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NEWSLETTER: "WE BOUGHT IT TO HELP WITH YOUR GRANDAD'S HOMEWORK"

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"We bought it to help with your Grandad's homework"
This Week:
* FAWLTY - meets DelBoy
* SPECTRUM TEARDOWN - like porn but with tech
* WHALE POO - because why not?

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   by pressing CRTL S"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 651  - 30 Jan 2015

Read this issue to a dog - might be fun:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue651

   Hi  :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Bye : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
  Seriously, buy a Chromecast

  Before we had a Chromecast, YouTube was a place
  for 30-second lols and the odd pop video. Now
  it's where we're watching most of our TV.
  Chromecast is the missing link between your TV,
  YouTube and your Smartphone. Seriously, we
  haven't turned on Netflix in AGES.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00I4WQ618/b3ta-21 
  

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

  >> Start-up software architecture generator <<
  "Here's a bit of silliness I've been working on
  recently," begins Fraser S. "Need inspiration
  for your growth-hacked startup's distributed
  Big-Data Web-Scale Cloud Platform SaaS App
  architecture?"
http://tectur.io/


  >> The Nag's Towers <<
  The two funniest ever scenes from a BBC comedy
  mashed into one seamless narative, or something
  like that. "It's really a shameless copy of
  Fresh Water Mole's image comp thing," confesses
  sithemong.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Nags_Towers


  >> Smearballs new showreel <<
  "Here's a pile of my work from the past few
  years," writes legendary b3ta alumnus
  smearballs. "Realized I probably made too many
  videos of me dancing like a turd with a
  celebrity head on. Love that Conan said
  'Smearballs' on the air though."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/New_showreel


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: UVT
  Stuff from that other site we also do

   * We've redesigned Monopoly to make it more
   accurate. Without inherited wealth you lose.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/austerity-the-board-game 


  * The new all-female Ghostbusters will be
  great, but I hope they dump the capitalist
  propaganda
http://usvsth3m.com/post/nationalise-ghostbusters-now


  * What's your favourite ridiculous movie
  tagline? Here are some of the silliest we've
  ever seen
http://usvsth3m.com/post/whats-your-favourite-ridiculous-movie-tag-line-here-are-some-of-the-silliest-weve-ever-seen 


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: HEY HEY 16K ANNIVERSARY BONANZA

  Ten years ago this March we made a vid for
  @MJHibbett's Hey Hey 16k. Ten years! Blimey.
  Anyway, now the great man's doing shows to
  celebrate!
http://www.mjhibbett.co.uk/heyhey16k/index.php
http://www2.b3ta.com/heyhey16k/ 


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * THE TECH THAT LIVES ON after you've popped
  your clogs:
https://medium.com/message/deathhacks-b767903b7c15


  * MASTERS OF MOVIE MATTE PAINTING (pre-computer
  era) - Star Wars etc etc, but some of these are
  AMAZING and took months of real old-school
  skill.
http://sploid.gizmodo.com/the-amazing-matte-paintings-from-star-wars-and-their-cr-1680372651


  * SCROLL SLOW HAVE FUN - Leaves you wanting
  more, but that's mostly cause it's good.
http://www.scrollslowhavefun.com/

 
  * NO MORE PORTRAIT FORMAT VIDEO LOLS - Alas, an
  Android developer has spoiled the fun with an
  app that always record horizontal video, no
  matter how you hold your phone.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hvt.horizon


  * BUSINESS TOWN - whimsically-illustrated
  cautionary tales of business-related twattery -
  Richard Scarry brought up to date.
http://welcometobusinesstown.tumblr.com/


  * EVER WONDERED WHAT WHALE SHIT LOOKS LIKE -
  reminds us of an incident in the 3rd year at
  school with James Burgess (Hi James)
http://petapixel.com/2015/01/23/underwater-photographer-captures-sperm-whale-poopsplosion/


  * WORRYING DEVELOPMENT - you should be scared, 
    technological singularity isn't a dating site.
http://www.skynet.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like a CASIO TV watch but it doesn't tell time

  * WEATHER REPORTER DEALS WITH TECH GLITCH - with
  a stylish ad-lib.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Local_weather_reporter_deals_with_a_tech_glitch


