---

This Week:

* QUIZ - Play Your Postcards RIGHT
* BOT - How long until Chernobyl is livable?
* CHALLENGE - Animals in movies


This Week:
* GAME - Splash The Fash
* RUTLES - Fascinating Neil Innes podcast
* STUFF - Same old sperm & swearing content as usual


This Week:
* GIFS - Upgraded with sound. At last.
* WORDS - "How replying to B3ta changed my life"
* CHALLENGE - 'TV shows vs LPs' came out ACE


This Week:
* LIZARDS - Discovered in parliament at last
* LYRICS - Broken by a thesaurus
* CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - USB style


This Week:
* DATA JOURNALISM - Double-entendre detector
* BREXIT - Your guide to the barter economy
* TRUMP BOT - Now with Gary Larson cartoons


This Week:
* JACOB REES-MOGG IS A CUNT - we have proof
* QUIZ - Can YOU find the vegetable?
* ALT-RIGHT - Gently mocked by Larry Grayson


"Will I enjoy revoking article 50 if I haven't revoked the first 49 first?"
This Week:
* PHOTOS - People selling mirrors
* BOT - 'How To Have A Number One The Easy Way'
* SONG - Annoying potato song


"A referendum is when a country hates itself very
much and decides to have a proxy war instead of
getting a puppy"
This Week:
* PROJECTS - lots and lots of B3ta people projects
* DOGS - took us 18 years but finally a challenge
* FREE IDEAS - for new projects for YOU!


"SHATTERHAND! He's the man, the man who has shat in his hand"
This Week:
* WEBSITE - Is Britain Great? (spoiler: no)
* EUROTRASH - Revived as pirated internet content
* GOATSE - Back as a plan to steal your cash


This Week:
* LIES - "How Hitler helped write this newsletter"
* BOLLOCKS - "Swollen to the size of a balloon"
* TITS - "We are men who've seen them. On Wikipedia"


This Week:
* PICS - LP covers remade with unused photos
* B3TA DICTIONARY - yes, for it has returned
* GOAT - Free for every reader (collect tokens)


This Week:
* JEFF MINTER - Film announcement
* CHALLENGE RESULTS - Badly named movies
* JOHN HIGGS - KLF biographer does new book


This Week:
* QUIZ - Can you name the Sleeperblokes?
* CHALLENGE - Rename a movie, badly
* FREE HANDJOB FOR EVERY READER - and other lies

---

Stupid Twitter accounts to follow this week
Found in newsletter: "Reading this newsletter will give you 24 hours good luck"

* DARTBOARDS OF FILM AND TV - this account
collects images of when dartboards can be seen
in the background of films and TV. Beyond
pointless but amusing.
https://twitter.com/dartsfilmtv'

* ACTUAL JAPANESE P**N VIDEO TITLES - Ok let's
try and quote some of the ones without words
that'll upset the filters: "Embarrassing Farts
In Front Of Strangers", "Chasing The Big S**t
Woman. The Invisible Man Camera" and "I Was
Being F***ed In Front Of The Photo Of My Dead
Husband, And I Went Insane With Orgasmic
Pleasure"
https://twitter.com/JAVdottxt'

* PARTRIDGE TREK - Your favorite Alan Partridge
quotes on photos of the AHA Enterprise.
https://twitter.com/partridgetrek'

This Week:
* INTERACTIVE - Band Aid simulator
* MASH-UP - Football, oh god, football
* ALCOHOL - 'Periodic Table Of Drinks'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Robots Ruining Comedy
* VLOGGING - How it might have worked in 1976
* SEXY STUFF - That'll make your naughty bits hard


This Week:
* GAME - Realistic Type-in Simulator
* BOOK - First ever Sisters of Mercy biography
* VIDEO - Jacob Rees-Mogg rapping. Sorry.

---

Yes, block everything
Found in newsletter: "You subscribed, we sent the email. It’s a deal that won’t be rejected by Parliament"

If we ever managed to send our newsletters on
time then this would make sense, it's a plea to
block all shitty Black Friday crap.

And you should, we don't need that junk here,
this is Britain, the land of err.. actually
what does Britain stand for now? Voting to cut
off our penises to spite our balls and Mumford
and Sons.

Sinking into the sea is too good for us.

@man writes, "Remove all spam from your inbox
by unsubscribing to all Black Friday
promotions. You are welcome."
https://internationalunsubscribeday.com/'

"Can Britain please collapse so we can get on with the next bit?"
This Week:
* A DAD - Talks about dating (involves poo)
* KUNT (& THE GANG) - Writes his autobiography
* NEWSLETTER - On time like a stopped clock


This Week:
* SONG - Are you slightly alt-right?
* CHALLENGE - Sportmanteaus
* NO APOLOGIES - You're early, we're not late


This Week:
* GAME - How would you spend Jeff Bezos' money?
* GIFS - Treated as the art that they are
* NONSENSE - And plenty of it


This Week:
* BOB ROSS - Just his cleaning brushes bit
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Monster film results
* STUFF - We promise more nonsense


"My pig's got no nose. How does it smell? Disgruntled."
This Week:
* LONELY ANIMATION - To make you sob like a child
* DANNY DYER - Pwopa nortily updated for Alexa
* CHALLENGE - Put monsters in non-monster films


This Week:
* GAME - Minesweeper vs Bounder
* VIDEO - Sherlock vs Right Said Fred
* CHALLENGE - B3tans vs Sequels


This Week:
* PROJECT - Mini Daily Mail
* PODCAST - White Album chat
* FILM SEQUELS - Finally, as an image challenge


This Week:
* THEME TUNE SHUFFLE - Best thing ever, we promise
* CHALLENGE - Pop sell-outs / website typos
* LIES - About what content you'll find here


This Week:
* IMAGES - Toilets with threatening auras
* NEW IMAGE CHALLENGE - Typo Websites
* FILLER - Your 'Sisters of Mercy drum machine name'

---

The Sierpinski Zoom Game
Found in newsletter: "Ringo wasn't even the best cummer in the Beatles"

This will fuck your eyes up. Rules: blank
screen = bad; lines on screen = good; move
cursor to make good.
https://cutelifebot.github.io/sierpinski/'

This Week:
* QUIZ - Old games mega-quiz
* RINGO STARR - As motivation posters, at last
* TRUMP - Even infecting us. Sorry.


This Week:
* GAME - Amateur Hacker Simulator
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Films with wrong plurals
* TOY CAR RESTORATION VIDEOS - so relaxing...


This Week:
* ROBOTS TALKING TO ROBOTS - Funnyish hack
* ARGOS - A bot that posts old Argos tat
* QOTW GOLD - the /notorious/ threesome story


This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Remove letters from LPs
* VOTE - Vote on 'Shed of the year' NOW!
* QOTW GOLD - 'Wank Alarm'


"Space Force recruitment drive"
This Week:
* BOT - Random pages from the poppermost Smash Hits
* TOY - 5,000 movie mash-ups on every click
* BEANO - It was a bit racist in the past, oops


This Week:
* FANTASY FOOTBALL - Football officially "ok"
* GOING OUT - Your b3tan social guide
* QOTW GOLD - That "Twix sex" story revived


"THE SEVENTH FUNNIEST INTERNET NEWSLETTER IN BRITAIN. MAYBE EIGHTH."
This Week:
* TRUMP - Secret tape revealed!
* CHALLENGE - Tonight is the night when "2 films become 1"
* CODE - Become a rockstar programmer. For real.


"REASSURING LATE, LIKE AN INTERNET PERIOD!"
This Week:
* BREXIT - Are YOU prepared?
* IMAGE CHALLENGE RESULTS - from The Shining
* HOT TAKES - Why we need a Thatcher statue


This Week:
* PHOTOS - Of stuff dumped by a wall
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Kubrick's The Shining
* ASHENS - Make his Hollywood dream come true


"WHY IS THE NEWSLETTER LATE WHEN WE PAY SOME SAD FUCK TO WRITE IT?"
This Week:
* DANNY DYER SOUNDBOARD - Pwopa nawty noises
* ASHENS' FILM - Free to watch online
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Trump's visit


This Week:
* VIDEO - Mini foghorn doc
* CAUSING TROUBLE - Is there equality on Twitter?
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Football


This Week:
* BENCHES - Catalogued at last
* BAD OPINIONS - Now with MORE of them
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Rejected greetings cards


This Week:
* QUIZ - Test your resistance to clickbait
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Kids' covers for adult books
* TYPE-IN - For your Amstrad CPC 464 (or 6128+)


This Week:
* YORE COMPUTER - Wallow in old computer mags
* STAR WARS VS DISNEY - The truth!
* QUIZ - Judging books from their cover


This Week:
* NOSTALGIA - GeoCities GIF Bot is pure 1995
* CYRIAK - Support his sci-fi novel
* CLOCKS - Tell the time with Flavor Flav


This Week:
* QUIZ - Are You Smarter Than Twitter?
* BRITISH ROAD SIGNS - Vandalised for lols
* ENO - Let's play 'Oblique Strategies'


"Why have we crowdfunded writing a newsletter? We hate writing newsletters"
This Week:
* RUDE COUNTDOWN - man collects all THOSE moments
* BOOK - Emails to Jesus, of course
* "THIS IS WAR!" - Twitter account takes on pic theft


"HOLY MOTHER OF SAUSAGES, AN UNEXPECTED B3TA NEWSLETTER!"
This Week:
* 12 B3ta projects you may have missed
* Yes, 12, like the 12 days of Christmas
* Or the disciples of Jesus


"Fake newsletter! Sad!"
This Week:
* THERESA MAT BOT - Better than the real thing
* SURVEY RESULTS - Why people unfriend on Facebook?
* JOHN NOAKES - Photoshop tributes


"Sponsored by Walkers Crisps - It's the Official Fred West Fan Club Newsletter!"
This Week:
* REMEMBERING MUNKT0N - with 2003 board invasion
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Anti tory posters
* ROGER MOORE - Remembrance & nostalgia B3ta style


"READ IT BEFORE THE TORIES BAN INTERNET WORDS"
This Week:
* JESUS IS A TORY -And we interviewed him
* HOW CRIMINAL IS YOUR NAME? - Very, we imagine
* IN PRIVATE EYE - For telling Murdoch to F. Off


"It's a B3ta Newsletter!"
This Week:
* VID - Animals Almost Do the Funniest Things
* CHAT - with ace film director Ben Wheatley
* APOCALYPSE - Your Letters of Last Resort


"Yes we can't quite believe it either but it's actually a B3ta newsletter"
This Week:
* YES WE'RE BACK! Hello again!
* VID - The Potato House returns
* GAME - Shunty Train
* READ - Sgt Pepper cover art fully explained


This Week:
* PROJECT - Introducing the 'Clickbait Robot'
* VIDEO - How Bladerunner would be shit with Siri
* B3TA_LINKS - Finally fixed on Twitter. YAY!


This Week:
* HISTORICAL PHOTOS - Camden, then & now
* ROBOTS - pissed like cyber-newts!
* KLF ADVERT- yeah, we like KLF stuff OK?


This Week:
* FUNNY STORIES - your faves
* ANIMATRONIC - nose-penis rap
* PTSD - with original 70s-era Action Man


"Contains official Boris Johnson novelty swearing keyring"
This Week:
* INTERNET BOLLOCKS - Lots of it
* WEB SHENANIGANS - Yep, that too
* TCP/IP LOLS - We've got them


This Week:
* BLAKE'S SEVEN - Servalan sings Floyd
* LINKEDIN - sings Bohemian Rhapsody
* CHOCOLATE - diet science hoax


This Week:
* JEREMY CLARKSON - reviews games
* MAD MEN - for the internet age
* A PARROT - shouting into a little cup


"NEWSLETTER 664?! WE DEMAND A RECOUNT!"
This Week:
* SNOPES - B3ta's special mention! Yay!
* BOOK - How I Created Katie Hopkins by Adolf Hitler
* FRIDAY GAME - it returns!

---

Don't click this link if you value work
Found in newsletter: "NEWSLETTER 664?! WE DEMAND A RECOUNT!"

Cute numbers game that's a bit like the
time-sucking hit 2048. The link goes to a web
version but there is also a mobile app
available. Kept us clicking for a good twenty
minutes then we remembered we had a newsletter
to write. (Also like 2048, we wonder if it could
be remade with gif uploads.)
http://twenty.frenchguys.net/'


This Week:
* ANIMATION - Fist: Pounding 8bit gameplay
* ROYAL BABY - Some kind of awful image challenge
* ELECTION - What we did to fuck it all up. Sorry.


"What do you get if you cut a centipede into five pieces? Twentypedes"
This Week:
* ART - "I Put A Pigeon In A Box"
* VIDEO - World's most un-viral dog
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - British Superheroes


This Week:
* INTERACTIVE - Guardian hivemind, look at it?
* TOILETS - How much are your poos worth?
* AUDIO - What does a tortilla sound like?


This Week:
* VIDEO - Bad TripAdvisor Reviews of great places
* IMAGE CHALLENGE GOLD - Recreating LP covers
* AD - We actually sold an ad, amazing!


This Week:
* CAMERA - on a sparrow
* WIKIPEDIA'S greatest hoaxes
* BALLS OF FLAMING SHIT - Classic Question


This Week:
* QUESTION OF THE WEEK GOLD- yes /that/ threesome
* SITE NEWS - Front page now responsive!
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Election special. Huzzah!


"If you do one thing this week, scroll to the rude food story"
This Week:
* MUSIC SEQUELS - Superb image challenge, yay!
* BEST DURAN DURAN ARTICLE EVER - Nerds rejoice!
* TWIX OF DOOM - Question of the week GOLD!


This Week:
* HOUSEMATES - from Hell
* BLADERUNNER - props on show
* SHIT ROBOTS - being shit


This Week:
* EUROVISION - meets waffles
* QUESTION OF THE WEEK - it's back!
* EXPLOSIONS - 'Unnecessary' explosions!


This Week:
* RUSSELL BRAND SIMULATOR - 'Nuff said
* PRISON - for trolls
* SPACE ODYSSEY - only crap

---

You remember web games right?
Found in newsletter: "Hello? Does anyone even check their junk mail folders any more?"

* FRIGHTENING DROWNING GAME - we didn't enjoy
this one bit. It's that good. Use scroll button
to stay alive.
http://sortieenmer.com/?lang=en'

* LOCK AND KEY GAME - short and cute.
http://ncase.me/door/'


This Week:
* TWITTER - hate mobs!
* ADAM CURTIS - forever!
* USEFUL - An actual, useful Top Tip!


This Week:
* CREEPY - On Facebook how to be
* COCA COLA - Doesn't love Hitler
* ROBOTS - 93 years of robo-film


"We bought it to help with your Grandad's homework"
This Week:
* FAWLTY - meets DelBoy
* SPECTRUM TEARDOWN - like porn but with tech
* WHALE POO - because why not?


This Week:
* DAILY MAIL - Most-hated comments, live!
* SPIROGRAPH - But all online and stuff
* FACEBOOK - Except if it was 1995


This Week:
* CANNONS - What do they sound like?
* BELLS - This clickbait will blow your mind
* TROMBONES - in a special video!


This Week:
* RAND - Objectivist film reviews
* AUSTERITY - as a board game
* FRIENDS - all at the same time & place


This Week:
* FATHER JACK - Vs Katie Hopkins
* WORLD'S BIGGEST - Firework!
* USVSTH3M - Best of 2014


This Week:
* HYPNO-CAT - treats a dog
* PEAK SHIT - Brand Vs Farage
* CRAP ROBOTS - championship


This Week:
* REVOLUTION - by crows
* CHRIS MORRIS - three hours of genius
* ALIEN - movie typography nerdfest


This Week:
* ACID - George Osborne's 90s trip
* METH - Mesmeric face loops
* JAZZ - Musical hedgehog


This Week:
* FREEMAN OF THE LAND - Vs cops
* PENGUINS - being heckled
* DUBSTEP - Control all the wubs with your face


"None for ages then four in a row - the London bus of weekly internet bollocks"
This Week:
* ORGAN - Cameron Carpenter humorous skit
* GINGER-FACED MAN - "My struggle"
* BOOM! - play your own 1812 Overture game


This Week:
* DOUGLAS ADAMS - Final interview
* UKULELE Vs CAT - Who will win?
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - deluxe!


This Week:
* DANGER - world's worst streetview streets
* PIZZA - in your frying pan???
* BLACK DOCTOR WHO - who's your fave?


This Week:
* CAMERON RAPS - cassetteboy's masterpiece?
* LADYBIRD BOOKS - fictional vintage LOLs
* YOUR STORIES - So many stories


"The Michael Gove Memorial issue"
This Week:
* HORSE - Don't ride Weebl's Shetland pony
* WWI - Rap battle
* BASS - How low can you go?


This Week:
* DINOSAURS - Terrible Lizards
* 'PROTEST' - Slap Michael Gove
* BOARD GAME - Tweets and Ladders


This Week:
* FIGHT - Which is the best chocolate bar?
* CHROMEBOOKS - Should you buy one?
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - It's back back back!


This Week:
* FIGHT - Which thing is best?
* ZOMBIE - Tip-top topical Suarez
* HECKLES - Your favourite comedy put-downs


"We're on Twitter. Follow us at @b3ta NOW!"
This Week:
* TWITTER - Follow us at @b3ta
* TWITTER - Follow us at @b3ta
* TWITTER - Follow us at @b3ta



This Week:
* STUFF - Some of it you might like
* THINGS - Others you might not
* MORE BITS - That you'll be indifferent to


This Week:
* UKIP - Sir Ian Bowler at Carnival
* NEAR-DEATH - Your thrilling tales
* STAR WARS - directed by David Lynch


This Week:
* GAME OF THRONES - as Mousetrap
* 90s MEMES - The Internet Citizenship Test
* DATA - The most Spurious Correlations


This Week:
* TERRY WOGAN - versus GODZILLA
* EUROSONG - Make your own
* ACCURATE DAILY MAIL - headlines fixed


This Week:
* EASTER - A lovely hymn
* PUNS - About food & movies
* KITTENS - that look like YOU


This Week:
* BLOWN - Your biggest opportunities
* PUFF DADDY - Fails at Twitter
* SHERLOCK - is weird and incompetent


This Week:
* TV THEMES - Played live
* YOUR THEME - Of your life
* 2001 - Behind the scenes


This Week:
* GOATS - Amazing game trailer
* GRAPHS - What's good on TV?
* CLASS - your top tales of posh privilege


This Week:
* INTERNET FACTS - That are totally made up
* DOCTOR WHO - Edition of 2048
* BRIAN BLESSED - ALWAYS TALKS LIKE THIS


This Week:
* CAMERON - remixed for LOLs
* NUMBERS - form an entertaining game of some kind
* DRAG QUEENS - who are really world leaders


This Week:
* FARTING - chimneys
* SEXY - Ukip?
* WORKSAFE - Your photoshop wonders


This Week:
* HUGE EYE - stares into your soul
* SQUIRREL - hijacks plane
* STEWART LEE - hates Twitter


This Week:
* CURLING - Improved with cats
* RAP - Newsmen do Rapper's Delight
* GAME - Maverick Bird

---

Friday Games
Found in newsletter: Enriched with cats and cat-derived proteins
>> Maverick Bird <<
Flappy Bird as recreated by the developer of
Super Hexagon. Every single bit as maddeningly
hard as the original, but with slightly
different controls.
http://terrycavanaghgames.com/maverickbird/'



This Week:
* PUTIN - His Facebook Lookback
* CARTOON HEADS - on real people
* SORRY - from a cat


This Week:
* CHIMPS - Constantly-mutating rampage
* GOAT - Simulator game
* RETRO - Which 8-bit computer are you?


This Week:
* BLUR - as sung by a ticket barrier
* BRITPOP - stars in mundane mishaps
* HOBBIT - suggested improvements


This Week:
* UKIP - does the Shipping Forecast
* NOEL - Gallagher on Oasis vids
* HENRY KELLY - in his own words


This Week:
* ANIM - Social Media Giant Squid
* DIY - Horrible Home-Made Sex Doll
* VID - Fat Little Squirrel Says Hello


This Week:
* FIT - Davina McCall in 15 mins
* CRUNK - Sung by robot bears
* CELEBS - Guy Photoshops himself with stars


This Week:
* 2013 - Recapped in song
* MILEY CYRUS - from the future
* UNOPENABLE - Christmas card


This Week:
* YOSHI - life-sized and made of Lego
* SUPERHEROES - of the Post-Punk scene
* MARK ZUCKERBERG - with a Muppet's face


This Week:
* BREAKFAST - Bacon drone
* STAR TREK - Christmas carol
* INNUENDO - Organ song


This Week:
* QUESTION - Your shit celeb encounters
* CAT GIFS - Reenacted by a human
* CHALLENGE - Put jokes into the background


This Week:
* ANIM - Literal taken literally
* VID - Chatroulette Wrecking Ball
* CELEBS - with inverted eyes


This Week:
* CRUDE - Cock-based Ant & Dec
* TRUTH - facts of being an old fart
* BANGER - in a cow-pat


This Week:
* CAGE - Infinite Nic Cage
* GOOGLE+ - simulator
* THEFT - Your stories


This Week:
* YOUTUBE - Changes explained
* BOOZE - with motivational quotes
* HASSELHOFF - sings Fresh Prince


This Week:
* WEDDING - in a box!
* LEGO - your stories
* STAR WARS - blooper reel


This Week:
* ANIM - Muffin song
* GAME - Name that 90s Smash
* MELON - Right in the face


This Week:
* GAME OF THRONES - dubbed as a comedy movie
* MORSE - lols from the olde timey internet
* COCKS - hidden on the London Tube map


This week:
* ANIM - dog in a parked car
* BOIK - willy-beakers
* ART - with sausages


This Week:
* REVIEW - The FloppyMan portable music player
* HATE - What does the Daily Mail think of you?
* MAGIC - Little chimp sees her first trick


This Week:
* BASH - Percussive Maintenance
* NANANA - Batdad
* DOG - Dog loves leaves


This Week:
* EXORCISM - Katie Hopkins
* GAME - Jaws, the text adventure
* VID - Airline safety lols


This Week:
* MYSTERIES - of the Deep
* KIDS - are you down with them?
* HITLER Vs Taylor Swift


This Week:
* CAT FOOD - What's it taste like?
* 80s POP - Test your skills
* STORY - Panini Paedophiles


This Week:
* SUPER MARIO - meets parkour
* BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH - name generator
* DAMASCUS - Do you actually know where it is?


