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NEWSLETTER: "TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM STAR WARS ADS FOR 5 MINS AND LOOK AT THIS"

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This Week:
* VIDEO - Bad TripAdvisor Reviews of great places
* IMAGE CHALLENGE GOLD - Recreating LP covers
* AD - We actually sold an ad, amazing!

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're tattooing     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   Charmander on our
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    tummies...together"

B3ta email 660  - 17 April 2015

Read this issue in a silly voice. Try it:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue660

Friend b3ta on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan

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:  PRIMUS UK TOUR
   (yes, a real sponsored link - read it!)

  Primus opens up a portal to their weird Primus
  psychedelic world this June, touring London,
  Manchester and Birmingham. Two sets: One of
  oddball classics and the other exploring their
  re-imagining of Charlie and the Chocolate
  Factory.
http://kililive.com/artists/primus


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than making farty noises with armpits

  * Genuine TripAdvisor reviews of the world's
  most beautiful places - genuinely great idea
  from waz4444. Expect to see this video
  everywhere.
http://bit.ly/Genuine-TripAdvisor-reviews


  * POLITICAL THINGOMETER - andrew-t writes, "I
  thought a fun way to visualise polling data
  would be by combining the faces of candidates in
  whatever proportion the poll said. I was wrong,
  it's a horrific way to produce ghastly mutants.
  But some people like ghastly mutants, so here
  they are."
http://github.andrewt.net/thingometer


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: IMAGE CHALLENGE GOLD
  Classic albums recreated with household objects

  We took an old B3ta image challenge and tidied
  it up for The Mirror - it was archival work -
  digging through broken images and the internet
  wayback machine - but it scrubbed up really well.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/usvsth3m/celebrate-record-store-day-12-5530052
  
  BTW: Happy Record Store Day this Saturday, get
  down your HMV or Our Price or wherever the hell
  you can buy records these days. Round here it's
  only charity shops.

  
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from 'Clickbait Film Posters' challenge

  Last week we applied horrible web advertising
  techniques to classic film flyers.
 
  Your favourites included:

  * BedTips: Itís like Stephen Kingís 50 Shades of
  Grey. (Q4nobody)
http://b3ta.com/board/11145020

  * Kennedy: Oooof! (Prodigy69)
http://b3ta.com/board/11144780
 
  * Rocky: Click to read top tips on sweet
  transvesticism. (barryheadwound)
http://b3ta.com/board/11145714
  
  All these images, and a load more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/clickbaitfilm/

   >> New challenge: Photoshop the UK <<
  Geograph.org.uk has been trying to photograph
  the whole of the UK for years, unsurprisingly
  most of the results are really dull. So take a
  tour, pick a favourite place and liven it up
  with the power of potatoshop.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/PhotoshopUK/


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REMEMBER: FRIEND B3TA ON FACEBOOK 

Seriously, follow the HELL out of B3ta on Facebook
as we're bedding in deeply. Our current hot media
theory is that:
1. Email reaches the old school 
2. Twitter reaches the media junkies (like us)
3. Facebook reaches everyone 
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan

Just be thankful we haven't developed a Snapchat
strategy.


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * THESE LOT ARE DEFFO RIGHT ABOUT OLD HITLER -
  we do wish we'd thought of this - just some cold
  reading and an input form - viral as fuck.
http://bit.ly/hitler-what-a-lovely-man


  * ROBOT K-9 TOY OPERATED BY YOUR SMARTPHONE -
  gift idea for the Doctor Who fan in your life.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00TQ4B2RG/b3ta-21


  * AN APPLE WATCH YOU'LL WANT MORE THAN A REAL
  APPLE WATCH - because Apple II's were cool and
  we don't know, you've already got a phone, do
  you need an extra one on your wrist?
http://www.instructables.com/id/Apple-II-Watch/?ALLSTEPS


  * WOULD YOU PAY £120 FOR A DEVICE TO HELP YOU
  SLICE BREAD? - Surely a sign of the coming
  apocalypse: a product you don't need at a price
  you wouldn't pay.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00IYNUEOC/b3ta-21


  * FANCY ENTERING A HUGE RABBIT HOLE OF READING -
  This reddit thread where people confess the
  secrets that could ruin their life is the most
  compelling thing we've read on the internet in
  ages.
http://bit.ly/this-reddit-thread-is-disturbing


  * MORE READING - There's a 4km long figure in
  drawn in the Australian outback - created in
  1998 - and it's a complete mystery who made it or why it
  exists
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marree_Man


  * TARDIS BUTT PLUG ANYONE? - Insert your own
  "bigger on the inside" joke here. Bum ba ba bum
  ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba
  bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba
  ba bum. Woo-oooooo Wooooooooo Woo-oooo,
  Woo-ooooo woo-oo-oo ooo.
http://bit.ly/tom-is-putting-it-in-now


  * BOWIE IS BETTER THAN YOU - Genius. Type in
  your age and it'll tell you what Bowie did at
  the same age. He did more stuff. Some of it
  sucked but he didn't stop experimenting. Love
  him.
http://supbowie.com/


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DON'T FORGET THE ELECTION POSTER CHALLENGE

All 103 entries to @b3ta's "Photoshop an election
poster" are superb. Actually they're not, but the
best ones are very good indeed and got a RT off
famous comedian bloke David Schneider the other
day. Which was exciting.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/electionposters/popular/


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FOLLOW @B3TA ON THAT TWITTER WEBSITE

If you're on Twitter you should follow @b3ta as we
post all the front-paged images and we do other
exciting things, like you know, retweet other
things we find amusing. And press fav on people's
tweets in a slightly patronising 'there there
dear' kind of way. This could happen to you - if
you follow us.

