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NEWSLETTER: BANK HOLIDAY WANK HOLIDAY

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This Week:
* UKIP - Sir Ian Bowler at Carnival
* NEAR-DEATH - Your thrilling tales
* STAR WARS - directed by David Lynch

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "Come back up      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   to say hello"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| 

B3ta email 631 - 23 MAY 2014

Read these words in a rumbling baritone: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue631 

   Rubup : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Parpdown : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

  >> Sir Ian Bowler at the UKIP Carnival <<
  "Sir Ian went to the UKIP carnival today,"
  explains alter-ego Natt. "So that you didn't
  have to..."
http://b3ta.com/links/Sir_Ian_Bowler_at_the_UKIP_Carnival


  >> The Thirteen Doctors <<
  "My new thing that I made!" glees MistaRoosta,
  as all the Doctors morph into each other. Has
  the effect of showing just how off-beat Matt
  Smith's looks really are.
http://b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Who_The_Thirteen_Doctors


  >> Rubber Balls presents... Nigel Farage TV <<
  Does it seem like Nigel Farage is on television
  quite a lot these days? "This is the first
  video of a comedy enterprise founded by fellow
  b3tan Harry Webshiter and myself," writes
  jonofthesouth.
http://b3ta.com/links/Rubber_Balls_presents_Nigel_Farage_TV


  >> Arsenal's manager meets The Lion King <<
  Beautifully weak punnery by dogfood.
http://b3ta.com/links/Well_done_Arsenal_and_their_boss


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: USVSTH3M
  We make things

  * Who should you have voted for in the EU
  elections? Well, yeah, we did this before the
  ballots closed, but still a mildly interesting
  question innit.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/86407754618/


  * Hot, drinkable cat food - A coffee company
  asked us to write some sponsored content and we
  responded by making coffee out of all the brown
  things you can buy at the local shops. It was
  not as nice as coffee.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/86208465508/hot-drinkable-catfood


  * Who’s Your Celebrity Birthday Double? - Tell
  us when you were born and we’ll work it out!
  Now upgraded for slightly more pleasing
  graphics. Yeah! Incremental!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/your-celebrity-birthday-double/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK

  >> NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES II <<
  You told us (at considerable length) about your
  brushes with death:
http://b3ta.com/questions/neardeathexperiences2/


: Pulse-pounding sample extract:

  "The car turned. Yanked left out of the fast
  lane in a blur of screeching metal and burned
  rubber. In milliseconds the rear end had
  flipped out to the right. 

  "And for one perfect moment. For one clear as
  day, intoxicatingly frightening moment, I was
  facing the wrong way down the M1. Oncoming
  traffic seemingly inches away. I swear I caught
  the eye of a gobsmacked HGV driver..." 
(Albert Marshmallow)


   >> This Week: Not having sex <<
   The stench of a bag of bean sprouts popping
   open is a real passion-killer, I can tell you
   for nothing. Tell us about the shag you
   didn't have because you blew it.
http://b3ta.com/questions/notgettingsex/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> UKIP Top Trumps <<
  What with the EU elections being this week,
  Ukip has been hard to avoid. Here's an
  illustrated guide to their... colourful lineup
  of council candidates.
http://b3ta.com/links/UKIP_Top_Trumps


  >> Crufts for tarantulas <<
  We were unaware that this was a thing - now our
  only disappointment is that there aren't more
  pictures of lovely long-legged spiders.
http://goo.gl/Ub1i79


  >> There is a cat hiding in this picture <<
  But it's at the vet's so might take a while to spot it.
http://imgur.com/gallery/MCGwrkx


  >> Beastie Boys turned in to old school comic <<
  Nice little comicbook adaptation of Beastie
  Boys video Sabotage - in memory of MCA.
http://dereklangille.blogspot.it/2012/06/for-adam.html


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> If David Lynch directed Return of the Jedi <<
  Minor fact-bomb: David Lynch WAS originally
  slated to direct the Star Wars sequel. Someone
  has had fun packing three-and-a-half minutes of
  Jedi with as many Lynch in-jokes as possible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PALjbTo1D5U


  >> Microscopic view of the carpet in The Shining <<
  Beautifully sinister little bit of animation.
http://b3ta.com/links/1179911/


  >> Ohio replaces lethal injection <<
  The Onion's amusingly dark take on how capital
  punishment could be made more human by
  including enormous, decapitating robot
  claw-arms.
http://b3ta.com/links/1181029/


  >> Dad tries to catch ball <<
  Very much doing the viral rounds this week -
  bloke tries to catch a ball while carryiong his
  child. The result is not to his credit.
http://b3ta.com/links/Top_notch_parenting


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Comedy History Challenge

  Last week we asked you to dip in to the past
  and show us the origins of humour!

  Your favourites included:
 
  * YE OLDE PRANKE: Galileo gets a classic eyeful
  (Afinkawan)
http://b3ta.com/board/11078099
 
  * 1066: Which is best, there’s only one way to
  find out (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11078653
  
  * KAPOW!: Float like a butterfly, sting like a
  cartoon character (Ya What?)
http://b3ta.com/board/11077974
  
  All these images, and more favourites voted by
  you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedyhistory/


  >> New challenge: Verbular Celebrities <<
  This week's challenge is to spot famous people
  with verbs for names and photoshop them doing
  what it sounds like they are doing. 

  Challenge suggested by Mictoboy with a nod to
  giant_squid
http://b3ta.com/challenge/verb_celebs/


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  WHAT HAPPENED NEXT:

  * B3MUSED - B3ta Music Website is back (sort
  of). Old-school b3tan zacherynuk writes, "It's
  been off-line for about a year, but with some
  horrendous hacks it's working again.

  "However, some FUCKING HAIRLESS CUNT STOLE
  B3MUSED.COM so a new name needs to be found -
  Newsletter comp time?"

  Check out the music (and maybe suggest a new
  name):
http://31.210.31.138/


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tubaman,
  Mudface, Fadgebadger, shardcore, Mildred,
  fluffybunnykiller, Jimbuktu.
  Image challenge by Happytoast.
  Scaryduck is QOTW bloke.
  Top tip by Mudface.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  If you need a sound effect of cellophane being
  crumpled, just set fire to the recording studio.


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