This Week:
* ANIMATION - Racist brainstorming
* EXPLANATION - Bees!
* LOCATION - Locate the London Location


This Week:
* WORDS - AMAZING KATE BUSH STORY
* PHOTOS - FISH THAT LOOK HUMAN
* MEAT - ARRANGE AS A SHIP


This Week:
* DOCTOR WHO - is Malcolm Tucker
* BATMAN - Can you draw him with your eyes closed?
* BRASS EYE - The Pilot


This Week:
* VID - Brad and Angelina face-mash
* GAME - Don't shoot your friends!
* THE QUO - advertising mince


This Week:
* RAP - Letter to David Cameron from Dan Bull
* INVESTIGATION - What egg cup part two
* QUESTION - Worst gig you've ever seen?


This Week:
* HORROR - Your body-wrongs
* CATS - Your name in frisky felines
* iOS7 - You redesign Apple's greatest mistake


This Week:
* QUIZ - How wrong are your misconceptions?
* HOOLIGANS - narrated by David Attenborough
* DIGITAL WATCH - The Casio F-91W


This Week:
* DOGS - pushing a tiny shopping trolley
* TRON - in sort of real life
* TITANIC - in bad Japanese


This Week:
* KITTENS - why do we like them?
* 12 x TABLE - why do we learn it?
* ACTRESSES - why do we explode them?


This Week:
* WASPS - beware the Garden Defender
* McAFEE - uninstalls McAfee Antivirus
* SICKTIONARY - The rude euphemism thesaurus


This Week:
* NEW MAC ANNOUNCED - Really?
* ED BALLS - teaches typing
* TURTLE - Make your own King Koopa


This Week:
* DAFT PUNK - Superpowerless beatbox cover
* HITLER - secret bunker pics
* MORRISSEY - styled Dickens homage


This Week:
* VID - Pope performs exorcism
* TWEETS - Top 4 best tweets ever
* FOOTBALL - The only footy vid we've ever liked


This Week:
* CRAZY DRUNK STUNTS - within reason
* STAR TREK - the middle school musical
* GOATSE AWARDS - More inappropriate logos


This Week:
* CAR CHASE - with MicroMachines
* CALL GIRLS - review analysis
* CHOCTOPUS - Joel's kitchen secrets


This Week:
* TIME - and your insignificant place in it
* UN-WORDS - to unforget
* CARELESS WHISPER - as Walking Dead theme

---

Where's That StreetView?
Found in newsletter: "More gags than a Midwest basement"

Look at a Google StreetView location. Guess
where it is. Lesson? A fair bit of the
ex-Soviet Union looks like Spain. Oh, and you
can cheat if you get the chance to read shop
signs.
http://geoguessr.com/'


This Week:
* WORDS - Auto-completing iPhone headlines
* MAPS - Surnames mapped to locations
* GALLERY - Tony Hart style B3ta fun


This Week:
* DAFT PUNK - shredded
* STAR WARS - in 60 seconds
* SPOONS - played to old rave tunes


This Week:
* MOODY BLUES - Sounding As Good As Ever
* TWITTER TOOL - Without My Pants
* THATCHER - Life-size cardboard version


This Week:
* JEREMY KYLE - vs. Cassetteboy
* ED BALLS - Everywhere, on everything
* THATCHER - Your loving photoshop tributes


This Week:
* AMISH SEX PISTOLS - vs. Amish Bill Grundy
* VOYEURS - in 70s Tokyo
* REASONABLE DEBATE - on the internet!

---

@TlfTravelAlerts
Found in newsletter: "A Vile Product of Internet Culture"

Example tweets include:

* Due to line managers not paying their monthly
tithes to the Rat King, there are delays on the
Jubilee line.

* Chaos on the Central line due to a maverick
train who plays by its own rules, dammit. It's
getting punctual results, though, so fair play.

* St Jame's's' Park station is temporarily
closed due to an abundance of apostrophe's's

https://twitter.com/TlfTravelAlerts'


This Week:
* GHOST TOWN - Street View Fukushima
* ONE DIRECTION - dubbed in sinister foreign
* TEETH - Actresses without them

---

A vaguely amusing twitter twat to follow
Found in newsletter: "Not that you'll read it until Tuesday, you skiving twats"

@edwardrussia writes, "Accidental Alan Partridge
tweets are v funny." Yep, pointing out Jeremy
Clarkson is a bit Partridgey is obvious but
delicious.
https://twitter.com/AccidentalP'


This Week:
* STREETVIEW - Nightmarishly unleashed
* ADSENSE - Comically misunderstood
* THE IMPERIAL DEATH STAR - an inside job?


This Week:
* VIDEO QUIZ - Cum Face or Axe Master
* PROJECT - Make your bin into a monster
* VIOLENCE - Beat up your toddler

---

Code Injection
Found in newsletter: "HAPPY CHEESE PASTY AND A WANK DAY"

Nifty game, where you 'inject' actions into
your character and random monsters for
differing results to guide you safely through
levels of a maze.
http://inject.craftyy.com'


This Week:
* R KELLY - and his musical twitching
* TRENT REZNOR - Call Me Maybe mashup
* YOKO ONO - lalalala uh uh uh uh eeeeow!


This Week:
* SKRILLEX - poops
* ONE DIRECTION - hit in nuts
* CATS - of Medieval Europe


This Week:
* BLACK METAL - Interior design
* LIFE ADVICE - From machines
* GOATS - Yelling like humans


This Week:
* MIDDLETON - Royal doll revealed
* DR WHO - Missing episode madness
* BIG DATA PORN - pornstar breakdown

---

400 years: The Game
Found in newsletter: "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. Fucking Tories."

Neat, experimental game mechanic. Pressing
space makes time go quickly allowing trees to
grow or water to freeze so you can navigate the
landscape.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/scriptwelder/400-years'


This Week:
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Stop motions
* OKCUPID - Meets Horse_ebooks
* CHARLIE BROOKER - vs shopping channel

---

Choose your own adventure flash game
Found in newsletter: "100% horsemeat. No bull."

10 years in the making, the game is set in the
early 1980s, during a period of Cold War
tension, and you play a kid in a first-world
democracy on lunch break. Amusing.
http://www.atrianglemorning.com/games/flash.php'


"WELLARD, YOU STEER AND I'LL PRESS THE PEDALS"
This Week:
* LANCE ARMSTRONG - is a creep
* JIMMY SAVILE - dances for your pleasure
* BILL GATES - can jump over a chair


This Week:
* OBAMA - Cassetteboy inauguration
* SORRY - Your finest apologies
* DIRTY - hateful Scrabble tips

---

Trek in the City
Found in newsletter: "Calm down dear. It's just a newsletter"

Spun-off from the fact that Kim Cattrall, the
actor who played cougar Samantha in Sex in the
City, also had a part in Star Trek VI, the
tweets combine sci-fi babble with stuff about
shoes.
https://twitter.com/trekandthecity'


This Week:
* ORGAN - Prince Charles loves pipes
* TAT - Mobile phone hip flask
* TUNE - Minor chords to major

---

Physics Pacman
Found in newsletter: 'SUBJECT LINE CANCELLED DUE TO 1" OF SNOW'

Wouldn't normally link to a downloady game but
the idea is so neat - a version of Pacman where
you rotate the maze and drop him onto the
ghosts. Watch the video:
http://stabyourself.net/notpacman/'


This Week:
* TEDDYBEARS - Zombified and dead scary
* PICS - Cats that look like pinup girls
* DUMPED- Your answers to out cheerful QOTW


This Week:
* ANIM - Barley says
* PROJECT - the "bother-proof" Christmas card
* RASPBERRY PI - We bought one (thumbs up)

---

Guess the word
Found in newsletter: "The real year is 13.75 billion+1. Not 2013, you religious nuts"

As kids we used to play a guess the number game
- player 1 thinks of a number, player 2 guesses,
player 1 says higher or lower. We're kicking
ourselves that we didn't think of applying this
model to words. This version is almost great but
needs a smaller dictionary without obscure words
in it and a better interface.
http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~pahk/dictionary/guess.cgi'


This Week:
* STEVE JOBS VID - Mad, bad & dead
* CRAPPING PAPER - Wonderfully thoughtless wrap
* HOME ALONE - Burglars' injuries analysed

---

A Blocky Christmas
Found in newsletter: "FINALLY Y2K COMPLIANT"

Finally, a flash game where you play a magnet.
At Christmas. Level 12 is hard. But then so is
our penis, or at least it used to be, in the
1990s.
http://bartbonte.com/ablockychristmas/'


This Week:
* CLAYMATION - Leehardcastle's best work yet
* QUIZ - Name that Xmas song thingie
* PROJECT - Swearing Fruit Orchestra


This Week:
* CHALLENGE - make us an Xmas card
* PHILOSOPHY - stamped on kitten's faces
* PIERS MORGAN - most hated man on twitter. Fact.

---

Shit your pants game
Found in newsletter: "Dead bird won't sing again. Please retweet."

Benjamin Turquier writes, "Dear Magic Donkey,
please accept this 'you pooped your pants at
work and have to escape' flash game." The Donkey
accepts the offering and brays.
http://www.notranslation.com/files/smelly/'


This Week:
* LOCKERS - London-wide advent calendar
* PLANNING - Spoof signs
* TINY - Meal made from powders


This Week:
* SHOPPING - Spendybot
* LIAR LIAR - Danny Dyer
* JAZZ - Miles Davis vs LCD Soundsystem

---

Fucking Old Spice do something funny
Found in newsletter: "Just one more week of LookingLikeANoncember to go"

And we link to it through gritted teeth - you
don't need this stinky shit over your body, but
their ad people are on the ball.
http://www.oldspicesavestheworld.com/'


* PANTS - for dogs
* CGI DIRE STRAITS GUY - what he did next
* GOATSE - send us a press release


This Week:
* OBAMA - cellphone footage leaked
* HORDAK - what's he up to?
* FUCK YOU - Daily Mail, says podcaster

---

Twitter accounts to block because they're
Found in newsletter: "Handed to David Cameron on a piece of card"
funnier than us and it makes us jealous

* PIPPA TIPS - a spoof on the Middleton
sister's books that state the bleeding obvious,
e.g, "a haircut is a great way to deal with
over-grown or untidy hair. Hair salons & barbers
can do this for you in exchange for money."
https://twitter.com/Pippatips'


This Week:
* RAP - Hip-hop BBC News
* ROMNOBAMA - Cassetteboy + presidential candidates
* MARIO LOW SCORE - a new way to play

---

Typing Karaoke
Found in newsletter: "No longer available on Ceefax"

Love web projects that manage to pitch the
entire concept in the title - where you can
guess how the whole thing will play out in the
time it takes to load.
http://www.typingkaraoke.com/'


This Week:
* RUDE FIREWORKS - Relabel your display
* DR WHO CIGAR AD - the past is a different country
* HORROR DILDOS - for annual, seasonal masturbation


This Week:
* PICS - from the 'Guardian Truncation Team'
* AMAZON - Dean Gaffney face-clock
* ANSWERS - The best stuff you've made

---

13k HTML5 games
Found in newsletter: "WARNING: Do not read in Christian B&Bs"

Challenge web designers to make canvas-based
games in less than 13k of code (that's about
enough space to store 2,500 words of the play
Hamlet) and what do you get? Stuff that makes us
think the world is full of very clever people.
http://js13kgames.com/'


This Week:
* COCKS - Add them to your photos
* HATE MAIL - People want to be insulted
* BABIES - Slowed down, at last

---

Draw your own computer game
Found in newsletter: "Joke free for legal purposes"

Deceptively simple playing fields and controls -
mindless fun ensues - we like it mainly for the
DIY art, extremely reminiscent of Line Rider
circa 2006 - but executed using HTML5 canvas
stuff which means Adobe hate it and will cry
flash vector tears if you play it.
http://canvasrider.com/tracks'


This Week:
* SAVILE - Kunt writes the inevitable song
* ART - Badly drawn film frames in Maya
* TOO MUCH - Funny name corner :(


This Week:
* CAT DETECTOR - No more internet kittens for you
* BEN GOLDACRE - A 'sexclusive' interview
* CUDDLY TOY - Stinky Daddy

---

Flabby physics
Found in newsletter: "One minute you're taking register. Next day you're on one."

Confusing at first as this game hides your
mouse pointer, just keep pressing space and
you'll get the hang of it.
http://flabbyphysics.com/'


This Week:
* FUCKOMETER - why Twitter is swearing
* CREDIT CARD FRAUD - made easy
* NICK CLEGG - sings


This Week:
* KICKSTARTER - iControl 2 - please donate!
* CYRIAK - Makes music video
* FINANCIAL CRISIS - Trivialised in GIF format

---

I saw her standing there
Found in newsletter: "LIKE TWO FRIED EMBASSIES"

Lovely indie game featuring romance, zombies
and rotten guitar playing.
http://armorgames.com/play/13213/i-saw-her-standing-there'


This Week:
* FLUFF - Ticklish meerkay
* GIFS - Now with sound!
* BISCUITS - Celeb snack database


* JAVASCRIPT - for cats
* BEST SHOVEL - ever!
* YOUR CAR KEYS - maybe!


This Week:
* ART ATTACK - How to draw a willy
* AMAZON TAT - More junk with stupid reviews
* DONATE - For the return of Great Giana Sisters

---

Give up & Project Giana plug
Found in newsletter: "David Cameron is now following you on Twitter!"

>> Give up <<
Portalesque 2D single screen platformer with
~50 increasingly challenging layouts to clear.
We gave up by level 5 and particularly enjoyed
pressing the give up button.
http://armorgames.com/play/13662/give-up'

>> Project Giana <<
Craig Robinson of Gp32 / Pandora fame writes,
"I was wondering if you might try to help these
guys? They are trying to raise $150k to
kickstart a new version of the classic The
Great Giana Sisters. I know a lot of the
newsletter readers are classic gamers, so it
seems worth a try."
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/project-giana/project-giana'



This Week:
* CHEEKY NICE - Kentish Town game show
* HAMBURGER - Autotuned
* FLUORIDE - Enemy or menace?

---

Pretend to be a Unicorn game
Found in newsletter: "Julian Assange's fave Dylan song? Knock knocking on Ecuador"

Couldn't get anywhere in this, but making the
unicorn stumble and fall over made us giggle
rather a lot. And maybe that's the point.
http://www.foddy.net/CLOP.html'


This Week:
* ANIM - Printer Jam, final Trapped In Tech song
* CYRIAK - Makes stuff for Adam Buxton
* GIFS - And this time they are spooky

---

Harry, my cat died...
Found in newsletter: "Two days until the NHS closing ceremony"

Takartha80 recommends, "Twitter account
@Harrymycatdied, which retweets when One
Direction fans tell Harry Styles that they've
got a dead cat." Epic, epic trolling.
http://twitter.com/HarryMyCatDied'


This Week:
* READ - Best editorial ever
* AMAZON TAT - Print of woman rejecting food
* VIDEO - Dancing walrus

---

_WashingMachine
Found in newsletter: "B3ta unaccountably silent while beach volleyball in progress"

Example tweets include:

"FUCKING HATE BEDLINEN DAY. 90° WASH? PISS
RIGHT OFF. MIGHT SNEAK A RED TOWEL INTO THE
WHITES WASH TO FUCK ABOUT FOR A BIT."

"THEY LEFT THE BLOODY KITCHEN LIGHT ON AGAIN
AND THE CAT IS LICKING ITS BOLLOCKS WHILST
SITTING ON MY HEAD. FUCKING BRILLIANT."

"SHIT ME, 1,000 FOLLOWERS?! WAIT 'TIL THE
DICKHEAD TOASTER HEARS ABOUT THAT. THANK YOU
HUMANS."
https://twitter.com/_WashingMachine'

---

ASCIIvania
Found in newsletter: "B3ta unaccountably silent while beach volleyball in progress"

Meepmeep writes, "Use letters to make words.
Open areas to collect new letters. Try and
complete the alphabet. Cracking little Friday
game."
http://www.kongregate.com/games/gharding3/asciivania'


This Week:
* MAN OF STEEL - Rejected trailer
* NERDERY - Choose Your Own Adventure best deaths
* JEREMY HUNT - Disco remix

---

@KimKierkegaard
Found in newsletter: "Offical Purile Digital Arts Community Partner of the 2012 Olympic Games"

The philosophy of Søren Kierkegaard mashed with
the tweets and observations of Kim Kardashian.

Sample tweets include

"Lazy day poolside! Best french toast ever. No
other loss can occur so quietly as the loss of
one's self."

"Good morning Miami! Here everything lies naked
and visible before God, and consciousness has
nowhere to hide."

"My soul always turns back to the Old Testament
& Shakespeare. They hate, love, murder their
enemies. What could be more summery than that?"
https://twitter.com/KimKierkegaard'

FYI: We've just looked up Søren Kierkegaard
trying to find some fun facts. There are none.
Not one.

This Week:
* SONG - Computer games stole my friend!
* VID - Wanking London
* MAKE - Monitor that only you can read


"DAVID BECKHAM HAS FRY ON HIS SHOULDER OVER OLYMPIC OMISSION"
"FUCK OFF OLYMPICS, WE'RE GOING TO PLAY CATCH INSTEAD"
"IS IT TOO LATE TO GIVE IT TO PARIS?"
This Week:
* VIDEO - Keith The Magic Homeless
* AUCTION - Jim'll Fix It chair for sale
* DRUGS - Two songs about Cocaine

---

Mario Crossover
Found in newsletter: "DAVID BECKHAM HAS FRY ON HIS SHOULDER OVER OLYMPIC OMISSION"

Play classic Mario maps with Nintendo
characters including Link, Samus, Bill R, Simon
and Megaman. We like the one with a gun.
Someone should remake Tetris with a gun.
http://www.mariocrossover.com/'


This Week:
* B3TAN RECIPIES - Some of them almost eatable
* TIEBREAKER - Win a wheel with 10 tongues
* SONG - Phone Rage


This Week:
* QUESTION - Tell us your recipes
* BATMAN - on home-made bike
* DALEKS - invade Newcastle


This Week:
* SONG - Internet Microcelebrity
* QUESTION - How to survive the apocalypse
* IMAGES - North Korea rules the UK


This Week:
* JON SNOW - animated news antics
* JINGLES - for Gordon Brown
* SEXY MODELS - falling over


This Week:
* VIDEO - "Internet, Internet"
* QUIZ - Name all the Bond films
* NSFW - Indifferent cats in amateur porn


This Week:
* JUBILEE CASSETTEBOY - if you can find it
* MICROSOFT CLIPPY - on every website!
* WINEHOUSE DEATH HOUSE - your chance to buy


This Week:
* SEX TOYS - Your filthy answers to our questions
* GAME - Utterly addictive minimalist RPG
* SLOW MO - iPhone does 60fps, who knew?

---

Minimalist RPG for your Friday gaming pleasure
Found in newsletter: "BUY $38 B3TA SHARES HERE. SORRY, $28."

We spent a good hour on this game last night
and wasted much of the time we should have been
researching the B3ta newsletter. So lo-fi you
might dismiss it but if you do engage with it -
gosh crazily addictive. Make sure you press the
button to turn the Japanese into English and
fuck it, we want to finish writing this damn
newsletter so we can have another go. Seriously
- are there any iOS games like this?
http://nekogames.jp/g.html?gid=PRM'


This Week:
* OLYMPICS - Shoot the protesters game
* THE RAID - Claymation bloodbath
* REPUBLICAN BUTTPLUGS - Sexed-up figures


This Week:
* HOSE BAN - Fun with pipes
* ACCENT - Compelling Chinese infomercial
* IGNORE HITLER - on DrawSomething


This Week:
* BIROS - Enter our biro art challenge
* AMAZON TAT - Teacup that looks like a bog
* HOARDING - Tell us your stories of mad


This Week:
* FACEBOOK - On its way out?
* LAST BLOOD - Rambo/Spectrum tribute
* TOILETS - your surprising opinions

---

Des'ree and her shit lyrics
Found in newsletter: "Brogrammers: coders who love bro-jobs"

Des'ree once sang "I don't want to see a ghost
/ It's a sight that I fear most / I'd rather
have a piece of toast." A rhyme so notoriously
banal that few have forgotten it. Including
this newly created parody account featuring
such delights as "Murdoch is quite an old man.
He's not young like that Gok Wan. Listening to
Duran Duran. Missing Madeleine McCann."
https://twitter.com/desree_life'

---

Rambo's Last Blood
Found in newsletter: "Brogrammers: coders who love bro-jobs"

Celebrating 30 years of Sinclair Spectrum this
week with this experimental sequel to Rambo:
First Blood (which was basically a remake of
Commando). Here Rambo dies and attempts to
atone for the pain he's caused, by hugging
the souls of the dead.
http://www.javidpower.com/lastblood/'


This Week:
* LYMPICS - Are you overexcited enough?
* HOT GIRLS - Sing
* TWATTERY - Your stories and confessions

---

New Spectrum game! Blimey. Are we Crash! now?
Found in newsletter: "Guaranteed to contain absolutely no references to L****N 2**2"

joefish writes, "Celebrate 30 splendiferous
years of the ZX Spectrum by stoking up an
emulator (ZXSpin, or FUSE if you're Linuxed)
and playing my new Speccy game Buzzsaw+, wot
does things with colours that Speccies aren't
supposed to do. Winner of World of Spectrum's
game-of-the-year poll - which may not sound
much but there were over 100 new titles
released for the Speccy last year alone."
http://www.worldofspectrum.org/infoseekid.cgi?id=0027057'


This Week:
* ENNUI - The travails of Henri le chat
* GOATSE - but the good kind
* FRIDAY 13TH - Mentioned only three times

---

Just the fax ma'am
Found in newsletter: "Gay buses spread HGV virus claim Christians"

* ITALY - Friday the 17th is considered unlucky
to our Roman cousins - even once renaming a
popular Hollywood film, "Shriek – Do You Have
Something to Do on Friday the 17th"

* GREECE - Whereas the Greeks get the
heebie-jeebies about Tuesday the 13th.

