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NEWSLETTER: RIP OFFICE MILK

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This Week:
* ANIM - Literal taken literally
* VID - Chatroulette Wrecking Ball
* CELEBS - with inverted eyes

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're enjoying    
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     this format
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       ...together"

B3ta email 609  - 29 Nov 2013

Bleat this newsletter with an e-lamb: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue609 

   EVE :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   WoW : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Writing movies for fun & profit

  Two jobbing screenwriters tell you how to make a handsome living producing Hollywood schlock. It's nicely free of pretentiousness - probably because they wrote Herbie: Fully Loaded.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1439186766/b3ta-21
  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Literally, Chocolate and Doge

  >> Literally <<
  Sam Bailey receives poetic justice. Nice one, dogfood!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Literally


  >> Cursing Candy <<
  "Hash tag n-n-n-nineteen," inexplicably begins leehardcastle, before making an animation of sweary chocolate wrappers. Slightly NSFW because of visible swears.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/CursingCandy_slightly_NSFW_visible_swear_words


  >> Doge Adventure <<
  "Such animation," writes weebl. We like his style.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doge_Adventure


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Job Interview Disasters
  
  Last week we wanted the things you'd said and
  done in job interviews tha cost you the job:
http://b3ta.com/questions/jobinterviewdisasters/

  * ASSAULT - "My first interview at 17, hoping to
  become a draughtsman. I took along my pre-CAD
  portfolio, which was a thick wad of drawings
  rolled up in a plastic tube. As I entered the
  building my interviewer, sitting at reception,
  got up and proffered a sweaty mitt. There was a
  step down to reception. Just one fucking step.
  It was hard to miss. I missed it. My momentum
  launched me forwards in a fucked-up stumbling
  motion. The thick wad of drawings launched
  themselves forwards from my tube as from a
  rocket launcher. They whistled past my
  interviewer, grazing his ear. He smiled
  politely, pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed
  at the blood now seeping from his lug-hole. We
  carried on with the pointless interview." (jrd)

  
  * FUCKING COLUMBO, ME - "I knew a girl who very
  much wanted to join the Metropolitan Police. She
  figured after a few years on the beat, she'd
  like to get into serious investigation, maybe
  become a detective. She was invited to interview
  in London. She couldn't find the office. She
  went home and never mentioned it again."
  (SimianKid)


  * RETARDIS - "Today I sent the interview panel a
  message to say I was running 15 mins late.
  Turned up for the interview 2 days early. Take
  that spacetime." (andy blip)


  >> This Week - SELF-INFLICTED INJURIES <<
  Injured yourself in a moment of frustration?
  Punched an Asda sign because they didn't have
  tiger bread? Yeah, us too:
http://b3ta.com/questions/selfinflictedinjury/


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: BEST OF USVSTH£M
  Top 3 best-performing items with stats
  
  * NORTH-O-METER - Our scientific, 100%-accurate test will work out where in the country you belong. (4.5m uniques)
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/north-o-meter/ 


  * CRAPPER MAPPER - the toilets of the world quiz (1.4m uniques)
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/crapper-mapper/ 


  * AM I HATED BY THE DAILY MAIL? Ever wondered how you fit into the Daily Mail world-view? Find out with our simple test (1.3m uniques)
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/are-you-hated-by-the-daily-mail/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Cracking selection of cinematic gifs <<
  Cinemagraphs are great big, beautiful GIFs with a very small element of animation. They are lovely.
http://all-that-is-interesting.com/cinemagraph-gifs


  >> Celebrity faces with inverted eyes and mouths <<
  Shouldn't be as funny as it is - come marvel at Reese Witherspoon's underbite!
http://www.freakingnews.com/Inverted-Celebrities-Pictures----2292-0.asp


  >> JPMorgan's Twitter-based Q&A <<
  Mega-evil finance corp decides to hold an open Q&A on Twitter - the results are predictable.
http://ronnierocket.com/2013/11/26/jpmorgan-on-twitter/


  >> Instagram dictators <<
  Ever wondered what it would look like if all your favourite brutal dictators had Instagram? Wonder no more!
http://instagramology.ro/what-if-dictators-would-had-instagram/


  >> Waiting In Line 3D <<
  The most accurate three dimensional simulation of queueing yet conceived for the gaming medium
http://www.waitinginline3d.com/


  >> Motherfucking website design <<
  This long, sweary usability rant will make you reconsider your pretty-designy ways.
http://motherfuckingwebsite.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> Chat Roulette version of Wrecking Ball <<
  Hilarious. The best parody we've seen so far although, like Get Lucky, we suspect this one will run and run.
http://youtu.be/W6DmHGYy_xk


  >> Shakespearean actors recreate YouTube row <<
  A comment section spat, vastly improved by the sonorous tones of fruity, old thesps.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/old_men_act_out_a_comments_argument_on_youtube_about_One_Direction


  >> Musical Ruth - The Nun on a Piano <<
  This is an act and a half, although people seem too terrified to actually get near.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Musical_Ruth_The_Nun_on_a_Piano


  >> Knitted traffic light <<
  Delightfully silly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Traffic_Light


  >> When game glitches go beautifully right <<
  Game engine mishap from Assassin's Creed basically causes the Rapture.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/When_game_glitches_go_right


  >> Salad Fingers! 10th birthday! <<
  If you haven't heard of Salad Fingers now's your chance to catch up - it's the 10th anniversary of David Firth's unsettling animation stylings. Enjoy! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Salad_fingers_10th_birthday


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  The Prince Albert on Bellenden Street

  Google StreetView reveals a pub that "is packed full of loudly braying ignorant cunts who would benefit from a savage beating," according to pissflaps.
http://maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/?ll=51.468193,-0.07253400000000002&cbp=,52.18,,1,3.699997&layer=c&panoid=70271vKk3izI2wwLSOmRuQ&spn=0.18000000000000788,0.30000000000000004&output=classic&cbll=51.468193,-0.072534


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Past People Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to imagine people from
  the past doing their thing in the future

  Your favourites included:
 
  * SMILE: enigmatic Renaissance lady finds herself
  in smug surroundings (Memaxx)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11032034
 
  * KETTLE: famed horsewoman joins ranks of
  unclothed auction sellers (monkeon)  
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11032997

  * SHIRLEY: Halifax fatman causes Big Apple 
  skyscraper havoc (ferret)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11032196
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/past-people-today/


  >> New challenge: Sell the Unsellable <<
  Pick something that nobody wants and create an 
  advert for it. i.e. "Drowning - it's the only 
  way to go!" or "Give your car a unique design 
  with... RUST!" (Challenge suggested by The Silent 
  Channel)
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sell-the-unsellable/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  >> NBC News interviewed me about Miley Cyrus today <<
  Joel Veitch delights: "Miley had a giant lip-synching animated kitten behind her at the American Music Awards. I am now the go-to guy for Miley Cyrus commentary!" 
http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/father-lip-syncing-cats-wont-somebody-please-think-kittens-2D11648330


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * LIONS
  
  * GIRAFFES
  
  * ZEBRA - this is because we're going on holiday to Kenya. Forget Norway!

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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    Ups:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Downs:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by stevierar,
  evilengine, buffet_the_appetite_slayer,
  bananaprince, HappyToast, skeltonator,
  barryheadwound, 'comedy' account,
  sinisterduck.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Look here
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/  

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