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NEWSLETTER: "NONE FOR AGES THEN FOUR IN A ROW - THE LONDON BUS OF WEEKLY INTERNET BOLLOCKS"

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"None for ages then four in a row - the London bus of weekly internet bollocks"
This Week:
* ORGAN - Cameron Carpenter humorous skit
* GINGER-FACED MAN - "My struggle"
* BOOM! - play your own 1812 Overture game

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving bottles
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      of piss... 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       aren't you?

B3ta email 642 - 24 Oct 2014

Read this issues after inhaling helium:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue642

   Kisses :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Pisses : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Yay - Amazon bollocks

  Wondered what an old Nokia might cost on Amazon.
  The answer will surprise you.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B004OBZQ96/b3ta-21

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

  >> Cameron Carpenter's Incredible Organ <<
  Musician Cameron Carpenter is a pretentious cock
  and Pig Face Turnip & Leemondus have been
  mocking him mercilessly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cameron_Carpenters_Incredible_Organ


  >> B3tan Ted talk (well TedX)<<
  Ha. Here's a TED talk where they argue social
  media has something to learn from B3ta - 11
  minutes in.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Put_social_back_in_social_media_me_talking_about_social_media_b3ta_glasscock_b3ta_and_hedgehogs


  >> Anti-snooping tool <<
  Sinisterduck writes, "A quick tool to remove
  extra image data (geolocation, date, time) from
  images. You know, in case you want to upload
  naughty stuff. Just drag the image in and save
  it clicking a button - no uploading involved,
  happens on your computer."
http://removephotodata.com/


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: USVSTH3M
  The other B3taish project

  * Dance Dance Revolution: 1812 Overture Edition
  Bang! Crash! Explode! Fun times ahead! This is
  our favourite thing we've ever put out.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/dance-dance-revolution-1812-overture-edition/


  * Microsoft have killed Nokia so play our "90s
  Nokia Nostalgia Game" now!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/90s-nokia-nostalgia-game/


  * Your B3ta editor was forced by colleagues to
  write this, it's all a bit embarrassing. "The 15
  stages of being a ginger-haired man"
http://usvsth3m.com/post/100747911063/the-15-stages-of-being-a-ginger-haired-man


  * The tramp who married a badger, and 20 other
  spectacular Sunday Sport headlines
http://usvsth3m.com/post/100670376748/the-tramp-who-married-a-badger-and-20-other


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Silly Achievements
  
  Last week we wanted you to tell us about the
  little things that you'd done that brought you
  pleasure far beyond their size:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sillyachievements

  * HP - "In t'olden days when I wor a lad, the
   label on HP sauce bottles had a description
   of the contents in both English and French.
   The French version began with, 'Cette sauce
   de haute quality est un melange de fruits
   orientaux, d'epices et de vinaigre de malt.'
   It went on for quite a few sentences more and
   for some reason I learned the whole passage by
   heart and became most proficient at reciting it.
   Quite an achievement... but that's not it. As
   a student I discovered by chance that laydees 
   just can't say no when a bit of French is
   whispered in their ears. Consequently for years
   I have got my end away to the whispered
   description of brown sauce. I should be ashamed
   of myself. But I'm not." (mallyjoe)
  
   * OED - "I once corrected the Oxford English
   Dictionary. They'd cited a poem as a reference
   and had the title and date of the poem wrong.
   So I wrote them an email and I got a reply back
   thanking me for pointing out the mistake and
   promising to correct it in the next edition,
   which they did. Quite boring, but it does mean
   when someone tells me something's right because
   the dictionary says so I can just go 'I fucking
   CORRECT the dictionary!' Lots of people at work
   don't like me much." (SnowyTheWereRabbit)
  
  * PLOP - "At a picnic a female friend was telling
   me off for making a joke about girls not being
   able to throw. Apparently it was nonsense and
   there was no reason to believe that I, as a not
   even especially sporty man, could throw any better
   than anyone else. Mid-harangue, I managed to
   launch a marshmallow down her gullet."
   (SnowyTheWereRabbit)