* THE RAP COMMUNITY - Tupac was pronounced dead
on September 13, 1996. If he'd lived he'd now
be 41 and rapping about the importance of using
ISAs to save and where to move to get his
kids into a good school.

---

Lots of variations on Pong
Found in newsletter: "Gay buses spread HGV virus claim Christians"

Possibly our favourite is Epilepsy Pong which
makes the screen flash horribly. If they ever
make V2 our ideas include:
A. SCREAMING PONG - like pong but with the
sounds of screams.
B. YOU'RE PONG NOW - You play the ball and not
the bat.
C. PONG FOR EUROPE - With vaguely UKIPy Terry
Wogan commentary.
http://www.pippinbarr.com/games/pongs/Pongs.html'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Cats Boobs Rainbows!
* PRODUCT - Armando Iannucci Long Handled Shopping Bag
* ALIEN - The Text Adventure


This Week:
* HIPHOP - About shopping centres
* SPAMBOT - Jon Ronson vs mecha-Jon Ronson
* BUMTHING - Draw Something gone wrong

---

Epic Sax Game
Found in newsletter: "Everyone who reads this newsletter will die. Please share."

More 8-bit lols in this Guitar Hero style midi
sax game. Bleepingly good.
http://www.pippinbarr.com/games/epicsaxgame/EpicSaxGame.html'


"NEWSLETTER MINIMUM CHARGE LAW SHOCK: 40P PER KITTEN UNIT"
This Week:
* DOORS! - How fucking good are they?
* 8BIT GAMING - Probably shit but fun to look at
* MATTRESSES - Celebrity lookalikes

---

8bit Mad Men
Found in newsletter: "NEWSLETTER MINIMUM CHARGE LAW SHOCK: 40P PER KITTEN UNIT"

8-bit has become shorthand for old-fashioned
computer games - whereas, to our eyes, this is
closest to the Sierra On-Line stuff like
Leisure Suit Larry and Space Quest, which we
remember playing on a distinctly more than
8-bit EGA PC. Anyway - loving work despite our
pedantry.
http://bit.ly/GIkioo'


"IMAGINE BONO. THERE YOU GO, RUINED YOUR DAY"
This Week:
* ENORMOUS - Gigantic Toffee Crisp
* INNUENDO - Masterchef muck
* UNHELPFUL - One-Star Amazon reviews

---

Friday Games
Found in newsletter: "IMAGINE BONO. THERE YOU GO, RUINED YOUR DAY"
Suicide has been staved off another week with
small bits of misanthropic humour from the
imaginary season of Friends 11. Best bit? The
cast photo with Jennifer Aniston replaced with
Iggy Pop. (A comparison that George Clooney's
g/f Elisabetta Canalis made famous in 2010;
how bitchy!)
https://twitter.com/FriendsSeason11'



This Week:
* SLOTH - Baby beast in cute PJs
* GREED - Your meatcake recipes
* SPIDERS - Horrible anim by Cyriak

---

Imagination time
Found in newsletter: "THE PERFECT REPLACEMENT FOR YOUR OLD SLETTER"

We think you've been playing too many games.
Christ, you've started pissing yourself on the
sofa! So games are banned until further notice
until you can control your addiction.

To amuse yourself we'd like to suggest you use
your imagination to play some games in your
head. Here's some ideas to start you off:

* TV game show idea: "I'm Still Standing"
Punters bet on how long Elton John can stand
up for. Winner gets a 10% net of bets. We get
90%.

* Flash game idea: "The Grass Is Greener On
The Other Side." Two pics of grass. Click the
greener one. Theme tune by Nik Kershaw.

* Postman simulator: How fast can you deliver
"Sorry you were out" notes before you nip back
to HQ for a fag?


This Week:
* CATS - Being played like drums
* GUNS - How the telly people fib
* MAYOR - Vote Sir Ian Bowler


This Week:
* KITTEN FIGHT - Man battles tiny cat
* CASSETTEBOY - Takes on the news
* CRAZY SHIT - being sold by Amazon now


* BRIAN COX vs Weebl
* MARTIN AMIS vs Space Invaders
* DUBSTEP CAT - need we say more?


This Week:
* DREDD - Sci fi meets kids' TV
* OPTICAL - Illusions to fuck your eyes
* TOYS - with embarrassing names

---

Lippy name that tune
Found in newsletter: "OPERATING A PERMANENT GEEK BAILOUT SINCE 2001"

Smack your lips together and note the tone.
Change the shape of your mouth and note the
different tone. You should be able to roughly
play tunes. We can make a piss-poor stab at
Hot Butter's Pop Corn. Can your colleagues
guess what the tune is? Do they want to stab
you in the face yet?


This Week:
* GIANT GIFS - On bus stops
* HONEST - Logos that tell the truth
* RAP - Kid vs English teacher

---

Think your screen is clean?
Found in newsletter: "WHAT TIME IS IT? I DON'T KNOW, MY WATCH IS STILL BOOTING UP"

If your screen is anything like ours it's
covered in fingerprints, sinister smears and
possibly bodily fluids. However you've probably
tuned it out. Don't clean it yet, play this
'hunt the pixel' game and realise quite how
dirty your screen is. We ended up giving it a
quick wipe and found out we've got one dead
pixel. So basically, this is a link that
spreads misery. Hooray!
http://wheresthepixel.com/'


This Week:
* SEX & VIOLENCE - The rules explained
* WAITROSE - hates you
* LEGO ZX81 - wants your attention

---

Policy Guesses
Found in newsletter: "Better than an email from Linkedin"

Think of the most right-wing policy you can
imagine and guess the year the Tories will
support it. Then add six months to produce the
date when Labour will capitulate.

* SELLING THE ORGANS OF THE POOR TO MAKE MEAT
JAM - proposed for 2015.

* FRUIT MACHINES IN POST OFFICES - to reclaim
the benefits back. (2013)

* THE RETURN OF THE WORKHOUSE - via a
distributed system called 'workfare' (2012)

This isn't much of a fun game is it? Sorry.
Why not keep spitting and see how long it
takes to fill a cup?


This Week:
* MEAT PLANET - Sagan's cosmic beauty
* CLIFF RICHARD - Dying inside
* HELLO - Sung by Hollywood stars

---

Abobo's Big Adventure
Found in newsletter: "The only newsletter in the world that actually needs censorship"

Eight levels, each a homage to NES games,
including Double Dragon, Zelda, Contra,
Megaman & Punch Out. A visual delight.
http://www.abobosbigadventure.com/fullgame.php'


This Week:
* STREET ART - best of 2011
* SLOTH - drip-dry baby
* SOCIOLOGISTS - review children's books

---

Your guide to Twitter "lols"
Found in newsletter: "Can Bob Holness die again today? We liked the nostalgia last Friday"

@StealthMountain alerts Twitter users who've
typed "sneak peak" when they meant "sneak peek"
then favourites the replies. Very gentle
trolling, basically.
http://upthear.se/twittertwats'

---

Slowest pee ever
Found in newsletter: "Can Bob Holness die again today? We liked the nostalgia last Friday"

When you pee it normally turns into a torrent
pretty damn quickly - can you train your urine
muscles only to dribble it out? We don't mean
stop/start, that would be rubbish, but control
the volume per second. How long can you make a
piss last? Great game for all the family.


This Week:
* PINGU - Claymation horror
* RAMPAGE - Cement mixer runs amok
* QUESTIONS - Tons of your comments and stories

---

Two-way game action
Found in newsletter: "BOB HOLNESS: NUS DECLARES WEEK OF MOURNING"

* GREEK PUNISHMENT GAME - In Greek mythology,
Sisyphus was a king punished by being
compelled to roll an immense boulder up a
hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to
repeat this throughout eternity. Now imagine
that as an 8-bit flash game.
http://goo.gl/n5C9R'


* PAPER PRINTY-OUT BOARD GAMES - @jingies
writes, "free make-it-yourself board games.
Played over Christmas, and Spree is great fun."
http://bit.ly/ykVgyL'


This Week:
* MICROSOFT WORD - Clip art album covers
* CHALLENGE - Christmas with James Bond
* QUESTION - Your weird OCD rituals

---

Pitch perfect
Found in newsletter: "SPOILER ALERT: You and everyone you ever loved will die"

Think of a song you know well. Say the intro
riff from the KLFs What Time Is Love. Hum it.
Keep humming it. Look it up on Youtube/Spotify.
Have you got the pitch right? How far were you
out?

This game can also be played with BPM for the
truly mad.


This Week:
* CAT GIF + MUSIC - The best thing ever
* WHISTLING - taken to a whole new level
* CONSPIRACY - Your pet theories explained

---

Estimate your piss
Found in newsletter: "ASK DAVID HASSELHOFF YOUR QUESTIONS"

The next time you need a wee, take a guess at
the quantity (1 pint? 2 pints?). Carry at least
four pint glasses to the loo and see if you're
right. To play this game is to win.


"Facebook: your 0898 party line run by the Stasi"
This Week:
* COOKING - With sexy bananas
* PICS - Animals dressed as other animals
* PORNO - The Musical


This Week:
* AMAZING PROJECTS - Nick Griffin Puppet!
* STASI HUMOUR - East German jokes
* PICS - Ugly Renaissance Babies


This Week:
* SONG - Santa's laughter mocks the poor
* QUIZ - Monkeon's Movie/Book quiz
* LOOPS - How to loop YouTube videos

---

More tube stalking stuff
Found in newsletter: "B3TA - NOT ASKED TO RUN 'CHILDREN IN NEED' SITE FOR 10 YEARS RUNNING"

Beaverwastemanagement writes, "When you get
on a bus or train or plane you must try as
best you can to avert your eyes from the
passengers as you board (look at the floor for
instance) and get to the furthest back seat
you can. From that viewpoint using only the
clues you can see from behind decide which of
the other travellers you definitely would,
might and definitely would not, not never, not
even with his.

"As you get off the bus you score your
decisions: you get a 2 for Thank fuck I called
that one dead right and a 1 for oh OK if I had
to and you get - 2 points for bejezuz she's
sooo much older than that blonde hair suggests
and a crippling -3 for getting the sex wrong
or anything actually illegal. Just reverse the
sexes for all possible gender preferences or
go the whole hog and rate the entire bus if
you are a greedy bi-sexual. Keep your best
score and try to break it with each new trip.
Alternatively just read Metro. The letters
page is OK I suppose."

BTW: We've just tried playing this game in our
kitchen and have scored -1 for accidentally
contemplating fucking the fridge.


This Week:
* MUMMIES - Mummies everywhere
* INTERVIEW - Jonti Picking exclusive
* KITTEN ALBUM COVERS - Best thing ever

---

Prof or Tramp? Nobel prize or Hobo prize?
Found in newsletter: "Selling out faster than The Smiths at a John Lewis christmas sale"

We were sent this by an anonymous caller,
clearly inspired by our retro quizzes of
yesteryear. Can you tell the difference between
university staff or derelicts? We couldn't.
Hooray for two groups that don't willingly wear
the handcuffs of smart.
http://individual.utoronto.ca/somody/quiz.html'


This Week:
* ELECTRIC DREAMS - Awesome tranny tribute
* HAKA - On heavy drugs
* PRISON - Your Christmas survival guide

---

Celebrity Paedophile
Found in newsletter: "I picked the wrong day to give up Moussaka"

Think of a name of a celebrity and google it
with the word "paedophile" and giggle at the
mentalists invariably accusing them of being
part of some Illuminati child-rape cult.


This Week:
* MASTERCHEF INNUENDO - In your endo
* GIFTS - Apple catalog 1983
* PLANE LANDING - no front wheels

---

See how far you can walk holding your breath
Found in newsletter: "Shave it off, it grows back thicker. I cant wait to see my new willy"

Can you get to your corner shop? The point of
this game is the same as all games - momentary
distraction during the inevitable trudge towards
death. Oh you want a flash game? Hmm. Ok, let's
imagine one. Frogger Motorway. The cars are too
fast to pass. You die, die, die, but eventually
you realise you can move backwards away from the
motorway and live out your days peaceably in an
unspoiled paradise. 5 stars, would play again.


This Week:
* HOVERBOARDS - Quantum levitation
* STONE ROSES - on University Challenge
* TEENAGE MUTANT - Ninja Noses

---

Close your eyes and find your way
Found in newsletter: "A GREAT DAY FOR DICTATOR SNUFF FANS"

Shut your eyes now. Do it. Think of a place to
go, say the toilet and feel your way there.
Points for not falling down the stairs - but
this isn't a game you can win, it's just about
the experience of navigating the world
differently and exploring how your brain creates
a map of 3D space with or without visual input.

---

Real citizenship test
Found in newsletter: "WOOT WOOT 500TH NEWSLETTER"

Immigrants coming to the UK have to do a
citizen test, asking them arcane points about
UK law that few who live here actually know
about. This would be a much better test:
http://www.realcitizenshiptest.co.uk/quiz.php?n=1'


This Week:
* LIONS - Why are they lions?
* BLACKBOARDS - in porn
* JULIA ROBERTS - frightens dogs


This Week:
* ITV - "loves" video games
* LLAMAS - cutest font ever
* FOREIGN - Top YouTube LOLs in other countries


This Week:
* MOUSTACHE - Tom Selleck's wonderful lip-hair
* NOTICE - Real world trolling
* PENGUIN - Being aggressive

---

Crisp game
Found in newsletter: "Worth a million of next week's newsletter"

Eat a packet of crisps but don't swallow until
your mouth turns all 35grams into a delicious,
salty mouth-soup. Suck this backwards and
forwards between your teeth. Repeat with a
second bag of crisps.


This Week:
* TOURETTE'S - vs. Lionel Richie's 'Hello'
* GORILLA - Baby ape bath-time frolics
* EXTREME - Fanciful cat baskets

---

Sinead O'Connor
Found in newsletter: "If we're 'all in this together' where's OUR coke and hookers? "

One-time singer and Pope-agitator Sinead
O'Connor is on Twitter and she's got a potty
mouth. Love her. Examples include:

* "I went to the doctor. Guess what he told me?
Guess what he told me? He said 'girl u better
stop sticking popular fruit + veg up ur gool.'

* "Can't believe oprah's twitter is listed as
similar to mine! She doesn't take it up the
shitter does she?"

* And reply to Emma Freud (the great
granddaughter of Sigmund let's not forget),
"@emmafreud it's all about lube though ladies.
Don't just let him in there un-prepared."
http://twitter.com/howryeh'

---

Mental pong
Found in newsletter: "If we're 'all in this together' where's OUR coke and hookers? "

Jasper Kingjay writes, "I do like Friday games
in the newsletter. I do. I really do. And I know
you are fond of classics. So here is Mental
Pong, made by a friend of mine. It's meant to
drive you mental. And trololol is in there.
Website is in Dutch, but you'll manage."
http://www.365dagenkunst.nl/2011/mentalpong/'


This Week:
* PROSTITUTES - Most alarming Punternet reviews
* PAPER - Mystery sculptures of Scotland
* PUPPIES - With wobbly ears


This Week:
* POSSIBLY - "Margaret Thatcher has eaten my sperm"
* KLF - Google map
* CUTE - Otters and kittens

---

300 Lines
Found in newsletter: "The world's premiere Colonel Gadaffi fanzine"

A collaborative drawing app that shows the last
300 lines draw. @user24 writes, "I'm telling
you, once there are a few users on it, it goes
totally mental."
http://300lin.es'

ALSO INTERESTING - but not something you can
play in your browser is the stabyourself guys
who are taking classic games and remixing them -
Tetris with real world physics and Mario with
Portal style shenanigans.
http://stabyourself.net/nottetris2/'


This Week:
* MONSTERS - 'Previously on Doctor Who'
* DUCT TAPE - vs Tron
* BEN WHEATLEY - talks Kill List


This Week:
* CRAP DATES - in 140 characters
* RESULTS - it's "Sexy A-Level" time again
* ROBOTS - Swarmbot is coming

---

@Youvebinframed
Found in newsletter: "Civil unrest quelled by Big Brother relaunch"

Deadpan descriptions of the type of shit you get
on TV's top clip show. Funnier than it should be:

* "Montage of skateboarding teens/men landing
groin first on banisters/bars/immovable hard
objects. Set to Avril Lavigne's sk8ter Boi"

* "Lady stands above steam drain. You think her
skirt will rise at any moment. It doesn't. Her
blouse rises."

* "Woman parading a large cake from kitchen to
table. She slips. She falls into cake. Everyone
laughs except her."
http://twitter.com/#!/Youvebinframed'

---

Wonder Putt
Found in newsletter: "Civil unrest quelled by Big Brother relaunch"

Crazy golf on cat LSD. Might kill your
afternoon, should your life be so empty you wish
to fill it with mindless distraction.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/dampgnat/wonderputt'


This Week:
* RIOTS - Lots of stuff about them
* FEAR - The many faces of George Osborne
* BEARDS - Shaving in reverse


"Chilean miners bemoan one year since they had great anal sex!"
This Week:
* OWLS - Rotated for Science
* FLYERS - Silliest ever
* BELUGA - Mariachi whale

---

VVVVVV
Found in newsletter: "Chilean miners bemoan one year since they had great anal sex!"

Great little retro platformer that has you
flipping gravity between ceiling and floor to
rescue your missing shipmates. Bleeptastic
soundtrack too. Yeah, this is just a 2-level
demo, but it's tough enough to occupy some idle
minutes.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/TerryCavanagh/vvvvvv-demo'


This Week:
* TRUTH - Obama vs Cassetteboy
* PROTEST - I Threw It On The Ground
* iPLAYER - On your Kindle


This Week:
* FUCK - Joel Kicks You in the Fuck
* BASS - Get Swede Mason in the charts
* APES - Charlton Heston vs Benny Benassi

---

Save the world by typing fast
Found in newsletter: "RUSSIA FINALLY RECOGNISE HEROIN NOT JUST 'TURBO SHERBET'"

Neat little shoot-em-up typing game. Has explosions.
http://www.phoboslab.org/ztype/'


This Week:
* POTTER - Super-quick catch-up
* ZOO - of the past
* SARUMAN - Trololol


This Week:
* CAMP - Carry On Vader
* SATAN - in song lyrics
* CATS - for gold


This Week:
* BEAUTIFUL - Buttery biscuit bass
* BIZARRE - Strange pub find
* BOLLOCKS - Auto-CV generator

---

Booze Up
Found in newsletter: "The Saturday Guardian internet page - one day early"

A nice little platformer in the vein of
Jumpman. With a bit of a b3tan feel.
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/boozeup/'


This Week:
* ANIM - Sex-Wogan
* CAMERA - In the post
* FOX - vs Jon Stewart

---

Some kind of puzzle game
Found in newsletter: "BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T AFFORD A GLASTONBURY TICKET"

Loads of boarders appeared to enjoy this and
voted it highly but we couldn't get the hang of
it. Maybe we're just shit:
http://goo.gl/gI0ce'


This Week:
* NAZIS - On the BBC
* DR WHO - Knickers. Apparently.
* LULZSEC - Crazy CGI hacker news

---

@KillingStation
Found in newsletter: "It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday. That'll be $2.99, please"

The inside scoop from the BBC's worst canteen -
wonder how long it'll take the Daily Mail to
write an article on @KillingStation with a bash
BBC slant?
http://twitter.com/#!/KillingStation'

---

HTML5 wonder thing
Found in newsletter: "It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday. That'll be $2.99, please"

Flash was the rock that early B3ta was built on.
Now it's as about as fashionable as an H &
Claire CD single. HTML5 is where it's at and,
gosh, can't it do wooshy things?
http://musiccanbefun.edankwan.com'


This Week:
* SPACE - Zoomy fractal music vid
* COMIC - Morbid geese
* DR WHO - The anime!

---

More wanking games
Found in newsletter: "Unlike Leicester, we have a zombie attack strategy"

Jamie writes, "Here's another addition to your
sexy games list. When I fancy knocking one out,
I sometimes play Babestation Deal or No Deal.
Tune into the first Babestation-type channel and
ask yourself 'Deal or No Deal?'. If you Deal,
you knock one out there and then. If you No
Deal, you go to the next channel and ask the
same question. If you get to the last station
without dealing, then you have to knock one out
to whoever's on that channel and there's no
going back, even if it's your mum."

* AND HERE COMES THE SCIENCE BIT - salvadorevincent
writes, "You might like to know that Buster
Hackney's take on the Friday Game in Newsletter
480, about going on an escalator and choosing
which person on the opposite escalator you'd
like to have sex with, but not being able to
change your mind once you've chosen (and thus
risking someone even hotter passing you by
later) is an example of what mathematicians call
Optimal Stopping. There is a formula for
maximising your chances of picking the best
person, assuming the people on the other
escalator are evenly spaced apart: wait until
you are 37% of the way along the escalator, then
choose the first person who is more attractive
than anyone you have seen so far. If you haven't
chosen anyone by the end, then you have to pick
the last person (even if this is the winner of a
Susan Boyle lookalike contest). Amazingly, you
then have a 37% chance of having imaginary sex
with the hottest person on the escalator."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem'

This Week:
* QUIZ - Are you a Guardian or Mail reader?
* CYRIAK - Raises the baa for animation
* VIDEO - Woman with boobs on her back


This Week:
* KIDS - Automatic CBeebies machine
* SHOELACES - You're doing them wrong
* BALLS - Make pretty tunes

---

More sexy games
Found in newsletter: "Post-rapture edition"

Buster Hackney writes, "My take on Friday Game
- Tube version. You ride the up escalator. As
you watch the other bodies riding down, you
have to pick the one you will have sex with.
You have to pick someone before the end of the
ride. Once you pick you can't change your mind.
If you made the right choice you win the game.
If you pass someone even hotter that makes you
shout, "Doh!" ... you lose."