  * SINCLAIR SPECTRUM TEARDOWN - we're literally
  spent much of the week watching the bloke at
  EEVBLOG take apart computers. Unapologetically
  geeky and we only understand about 25% of it,
  but we can't stop watching. He also does a
  Sinclair C5 and we can't wait to get home to
  finish watching him full apart a kindle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-IebArtT9I


  * JS BACH MOBIUS STRIP - what happens if you
  stick a musical score on a looping mobius strip?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/J_S_Bach_Crab_Canon


  * TANK VS TENNIS PLAYER - nice bit of video
  editing. We assume it's editing or tennis has
  suddenly got a lot more interesting.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/AUS_OPEN_2015_Djokovic_v_Tank


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  A BASIC programmer didn't close their FOR loop.
  You won't believe what happened NEXT.

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Threeway action

  * FANNY KEY - nameleft writes, "Would it be
  awkward giving your address to a new girlfriend?
  Or does 'have private island' win?"
http://www.vladi-private-islands.de/en/island+buy+fanny-key+florida+usa/#!prettyPhoto


  * AMUSING BBC NAME - barst writes, "This is not
  the aerial photgrapher you are looking for" 
http://i.imgur.com/mprtnLS.jpg


  * RUDE-LOOKING ORNAMENT - Apparently a 'mother
  and child art sculpture' - yeah right. (thanks
  jim.s)
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/BEAUTIFUL-MARBLE-MOTHER-CHILD-ART-SCULPTURE-VIRGIN-MARY-JESUS-CHILD-/331313817848


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Comedy Crossover' challenge

  Last week we gave classic comedy characters a
  busmans holiday, shopping them in to other tv
  shows and films.
 
  Our favourites included:

  * Fawlty Fools: Donít mention the bar. (Fresh
  Water Mole)
http://b3ta.com/board/11130229

  * All hours: Are you L-l-l-l-l-l-local? (Capt
  Hood-Butter)
http://b3ta.com/board/11130281
 
  * Fawlty Fools2: Taking it to the streets.
  (VicBrown)
http://b3ta.com/board/11130184
  
  All these images, and a load more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedycrossover/popular/

   >> New challenge: In Drawers <<
  Itís a crafty creative challenge this week. Open
  a drawer, pull out the contents and turn it in
  to something for our delight. Channel your inner
  Tony Hart, Neil Buchanan or Rol.. no stick to
  the first two.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/indrawers/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * SCARY KNIVES - UltimateMonkey writes, "Was
  reading the newsletter last night and it had a
  link for some Swiss made knife with '87 Tools &
  141 Functions', which is laughably shit compared
  to what we're packing up here"
http://www.hawleytoolcollection.com/index.php?sheffield-tool=individual-objects


  * GET MONTY A HOFMEISTER BEAR COSTUME - Do you
  love Monty or hate him? Either way, this seems
  like poetic justice (via PhillieJoe) 
http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/get-monty-a-george-the-hofmeister-bear-costume


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: Ottawan's D.I.S.C.O. (12" Remix)

  She is D delirious 
   She is I incredible
    She is S superficial
     She is C complicated
      She is O oh, oh, oh
       She is T terracotta  
        She is H hydroponic 
         She is E extremely eggy 
          She is Q quixotic
           She is U under active
            She is E eee, eee, eee by gum


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * Let's put the fun back into funerals - coffins
  should be shaped by the position you die in.
  
  * Hold a leather wallet to your cheek. Now hold
  a smartphone. The cheekfeel of leather is so much
  nicer. We demand 'cheekfeel' becomes a thing in
  2015.
  
  * A bullet with our name on it. Actually we
  asked for this before and they actually turned
  up. It was a bit odd.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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    Sub:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Snub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: FOLLOW B3TA ON TWITTER

  There's a really neat hack built into Twitter
  that improves it massively. Press CTRL W:
https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
  
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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Frogbeat,
  tubaman, barst, robneymcplum, Mudface, smaggers
  & p.hill.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Top tips via teedyay. 
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Cut one fingernail every day. They'll all remain
  respectably short but you'll always have one
  long enough for scratching, nose-picking or
  separating lego bricks.



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