Oh yes, there's a better reason too - we post a
link to this weekly newsletter which is handy
considering sp*m filters and Yahoogroups being a
fetid bag of sick these days. People say to us
can't you use MailChimp? BUT THAT COSTS MONEY.
Gah. *RANT*
https://twitter.com/b3ta


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like books that play pictures in your head

  * TEXT ADVENTURE SPEED RUNS - we're not
  expecting you to watch this, just marvel that
  it's a thing. As Monkeon writes, "People
  actually upload speedruns of text adventure
  games. It's rather like a modern speed typing
  contest."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1bLBy7gQPI 


  * TINDER IN THE 1980s - SquirrelMonkeyCom have a
  joke format, they take modern tech and imagine
  it's from the past.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPuikArOx6Y


  * MAD UKIP BLOKE - This must be the weirdest
  answer ever given on TV. "What's your name sir?"
  "My buttocks are smooth, my mind is clear, vote
  UKIP"
http://bit.ly/my-buttocks-are-smooth-vote-ukip


  * OLD SCHOOL B3tAN BRETT DOMINO WANTS YOU TO
  VOTE - Most videos imploring you to vote are
  utter rubbish but the The Brett Domino Trio have
  delivered solid gold. SOLID ENTERTAINMENT GOLD,
  WE TELL YOU.
http://bit.ly/vote-else-the-bastards-wins


  * WHY DRINK CANS ARE SHAPED THE WAY THEY ARE -
  this seemed oddly fascinating at 5am this
  morning.
http://youtu.be/hUhisi2FBuw


  * CHARLIE SAYS HOW TO USE SOCIAL MEDIA - sage
  advice from young Charlie.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Charlie_says:3


-------------------------------------------------

SOD IT, /EVERYONE/ IS RUNNING THIS SNEAKY PRANK
So why not us too?

1) open an iMessage 
2) hold down the camera icon
3) when it appears, slide your thumb up to the new camera icon
4) you're welcome
https://twitter.com/ehdannyboy/status/588078018465259520


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QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/
Little victories: 'Polo holes' by sunray18

A while ago, the people who make Polo mints
brought out a promotional product called "Polo
Holes", the idea being that these small mints were
the bits that were stamped out of the middle.

As a schoolboy at the time, I was tasked for
english homework to write a letter of complaint. I
chose to complain about polo holes as the
definition of a hole is a cavity; nothingness so
by that measure the packet should be empty. How
disappointed I was to find these white things in
the packet. I promised not to take the case to
trading standards if they sent me a year's supply.
Genius. Well written letter, no harm done. Except
teacher decided to mail it.

Several days pass and I receive an unexpected
parcel at home. Inside was a wholesale packet of
polo tubes with one noticable difference: All the
packets were empty. Yes, EMPTY! The gist of the
enclosed letter basically said: Sorry for your
disappointment, we'd hate to fall below your
expectations again, so we've enclosed a sizeable
supply of your definition of "holes". Don't eat
them all at once!
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/littlevictories/post1082530


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SOCIAL MEDIA POLL: DO YOU BELIEVE THIS STORY IS
A. TRUE
B. CHINNY RECKON MADE UP BOLLARDS

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This bloke should really shorten has name to Dick
http://bit.ly/do-you-think-he-gets-sick-of-the-jokes

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: SPONSOR B3TA
  Just 15p a week will keep us in kittens
 
  Two people (count them) have said to us
  recently, "Ooh, glad to see B3ta looking a bit
  lively" and yes this week we got our first
  commercial sponsorship in ages. The current deal
  is for a month but if you fancy bunging cash our
  way for the official, coveted sponsorship slot
  then we're all ears and will happily consult on
  how you can get the most out of it.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

  Shall we just run the ad again? Right here? For
  the sheer novelty blag of having an ad? HELL YES!

-------------------------------------------------

:  PRIMUS UK TOUR
   (yes, a real sponsored link - read it again!)

  Primus opens up a portal to their weird Primus
  psychedelic world this June touring London,
  Manchester and Birmingham. Two sets: One of
  oddball classics and the other exploring their
  re-imagining of Charlie and the Chocolate
  Factory.
http://kililive.com/artists/primus

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Register to vote. You can't after the 20th. TICK
TOCK. TICK TOCK.
http://bit.ly/gov-uk-register-to-vote


-------------------------------------------------

    Friends:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Poobags:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tubaman, SketchPhile
  & clockworkrat. Subjlols via barryheadwound. Top
  tip via krang.
 
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Friend b3ta on Facebook. (3,271 likes)
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan#
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  TOP TIP: Just had a really smelly dump? Light a
  match. Your toilet will now smell of both
  horrible poo and burnt matches.

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