Or if you don't want such muck, sinisterduck
suggests playing 'Ponycorns' with gfx and story
created by a five-year-old girl. Really. That's
what happens when your dad is a massive geek.
http://jayisgames.com/games/sissys-magical-ponycorn-adventure/'


This Week:
* KITTEN - That smoke fags
* SQUIRRELS - Dead, and played with by child
* QUESTION - Trolls. Tell us about trolls

---

Sexy Gamble
Found in newsletter: "Pony's day trip ruined by rail staff"

Captain Plantagenet writes, "I liked your
suggested Friday Game of counting the number of
people you'd have sex with that you've seen
today, but can offer a variation that makes it
all the more challenging.

"Pick a spot where you can see people
approaching from a distance - a park bench, a
seat on the bus - you get the idea. As soon as
you see a person in the distance, decide whether
or not they'd be someone you'd bed. You then
have a wait of anticipation to see whether on
close inspection they're a vision of beauty, or
a 50-year-old cigarette-wielding grandmother of
12."


This Week:
* FACEBOOK FIGHTS - Nick Clegg vs Hitler
* BREAKING THE LAW - Superinjunction song
* WATERBOARD CATS - the Australian way

---

Friday Games
Found in newsletter: "Ask Jeeves bemoans lack of Facebook smear"
Count the amount of people you've seen today who
you'd like to have sex with. We used to play
this as teenagers and would allow the inclusion
of TV shows, normally the cast of Neighbours not
including Helen Daniels, Mrs Mangel and Madge.



This Week:
* LEONARD NIMOY - on Laser Discs
* NEWSPAPER - Trolling from fun
* VIDEO - Rocket test footage

---

Strategery
Found in newsletter: "This Newsletter subject line was our Second Preference"

We've bought one of those swanky iPad 2 things,
because although we can't afford to eat, we're
still addicted to the tech pouring out of China.
Anyway, massive thumbs up to the iPad
Garageband, with which we wrote 5 songs in one
day sitting in our pants on the bed. Also
horribly addicted to the Dice Wars / Risk game
Strategery. Seeing little board pieces when we
close our eyes addicted.


This Week:
* BOLLOCKS - to the Royals
* BOLOCKS - to the Tories
* AND BOLLOCKS - to the whole damn lot of it

---

Royal Wedding Drinking Game
Found in newsletter: "Happy Birthday Andre Agassi!"

1. Don't watch the Royal Wedding
2. Get drunk


This Week:
* EXPLORE - Inside Netto
* ROBOTS - for charity
* UNDERGROUND - Secret postman railway

---

Pingy Penis Pencil Woo Woo Time
Found in newsletter: "Kate Middleton's Ultrasound Pictures Souvenir Edition."

Push a blunt end of a pencil into your
clothing-covered groin and see how far you can
ping it. We can manage just over a foot.


"'Quotes off the internet may not be genuine' - Abraham Lincoln"
This Week:
* BABY HUMAN - sneezes
* DEATH STAR - his idea
* HARRY - meets new Sally


This Week:
* SONG - Twitter Synth Pop
* VID - Hawking Rap Battle
* TRAUMA - B3tan Nights Out

---

Space is Key - one-button flash game
Found in newsletter: "WEUNDERVALUEANYCAR.COM"

Loving this game where you just press Space to
play. Great music too.
http://armorgames.com/play/10912/space-is-key'


This Week:
* KUNT - Royal Wedding No 1 bid
* WEEBL - Doing more badger shit. Really.
* US! - On Her Majesty's BBC Radio 4


This Week:
* PARTY - in *your* room
* KATE & WILLS - misprint mugs?
* BABIES - not laughing

---

Blind man's cuppa
Found in newsletter: "Going to war in the Middle-East, cause it went so well last time"

Close your eyes and attempt to make a cup of
tea. Points for not ending up in hospital.


"Your weekly dose of lies and viral adverts"
This Week:
* SPOCK - What's in his scanner?
* EVA BRAUN - in black-face makeup
* MATT BAKER - vs the PM


This Week:
* EXCITEMENT - There's a thing on the internet!
* THRILLS - Some of our friends know MYSQL!
* SPILLS - Oops, there goes our tea

---

Famous objects from classic movies
Found in newsletter: "Facebook has been blocked in Libya. Colonel Gaddafi likes this."

Ring. Bike with basket. Suitcase with glowing
stuff inside it. What movies are these?
http://famousobjectsfromclassicmovies.com/'

This linky was everywhere this week, and was
created by designer Ji Lee from the Google
Creative Lab, who are "recruiting an army of
young creative and tech talent, training them
and sending them out into the industry to
conquer it from within." An extraordinary policy
that's a bit like the Borg.
http://creativity-online.com/news/the-google-creative-lab/146084'


This Week:
* OSCARS - 'Winners' in advance
* FEAR - The Great American Bubble
* LASERS - Laser kitten bowling


This Week:
* STUTTER - The King's Rap
* DRUNK - Toddler rampage
* SICKBAG - Royal wedding souvenir

---

 Find the star
Found in newsletter: "B3ta newsletter - the bits of the web that aren't Justin fucking Bieber"

Discovering stars need not be a TV shit-fest
like X factor. This week's game involves you
finding them in a series of clever puzzles, and
not a trace of Simon Cowell.
http://www.nekogames.jp/mt/2008/09/_hoshi_saga_3.html'


This Week:
* WINDOW LICKER - singing fox
* PANCHUKS - kung fu frying pan
* JOY DIVISION - recreated in plastic

---

Space Cannibals
Found in newsletter: "Mubarak double quack double quack"

Space Cannibals is a game by @Matttound. Your
Ginger Furher helped out by writing a song you
only hear if you pass about 12 levels. Bet you
don't hear it! (that's a challenge btw.)
http://goo.gl/mOfdL'

BONUS GAME! WHAT'S YOUR STREET AGE? Seeing as
promoting our own work is a bit lame, here's
another game that impressed us this week. It's
a multiple choice video thing for you to work
out your "street age" - although everyone
playing it seems to come out aged 38 - it's a
very impressive, immersive and well acted bit
of work.
http://bit.ly/gNYTQ1'


This Week:
* CALENDAR - Tory George and his leather chaps
* PODCAST - Room 404 actually happened
* CHALLENGE - Literal Song Titles


This Week:
* POKES AND PEEKS - Youtube infinity lives poke!
* IPHONE 4 - No tape drive shock!
* FACEBOOK - Exciting 'friend based' type-in!

---

Online CPC emulator
Found in newsletter: "CUT OUT AND KEEP AMSTRAD CPC464 COMMEMORATIVE ISSUE"

Similar to the Jasper one for the ZX spectrum
that's been knocking around for years, you can
now play your favourite 464 games in your
browser. Well, worked for us in Safari and
massively failed in Chrome. Still, nice to look
at the porky pixel loading screens.
http://java.cpc-live.com/'


This Week:
* VID - Magic Otter translated
* SFX - Make your own 8-bit sounds
* APP - B3ta on your iPhone

---

Webby style Advance Wars
Found in newsletter: "Implant jokes are the breast ones. But can go tits up."

Matt 'Grim...' Squirrel writes, "It does seem
terribly ungentlemanly for my first suggestion
for the newsletter to have been something I did
myself, but there you go. Basically, it's a copy
of everyone's favorite turn-based war game
Advance Wars on the DS, but on the Internet,
with cows. It's in beta at the moment (heh), but
it's perfectly playable and, if I do say so
myself, ace."
http://www.space-cows.co.uk'


This Week:
* PICS - Awkward Miliband moments
* COLOURING IN - with Julian Assange
* QUESTION - Bullshitty bullshitters

---

Tealy & Orangey
Found in newsletter: "Warning: may contain libel, or other blood products"

Freakyzoid writes, "I've been spending my
evenings recently working on a challenging
little flash puzzle platformer called Tealy &
Orangey that I thought your readers might like.
The idea is that you control two coloured orbs,
and have to get them both to the end zones. As
the levels progress various hazards are added,
and there are a few other twists. In total
there are 20 levels, and currently it seems to
take players around half an hour to forty-five
minutes to complete. It saves your progress
through levels as well - it's intended to be
one of those little lunch-break type
diversions, which I think might suit b3tans
pretty well."

This game is smart. Freakyzoid should make an
iPhone version and cash-in.
http://www.mainlyaboutgames.co.uk/tealyorangey/'


This Week:
* QUORA - Cwora, Kia-Ora etc
* SWEDEMASON - Back with a message for his haters
* BUSES - Attacked in frightening video



This Week:
* KUNT - We can do it! WE CAN!
* CHARLIE MANSON - Casio keyboard funk-miester
* QUIMS - Why not colour them in?


This Week:
* CYRIAK - Makes video for Ninja Tune
* SURPRISING OPINION - Julian Assange is gorgeous
* CASH4GOLD - leprechauns waiting for your call

---

Tear-jerker game
Found in newsletter: "LOCKED UP WITHOUT CHARGE OR BAIL (OR CAKE) FOR PUBLISHING THIS"

There's some really interesting stuff going on
in the amateur game design world at the
moment, where gaming structures are being used
to express emotion rather than a pure game
experience. The effect is somewhere between
lonely, confessional indie rock and art films.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/555181'


This Week:
* SNOW - Mum meets giant ice-cock
* PICS - Can you identify your home town?
* SMUG - Let Smugopedia improve your sneering

---

Simple shootout game
Found in newsletter: "[title]newsletter[/title]"

Chenobble writes, "Hold the mouse over the
chamber, wait for the countdown, then aim at
the opponent and shoot. Gory, simple but very
addictive. My score: 286" BTW: Why don't
Russian scientists wear Y-fronts? Because
Chenobble fallout.
http://www.gunblood.com/'


This Week:
* ZOMBIES - in retroland
* CATS - in festive wrapping
* KUNT - for Xmas #1

---

Advanced Pigeon Simulator and Up/Down game
Found in newsletter: "We like N. Korea, and we like S. Korea. But which is better? Only one way to find out..."

>> Sky rats <<
Apparently this is a real game and there's
strategy and stuff, but we just liked flying
about and making 'coo coo' noises.
http://flylikeabird.bbgames.com/'


>> Fuck knows, mentalism <<
Catbrain writes, "Here's a top tip for you:
Creative b3tans: Don't bother contributing
anything you've actually spent time making
yourself for the newsletter.. chances are it
won't get shown, in favour of recycled links
from' www.boingboing.net' anyway. Me bitter? (Or
maybe my stuff's just shit.)" Hmm, well
digging through Catbrain's work there was some
ad that was okayish but not our bag. However,
we did like their suggestion of featuring this
game, that has a guest appearance of Weebl's
Amazing Horse if you play it long enough.
http://goo.gl/IGwOX'


"Texting your friend about a bereavement, and your name's Lol"
This Week:
* HARRY POTTER - cassetteboy-style
* GOOD DOG - does tricks
* HOW TO - "Big Motherfucking Lens"

---

Apostrophe test
Found in newsletter: "Quitting the One show to be a full time sex pest"

OCD Grammar freaks! Make your less literate
friends feel like shit by scoring highly in
this quiz.
http://goo.gl/l3DLo'


"B3ta applauds risky Robin Hood Airport viral marketing campaign"
This Week:
* SONG - Millbank Wankers
* AUTOCORRECT - iPhone lols
* JUNK - Your redundant tech

---

White Jigsaw
Found in newsletter: "B3ta applauds risky Robin Hood Airport viral marketing campaign"

Not some kind of KKK puzzle only playable by
our pale-faced brethren, but an addictive game
that gets bigger every time you complete a
screen.
http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/whitejigsaw/whitejigsaw.html'


This Week:
* OWL - Owls are cool
* COMIC - Common People
* VIDEO - Alan Partridge Returns

---

Our oh-so-imaginatively-titled @twitter section
Found in newsletter: "Perhaps appropriately, there is no 'U' in 'Osborne'"

In case you haven't noticed already - child
antiques expert turned transsexual Little
Britain fan Lauren Harries is on twitter and
doesn't shy from speaking her mind. Favourite
tweets?

* "Keith Allen, you are dead, and don't contact
me."
* "ex bizarre reporter contacted me to say I
should tell the papers about me and russell
brand having sex nevr occurred to me"
* "Philip schofield has canvassed TV companies
to stop me working -thought I was going to show
my bits, hasn't got over the shock."
http://twitter.com/laurenotw'


This Week:
* VIDEO - David Cameron sings
* CSS TIPS - How to make 80s album covers
* KITTENS - Fainting kittens remix


This Week:
* CAT - vs printer, translated
* CUTS - Sir Ian Bowler sings
* GIFS - Emote glossary

---

95 games all disguised as work
Found in newsletter: "Osbourne: Let them eat cake"

bobbycutters writes, "I've just started to work
my way through them but some of them are real
sweet, and all conveniently disguised as Word
docs so I suppose you could get away with it at
work. The highlights for me so far is No.22 -
Paintball - level three is a huge picture of a
cock."
http://1cup1coffee.com/x/1024/'


This Week:
* TORY - Sir Ian Bowler on Child Benefit
* STORY - "Impaled on my own sculpture"
* RHYMING - This Is England rap

---

Electric Box 2
Found in newsletter: "Claire Rayner; NOW WITH WINGS!"

Anthony Sennett writes, "I did what you said
and went on Kongregate. Here's the second
instalment of Electric Box." Shiiiiit, that's
our afternoon screwed then. Hope they don't do
an iPhone version or we'll really be fucked.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/TwinkleStarGames/electric-box-2'


This Week:
* BELLS - On your clothes
* BREASTS - Do men stare at them?
* BALLOON - In space. With Rick Astley.

---

Flabby Physics
Found in newsletter: "DOUGH - YOUR COUNTRY KNEADS YOU"

Nicky Hewgill writes, "this should be a phone
app - top one-button game."
http://krakez.com/game.php?id=237'

BTW: Mr_Chopper has also written in to
complain about our comment last week that we
weren't playing many flash games these days as
our casual gaming stuff had been taken over by
the iPhone. He's very, very angry about this:

"Well this is all very well and good, however
for the 6 of us who don't yet own Apple's
A-MAZE-ING "Lifestyle Choices are for Specky
Cocks Anyway" Fucking Machine why not take
things one step further?

"Why not just randomly click around on
YouTube, Vimeo or Dailymotion until you find
something funny? No doubt every man and his
cunt has already seen it, as it's already been
Tweeted half way to Shitzbekistan and back,
complete with fifteen thousand mash-ups and
meta-combinations of memes that don't even
exist yet. When you're done, have a go at
converting it to Cocoa Shunters iOS and make
sure we get hit up with 25% royalty fees -
it's our idea, after all."


"Kim unveils successor to stunned Mel"
This Week:
* PAPER PLANES - dropped from the edge of space
* BOOKS - Judged by their covers
* CHALLENGE - Mr Ed, the talking politician

---

We're sorry for being shit
Found in newsletter: "Kim unveils successor to stunned Mel"

Every so often people moan that there's no
Friday games anymore. Well, to be honest we're
not playing many web games at the moment,
instead it's just iPhone crap. Currently we're
so massively addicted to iPhone Scrabble that
when we just corrected a typo we heard an inner
voice say: "No. Leave it, it's worth more
points".

So yeah - play iPhone Scrabble - or if you want
a multi-player version on a massive board try
"Words with Friends."

Or if you really, really want some flash
gaming, visit Kongregate and click on whatever
shit they're doing these days.


This Week:
* FUCK MY EYES - Funny name corner is back
* VIDEO - Dog on escalator
* CUTE - Sandkittens!

---

Real world break out
Found in newsletter: "Special Chris Moyles charity fundraiser edition"

Imagine you're trapped in a really dull office
and the only way you can skive is to play
crappy versions of Breakout that look like
Word from the mid-2000s. If this isn't your
life already then this game is a pretty
accurate simulation:
http://snurl.com/realworldbreakout'


This Week:
* POPE STUFF - Yeah, big surprise there
* QUESTION - Confess your awful druggy ways
* VIDEO - Tourette's guy sings Erasure

---

Introducing that cool new product... Twitter!
Found in newsletter: "Get your tax money back by robbing from a catholic collection plate"

There's been a long tradition of fake celeb
accounts for lols on Twitter - favourites
include @dianainheaven ("Just realised I've been
walking around all day with my left bollock
hanging out.") and @CherylKerl ("Yerz kna
listnin tuh Mawvin King's TUC speech haz made uz
reassess mei thorts on causes a wor bankin
crisis man pet an aall.")

Our new favourite is the shit Britpop-tastic
@reallybanderson and here are some of his recent
tweets:

* Bumped into Loz from Kingmaker today. Says they
are re-uniting and he has changed his name to
"Lolz", to appeal to "the kids". Tragic.

* All Bran and Coco Pops in one bowl? Brett
Anderson knows the score.

* My next 25 new followers will receive a genuine
piece of Richard Oakes' BMX bike as a prize.
He'll probably be fine about it.
http://twitter.com/reallybanderson'


This Week:
* PRODUCTS - AN "AIDS" BABY BIB
* CATS - IN THEIR OWN MINI VILLAGE
* SHAUN RYDER - ON HOLIDAY


This Week:
* DIRTY - Cassetteboy vs. Dragons' Den
* DANGEROUS - Sheep vs. deck chair
* PLASTIC - Homeless people vs. credit cards


This Week:
* OWLS - with hangovers
* COWELL - with a smile
* TWAT - with a gun


This Week:
* EXPERIMENTS - Human vs Rat!
* ENLIGHTENMENT - By looking at, err, you'll see
* READ IT - English as She is Spoke


This Week:
* BRIAN BLESSED - WE TALK TO HIM!
* SHOUTING - OUR EARS ARE BLEEDING
* DID WE MENTION - BRIAN BLESSED?


This Week:
* ROCKY - Official B3ta Cat video
* SNAILS - With paintings on their backs
* PETER SERAFINOWICZ - Interviewed by B3tans

---

Vampire Kittens
Found in newsletter: "Naomi Campbell upset at gaining 3 stones overnight"

Your Ginger Fuhrer has organised one of those
flash game thingies for the E4 site - this time
designed by long time B3tan plasticmartians AKA
wideeye.
http://www.e4.com/game/vampire-kittens/play.e4'


This Week:
* FEAR - sex-mad Anne Robinson
* GLOWING - glowstick toilet
* CUTE - baby costumes
* CONFUSED - our demographic

---

International Karate
Found in newsletter: "Making a pig's vagina of it"

Old nerds will be in rapture at this
pixel-perfect recreation of the Commodore 64
game International Karate. We managed to get
through the first few levels by kicking and
then gave up. Exactly as we played it 25 years
ago.
http://www.international-karate.de.vu/'


This Week:
* SONG - Dave the Fridge
* LIES - In online dating. Surely no!
* SURFING - On tarps


This Week:
* OVERDOSE - a day of Atari 2600
* JEDI CAT - with a lightsaber
* KARAOKE - Jewel sings Jewel

---

Twitter golf
Found in newsletter: "RIP Harold Shipman, you legend"

Guide your ball across the range by guessing
what words are popular on Twitter. Tip:
'iPhone' will get you a longer putt than
'flopsy'.
http://twirdie.com/'


This Week:
* KUNT VID - "I was pissed out of my head!"
* DOGS - Wiping their bot-bots for you
* KITTENS - Chasing string, caught on camera!


This Week:
* CARTOON - Stephen Fry!
* SURPRISE - Ninja cat attack
* COCKS - on lady celebs

---

The IT Crowd Game
Found in newsletter: "NOT AS POSH AS THE TIMES, BUT AT LEAST IT'S FUCKING FREE"

Our ginger Fuhrer and Matt Round have been hard
at work producing a game for Channel 4 to
promote the IT Crowd comedy show. May contain
references to Keyboard Cat:
http://snurl.com/itcrowdgame'

BTW: orca_biscuits delightfully asks, "Where
the fuck was the Friday game, you ginger cunt?"
Sorry about that but if people don't send them
in then we don't run them, and we're too proud
simply to lift the current highest-rated game
from Kongregate.


This Week:
* SEXY BOOBS - You will be very aroused
* CUTE - Kitten riding tortoise
* YOUR NEW PET - The Immortal Dog


This Week:
* NOISE - Vuvuzela remover
* INTERVIEW - Richard Herring talks to b3ta
* BP - Coffee spill

---

Fold the world
Found in newsletter: "In the time it takes to read this, someone else will have become a 'social media expert'"

In the world of play-them-once-and-forget Flash
games the current thing is to make a platformer
and give it a gimmicky twist in the controls.
If you want to earn a few quid on Kontraband
you could do worse than spending a day
brainstorming such quirks.
http://www.nitrome.com/games/faultline/'


"SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!"
This Week:
* TROUSERS - No hands pants dance
* HORROR - Chinchap I Love You
* TONGUES - Cute animals stick them out

---

Wikipedia game, anyone?
Found in newsletter: SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!

mcalidnb writes -

"It's like that thing that was mentioned in the
newsletter ages ago, where you pressed random
article and raced your mate to find a page
related to pornography. Except this gives you
the starting page, and the target page isn't
necessarily about pornography. Anyway, it's
good, play it."
http://wikipediagame.org/'


"IT'S CHRISSSSTTMASSSSS!!!"
This Week:
* PRINTER - made of Lego!
* BORIS - Mayor of London bouncy dance track
* PICS - In the creationist museum


This Week:
* VEITCH - Makes us laugh despite ourselves
* QUIZ - On books. You love books.
* QUESTION - What professions do you hate the most?


