NEWSLETTER: "NONE FOR AGES THEN FOUR IN A ROW - THE LONDON BUS OF WEEKLY INTERNET BOLLOCKS"
"None for ages then four in a row - the London bus of weekly internet bollocks"
This Week:
* ORGAN - Cameron Carpenter humorous skit
* GINGER-FACED MAN - "My struggle"
* BOOM! - play your own 1812 Overture game
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving bottles
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | of piss...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| aren't you?
B3ta email 642 - 24 Oct 2014
Read this issues after inhaling helium:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue642
Kisses : [email protected]
Pisses : [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Yay - Amazon bollocks
Wondered what an old Nokia might cost on Amazon.
The answer will surprise you.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B004OBZQ9...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> Cameron Carpenter's Incredible Organ <<
Musician Cameron Carpenter is a pretentious cock
and Pig Face Turnip & Leemondus have been
mocking him mercilessly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cameron_Carpenters_Incre...
>> B3tan Ted talk (well TedX)<<
Ha. Here's a TED talk where they argue social
media has something to learn from B3ta - 11
minutes in.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Put_social_back_in_socia...
>> Anti-snooping tool <<
Sinisterduck writes, "A quick tool to remove
extra image data (geolocation, date, time) from
images. You know, in case you want to upload
naughty stuff. Just drag the image in and save
it clicking a button - no uploading involved,
happens on your computer."
http://removephotodata.com/
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: USVSTH3M
The other B3taish project
* Dance Dance Revolution: 1812 Overture Edition
Bang! Crash! Explode! Fun times ahead! This is
our favourite thing we've ever put out.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/dance-dance-revolution-1...
* Microsoft have killed Nokia so play our "90s
Nokia Nostalgia Game" now!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/90s-nokia-nostalgia-game...
* Your B3ta editor was forced by colleagues to
write this, it's all a bit embarrassing. "The 15
stages of being a ginger-haired man"
http://usvsth3m.com/post/100747911063/the-15-stage...
* The tramp who married a badger, and 20 other
spectacular Sunday Sport headlines
http://usvsth3m.com/post/100670376748/the-tramp-wh...
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Silly Achievements
Last week we wanted you to tell us about the
little things that you'd done that brought you
pleasure far beyond their size:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sillyachievements
* HP - "In t'olden days when I wor a lad, the
label on HP sauce bottles had a description
of the contents in both English and French.
The French version began with, 'Cette sauce
de haute quality est un melange de fruits
orientaux, d'epices et de vinaigre de malt.'
It went on for quite a few sentences more and
for some reason I learned the whole passage by
heart and became most proficient at reciting it.
Quite an achievement... but that's not it. As
a student I discovered by chance that laydees
just can't say no when a bit of French is
whispered in their ears. Consequently for years
I have got my end away to the whispered
description of brown sauce. I should be ashamed
of myself. But I'm not." (mallyjoe)
* OED - "I once corrected the Oxford English
Dictionary. They'd cited a poem as a reference
and had the title and date of the poem wrong.
So I wrote them an email and I got a reply back
thanking me for pointing out the mistake and
promising to correct it in the next edition,
which they did. Quite boring, but it does mean
when someone tells me something's right because
the dictionary says so I can just go 'I fucking
CORRECT the dictionary!' Lots of people at work
don't like me much." (SnowyTheWereRabbit)
* PLOP - "At a picnic a female friend was telling
me off for making a joke about girls not being
able to throw. Apparently it was nonsense and
there was no reason to believe that I, as a not
even especially sporty man, could throw any better
than anyone else. Mid-harangue, I managed to
launch a marshmallow down her gullet."
(SnowyTheWereRabbit)
>> This Week - Control Freaks <<
Peej writes, "My mate Tony's dad used to weigh
the breakfast cereal in the morning to make sure
everybody got an equal amount and the pack
provided the exact amount of servings advertised
on the packet." Sound familiar? Tell us more:
http://b3ta.com/questions/controlfreaks/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* Greatest album cover of all time? NSFW.
http://i.imgur.com/zy8DezB.jpg
* Wonderfully bitchy Guardian article on Chris
Moyles kicking him so hard we actually started
to feel sorry for him.
http://gu.com/p/42ygf
* Theremin simulator - ChiTown Guy writes, "This
is sucking up WAY too much of my time and is a
prime example of why I turn the Internet off on
Sundays so I can get work/cleaning done."
http://femurdesign.com/theremin/
* Yew Tree Grooming Scandal - Fitznicely
writes, "Unfortunate Company Name of the Day! A
leaflet for this company was pushed through my
letter box today. Should I call the police?"
http://yewtreegrooming.com/contact-us
* Woman orders "fur wolf tail" for Halloween -
it's er... not exactly what she thought it was.
https://mobile.twitter.com/glitteratty/status/5242...
* Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swastika -
christ!
http://riffingreligion.wordpress.com/2013/07/04/co...
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We just tried a thought experiment imagining a
world in which the Kings of Leon didn't exist. It
was identical to this one but slightly better.
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
* UKIP Calypso response:
http://www.b3ta.com/links/UKIP_Calypso:2
* HASHTAG GAMERGATE - we've been watching this
video on repeat and giggling.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Youre_not_even_a_real_jo...
* THROWING PIZZA - into a microwave across the street.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Throwing_a_pizza_into_a_...
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* BUSINESS IDEA: considering how much the
middle-class drink, there should be wine
floats delivering two bottles on the
doorstep every morning.
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Cakes in Films' challenge
Last week we asked you to turn movies in to
episodes of Choccywoccydoodah.
Your favourites included:
* 2 weeks: Verhoeven’s classic cookery show
Total Bake Off (HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/11106320
* Lost Cake: Indy can't choose (Q4nobody)
http://b3ta.com/board/11106089
* WeightWatchers3: Ripley tries to resist (Ninj)
http://b3ta.com/board/11106154
All these images, and a couple more can be found
here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cakefilms/
>> New challenge: New Religious Products <<
This week we’re adding to the tat found in
churchy gift shops. Help us fill up the shelves
with unlikely holy artifacts.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/religioustat/
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* BUSINESS IDEA 2: a service that sends you
Empire magazine two months late so it's
talking about films that you can actually
go and see tonight.
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
When you make wishes make sure your wishes are
things you actually want to come true.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/100496115923/we-asked-the...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* A TWITTER ACCOUNT CALLED "SAVED YOU A WATCH"
- Soylent Green is people. Saved You A Watch.
Satire!
* SOME KIND OF MASH UP - with Frank Spencer
going "Ooh Betty" over this Ram Jam's Black
Betty
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* Single serving website idea: is-it-on-Netflix
. com - big letters: NO.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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We do like the sequence of Russell Brand's
bibliography: My Booky Wook, My Booky Wook 2,
REVOLUTION.
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Yay: [email protected]
Nay: [email protected]
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Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard:
https://twitter.com/b3ta
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by the fragrant
b3ta masses yearning to breathe free .
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via HappyToast.
We do like the sequence of Russell Brand's
bibliography: My Booky Wook, My Booky Wook 2 then...
REVOLUTION.
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TOP TIP:
The best ever tip is from Undercovercarrot -
it's actually 20 things you should know if you
call an ambulance.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/post120481
