NEWSLETTER: MINECRAFT HOLMES
This Week:
* CHIMPS - Constantly-mutating rampage
* GOAT - Simulator game
* RETRO - Which 8-bit computer are you?
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're still doing
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web lols...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| together"
B3ta email 618 - 7 Feb 2014
Read this issue whilst thinking about doge:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue618
Fun : [email protected]
Bums : [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Michael Gove: Everything I know about teaching
Yeah you can probably guess, this book is just
fucking blank. Still, it's got your shitty,
"funny reviews" that the internet loves. E.g "I
am currently reading it onto audiobook format,
so you can enjoy 8 hours of Gove's brilliance
even as you drive."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/149291241...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> Cyriak's ever-mutating chimps <<
"Ugly hairy mutating bastards that they are,"
writes Cyriak, who is more of a fan of New
World primates such as the marmoset. This video
is not for those of a nervous disposition.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_made_a_video_about_chi...
>> The Artistic Genius <<
"Gustav shows us the inner workings of his
artistic journey," explains oliputland. His
animated outpourings say a lot about the art
market.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Artistic_Genius
>> The URL Parameters Quiz <<
"I spent all day making a quiz for geeks,"
pipes Spacefish. "Maybe it will raise a chuckle
for one of you." We scored 45% but reckon we
could have got higher if we tried.
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/games/urlquiz/
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: USVSTH3M BOLLOCKS
The other thingie bob we're involved in
* Which 8-bit computer you are? Spectrum, C64,
BBC or Amstrad?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/which-8-bit-computer-are...
* The Internet Proficiency Test - Should you
even be allowed a WiFi connection?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/internet-proficiency-tes...
* How Facebook-Obsessed Are You? - Find out now!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-facebook-obsessed-ar...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* How In-App Purchases Have Destroyed The
Mobile Gaming Industry
http://goo.gl/jBUIi4
* Online simulated Theremin - with added
psychedelic effects
http://www.femurdesign.com/theremin/
* Viz's scrounging bastards from the 1990s is
weirdly predictive of the actual media now. We
live in shitty times, friends.
http://oi42.tinypic.com/j7q5x2.jpg
* Coke's Superbowl ad brings out the crayon
eaters. Yuck.
http://goo.gl/0ysJAl
* Clever printed ads. Because, essentially,
clever kids go into advertising and do their
clever shit for advertising people instead of
art patrons.
http://goo.gl/iqmpOe
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
* Supercut of wrestlers inhaling before
bellowing testosterone. An accurate simulation
of being fucked by a WWF guy. Maybe that's your
thing, we won't judge.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/No_words
* Animation School Dropout. Finally. Something
weirder than Cyriak.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Animation_School_Dropout
* Goat Simulator! The best preview of a
bullshit game you'll see this week.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Goat_simulator
* Alternative fan-made Robocop remake - each
contributor made a few seconds. Pretty mind
blowing to watch.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Alternative_Robocop_rema...
* Extraordinary special effects from 1970s
Doctor who. Literally, this is like some
children playing with dinosaur toys. Poor Jon
Pertwee is having to emote to this shit.
http://goo.gl/X0446t
* Amazing fresh new HD footage of Felix
Baumgartner's fall from space. Put on
headphones and watch it fullscreen.
http://goo.gl/XtCmGh
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Not funny or cornery but fuck it
* BBC having fun with their captions:
http://goo.gl/OLRb9c
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Stag and Hen Nights
Last week we wanted your stag and hen night
survivor stories. As most of them are long and
involved, we've quoted some best bits below:
http://b3ta.com/questions/stagsandhens/
* "Well folks, I can tell you that chugging half
a pint of vodka and tabasco does indeed destroy
someone. It also destroys anything else within
a spray radius of twelve feet. Comprehensively."
* "OH SWEET JESUS I CAN SMELL IT IMMEDIATELY.
IT'S LIKE I'VE OPENED THE ARK OF THE GARLIC
FUCKING COVENANT. I AM BECOME DEATH."
* "The owner immediately told us that he didn't
have an alcohol license as he was a committed
christian and didn't approve of drunkenness."
* "I was a bit miffed at not being invited to
a mate's stag party until I remembered that
I'd slept with both his bride AND his sister."
* "Why did you choose this shit hole hotel?"
"Because REGAL is LAGER backwards"
>> This Week - DODGY BOOZERS <<
Tell us stories of the skankiest, craziest
or down-right dangerous bars you've been to:
http://b3ta.com/questions/dodgyboozers/
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Yeah: [email protected]
Nope: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by skeltonator, mutated
monty, fred zeppelin, tarka_dall, Fadgebadger,
Ya What and Extinct Jesus Dossier, chompedhomas,
sinisterduck, Beh3moth and colmcq2.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via
Top tip via GeordieJay.
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TOP TIP:
Make tigers think they are normal-sized cats by
throwing giant balls of string at them.