This Week:
* ANIM - The Horn of Bunty
* ABC - For geeks
* MUSIC - Toy trumpet virtuoso

---

Electric Box
Found in newsletter: "This week containing an ASCII pic of Mohammed"

We've lost our life to shitty iPhone games and
our current obsession is Electric Box - a
visually lacklustre take on the early 90s
classic The Impossible Machine. We're up to
about level 28 and we keep going for extra
shits as an excuse to play more. Linky goes to
flash version.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/TwinkleStarGames/electric-box'


This Week:
* VID - Flip flops
* COSTUME - Death Star
* ANIMALS - Riot Dog

---

Plants Vs Zombies
Found in newsletter: "YOU DIDN'T VOTE FOR THIS NEWSLETTER BUT HERE IT IS ANYWAY"

Being bleeding edge technology nerds can
sometimes leave you behind the times. Case in
point - we were early adopters on the iPhone
but, because of network contract issues, we got
a cracked one off eBay. Great, but it meant
when Apple upgraded the OS it was tricky for us
to follow suit. So we were left with a phone
that would only load about 1 application in 20
and we gave up on the app store. To cut a dull
story short, we've fixed it and now gone iPhone
gaming mental, catching up on all the games
that people were praising in, ooh, 2008? And to
add our voice to the throngs - Plants Vs
Zombies is an addictive twist on the Tower
Defence genre that has wasted half our week
sitting on the bog shooting zombies. Linky goes
to flash version.
http://www.popcap.com/games/free/pvz'


This Week:
* HEADLINES - Something about kittens! Lol!
* MORE STUFF - Probably a question thing
* EVEN MORE - Maybe comedy rude vegetable. Rofl.

---

Hue shift
Found in newsletter: "A Good Day To Bury Bad News"

Our colour vision is a bit dodgy in the old red
/ green area and that means we never try very
hard on games that require careful observation
of hue. Basically we're saying this game is
racist and oppressing us. Thanks JamesG for
making us feel bad.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ddrei/hue-shift'


* MARLON BRANDO - BUTTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
* GOSH - Everybody Draw Mohammed Day
* QUESTION - Tell us about your nemesis

---

Mario r-r-r-r-remix - check it out
Found in newsletter: "B3ta refuses to apologise for calling all Daily Mail readers bigots"

Now you can play the original Super Mario Bros
game as Link from Zelda, Mega Man, and several
others we can't quite remember. Wish someone
would take this idea and let you play Manic
Miner with Rick Dangerous - ie. give old Miner
Willy a gun.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/534416'


This Week:
* CRAP OLD WEBSITES - Mocked for your pleasure
* HITLER - Buy a print on Amazon
* SOME SHIT POLITICAL JOKES - ...that'll date badly

---

We've giving you two. Two. It rhymes with poo.
Found in newsletter: "We bet the tabloids are really hoping someone throws an egg at Nick Clegg."

* SYDNEY SHARK - "Best sequel ever to best game
ever" writes ToastMaster.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/533302'

* MARIO GAME - "Runny jumpy collecty coiny
thing," writes moogthedog, "And every time he
does, he's joined by a friend. Bit weird, bit
mad, but fun - Some levels are more of a puzzle
than may be expected."
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/enough-plumbers/'


This Week:
* STUPID FIGHT - Who's got the dumbest followers?
* CUNT! - B3tan calls Cameron a cunt on ITV. YAYS!
* SOME KIND OF MUSIC QUIZ THING - yes, believe it

---

Oldie but goldie: Desktop Tower Defence
Found in newsletter: "Chiropractors are bogus spine wizards, sue us if you dare"

Due to some recent client work we had to get
our heads round a pitch that included the
phrase "Desktop Tower Defence meets..." and
although we'd played it a little bit when it
came out, we thought it was time to really get
to grips with it. Oh my fucking God - been so
addicted this week that we're seeing little
moving arrows with life bars when we close our
eyes. If you've avoided this addiction then be
warned, don't start now.
http://snurl.com/desktoptdpro'


This Week:
* VOTING - We teach you voter apathy
* DAILY MAIL - This week's love letter is a quiz
* RICHARD MADELEY - Utterly mashed up for you

---

Gosh the internet is fast
Found in newsletter: "PALLBEARERS GO ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE"

A few days back Xkcd ran a comic about a
hellish version of tetris where the objects
don't fall straight:
http://xkcd.com/724/'

A few days later it exists - completely
unplayable of course.
http://www.swfme.com/view/1046212'

BTW: When we're dead we're leaving crap things
in our will to famous people just to irritate
and puzzle them. Like a hoover to Paul
McCartney.

This Week:
* QUIZ - 80s TV Quiz megamix
* SONG - the Axolotl song
* QUESTION - Are you prejudiced?

---

Run, Jesus RUN!
Found in newsletter: "I was sucking off this bird last night when I thought, 'Wait a minute...'"

Bored of playing God? Then welcome to the first
Jesus simulator - run to the right, hitting
space to jump or work miracles as you go. If
you reach the end without the 10 second timer
running out, it shows your score as apostles.
Then you get crucified.
http://snurl.com/runjesusrun'


This Week:
* AWKWARD - Rob's football song
* IGNORANT - Your tales of naivety
* INCEST - in Star Wars

---

Time Snail!
Found in newsletter: "May contain jokes about the Budget, by people who don't know economics"

Impress your pub chums with snail facts:

* A snail's anus is situated above its head and
it can literally shit on its own neck

* The snail has a "everted penis" which means
it's inside out and you shouldn't google for
pics as it made us feel a little sick

* Snails are completely deaf so don't mind if
you call them a "spazzy, one-footed cunt minge"

Or play this amazing Time Snail game:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/timesnail'


This Week:
* SONG - Home Taping is Killing Music
* VID - Chatroulette improv song
* PROCRASTINATION - Maybe later

---

Double dildo gaming trouble
Found in newsletter: "Make $$$s fast - hold down shift+4"

* PIXEL BREAKOUT - Imagine if each Breakout
brick was a pixel instead of a block? That
would take ages - thankfully this gag changes
somewhat after a few moments.
http://snurl.com/pixelbreak'


* ROBOT WANT KITTY - Fun metroidvania-style
game, perfect for a lazy Sunday morning.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/Hamumu/robot-wants-kitty'


This Week:
* INSANITY - Cyriak's loops
* JOY - Boobies & Kittens
* NOSTALGIA - Gif Heaven


This Week:
* VIDEO - Joel makes a bacon rocket
* HOMEOPATHY - And why we love it
* QUESTION ON GINGERS - Goes badly

---

Sushi Cat
Found in newsletter: "If you are having difficulty viewing this newsletter, view it online here: http://tiny.cc/BY2YP"

Cute, silly game where your aim is to drop the
pleasingly squishy main character until there's
no more sushi left for him to eat.
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/sushi-cat/'


>> BONUS: Super-annoying wordy game <<
"Two and a bit years ago you guys featured my
SUPER LETTER GAME," boasts Catfurnace. "I've
finally got off my arse and made a follow up -
the even more annoying WORD SHOOT. It'd be
awesome to be featured again, especially as I'm
job hunting."
' http://www.lawriecape.co.uk/wordshoot/'


This Week:
* CARTOON - Vagina Dentata
* VIDEO - James Bond's annoying calls
* QUESTION OF THE WEEK - Gingers, oh god

---

Robot Unicorn Attack
Found in newsletter: "And then God created Saturn... and he liked it, so he put a ring on it. "

In what our own boarders are calling, "Probably
the most lol-gay game in the world" comes your
chance to live the unicorn dream. BTW: For a
while we thought the music was Never Ending
Story by Limahl but eventually we twigged is
was Erasure.
http://snurl.com/unicornattack'


This Week:
* REAL WORLD CHALLENGE - Rearrange stuff in shops
* COOKING - a guide to making black pudding
* NOT FEATURING - pleaserobme.com coz it's everywhere

---

Cyclomaniacs
Found in newsletter: "That's right - another week has flown by and you've achieved NOTHING"

"A silly but fun cycling game", writes
@edwardrussia, "I played it all week." And if
you like games with unlockable achievements
then gosh, is this the one for you.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/LongAnimals/cyclomaniacs'


This Week:
* SHOUT - Mel Gibson cut-up
* SHRED - Cool post box prank
* STAR WARS - with the Osmonds

---

One Button Bob
Found in newsletter: "FASHIONABLY LATE FOR ITS OWN FUNERAL"

Bob's a simple chap - you complete the game
using only the left mouse button. Fighting the
boss gets a little tricky though.
http://www.lingolux.com/2010/02/03/one-button-bob/'


This Week:
* PRINTY - Royal Semi-Nude Calendar
* CELEBS - with shorter legs!
* REVIEWS - Crap apps!

---

Game using just the scroll wheel
Found in newsletter: "Crashing into your inbox like a faulty Toyota"

We once had an idea about making a game with a
scroll wheel - you'd rub it and it would
simulate female masturbation. We even tried to
pitch it once but there were no buyers for that
one. Anyway - here's a much more tasteful take
on that up-and-down rolling motion.
http://www.recordtripping.com/'


This Week:
* PAIN - Musical Spock
* HORROR - The Thing UK
* WINDOWS - 3.1 in javascript


This Week:
* MUSIC - Clunk-Click remix
* BIRDS - Rocking out
* VID - Dirty French graffiti

---

Endless Migration
Found in newsletter: "STATUS QUO RE-RELEASE ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD FOR THE HAITI EARTHQUAKE APPEAL"

You are a goose. You are a goose and you must
fly south, collecting as many mates as you can.
Too be honest, we didn't last too long before
flying into a jet engine. Like a dream we once
had.
http://snurl.com/endlessmigration'


This Week:
* SONG - The Internet is Made of Cats
* QUACKS - Celebtastic Ben Goldacre bonus bit
* NSFW - Entirely rude section

---

First-person Tetris
Found in newsletter: "I put my head on the floor and then tumble forwards. That's how I roll"

Tetris is all about rotation - so imagine if
instead of the block rotating, the whole game
rotates. You'll play this for 1 minute going,
"omg mental!" and then get bored. This is what
we promise.
http://firstpersontetris.com/'


This Week:
* ANIM - Fast-paced sketch show
* VINTAGE - past-times print ads
* MASHUP - Usher and a goat

---

Work and basketball
Found in newsletter: "I'M WEARING A BLUE BRA LOL"

>> Every Day the Same Dream <<
Mellow, atmospheric soundtrack on this
minimalist game, where you play a faceless
office drone looking to escape from his humdrum
routine. Like a tiny, bleaker version of
Groundhog Day.
http://snurl.com/everydaythesamedream'


>> Addictive basketball <<
Simple basketball simulator, with an online
competition element. Try to score as many goals
as you can. Or whatever it is you do in
basketball.
http://www.onlinegames.com/basketball/'


This Week:
* ADVICE - How to cure the shits with Bisto
* SHIT LOLS - Best Xmas funny name ever. Promise.
* SCHADENFREUDE - What a difficult word to spell

---

The Alien at the Bottom of the Garden
Found in newsletter: "RIP Teletext. You were like the internet if it was bought from a pound shop."

Your Ginger Fuhrer writes - "We were asked to
make a game for kids, to encourage them to eat
better and take exercise. As all my instincts
are to take the piss, it was a surprising
commission, so I got in Matt Round and we
worked ever so hard to make something that
doesn't have a mocking bone in its body."
http://tinyurl.com/yeu72fd'


BTW: If you want a game more suitable for
adults why not try Blosics - a 'destroy
buildings with physics' type thingie -
strangely satisfying.
http://www.lingolux.com/2009/12/16/blosics/'


This Week:
* VIDS - Have a Hibbetty Christmas!
* PUNS - Are mightier than the swede
* NEIGHBOUR HATE - Passive Aggressive WiFi

---

Obey the game!
Found in newsletter: "I'm Josef Fritzl and no windows was my idea."

"There's not enough Friday Games!", writes
Jasper Kingjay, "Now I get bored on Fridays. So
here's one. Obey the Game. You can actually get
quite far by doing nothing, how cool is that?"
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/obey-the-game'


This Week:
* WORLDFACE - Like Facebook but with countries
* KUNT - He's back with 'wank fantasy'
* CHERYL COLE - Our new twitter friend


This Week:
* BOOZE - 100 shots in 100 mins
* SONG - Dear Mandy
* STAND UP - Your chance to do some comedy


This Week:
* LOVE - Joel loves Ben Goldacre
* PAWN - Cats for Gold
* VID - Best Batman spoof ever


This Week:
* SCARY - Man dressed as bat
* SPACKY - 2-frame animations
* QUIZ - with Quizipedia

---

Small Worlds
Found in newsletter: "u should make all the links in the 404 newsletter go to 404 pages. lol"

"Sea Dave has made this wonderful, melancholic
pixely game about exploring," boasts
stallion_explosion. "It won the cgdc6
competition, which means Sea Dave is the most
awesome person on the planet." The aim of the
game is simply to look everywhere until you
find the exit to the next level.
http://www.rathergood.com/small_worlds'


This Week:
* CUTE - Sleepy things really are the best
* RUBBISH TOWNS - All your nominations in full
* CHALLENGE - Can you fake history?

---

Tetris stickman
Found in newsletter: "We posted this newsletter three weeks ago! Bloody Royal Mail."

Neat little game remix idea - you play a ninja
who has to avoid the falling Tetris blocks.
http://www.playtetrisgames.org/'


This Week:
* PHOTOS - Angry people in local newspapers
* QUESTION - Your HORRID fetishes
* ANNOUCING - Sickipedia comedy night

---

Evacuation
Found in newsletter: "Jeffrey Dahmer just wanted to know what a baboon might taste like."

A fun little puzzle game based on the science
fiction staple: suck the alien out of the
airlock while keeping your guys inside.
Basically, Alien the 8-bit puzzle game.
http://www.foddy.net/Evacuation.html'


This Week:
* FACT - Ad creatives are twats
* MICROSOFT - Everybody loves Redmond
* CHALLENGE - If Corporate Logos Told The Truth


This Week:
* VID - Gordon Ramsey through microscope
* TOON - Amazing Horse
* GIF - Every 'Under Construction' pic ever

---

Miami Shark
Found in newsletter: "YOUR LATEX VAGINA ORDER HAS BEEN DISPATCHED"

You play a shark - the aim of the game is to
dive deep, then rise to the surface to smash
boats, kill people and snatch helicopters out
of the sky with your massive, razor-sharp jaws.
It's amazing how perfectly the shark has
evolved to fill this particularly specialised
ecological niche.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/513760'


This Week:
* INTERVIEW - B3ta talks to Eoin Colfer
* SONG - Celebrating the 80s
* VEITCH - Sings about lamb instead of pork


This Week:
* SONG - Letter to Lily Allen
* CHALLENGE - Hollywood pun porn film titles
* QUESTION - Your IT support tales of woe


This Week:
* CYRIAK - on Alan Titchmarsh
* TOP TIP - Does semen show under UV light?
* NEW SECTION - "Shit internet Dragons' Den"


This Week:
* VID - Man vs GPS
* DATING - What not to say online
* WET OWLS - Well, just one


This Week:
* MUSIC - Mushrooms rock out!
* POOP - From bears!
* COCKS - In unsettling detail!


This Week:
* JOKES - Real world testing
* NERDS - Weebl's 8-bit japes
* MUSIC - Terribad 2001

---

Reducing games down to one click
Found in newsletter: "No + Rohypnol = Yes"

Occasionally we lay back and fantasise about
being extremely rich - we recently met some guy
who reckons a mate of his earned £0.5m via
flogging an iPhone game. Now, having an iPhone
our main problem with using them as gaming
devices is the interface - controlling a little
character going left/right/up/down etc via
tapping the screen is unsatisfactory, so we
reckon the secret is reducing gameplay down to
one click. We also reckon these people - if
they release an iPhone conversion - are about
to become very rich indeed.
http://adamatomic.com/canabalt/'


This Week:
* ANIM - Watermelons!
* TWITS - Shit my Dad says
* FASHION - Arse-Winkers(TM)


This Week:
* HTML - The secrets behind Fujitsu
* BREASTS - Making ice-cream from human milk
* VIDEO - Dolphin wedding

---

This is only one level
Found in newsletter: "A G N B. That's bang out of order."

Sneaky little flash game by the same chap who
did the "Achievement Unlocked" game that we
featured a few months ago.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/this-is-the-only-level'


This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Mock Parliament and win a laptop
* CYRIAK - Makes vid that'll freak out your cat
* ANTHEA TURNER - Does she have a penis?

---

I Say Potato, You Say Porn-star
Found in newsletter: "Read it here, or see it in The Sun with the tags cropped off"

Back in the dim distant past we used to run
either/or quizzes. The idea was to find things
that looked similar - say some pubes / beards
and then think of an awful name, say Tash or
Gash and job's a good 'un. This quiz is simply
subversion:
http://www.pornstarorpotato.com/'


This Week:
* CATS - Kitten Newz
* DOLLS - Argos Jade tribute
* PRISON - Jailbird Inventions

---

Name that Copyright Free Tune
Found in newsletter: "Who else's heart skips a beat when your girlfriend asks to use your PC?"

This is the last of the 7 games in our series -
"pimp b3tards to E4 so they can afford to buy
food." Produced by... well we'd like to name
this chap but he actually refuses to allow us
to use his name and wants to be credited as NTC
Inc. We like this one a lot actually, as it has
fun with the problem of doing a "name that
tune" style thing but having to keep it all
legal by using rubbish old tunes.
http://www.e4.com/game/name-that-copyright-free-tune/play.e4'


This Week:
* MUSIC - Jeremy Clarkson beatbox
* INTERVIEW - Kunt speaks
* PICS - Obama + unicorns

---

Ready Steady Microwave
Found in newsletter: "We like to scare deaf people by yawning"

The latest in our elite stream of games made by
b3tans for e4. Monkeon challenges you to guess
what kind of ready-meal you're looking at, from
a close-up of the actual package contents.
Gruesome but fun.
http://www.e4.com/game/readymeals/index.html'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Lots of knob gifs. Woo-hoo.
* QUIZ - Can YOU match the tagline to the film?
* CHALLENGE - Yes, thank you B3ta, more kittens

---

Taglinr
Found in newsletter: "Was Jacko murdered? And more importantly, why didnt we think of it first?"

Can you match the tagline to the film? Your
Ginger Fuhrer and Question of the Week bloke,
Chthonicionic have made a quiz.
http://www.e4.com/game/taglinr/'


This Week:
* DAVID ICKE - Yep, we're annoying him again
* SPECIAL EFFECTS - Your guide to being ace
* HITLER - Now on Twitter

---

Janey Thompson's Marathon
Found in newsletter: "You know it's a good poo when you come back and your screensaver's on."

Continuing our gamekeeper-turned-poacher
shenanigans, we've pimped another B3tan to E4
to make a flash game. Matt Round is a fucking
genius and we hope he sticks that on his CV.
His real-time all 26-mile marathon simulator is
a tour-de-force in retro gfx design. Even down
to the scanlines. C'mon! That's attention to
detail.
http://www.e4.com/game/janey-thomson-s-marathon/play.e4'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Knut's tribute to Jacko
* DAILY MAIL - What should you be scared of now?
* CHALLENGE - Draw Hitler


This Week:
* ANIM - Jacko's secret basement
* READ - Emails from an asshole
* VID - "I'm pissing on your car"


This Week:
* MEAT COCKTAILS - The Bacon Meatini
* VIDEO - Gamer kid spazz-out
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - Sadly, it's back

---

Captcha Invaders
Found in newsletter: "FARRAH WHO?"

You know those useless series of letters you
have to type to convince websites that you're
human? What if that was turned into a game?
Another lovely thing produced by E4 asking your
Ginger Fuhrer to get the b3tans to make games
for them. Thank Matt Round for this one - he
really is a spiffing chap.
http://www.e4.com/game/captcha-invaders/play.e4'

This Week:
* SONG - I Sucked Off a Bloke
* TATS - World's worst body art
* DOGS - Lilly Allen vs Littlest Hobo

---

Do Yo Knowz Yo Showz?
Found in newsletter: "Wind turbines. We're big fans"

We've been working tirelessly behind the scenes
getting B3tans to make games for the E4 website
- the latest is NTC Inc's unique take on
internet quizzes.
http://www.e4.com/game/do-yo-knowz-yo-showz/play.e4'


This Week:
* LOTTO - How much cash have you not won?
* SWEETS - mad Japanese candy
* CUTE - animals with casts

---

Herding kittens
Found in newsletter: "Appeal: Just £1 can buy another tripwire for Thatcher's house"

E4 has asked your Ginger Fuhrer to round up a
few B3tards to make some games - first off we
have Matt Round who brings you the 'Rather
Difficult game' where you have to nail jelly to
a wall, herd kittens and get toothpaste back
into the tube.
http://www.e4.com/game/rather-difficult-game/play.e4'


This Week:
* BOOKY THING - Bestest Computer Game Characters
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Shatner, William Shatner
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - It's back, sorry


This Week:
* VID - Cassetteboy vs The Apprentice
* QUESTION - Unexpected nudity
* TIME HACKS - Using time travel to bang ladies


This Week:
* LOL 'FAT' CATS - Nope, not with actual cats
* VEITCH - Lion toasters
* NAZIS - On the moon!


This Week:
* VIDEO - Touching tribute to Peter Andre
* SLOW MOTION - Joel slobbers for lols
* ADVERTISNG - riffing on 2 Girls 1 Cup?

---

Today I Die
Found in newsletter: "IT'S FRIDAY! GO HOME!"