   >> This Week - Control Freaks <<
   Peej writes, "My mate Tony's dad used to weigh
   the breakfast cereal in the morning to make sure
   everybody got an equal amount and the pack
   provided the exact amount of servings advertised
   on the packet." Sound familiar? Tell us more:
http://b3ta.com/questions/controlfreaks/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * Greatest album cover of all time? NSFW.
http://i.imgur.com/zy8DezB.jpg


  * Wonderfully bitchy Guardian article on Chris
  Moyles kicking him so hard we actually started
  to feel sorry for him.
http://gu.com/p/42ygf 


 * Theremin simulator - ChiTown Guy writes, "This
 is sucking up WAY too much of my time and is a
 prime example of why I turn the Internet off on
 Sundays so I can get work/cleaning done."
http://femurdesign.com/theremin/


  * Yew Tree Grooming Scandal - Fitznicely
  writes, "Unfortunate Company Name of the Day! A
  leaflet for this company was pushed through my
  letter box today. Should I call the police?"
http://yewtreegrooming.com/contact-us


  * Woman orders "fur wolf tail" for Halloween -
  it's er... not exactly what she thought it was.
https://mobile.twitter.com/glitteratty/status/524273672723648512


  * Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swastika -
  christ!
http://riffingreligion.wordpress.com/2013/07/04/comic-relief-the-girl-who-loved-stupidity-part-1/


-------------------------------------------------

We just tried a thought experiment imagining a
world in which the Kings of Leon didn't exist. It
was identical to this one but slightly better.

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  * UKIP Calypso response:
http://www.b3ta.com/links/UKIP_Calypso:2


  * HASHTAG GAMERGATE - we've been watching this
    video on repeat and giggling.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Youre_not_even_a_real_journalism


  * THROWING PIZZA - into a microwave across the street.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Throwing_a_pizza_into_a_microwave_across_the_street


-------------------------------------------------

  * BUSINESS IDEA: considering how much the
    middle-class drink, there should be wine
    floats delivering two bottles on the
    doorstep every morning.

------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Cakes in Films' challenge

  Last week we asked you to turn movies in to
  episodes of Choccywoccydoodah.
 
  Your favourites included:

  * 2 weeks: Verhoeven’s classic cookery show
  Total Bake Off  (HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/11106320

  * Lost Cake: Indy can't choose (Q4nobody)
http://b3ta.com/board/11106089
 
  * WeightWatchers3: Ripley tries to resist (Ninj)
http://b3ta.com/board/11106154
  
  All these images, and a couple more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cakefilms/


   >> New challenge: New Religious Products <<
  This week we’re adding to the tat found in
  churchy gift shops. Help us fill up the shelves
  with unlikely holy artifacts.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/religioustat/


-------------------------------------------------

  * BUSINESS IDEA 2: a service that sends you
    Empire magazine two months late so it's
    talking about films that you can actually
    go and see tonight.

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  When you make wishes make sure your wishes are
  things you actually want to come true.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/100496115923/we-asked-the-internet-to-buy-us-fake-plastic-potatoes


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * A TWITTER ACCOUNT CALLED "SAVED YOU A WATCH"
   - Soylent Green is people. Saved You A Watch.
   Satire!
  
  * SOME KIND OF MASH UP - with Frank Spencer
  going "Ooh Betty" over this Ram Jam's  Black
  Betty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbjyuDYtAtk  

  * Single serving website idea: is-it-on-Netflix
  . com - big letters: NO.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

  We do like the sequence of Russell Brand's
  bibliography: My Booky Wook, My Booky Wook 2,
  REVOLUTION.

-------------------------------------------------

    Yay:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Nay:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

    Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard:
    https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by the fragrant
  b3ta masses yearning to breathe free .  
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Subjlols via HappyToast.
  We do like the sequence of Russell Brand's
  bibliography: My Booky Wook, My Booky Wook 2 then...
  REVOLUTION.

  
-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  The best ever tip is from Undercovercarrot -
  it's actually 20 things you should know if you
  call an ambulance. 
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/post120481

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