Do you like shouting
  and cows? Then Find The Invisible Cow will be
  the best game you've ever played
http://www.findtheinvisiblecow.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Coz kids love vids
  
  * HIGELLA - Charles Saaaatchi is a total wanker,
  but this is quite funny Sub-Cassetteboy Nigella
  thing.
http://bit.ly/1cf6jmh


  * LEGO BLUES BROTHERS - does what it says on the
  lego box.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ_uqlNgSU8


  * CHRIST ON A BIKE - what do you think a video
  called "christ on a bike" will be? Bet you'll
  guess.
http://youtu.be/PoKM4W3x0Z8


  * CORRUPTED MARIO 64 LSD - Video game
  corruptions are intentional glitches produced by
  loading the game data into an editor and
  introducing deliberate errors to see the effects.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvNDcVRlyYk


  * ALDI CHAMPAGNE COMMERCIAL - most adverts are
  shit. This one isn't.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Aldi_champagne_commercial


  * PICARD SINGS CHRISTMAS CAROL - quite enjoyable
  as cut up bits of video go.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Picard_sings_a_Christmas_carol


  * ORBITAL'S CHIME REWORKED AS A CHRISTMAS SONG.
  Grinning from ear to ear. Ridiculous bells.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJwLcFgWR8c


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Unsellable Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to sell the unsellable

  Your favourites included:
 
  * DRAWINGS: demented additions to Toys R Us
  catalogue of evil (The Twisted Omentum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11034067
 
  * DISC: recorded shrieking provides sweet
  consolation to impotent (robneymcplum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11033973
  
  * DULL: multi-volume DVD of static classic
  delights patient viewers (Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11034325
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sell-the-unsellable/


  >> New challenge: Background Jokes <<
  This week's fiendish chore is to take a famous 
  image, and add something comical or interesting 
  to the background, leaving the foreground as 
  before. Challenge suggested by monkeon
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/background-jokes/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * LOGAN'S RUN AS A SOCIAL NETWORK. People are
  kicked out over 30 so that parents can never see
  what the kids are up to.
  
  * A PAGE THAT PLAYS THE FACEBOOK ALERT NOISE
  EVERY FEW MINS - so it looks like you're popular.
   
  * AN ALARM WITH BUILT IN TIME MACHINE - so the
  sleep button sends you back 1hour to get more
  sleep.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by mofaha, Amorous
  Badger, fred zeppelin, Colostomy Bag Explosion,
  robneymcplum & nobby.uk Image challenge by
  Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Tip
  via The Lurker.

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  TOP TIP:
  Make your life easier and better by being nice
  to people.

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