Strange, poetic game from Daniel Benmergui,
whose previous title "I Wish I Were the Moon"
caused much blinking from people who dismiss
flash gaming as a load of crap. His latest
work, "Today I Die" won't win awards for the
longest game in the world, and starting will
make you scratch your head, but once you suss
the dragging words about you'll be charmed.
http://ludomancy.com/games/today.html'


This Week:
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Yep, B3ta vs Twitter
* QUESTION - Confess your gambling problems
* DRIED NASAL MUCUS - Biggest snotball ever


This Week:
* VEITCH - sings 'Bagger 288'
* QUESTION - are you turning into your parents?
* CHALLENGE - Happy Birthday David Icke

---

Rotatspin
Found in newsletter: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT"

Reductionism is a great way to bring a new
twist to an old idea. Traditional platform
games require you to move about and jump to
avoid the obstacles, but in Rotatspin, the
moving is done for you and you just need to
time when to jump. Brilliant.
http://armorgames.com/play/3577/rotatspin'


This Week:
* QUESTION - Outdoor sex?
* CHALLENGE - Shop The Police
* SONG - Fucking cunt cunt cunt 2009 remix


This Week:
* VIDEO - Disturbing Strokes
* CHALLENGE - Fluffy Disasters
* QUESTION - Embarrassing fan moments

---

Find the Key
Found in newsletter: "WE'RE EVEN LESS BUSY THAN ASHTON KUTCHER"

We used to drive our old flatmates insane by
constantly losing our keys and being locked
out, until one day, they bought us a chain and
said, "tie the fucking things to your belt and
stop waking us up at 3 in the morning." Maybe
you'll have more luck finding your keys in this
rather good game. Shame about the irritating
pre-roll ads.
http://www.bartbonte.com/meandthekey'


This Week:
* ARTY BOLLOCKS - If albums were paperbacks
* QUESTION - Your shitty nightclub experiences
* PHOTOS - Dead people & girls dressed as Daleks


This Week:
* VIDEO - Lady beard
* COCK - Joel gets his out
* PRETEND BOOK - I Spot School Misery


This Week:
* BULLSHIT - are teh webs full of it?
* KILL BILL - in 60 seconds or less
* GOOGLE - StreetView Sightseeing

---

Widescreen Tetris
Found in newsletter: "We'll never forget you Jane"

Things that have no need to be wider:

* Our fat internet bums
* Ladies' vagina bits
* And, of course, Tetris
http://sovietrussia.org/f/src/tetoris.swf'


This Week:
* BILL WYMAN - in the B3ta newsletter at last
* TABLOID NEWSPAPERS - Are stinky and smell
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - How food is REALLY made...


This Week:
* QUESTION - Worst thing you've done with a penis?
* Mutated Monty - Back with the mentals
* Veitch - Wanky Shit Demon 2


This Week:
* SONG - Fred & Rose
* LOLS - Lolclits. Yes.
* CREDIT - The Crunch visualised

---

Ultimate Crab Battle
Found in newsletter: "B3ta to make 300 boarders redundant"

Jimkopelli shouts, "You lot have been slacking
off and not putting games in your newsletters
for a while - here, have one that skips all the
tedious levelling up and collecting items and
goes straight to the boss battle. It's as
absurd as Burn The Rope while also being on a
laser shark that poops torpedoes." This is win.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/wiesi/ultimate-crab-battle'


This Week:
* PROPOSAL - Marry a B3ta lady!
* ANIM - Kitten warfare
* QUESTION - Worst flatmates

---

Don't Poo Your Pants
Found in newsletter: "A lump in your inbox that should have been looked at sooner"

"I found this awesome game recently," shouts
Jody, "Simple narrative and very few options,
but enough scope (using achievements) for
players to replay several times. The
illustrations make it more interesting too."
http://snipurl.com/dontshityourpants'


This Week:
* TOY - The Youtube Dubber
* VEITCH - in funnyish song shock
* RETRO GAMING - a rap tribute


"To unsubscribe from this newsletter please send £50 by PayPal"
This Week:
* TOY - Add laugh tracks to youTube vids
* CHALLENGE - Make stuff invisible
* WTF - Amish hackers?

---

Because we can read Wikipedia too
Found in newsletter: "To unsubscribe from this newsletter please send £50 by PayPal"

* BUFFY FANS should check the torrents tonight
as Joss Whedon's new show Dollhouse is debuting
its pilot episode. Might be shit, who knows,
but we'll be watching.

* BLACK SABBATH released their debut album 29
years ago today. We still haven't listened to
it. Maybe next year.

* FORGOT to organise a timely Black Mass to
raise the Goat of Mendes? Don't worry, there's
another Friday the 13th following directly in
March.

---

Shopping Cart Hero
Found in newsletter: "To unsubscribe from this newsletter please send £50 by PayPal"

Before internet shopping, students used to
steal supermarkets shopping trolleys and use
them as gokarts. Relive the 90s now, lest we
should forget.
http://snurl.com/tesco_value_games'


This Week:
* WANKKING - Wanky shit demon lives!
* ATHEISTS - Make your own bus slogan tool
* DAILY MAIL - Goaste'd! Ha!

---

Perfect Balance
Found in newsletter: "NEWSLETTER CANCELLED DUE TO SNOW"

"Get The Balance Right" sang Depeche Mode,
possibly in a spooky premonition of this quirky
little web game. Still, it beats OD'ing on
heroin and cocaine speedballs and dying twice.
Yes Dave Gahan, we mean you. BTW: Dave's
parents worked on the buses; his dad drove
whilst his mother was a clippy.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ttursas/perfect-balance'


This Week:
* TOY - Kh(aX)n Machine serves YOU
* VEITCH - Gas mask pervert shock
* POINTLESS HEADLINE - ex-pat sex-rat wrecks flat


This Week:
* BAD TRANNIES - Don't blame us
* CREDIT CRUNCH - Your experiences
* NERD JOKES - How many do you understand?


This Week:
* VEITCH - Sings about pork, again
* ANIM - Ducks with tits!
* CHALLENGE - Completely fucking useless shit

---

Bastard Tetris
Found in newsletter: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit packing water wings"

"It's just Tetris yes," says
VampireMonkeyOnSpeed, "But unlike normal
Tetris, it looks at the board, decides what
piece would be most useful and then makes sure
you don't get it. Bastard. I managed to get
one line."
http://l0ser.net/src/as3/bastet/'


This Week:
* VIDEO - "I'm not being racist, right, but..."
* COOKING - Pot Noodle Pasty
* PRANK - a deliberately inaccurate calendar


This Week:
* VIDEO TOY - The Amazing Benny Hillifier
* NIGELLA - You want her, we want her etc etc
* QUESTION - Addicts confess everything


"Now available in Woolworths"
This Week:
* SONG - Veitch and his Communist Christmas
* CHALLENGE - Poor old Oliver Postgate
* PAUL ROSS - Celebrated in portrait... at last!


This Week:
* EVIL - Snurl for cunts
* SPASTIC SOCIETY - 1970s Xmas stickers
* QUESTION - Your age-gap sex stories (eeep!)

---

I made this. You play this. We are enemies.
Found in newsletter: "If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"

In a title weirdly reminiscent of the Manic
Street Preachers, "This is my truth, tell me
yours" comes a game that makes less sense than
your Ginger Fuhrer after a night on the
heroins. And much like opiates, it is good, oh
so good.
http://www.secrettechnology.com/madethis/enemy6.html'


* BAM! - It's butter AND jam!
* CHALLENGE - Make B3ta Xmas cards
* FOODY BOLLOCKS - Cooking with toasters

---

Energy bouncing
Found in newsletter: "Burn calories - set a fatty on fire"

Our abilities to describe flash games decrease
as the years go by. Um, there's this whitish
stuff that's a bit like water, and you position
some thingies to make it bounce to the end bit.
You'll like it.
http://www.playauditorium.com/#index'

This Week:
* VID - Hitler BNP tantrum
* SONG - Perverts on the Internet
* ESCAPE - Penguin v whales

---

Mental cooking thing
Found in newsletter: "WE'LL ONLY LEAK OUR MAILING LIST FOR COLD HARD CASH"

"PETA have apparently lost their minds and made
a parody of a game called Cooking Mama for the
DS.", writes n.d.turton, "They were upset with
the fact that it features too much meat, so
they made an ironic version which called
'Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals'. I think
they intended it to be shocking, but it's
actually rather cool and I imagine much better
than the original."
http://www.peta.org/cooking-mama/index.asp?c=pcmgb08'


BTW: We've stuck up an archive of all the old
Friday Games. Thanks Cr3 for coding that for
us. Woo hoo.
http://b3ta.com/funstuff/games/'


This Week:
* SELLOTAPE - Tesco Value Spiderman
* VIDEO - What it feels like to be immolated
* CHALLENGE - The Daily Mail!?

---

Caption the photo
Found in newsletter: "How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?"

Think you're funny? The challenge is to write a
lol-worthy caption for a random photo in under
a minute, and beat the other players in the
round. We absolutely loved playing this and
this week we've found ourselves coming back
time and time again.
http://captionx.com/'


This Week:
* BOOK (sort of) - I Spot Internet Humour
* VIDEO - 2 Pumpkins 1 Veitch
* SONG - Let's Talk About Sachs Baby

---

Stock market game
Found in newsletter: "Hitting your inbox for merely a second before being forwarded to Ofcom"

Best idea we've seen for a while - takes
snapshots of real sharetrading prices from
history and you click buy or sell. That we lost
$70k in 5 minutes suggest that we're best
staying well away from the real thing. Genius
stuff.
http://www.inspectd.com/'


This Week:
* DIET - Lose weight with rhyming food
* ANIM - The Beetard
* SEASONAL - Fruity Halloween

---

Short-term memory
Found in newsletter: "Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand placed on Sachs offenders register"

Heathens who believe in 'science' rather than
God reckon that your short-term memory can only
store 7 items before its DNA devolves into
monkeys. Prove them wrong with this memorable
puzzler.
http://neutralx0.net/home/mini04.html'


This Week:
* BLACK PUDDING - Or is it art?
* VEITCH - On a subject close to his heart
* VASECTOMY - You don't want to see this


This Week:
* ART - Your piss-poor recreations
* COMMON PEOPLE - Your opinion matters
* HEADLINES - Made you look, made you stare

---

Blocks with Letters On
Found in newsletter: "Spinning Oriental people round and making them disorientated"

Dull name, great game. Push the blocks round a
maze until you get them to spell a word. The
animations when you complete a level are funny
too.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/Morpheme/blocks-with-letters-on'


This Week:
* SEXY - Joel struts his funky stuff
* CUTE - Tiny baby deer
* CLEVER - Take On Me literal vid

---

The eyeballing game
Found in newsletter: "Investing in sperm banks three times a day"

Think you're a man? Think you know a right
angle when you see one? Put your geek skills to
the test in this acute challenge of obtuse
geometry.
http://woodgears.ca/eyeball/'


This Week:
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Cheer up Tony Hart
* BANKING - LloydsHalifaxTrusteeSavingsBankofScotland
* WEEBL - Cat Face returns and poos everywhere

---

The return of...
Found in newsletter: "Tony Hart can't masturbate no more *cries*"

"Why no weekly game for the last few weeks?"
implores stripeertw. "I live for the weekly
game. Please don't expect me to get through my
week to finally arrive at a Friday, getting
home to find my weekly game fix is just not
there." Thank goodness that this week Niklas
has sent us something nice. Swing the wrecking
ball to fend off hostile blue squares. Fucking
blue squares. Always looking to start
something, aren't they?
http://www.lofiminds.com/blog/static.php?page=xwung'


This Week:
* ANSWERS - Ask the internet 'Which is Gayer?'
* HI-FI - Paper plate speakers
* ANIM - Screaming, flailing machine


This Week:
* ART - Abu Hamza coat hook
* VEITCH - Has 10,000 cocks
* VIDEOS - Newsletter team do 10 songs (!?)


This Week:
* QUESTION - Your Social Networking Gaffes...?
* BEARDS - What Do They Hide?
* RETRO NERDING - A Sinclair photo story

---

Word fragments game
Found in newsletter: "Armless man enters wanking competition and comes last"

You have to reassemble a list of words that
have been split in half. A lot harder than it
sounds. Should comfortable kill a couple of
hours.
http://www.boomj.com/?page=games/default&brainGame=87'


This Week:
* SCIENCE - Chocolate teapot tested
* HAWKING - Speaks! For you!
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - Bigger than ever. Hooray!

---

Oh fuck, we didn't back up
Found in newsletter: "WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF A SNAKE WAS LIKE A CUDDLY SCARF?"

Continuation of our E4 "build a game" project,
and being complete idiots we've ballsed it all
up with a hard disk crash. All the data is
lost.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-06.html'

Thankfully E4 are being nice about it, and
promise not to set fire to our house if we
give their compo a few more plugs. OK - here
we go. Listen up kids! Make a flash game -
there's £5k on the table and your Ginger
Fuhrer is one of the judges.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/enter.html'

But on a more playful note - this game, sent
in by Rhodri, is excellent. He writes, "I
can't stop. It's killing me."
http://puzzles.com.br/puzzle/totem-destroyer/'


This Week:
* DISGUSTING FOOD - Deep-fried pizza
* SCARY ANIM - Fear Mzungu!
* WEIRD TITLE - Revealed in full

---

E4 Game thingie
Found in newsletter: "Julie Moult is an Idiot"

Please make puzzles! We've connected an early
version of our cat-killing, flame-dodging
Sokoban game Psycho Fireman to a wiki to allow
you to create your own levels - we'd love you
to join in. JOIN US.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Wiki_puzzle_game'


This Week:
* BEN WHEATLEY - Interviewed by YOU
* STOP MOTION - John Carpenter tribute
* LOLS - Worst Captchas of All Time

---

Spin the 3D Objects
Found in newsletter: "Another shit joke about cancer? Oh goody!"

Here's a novel idea: rotate the object to find
the correct viewing angle to reveal the 2D
shape. It's all about perspective innit?
http://www.bobblebrook.com/games/coign-of-vantage'


>> Win £5k for creating a flash game <<
Our tutorial stuff continues with "how to cheat
at graphics" where we reveal the secrets of the
Illuminati. Remember - it's a BIG FUCKING
PRIZE. Well £5k is better than jack-shit anyway.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-04.html'


...a popular black singer who was a hit with all the
chicks - STROKE! - damn right!
This Week:
* EXPERIMENT - Electric kettle vs. gas hob
* WIN - Write a limerick and nab Joel's Album
* WEEBL - tribute to Ladytron

---

Friday Games
Found in newsletter: "What's the name of the condition that killed off..."
Write a flash game and win £5k

The competition at E4 continues, and your
newsletter team are in week 3 of writing their
game. We're doing this to encourage YOU to
enter, if that's not clear enough!
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-03.html'

Looking for an actual game rather than our sexy
blitherings? Then try this - it's mental.
http://b3ta.com/links/Its_Intensely_annoying_Japanese_game_time'


This Week:
* PHOTOS - Symmetry Flickr toy
* GET RICH QUICK - YOUR guide on how to do it
* VIDEO - Rejected Bond Theme

---

Most common words
Found in newsletter: "If you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God we only drink every night"

Can you guess what are the 50 most-used words
in the English language? Sadly 'lol' and 'teh'
aren't there.
http://snurl.com/commonwords' [codebox_no-ip_net]

Continuing our game diary for E4, this week
there's about 4 pages of it as we horrifically
overwrote.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-02.html'


This Week:
* BATTENBERG SIMULATOR - You wanted it, You got it
* VID - Balloon fail
* NIGELLA LAWSON TOPLESS MILK JUGS - A title too
good not to mention at the top

---

E4 flash game compo
Found in newsletter: "90% of dogs in Korea are inbred. Like in a sandwich or something"

We're helping the E4 site run a flash games
competition. The prize? £5k. Our bit? We're
making a game and a diary of our progress, read
the first bit here. And feel free to either
enter the challenge with your own game or help
us make ours. Read on, gentle readers, read on.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-01.html'


This Week:
* FOOD - The Jaffegg
* PICS - Souvenir vs. Reality
* SCIENCE - Chemistry vids!

---

Heath Robinson game
Found in newsletter: "...CHIPS IT IS THEN, say Portuguese Police"

Our favourite-ever PC game was The Incredible
Machine, so quite why we didn't linky this last
week is anyone's guess, as it was all over the
interwebs and some of you wrote in to complain
about its absence. Haven't you got anything
better to do? Like eat cake?
http://fantasticcontraption.com/'

This Week:
* SONG - Jonti's controversial views on Gypsies
* RETRO COMPUTING - Crap celebs in pixels
* ANIMATION - Clever lollipop stick thingie

---

Splashback
Found in newsletter: "The internet equivalent of a bulimic's index finger"

Add fluid to the ominous, green droplets,
hopefully bursting them and clearing the screen
with ricocheting goo. BTW: Got to wonder about
the name splashback - surely that's slang for
when you piss in an urinal and it splashes your
leg. Yum.
http://www.funny-games.biz/splash-back.html'


This Week:
* COOKING - How to make tea properly
* SONG - Jonti sings about his shit diet
* VIDEO - Techno Chicken


This Week:
* FOOD - Scroll wheel cheese
* SONG - Jonti deconstructs celebrity
* OTHER STUFF - That's mostly quite good

---

Doors
Found in newsletter: "Helping fatties get fatter since 2001"

You play Jim Morrison, looking for lizards in
the desert. When you die, you get to play it
again as Val Kilmer - and then as Ian Astbury.
Sadly we're telling porkies, but still, this is
a good game.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/soapaintnice/open-doors'


This Week:
* PAIN - Scotch eggs are the cure
* VID - Dancing Matt 2
* ANIM - Shatner's Common People


This Week:
* QUIZ - Who's younger?
* JINGLE - It's Rainham Sheds!
* OLD PEOPLE - And their bloody useless advice

---

Puzzlefarter
Found in newsletter: "Guest-Written by Dr Raj Persaud"

We've always theorised that Marry Poppins
powered her upwards flight by guffing under her
starchy skirts, but it never occurred to us that
this would be a great idea for a game. Fools
that we are. BTW: Press the up key twice,
you'll get the hang of it.
http://puzzlefarter.com/'


This Week:
* QUIZ - How many crap sequels?
* FACTS - What Glaswegian really eat
* SALMON - Ye olde dishwasher trick

---

Doodle Defender
Found in newsletter: "Panic buy petrol - it's about to run out!"

Arcade classic with a twist - you get to design
what the ships look like. Yes, ours was a
shoot-out between crudely-drawn cocks. You
perhaps were expecting us to say that.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doodle_defender'


This Week:
* COOKING - Sweets in the Breville
* LEGO - Amy Winehouse is bricking it
* EVIL PENCILS - Everyone loves evil pencils


This Week:
* USEFUL - Convert cm to elephants
* EVIL - Mobile phone in microwave
* FARTING - Like only Shatner can

---

Two games? Ambassador, you're spoiling us!
Found in newsletter: "Knifeus Expeliarmus"

>> Spelling race <<
Intended for kids but wasted on them. Spell
words correctly and race live online against
other webmongs. We're not 100% convinced it has
the right spelling for everything but maybe
that's a reflection on us rather than the game.
http://tutpup.com/plays/new/2-word-game'


>> The Debut Album Game <<
A random wikipedia article for your band name,
a random quote for your title and a random
flickr pic for the album cover. Surprisingly
compelling way to pass the time, particularly
if you fancy yourself as something of a graphic
designer.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Your_Debut_Album'


This Week:
* ANIM - Simon Cowell
* TUNES - Shufflr
* DANCE - Russian hip-hop

---

Spot the difference
Found in newsletter: "Dandruff: The poor man's parmesan"

Readers of rubbish celebrity mags will be
familiar with seeing two pics side by side with
minor differences - a third nipple on Kelly
Brook or a cock on Jordan. This works on the
same principle, but has a curiously mellow vibe.
http://www.crazymonkeygames.com/6-Differences.html'


This Week:
* BOOKS - Did they change YOUR life?
* BANANAS - Apparently they laugh
* FORKLIFTS - Everyone loves them. Maybe.

---

Human brain cloud
Found in newsletter: "Did everyone in China jump up and down at the same time?"

Type the first word or phrase that comes to
mind to contribute to huge word association
clouds. Score points by guessing the same as
many people have before. Or simply sit, typing
random words for hours with no clear idea why,
as the effect is kind of hypnotic.
http://humanbraincloud.com/'


This Week:
* NOSTALGIA - Beach Boys v Finger of Fudge
* DANGER - Recreate Tron on your bike
* CUTE - Lovely kitten sitting in a bowl

---

Dinorun
Found in newsletter: "I for one welcome our new bumbling idiot overlord"

Cute, retro-style running game - keep your tiny
dinosaur ahead of the pyroclastic wall of
death, else you'll go extinct! Extremely quick
and gets very tense when you're just one step
ahead of fiery doom.
http://pixeljam.com/dinorun/'


This Week:
TOON - Cat Face 7
VID - Flappy lips
READ - Weird Wikipedia

---

Perfect Pitch Game
Found in newsletter: "The Sound of Music 2: The Von Trapped family"

Being crap musicians we've delighted in playing
this 'can you guess the note' game, and we've
concluded that we haven't got perfect pitch
(far from it), but our relative pitch is fine.
Woohoo.
http://detrave.net/nblume/perfect-pitch/'


This Week:
* RAP - Why tea is great
* SONG - Made from *real* YouTube comments
* VID - Tetris the Movie!


This Week:
* VID - Retro internet
* PICS - Trailer trash mugshots
* READ - Huge Steve Albini 'interview'


* VIDEO - I think I fancy Boris
* QUIZ - Youtube's shitty comments
* QUESTION - Share your phobias


This Week:
* VID - Philip Schofield on drugs
* GREYBLOKE - Gets groomed
* WEEBL - Guide to Biscuits

---

Burn the rope
Found in newsletter: "Welcoming the paedos that Facebook bans"

"Have you received about 5000 emails about this
yet?" asks tismselfstorage, "You should have.
It's the best game ever." Heh, he has a point,
we enjoyed it muchly and wonder if it's making
not-so-subtle reference to Portal.
http://www.mazapan.se/games/BurnTheRope.php'


This Week:
* ANIM - Code Code Code
* EVENT - The 'Rickmob'
* VID - Cardboard Tron

---

What's your porn score?
Found in newsletter: "Not the only hour you'll lose this weekend"

Bored out of our tiny minds whilst filling in a
tax return we invented a game: type 'tits' into
a google image search and see how many pages
you have to go before you can name an actress.
The lower the score, the hairier your palms.
BTW: Our score was 9, which surprised us
slightly.
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tits'


This Week:
* ANIMATION - Tasty, tasty electricity
* SHATNER - 'shop trek for his birthday
* FAGS - lovely QOTW on smoking

---

Pattern matching
Found in newsletter: "We shagged Paul McCartney and all we got was this lousy newsletter"

"Here's a painfully addictive game for you to
subject your readers to," informs heilbush,
"It's another Tetris clone, with a few
interesting concepts thrown in." The Official
B3ta Wife approves of this game and it sent her
into an OCD spin of muttering numbers under her
breath. It was like watching Rainman with
tits.
http://www.chainfactor.com/'


This Week:
* COOKING - Curing meat in a CRT
* CHALLENGE - Make graphs tell YOUR truths
* VIDEO - Delia Smith cooks spam


This Week:
* HUMAN ZOO - Oldest swinger in town
* CHALLENGE - Make newspaper comics FUNNY
* QUESTION - How nerdy are YOU?


This Week:
* FOOD - Eggnog pancakes
* QUIZ - Guess my crime
* LOLS - Things white people like

---

Ball thingie
Found in newsletter: "YOUR INBOX IS A JERSEY CARE HOME AND WE'RE THE POLICE"

In what is probably our favourite flash game
since Kebabtris, comes 'Filler' which defies
description but if it was available on our
mobile phone we'd never get off the bus.
http://www.freegamesnews.com/en/games/2008/Filler.html'


This Week:
* ROYAL FUNNY NAME CORNER - The Queen's rude dog
* PICS - Meat pron from Germany
* RICKROLLED - Astley's youngest fan


This Week:
* QUESTION - Have you witnessed a crime?
* WEEBL - Alien rapist in cupboard
* VIDEO - DIY Star Wars

---

Hooray! and Boo! game
Found in newsletter: "Pig meat - it's snorty but nice"

'When me and my mates were kids, we used to
play the "HOOORAY! and BOO!" game,' roars
fazza99, 'The rules are pretty simple: Someone
suggests something that makes everyone go
"HOOORAY!" and someone else has to come up with
a answer that makes people go "BOO!" e.g. "My
folks are going away for a week (HOORAY!) My
baby-sitter's Gary Glitter (BOO!)"'

Or if you fancy your Friday gaming treats to be
new school, then we've been enjoying this. It's
on the web and everything. Woo hoo!
http://www.flashninjaclan.com/zzz883.php'

THIS WEEK KIDS IT'S:
* OMG - Coggy lols
* PICS - Rainbow puke
* CHALLENGE - Animal instruments whimsy

---

Spinning spike maze
Found in newsletter: "In a moment of madness I took sexual advantage of this newsletter but I didn't kill it."

Simple but infuriatingly tough, in the way we
like these things here: rotate the maze to
guide a little ball to the exit. We liked the
soundtrack too - full of the pathos inherent in
being a tiny, spinning ball trapped in a black
iron maze of doom. The first proper level after
the tutorials end made us laugh with its crazy
harditude.
http://onemorelevel.com/game/spin_the_black_circle'


This Week:
* INTRODUCING... Mini lols!
* CHALLENGE - Pylons. Yes, pylons.
* QUESTION - Stalkers. Should be good we think.


This Week:
* COTTAGING - Everyone's favourite toilet lols
* CHALLENGE - Wrong man for the job?
* QUESTION - Rat out your bastard colleagues

---

White Dwarf
Found in newsletter: "Showcasing the awesome power of boredom"

Simple, addictive; collect the green balls then
touch a blue ball to bank your points. Avoid
the red balls. Red balls are death! Got it?
Great. It's slightly trickier than it looks.
Nothing particularly whitey or dwarfey about it
though, which was a very mild disappointment.
http://whitedwarfgame.com/'


This Week:
* FACT - Peanut butter disproves evolution
* CUTE - Fattest squirrel ever
* CHALLENGE - Maps that tell YOUR truths


This Week:
* VIDEO - Celine Dion FTW, an unlikely B3ta hero
* GRAFFITI - Ads get stumped
* QUESTION - Shoplifters of the world confess


This Week:
* QUESTION - We *heart* pound shops
* VIDEO - Cat Vs Scalextric
* BLIMEY - Drunken dad dancing

---

Time-travelling cursors
Found in newsletter: "Wanted: New Presenter for Children's TV Series. Must like getting hands dirty"

This game records your cursor movements as you
run through a maze and you wind up
collaborating with past versions of yourself
in order to get past obstacles. A bit tricky
at first but what a clever idea!
http://www.nekogames.jp/mt/2008/01/cursor10.html'


This Week:
* DIY - Hampster Davros Dance
* CHALLENGE - Uncropped album art
* QUESTION - "I'm so dumb that I..."

---

Don't let go! returns!
Found in newsletter: "Happy Easter!"

A b3ta favourite from some time ago, AKX has
revamped his internet version of 'Touch the
truck' for a new generation of powerful
machines.
http://servut.us/akx/dlg2/'


This Week:
* BREASTICLES - How to draw them
* FOOD - Bacon Biscuits
* QUESTION - Evil Pranks (should be good!)

---

Film Sequels
Found in newsletter: "It's a party in your mouth and everyone is coming"

Bored in a DVD store? Your newsletter team
recently visited what was once Virgin in
Camden and spent a happy half hour looking at
all the boxes and thinking of rubbish sequels
ideas.

* President Kong - he's in The White House and
going APE!

* Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - When love
meets it's mad!

* And finally, read this as you might imagine
someone pitching an idea to a Hollywood agent
over lunch, "Danny Devito, Arnold
Schwarzenegger and.... Samuel L. Jackson
in.... TRIPLETS!"

See, it's never dull when the newsletter team
go DVD shopping.


This Week:
* SEX - on crack!
* SPORT - The next England manager?
* PORN - with 'celebrity' heads

---

Kebabtris
Found in newsletter: "A not-for-prophet publication"

If this game was available for our phone, we'd
never get off the Tube. To play it is to be
addicted.
http://franksemails.com/shockwave/souvlaki-tetris.swf'



This Week:
* VIDEO - Elephant darts
* QUESTION - B3ta goes Daily Mail
* COMPO - 'shop a Transformer and win a Macbook


This Week:
* DESPERATE WANKS? - Drawing your own porn? Really?
* EARLY CHRISTMAS CARD - You'll nick this idea
* VIDEO - Relentless and shit Guitar Hero gags


This Week:
* TRIP - B3ta visits Imperial War Museum
* QUESTION - Abusing freebies
* OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE - Another lolcats gag

---

Blocked out!
Found in newsletter: "The Favourite Read of the Tapas Bar Nine"

50 levels of red-hot gaming action, provided
your definition of 'red-hot' tallies with ours.
Move the brown block to the end of the maze,
with rebounds from the side walls being your
only means of manoeuvring. A low-key puzzler
that gets quite challenging as you ratchet up
the levels.
http://www.addictinggames.com/blockout.html'


This Week:
* MENTAL - Cyriak does it again
* QUESTION - Your stupidest dares
* VIDEO - At home with Henry Rollins


This Week:
* BOOK - Cooking with Pooh
* HALLOWEEN - Dalek pumpkin
* QUESTION MARKS - Used "inappropriately"


This Week:
* TOY - Cubicle freakout
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - Introducing Miss Puke
* PHOTOS - Squishy shoe fetish

---

Super-fun wordy double bill!
Found in newsletter: "Swirly Face Man's Favourite Links"

>> Word web <<
Word association game. Fill up the whole
network by guessing the connections between
words. We're not sure we really got the trick
of it, but it certainly kept us entertained for
a number of minutes.
http://shygypsy.com/farm/p.cgi'


>> What's the definition? <<
You're presented with a word and four choices
of possible meaning. Simple enough. The twist?
They're donating rice to hungry people for
every answer you get right. Actually, one of
these where they send increasing amounts of
pizza round our house would be quite nice.
http://www.freerice.com/index.php'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Cat on treadmill
* PORN BLOOPERS - "You've spooged the wrong face"
* QUESTION - Confess your voyeurisms

---

Winterbells
Found in newsletter: "Arthur Scargill: a biography of a miner celebrity (And still only 55p!)"

Just how does Ferry Halim do it? How does he
make things of such glowing beauty just from
globbing a few clumps of Flash together? Here,
you play a snowy bunny, hopping along a trail
of silver bells high into the crystal-clear
winter sky. Only 80 wanking days to jizzmass
etc.
http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm'


This Week:
* TITS - Bizarre prosthetic mammary fetish
* JACKO - Halloween mask
* CHALLENGE - Lady Diana, princess of hearts


This Week:
* QUESTION - Confess your dirty trade-secrets
* GAME - Alphabet clicky woo
* TORIES - MP spunking cock coin


This Week:
* KITTENWAR.COM - The interview YOU demanded!
* WEEBL - His cat is still called 'Cat Face'
* AMY WINEHOUSE - Nope, not with yours


This Week:
* QUESTION - Your personal-ad dating hell...
* ONE WORD CHALLENGE - Elvis
* OUCHY OUCHY VIDEO - Bum branding

---

Ramps
Found in newsletter: "It's not gay unless you get hard too"

MISSION OBJECTIVE: You are a god-like
mouse-pointer whose one goal in life is to
make balls go into buckets. Using only your
power to arrange the angle of the shelves you
see before you, can you fulfil your life's
destiny?
http://www.tylersticka.com/2007/08/03/ramps/'


This Week:
* DRAGONS - Having sex with cars
* FEED THE HEAD - Best flash toy ever
* QUESTION - Your guilty secrets confessed


This Week:
* QUIZ - Kiddy celeb photos
* QUESTION - Your guilty secrets
* LEGO - Stephen Hawking rendered in brick


This Week:
* PAIN - Testicles vs. champagne cork!
* FEAR - Brian Blessed rampage!
* CHIPMUNK - eating a peanut! Aww!

---

Anti-Pacman
Found in newsletter: "Celebrating 20 years of Bad AIDS"

Simple but engaging idea here: a version of
Pacman where you play the ghosts. In lieu of
anything better to say, the best ever Pacman
joke is "If Pacman had affected us as kids,
we'd all be running around in dark rooms,
munching pills and listening to repetitive
electronic music." Whereas the second-best is
a pie-chart bisected to look exactly like our
yellow friend with the legend 'Percentage of
chart which resembles Pacman.'
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/394419'


This Week:
* TEETH - I see your Darkie and raise you Chinky
* VIDEO - Best misheard lyric ever?
* QUESTION - Why YOU should be fired


This Week:
* WEEBL - a song about blimps!
* VEITCH - Joel's new vid
* AWWW - Charley the spacker cat


This Week:
* ROY WALKER - Secret KKK shame
* CAKE - Just like a Tardis
* CHAIRS - That look like cocks. As usual


This Week:
* HEADLINE - Teaser for newsletter content
* QUESTION - Council Cunts
* WEEBL - More Cat Face for Cat Face fans

---

Shooty Physics Madness
Found in newsletter: "As used for 'Research' by Chris Langham"

Bored pushing biros into your genitals to make
them fire off in some kind of bic shooting
cockapault? Then you need to play this rather
absorbing little gamette.
http://snipurl.com/super_woo_fun_time'


This Week:
* FOOD - Silkworm pizza
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Evil books for kiddies
* QUESTION - Have YOU drunk meths like us?

---

Tetris - drag'n'drop
Found in newsletter: "WE AR IN UR BBC RIGGNG UR COMPOS"

The interface innovations of the early 90s have
finally been brought to everyone's favourite
pentomino-based gaming-heroin. Kinda fun in a
'Windows 3.1 on your Gameboy' sorta way.
http://gcgz.com/inflash/list/x.php?check=1&link_id=10608'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Beer Beer Beer
* FOOD - B3tard eats placenta
* WEEBL - More Cat Face


This Week:
* VIDEO - Rathergood pork fight
* CHALLENGE - Make stuff with glue and scissors
* QUESTION - Your mental relatives


This Week:
* SEMEN - B3tan eats his own
* QUESTION - Why were you late?
* T-SHIRTS - Pixel Hitlers!

---

Bloxxors Roxxors
Found in newsletter: "Welcome to Sheffield, twinned with Atlantis"

Loving this 'can you roll the block into the
hole' game, great idea and lovely execution.
BTW: Nintendo, if you're listening, why not
great a "best 50 games from the web" package
for the DS, and include most of the stuff we've
linked in this section for the last few years.
We'd buy it anyway.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/bloxorz'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Burpy man gets burpy
* BEEF - Wearing it as pants
* OJ SIMPSON - We managed about 30 pages

---

Flute hero!
Found in newsletter: "Urban Turban Ban Banter"

You know those Playstation games where get to
live our your dreams of widdling a sonic-axe
like Eddie Van Halen? Hats off to the genius
who thought it would be a good idea to apply
the format to playing the bloody flute. BTW: We
just considered using the word flautist and
found this amusing note from Wikipedia, 'James
Galway summed up the way many players of the
flute feel about "flautist", saying, "I am a
flute player, not a flautist. I don't have a
flaut, and I've never flauted."'
http://www.dr.dk/spil/floejtehero/popup/'




This Week:
* PISS - What colour is yours?
* SHOPPY - Buy our t-shirts, make Pep rich
* QUIZZY - Kids' TV themes


This Week:
* EBAY - Will you buy a B3tard a car?
* IMAGES - Classical art, modernised
* VIDEOS - Youtube rapes schmideo section

---

Release! Cat with Bow Golf!
Found in newsletter: "How to tell where your cat has been by smelling its breath."

Vague descriptions of link. Obscure reference
to childhood experience. Weak joke about penis.
Finish with, "we scored three, maybe you can do
better?"
http://ishi.blog2.fc2.com/blog-entry-211.html?new'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Silent Star Wars movie
* QUESTION - Worst dinner you've cooked
* PUBES - Dye your grey pubes, Mrs Robinson

---

Invisible Cursor
Found in newsletter: "It's the tenants Fred West rejects that makes Fred West the best"

There's something incredibly disconcerting
about having your mouse pointer suddenly made
invisible - it's like your hand going to sleep
and unexpectedly poking you in the eye. This
clay pigeon shoot-style game gives you a couple
of free shots and then rapidly becomes a hectic
test of spatial awareness as the cursor
vanishes.
http://tinyurl.com/2jywy5'


This Week:
* MAPS - Rude place names 2.0
* AMAZON - Richard Littlejohn vandalism challenge
* GRAFITTI - Bestest QOTW evah!!!1111

---

Merge the ladybirds
Found in newsletter: "Cut out my eyes, I've bought a guide dog!"

Perhaps the most peculiar games concept we've
featured here. Stop the ladybirds from falling
off the stump. Try to merge them into one.
http://www.donpixel.com/play/en/060413201807/'


This Week:
* COMPO - Win a book! Yes, a whole fucking book!
* QUESTION - Best vandalism ever
* PHOTOS - Yummy! It's a cock breakfast


This Week:
* HORSES - Date them online
* SONG - Use my arsehole as a cunt
* STUFF - Yes, newsletter features stuff shock

---

Guess my age
Found in newsletter: "Teh Times Litterarry Supplement"

Continuing the techniques of hotornot,
rapemykitten and famousr, we've been enjoying
this 'guess the age' game. Being clever sods,
we're very good at it.
http://www.guessmyage.net/'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Dog shags cat
* WEEBL - New toon
* MATHS - Wanking addiction measured in kittens

---

Clicky round thing
Found in newsletter: "See You Later Masturbator - In A While Paedophile"

In a parallel universe Underworld are currently
singing, "clicky clicky round thing, clicky
clicky round thing", as we've entitled this
rather woosome little challenge. It's a
frustrating little fucker.
http://www.k2xl.com/games/boomshine/'



This Week:
* HEROIN - Cook-up some pancakes
* INTERVIEW - Adam Buxton
* MINCE - Now an alphabet

---

The Ultimate Quiz
Found in newsletter: "Our inner paedophile fucking your inner child"

Mammoth Flash-based quiz testing your ability
to think laterally or, in some cases, just
exactly like the guy who built the thing.
Despite the somewhat randomly unjust nature of
some of the answers, this kept us happily
bashing away for longer than just about
anything else in the newsletter this week.
http://snipurl.com/best_quiz_evah'


This Week:
* GAME - Shoot Jonti in the face
* VIDEO - Time-lapse thingie
* QUIZ - Something about eating feet skin

---

Five Minutes to kill yourself
Found in newsletter: "The best of Nuts"

Looks like this is to promote some TV station,
but sod it, the premise is great and the
execution top-notch. Worth five mins of your
time.
http://www.adultswim.com/games/fiveMinutes/index.html'


This Week:
* BACON - Pork alarm clock
* QUESTION - Confess your hygiene issues
* VIDEO - Bukkake Milk


This Week:
* MUSIC - Free (although not legal) MP3s for all
* GAME - Rotatey Flickr thingie
* WEEBL - Jonti rags on gingers

---

Binary Game
Found in newsletter: "Get your cock out, it's Friday"

Girls! Unlike the sponsored link for Nivea butt
cream, this link isn't for you. It's for boys,
very geeky boys who like nerding out on binary.
We found it quite satisfying as it made us feel
clever.
http://forums.cisco.com/CertCom/game/binary_game_page.htm'

This Week:
* VIDEO - Postman Pat, drug dealer
* INVESTIGATION - Clothes tags
* QUESTION - Picky eaters (worth a read)

---

TRON
Found in newsletter: "Red Nose Day - illegal??""

Ah, a classic blast from the ancient past.
Nothing really innovative here, but the simple,
clean execution kept us playing for a good
twenty minutes.
http://www.fltron.com/index_flash.html'


This Week:
* QUIZ - Granny or Tranny
* COOKING - Veitch cooks pigs trotters
* VID - Wheatley kills friends mum with brick


This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Ben Goldacre, celebrity judge
* WEEBL - DJ Pie Safety
* MUSIC - Nirvana on 45

---

Sticky game
Found in newsletter: "Drilled beefs!"

"A game from the same guy who did 'Double
Wires' that you featured not too long ago,"
mouths smirt362, "There is a structure and at
the top of the structure is a star. The goal
is to remove as many sticks as possible from
the structure before it collapses and the star
falls below the line." Get it? Good.
http://ishi.blog2.fc2.com/blog-entry-206.html'



This Week:
* STUFF - Possibly about kittens
* NONSENSE - Some references to wanking
* BOLLOCKS - Yep, it's the B3ta newsletter

---

Pong / Balance game
Found in newsletter: "Leaves your breath, Nescafe fresh"

Fiendishly tricky and yet so basic you kick
yourself when you fail at it, this is classic
Friday Game territory. The idea is to keep
both balls in the air for as long as possible
- when they fall you get a sarcastic little
French comment about your level of
intelligence. Trivia fact: Babelfish gives
'shitting' as the translation of 'chiant'.
Hmm.
http://www.zanorg.com/prodperso/jeuxchiants/doublejeu.htm'


This Week:
* SICK JOKE BOOK - Download it for free. THANKS!
* QUIZ - Pop-stars' first names. Can you guess?
* COKE - Joel scores BILLIONS from legals

---

Warioware game-a-like
Found in newsletter: "Download our Sick Joke Book for Free. Yes, free. THANKS B3TA"

"I've found a very entertaining little thing,"
confides Yeknom, "it would make a lovely
Friday game." Indeed it does, and we're
looking forward to the Wii versions of similar
ideas too.
http://www.armorgames.com/games/foursecondfrenzy_popup.html'


This Week:
* RUDE ROUTERS - a sub 'That's Life' feature
* AUSTRALIAN MPS - Our favourite quotes
* WIKIDEATH - You killed 'em, we print 'em

---

Rube Goldburger machine
Found in newsletter: "Why has Shilpa not apologised for 9/11?"

Arrange the pieces of this convoluted machine
so that it delivers a nice burger and shake
for your dinner. Just tough enough to be a bit
of a challenge and very pleasing when you
finally get it right.
http://flowmachine.free.fr/wiiflow/wii4/lunchtime.swf'


This Week:
* GAME - Death to sheeps!
* PHOTOS - B3ta reader infected tonsil pics
* DINNER - Cheese and Pineapple smoothie. YUM


This Week:
* MYSTIC MEG - She talks bollocks. Proof.
* BEES - How to kill them
* Y2K - Are you prepared?


This Week:
* VIDEO - Return of Arsonist Sam
* COKE - Are they ripping off Rathergood.com?
* SHIT - Lots of fecal stories

---

Nintendo advent calendar
Found in newsletter: "Your 'Trampvent' calendar"

Unlike most online advent calendars, which are
shit, this one offers you something good -
almost as good as the actual chocolate you get
with a real one. The game is, basically, Mario
as a snowman - but that's no bad thing at all.
http://www.mission-in-snowdriftland.com/'


This Week:
* AUTO SLASH FICTION - for your wanking pleasure
* VEITCH - Does his anim thing for baby charity
* GOATSE - Microsoft goatsed. Yay


This Week:
* HIPPOS - More hippos that you could ever want
* VOTE - Bill Gates for President?
* RANT - Why keyboards are shite

---

Human Cannonball game
Found in newsletter: "Heil Honey, I'm Home"

Can you fire the little man onto the safe
trampoline without killing him? So good, we
didn't even notice that it's a promo for some
mints until the official B3ta wife pointed it
out. Gah, fuck it. Who cares, as long as it's
fun.
http://www.altoids.com/play.do?id=17979'


This Week:
* QUESTION - Tell us your debt woes
* JIMMY SAVILE - Is he dead yet?
* MUSIC - Diana, The Musical


This Week:
* ART - Use your ZX81 to make beautiful pics
* JESUS TEST - Are you more popular than Him?
* COMPETITION - Win some Rathergood booty


This Week:
* Swearing - now with sparklers
* Food - a dog dinner. Literally
* Tattoos - oh you don't want to look, really


This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Ambulance man talks
* WEEBL - Fuck me, it's Magical Trevor 4
* TESCOS - DIY Taser

---

Tricky, trickzy game
Found in newsletter: "A load of toss-bollocks for you to stick in your browser-cunts"

"This link asks 'are you smart?'", mews
Monkeycat, "Well, it appears I'm not as my
record score is 20.101 seconds." A devilishly
difficult multitasking game, can you beat
Monkeycat?
http://www.zanorg.com/prodperso/jeuxchiants/doublejeu.htm'


This Week:
* BOOK - Buy the B3ta Book you ham-touchers
* QUESTION - How we didn't lose our Virginity
* GEEKY GAME - Roses are #ff0000...

---

Pixel Blaster
Found in newsletter: "Buy our book, else we'll shit through your letterbox"

"Maybe you guys will enjoy," speculates Tom
Thornton, "my latest game creation." Woo, kept
us busy for a few mins.
http://snipurl.com/rastapastablaster'


This Week:
* MEAT - Fertilised eggs
* MORE MEAT - What does cat food taste like?
* BONUS GRATIS MEAT - Cooking a pigs head


This Week:
* MASH-UP - X-rated Harry Potter
* RATHERGOOD - Some bollocks about tits
* MEAT CORNER - Your new favourite B3ta section

---

Infuriating memory game
Found in newsletter: "Don't google for meatotomy"

We like simple games and they don't come much
simpler than this. Shapes are added one at a
time and you have to click on the newbie.
Actually, the simplicity is what makes it
infuriating - the higher it gets, the more
reluctant you get to make an embarrassingly
easy mistake.
http://www.vivalagames.com/play/picto/'


This Week:
* VID - London to Brighton in 2 minutes
* FASHION - Baby toupees
* FUNNY NAMES - High Tree Spackers and more

---

Drag the dot to the square
Found in newsletter: "Your weekly barrage of filth"

Can you drag the dot through an increasingly
complex maze of moving shapes? We can't, but
then we're completely shit at computer games.
BTW: This is loads better than it sounds.
Trust us.
http://wiredpope.com/sticks.html'


This Week:
* GAME - Shag, marry or kill?
* FLICKR - Print your photos as business cards
* GOOD NEWS! - Message from Jesus

---

Geography test
Found in newsletter: "Stinky linky from our pinky winky"

Think you know where your countries are? This
Google Maps hack is testing to the point of
making us feel stupid.
' http://www.mindpicnic.com/maps-quiz/'


This Week:
* VID - Rainbow remixed
* SITE - Give me back my Google
* URL HACK - TheTechGays.com


This Week:
* SONG - About a penis
* VID - George Michael sex-change shocker
* IRWIN - The 'Weebl' tribute


This Week:
* LINKS - Best B3ta stuff of 2006 so far...
* QUESTION - DIY Fashion Disasters
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Demotivational Posters


This Week:
* PONG - Updated for the 21st century, finally
* NUTTERS - Kate Bush's maddest fan
* QUESTION - Are you a sex offender?


This Week:
* PANTS - Bloke wears 43 pairs for B3ta
* NOEL EDMUNDS - Mong noise remix ahoy
* RECORD STORE CATS - The 'official' site


This Week:
* VIDEO - Bo 'He-man' Rhapsody
* WEEBL - Frosties ad remix
* INTERVIEW - Maddox / Best Page in the Universe

---

Game for mentalists
Found in newsletter: "If we had a spoon for every reader, we'd live like a spoon king"

It's Dance Dance Revolution meets Tempests and
it's so fast as to completely do our heads in.
http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/SpinItUp.php'


This Week:
* VID - Explosions without guns
* QUESTION - Intense friendships (read it!)
* PROTEST - The web unites against twats


This Week:
* B3TA BOOK - Preorder on Amazon now
* FOOD - Eek! It's the meat cake
* VIDEO - Motorbike + kiddy roundabout = blimey


* HIDDEN MESSAGES - TV ad secret Jew hate
* TATTOO - Bloke with 'stupid' on head
* ANGRY - Rolf Harris seal protest


This Week:
* VID - World's Biggest Dominoes?
* STORIES - "I hurt my rude bits"
* FUNNY NAMES AGAIN - This one's a goatse!

---

Memory thingie
Found in newsletter: "Horrid links, torrid tales, florid prose"

Can you remember all the spots? We couldn't
because we're thick and dribble quite a lot.
http://www.robotubegames.com/games/zyrx.swf'


This Week:
* ANIM - Beastenders
* QUESTION - Lies you've told on your CV
* VIDEO - When Elephant Seals wake


This Week:
* EXPLODE - Aerosol balloon bomb
* WEEBL - Has a good wank
* NAZIS - Hugo Boss fashion shock


This Week:
* MAGNETS - Nutter sticks them in his fingers
* PRODUCT - Fake bollocks for your cat
* VIDEO - Underwater air-rings


This Week:
* CHALLENGE - New road signs
* HUH? - ASCII-Art 1940s style
* BOOK - 'Who cares about disabled people?'


This Week:
* RIMJOBS - Yay or nay?
* CHALLENGE - Make Tory propaganda
* VIDEO - Noel Edmonds - spaz hater


This Week:
* SHEDS - Best home improvement ever
* STALKING - Paul Daniels on eBay
* CHALLENGE - Tom Cruise, please don't sue us

---

Dragon's Lair made by cheese-tards
Found in newsletter: "Making Paul Daniels paranoid, every Friday, for five years"

Old cunts will remember Dragon's Lair from the
Arcades in the 80s. It featured 'real cartoon
graphics' via a 'laserdisk'. The downside
being that the gameplay was crap. Our man here
has remade the experience, but with really
perfunctory visuals and somehow, it's utterly
great. Or so annoyingly tricky that we started
giggling anyway.
http://www.studiohunty.com/dungeon/'


This Week:
* SONG - Big ball rap
* QUESTION - Worst nicknames ever
* WIN A FLAT - Scam or smart marketing?


This Week:
* VIDEO - Peter Cook as a PG Tips chimp
* ANIM - Diana's life in 10 seconds
* PHOTOS - Shite tattoos

---

Google game
Found in newsletter: "8===W=) is ASCII for wanking"

Can you guess the search phrase from the page
of results returned by Google? Kept us busy for
10 minutes anyway.
http://gwigle.varten.net/'


This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Pop-up ads you WOULD click
* ANIM - Jonti eats crabs
* TOY - Google trends


This Week:
* SEAN CONNERY - Shit v/o shock
* GAME - Qwerty Dance Dance Revolution
* JOKES - Introducing the Sickipedia

---

Two for the price of zero. We spoil you
Found in newsletter: "This subject line has absolutely nothing to do with the content"

>> Wanker <<
Keep pumping up a succession of slowly-diminishing
rods or else you die. A challenging wank-action
based game. The tagline, "Flex like a whore,
fall wanking to the floor."
http://homokaasu.org/gasgames/game.gas?25'


>> Four second fury! <<
Not just one game this, but a whole herd of
incredibly simple games. The twist is you have
just four seconds to complete each one. Intense!
http://www.armorgames.com/games/foursecondfury_popup.html'


This Week:
* COCKS - Made of clay
* SCAM - Undeserved Blue Peter badges
* JOHN LENNON - What a fucking spacker


This Week:
* SONG - Internet is evvvviiiilllll
* ANIM - Russel Crow gets his cock out
* KITTENWAR BOOK - Make your kitten famous

---

Ice-wall smashing game
Found in newsletter: "lots and lots of stuff that you'll want to click on and it's very good"

This week's intensely irritating game sees you
running face-first at barriers of ice blocks.
Time your punches badly and you smash your head
in. Tricky, but the little 'success' animation
keeps you wanting to carry on playing.
http://snipurl.com/bigwallofrape'


This Week:
* QUESTION - Mental teenage parties
* PICS - Baby vs Baby
* VIDEO - 12 minutes of Japanese Heath-Robinson

---

Planarity
Found in newsletter: What's orange and looks good on a hippy?

Arrange the lines so that none of the vertices
overlap. Simple for the first couple of levels,
then fiendishly difficult and worth a fairly
lengthy perusal.
http://www.planarity.net/'


This Week
* QUESTION - Best heckles ever (read this)
* COMPO - Strut your stuff for Weebl
* BONUS FEATURE - Fake sex bits



This Week:
* ART - Lady wants to plaster cast your penis
* RAVE - Coronation Street stylee
* VIDEO SCHMIDEO - it's out of control


This Week:
* QUESTION - Ever met a weirdo on the internet?
* SICK JOKE BOOK - we have publisher
* WEB 2.0 - backlash ahoy

---

Two-headed hydra of gaming doom
Found in newsletter: "How do you get a one armed Irishman out of a tree?"

* MONG OUT - dope smokers will enjoy this game
of 'your the pretty little blob and you the
only way forward is to eat all the other
blobs.' A metaphor for life really. Assuming
you're caned.
http://intihuatani.usc.edu/cloud/flowing/core.html'


* STING GAME - more of an arcade game this one,
can you guide the string around the maze
without hitting the walls? We can't. But then
we from suffer partial muscle paralysis,
often accompanied by loss of sensation and
uncontrollable body movements or tremors.
http://www.zeronews-fr.com/flash/string-avoider.php'


This Week:
* CHALLENGE - If the Romans built the internet
* PHOTOS - Roving B3ta reporter special
* VIDEOS - Video, fucking loads of it.

---

Nice Tank Game
Found in newsletter: "Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?"

So many web games spack out on the graphics
so much that they run like a pig and there
is no gameplay. Nice to see someone kicking
it old school with some original vector
flavours. The AI is a bit poxy on the early
levels but it soon picks up into a fantastic
game of Tank vs Tank action. Woos all round.
http://www.turbotanks.com/'


This Week:
* VID - Kurt Kobain in 10 seconds
* RESTAURANT WATCH - rude names international
* QUIZ - Papist or Rapist


This Week:
* FOOD - All the Macaroni Cheeses. Tested
* TOY - Question swap
* QOTW - Have you ever been sacked?


This Week:
* TOY - Swap your drawings with others
* COKE - How much does your MP love it?
* PASTA SHAPES QUIZ - Can you tell what they are?

---

Obsessive-Compulsive game
Found in newsletter: "No wanking in the showers"

Straightening cutlery and cleaning up messes
are very much the order of the day in this
multi-level game based on mentally-ill TV
detective Monk. And surprisingly satisfying
it all is too. Perhaps enough that we might
give the housework a quick spin after this.
Perhaps not though.
http://snipurl.com/monkgame'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Arson Sam
* GAME - Milk the giraffe
* QUESTION - Has Google ruined your life?



This Week:
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - Fuck a horse, it's back
* SONG - Chutney song from Weebl
* QUIZ - Filmy squirrels from Rob & Joel


This Week:
* QUESTION - Have you ever paid for sex?
* PHOTOS - Worst tea ever
* SONG - Cheery tune about a sex offender


This Week:
* VID - Crappest DJ ever
* EGGS - Making Thortons swear
* CHALLENGE - If drugs were legal...



This Week:
* SNOWMEN - Wanking with happiness
* MERCH - Buy a B3ta enamel badge for Xmas
* VIDEO - Worst rap battle ever

---

Tactical Assassin
Found in newsletter: "What's red, white, fluffy and sits in a tree?"

Viewing the world through the narrow tunnel of
your sniper scope, it's your job to assassinate
key stickman bad guys as a government marksman.
It's kind of disturbing that thegun you're meant
to be using is described in detail, while the
human targets remain indistinct. Although, if
being a state-sponsored assassin is really this
much fum, we are in the wrong job.
http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games2/gameindex/tacticalassassin.htm'


This Week:
* DODGY ITEM CORNER - Stuff we shouldn't link...
* SUBTITLES - CCC turns his genius to France
* COCK ROCK - Literally rock made with cock



This Week:
* ANIM - It's a cow in a tree
* VIDEO - Biggest zit in the world
* PICS - How Germans make babies


This Week:
* CILLIT BANG - is "shit" shocker!
* WEEBL - Goes goth
* EXPERIMENT - Do tin foil hats really work?


This Week:
* POLITICS - Boris for PM
* LETTERS - Children write to Christopher Walken
* CUTENESS - The Yoda dog


This Week:
* VIDEO - Four-way spesh action
* GAME - Cutesy bouncing panda
* TRAMPS - Rob gets kicked

---

Bouncing panda
Found in newsletter: "The offensive wanking game"

It's hard to improve on a classic, but this
version of Arkanoid benefits from the addition
of cute pandas, an unchallenging difficulty
level and a soundtrack based on the pentatonic
scale. Incidentally, that's the same scale John
Lennon used to write 'Jealous Guy', fact fans.
http://www.rubytooth.com/media/36703/'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Tramps drink Captain Morgan
* CASH - the Queen sucks Ozzy cock
* GIFS - Star Wars in 168k

---

Bouncy game
Found in newsletter: "Bohemian Rhapsody Vs. Lost"

This game scores points for its sheer oddness.
Can you bounce the blocks to hit the heads of
the other characters on the screen? Kept us
busy for oooh 5 minutes.
http://www.rubilon.kulichki.com/games/brosocen.html'


This Week:
* OPERA - Singing glaucoma webpage
* SUPERMAN - a ghastly twit?
* BASTARDS - who nicked my laptop then?

---

Robot maze thing
Found in newsletter: "Go web go!"

Robot. Maze. Things. Clicky. Game. Woo. Quite.
Hard. No. Idea. Why. I'm. Pressing. The. Full.
Stop. Key. Every. Word. Maybe. It's. Because.
Someone. Nicked. My. Laptop. C. U. N. T. S.
http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/maze/maze.html'


This Week:
* QUIZ - Is it Ant or Dec?
* ANIM - Joel puts soup on his head
* GAME - Pissing bleach on otters


This Week:
* ANIM - "If I Could Shit Out My Cock"
* VIDEO - River Phoenix's final moments
* CHALLENGE - Celebs on the shitter

---

Geeky chess game
Found in newsletter: Issue 199: "Shit special!"

Can you cover all the points on a board using
only a knight? Remember, knights move in an
L-shape and are a little unpredictable. Like it.
http://www.troyis.com/troyis.php'


This Week:
* COOKING - Pancakes on a lamp
* SWEARING - Rate my cuss
* PHOTOS - Men of the Internet

---

Double game special
Found in newsletter: Issue 198: "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!111111"

We a reader the other day who said, "I really
miss the Friday game section." Well, we haven't
abandoned it, but we only run it when we get
a game we really like. And this week, we've got
two. Huzzah.

>> Hyperframe <<
You'll have to sit through an annoying ad first,
but live with it, Hyperframe rocks. A 3d puzzle
game, where you connect lines up on the cube.
Gets increasingly hard, but wonderfully done,
complete with amusingly crappy vocodered music.
http://snipurl.com/hyperpoo'


>> Atom game <<
Another puzzle game. Can you spot the pattern
here? We're not hardcore gamers at B3ta HQ
and prefer a nice round of Freecell (or even
Mario Kart double dash) to all that first-person
shooter nonsense that sells Playstations.
Anyway, this should keep you busy, alright?
http://www.atome.bliesch.com/atome.php3'


This Week:
* FOOD - Kettle vs Pasta
* WEEBL - Magical Trevor III
* JUDO - Is it gay?


This Week:
* CALL FOR CONTENT - the Shitty Tagline awards
* IRONS - Man cooks breakfast with er... iron
* SATANISTS - Your chance to sire the Anti-christ


This Week:
* EVENT - Come and watch Rob talk on B3ta history
* GAME - Fight the video aliens
* PHALLUS - Microsoft's spunky cock

---

Jumpy block puzzle game
Found in newsletter: Issue 195 -"Can give you something with a blue vein in it?"

The aim of the game is to remove all pieces by
jumping on them. We're pretty sure we played
some thing similar on the Spectrum back in the
the day. But the concept still rocks, and it
would make a great game for a mobile phone.
http://lightforce.freestuff.gr/tilox.php'


This Week:
* CATS - in sinks!
* SONG - The Internet is for porn
* DEATH - Cuddly pet coffins

---

Leapy stickman game
Found in newsletter: Issue 194 - "Pegging"

Enjoyed this inertia based take on the Manic
Miner game, leap about like a furious pig and
collect the objects. Tricky controls and great
gameplay. Much like our cocks.
http://70.84.34.106/~mediaun/ngame.swf'


This Week:
* CUTE - Best sleepy dog ever
* EGGS - Where babies really come from?
* McDONALDS - Filthy photos


This Week:
* FOOD - Garden snail risotto
* MORE FOOD - Unexpected cheese combos
* ENDLESS FOOD - What's in your fridge?


This Week:
* ROSS KEMP - TV Hardman gurns for Britain
* VIDS - Slow-mo film trickery
* WORDS - Accidental quimnuendos

---

Cursor thief
Found in newsletter: Issue 191: "Have you seen the size of my crack?"

Keep your mouse-pointer safe from this
persistent little cursor-stealing shit, who'll
stop at nothing to grab a hold of it and smugly
taunt you in Japanese. Brilliant and infuriating.
http://www.onemorelevel.com/games/avoider.html'


This Week:
* NINJAS - Flip out with Joel
* PUB - Drink with bloke who survived tube bomb
* PROJECT - DIY office bow & arrow

---

One-key gaming
Found in newsletter: Issue 190: "Flip out like a ninja"

There's a school of thought that successful
web gaming has fuck-all to go with X-boxes and
3D visuals and everything to do with "here's
a quick novelty, have a go." This game is
all novelty and, frankly, we're wishing we'd
thought of it. Damn.
http://www.juno.dti.ne.jp/~logicp/program/kax2003/kax2003.html'


This Week:
* FOOD - How to poach an egg
* ANIM - Crap leopard
* HUMAN ZOO - Inflatable face man


This Week:
* COMPO - Win a Voodoo Trombone Quartet CD
* MINI FEATURE - Jingle watch
* MAKE - Harold Shipman figurines


This Week:
* STUNT - Will "Wolf boy" win Baby The Of Year?
* ANIM - Cocks from Space
* VIDEO - Tom Cruise kills Oprah


This Week:
* FOOD - Fraser eats raw mince
* WEEBL - Mr Stabby returns
* GOOGLE - songs about your favourite site


This Week:
* PHOTOS - What does a rabbit vag look like?
* OBJECT - How do dwarves wipe their arse?
* DOCTOR WHO - The theme tune they SHOULD have


This Week:
* GAME - Celebrity hybrids
* FOOD - Living on Guinness for a week
* ANIM - Singing arsehole vs. Erasure

---

Brick wall leveller
Found in newsletter: Issue 184 - "The Singing Arsehole"

Like a cross between Tetris and Break Out on
special cuteness drugs. You have to level the
walls as much as you can before the time runs
out and, lo, there is much twee squeaking.
http://www.sobicsschool.com/fun/fun_game2.swf'


This Week:
* BOOZE - Guinness lollies
* ANIM - Toilet Paper Man
* HOW TO - be immensely strong


This Week:
* QUIZ - Can you spot the pornalikes?
* SURVEY - Logos that look like cocks. Results.
* COOKING - Biggest Scotch Egg ever


This Week:
* ANIM - Return of Burnt Face Man
* GAME - Click the colour
* CONTROVERSY - was Lion King a rip-off?

---

Crappy Nappies
Found in newsletter: Issue 181: "Barbie on the Blob"

It's not often you'll get pissed on by a flying
alien in nappies, but this short little game's
got that and lots more frankly bonkers Japanese
animation. When the whistle blows it's up to you
to drag things around to get to the next bit.
http://www.page.sannet.ne.jp/akira-iga/survivoo/index.html'


This Week:
* HACKS - USB Barbie
* VID - Crap northern eggs
* NSFW - Hook-wanking


This Week:
* EXPERIMENT - how many wanks to the moon?
* DESIGN - Phallic Logo Awards
* KITTEN WARS - Who's the cutest?

---

Kittens and squares
Found in newsletter: Issue 179: "Introducing the Phallic Logo Award"

>> Kitten rubber-band attack <<
Defend your home from an infestation of horribly
cute kittens by shooting them down with rubber
bands from your fingers. Satisfying kitten-flick
action.
http://games.leenks.com/?page=game&gid=47'


>> Bridge the grid <<
This apparently simple board-crossing game is
actually a little shitter. We haven't beaten
it yet and that makes us feel sad.
http://www.gamesgnome.com/dynamicpuzzles/bridges/'


This Week:
* ANIM - Camilla Queen
* GAME - Traffic light simulator
* T-SHIRTS - B3ta artist of the week

---

Meow busters
Found in newsletter: Issue 178 - "Happy Birthday Mr Hitler from your willing servant on Earth, Pope Benedict XVI"

It's raining kittens in this game'n'watch-esque
test of reflexes. What at first seems like
innocent fun soon shows its true colours as you
are rewarded with broken paws and kitten viscera
if you fail to stop the plummeting felines
gravity challenged fate.
http://www.mousebreaker.com/games/mmeoww/'


This Week:
* ROCK - 'America We Stand As One'
* KOSHER - Jewish chew toys
* PHOTOS - "My buttery vagina shame"

---

Friday Games
Found in newsletter: Issue 177: "America, We Stand As One"
Hang things on the hangers and keep them
out of the water. If you keep the whole lot
dry for long enough you'll get another thing
to add to your fishy mobile. Watch out for
seagulls!
http://www.vectorpark.com/films/levers.swf'



This Week:
* GOOGLE - Play the "I'm not gay" game
* SUBTITLES - Crap Chinese ones at that
* FUNNY NAMES - Oh shit. They're back


This Week:
* INTRODUCING - Tokyo Sexwale
* JOEL - Winners song
* BUNNY - Extreme Bugs Bunny

---

Stampy death
Found in newsletter: Issue 175: "One more reason to do sod all work"

There's not much depth to this deadly game of
elephant and parrot. You simply have to avoid
being crushed by the monstrous tusker's clumsy
foot. But we enjoyed its cuteness combined with
the constant, demented screeching in French.
http://home.tiscali.be/dinodino/jeux/'


This Week:
* ADVERT REMIX - Cillit BANG!
* INTERVIEW - Sir Patrick Moore
* FASHION - Meat bags

---

Chain reaction cascade game
Found in newsletter: Issue 174: "Cillit BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!"

Clicking on a little tile rotates it 90 degrees.
If the edges match up with their neighbours it
starts that tile moving too. The aim is to get as
long a lasting chain reaction of movement as
possible. We reckon you'd have to be some sort
of super-brain nerd genius to be any good at it,
but it's fascinating to try.
http://www.columbia.edu/~chc18/gridgame.swf'


This Week:
* ANIM - Sex with dragons
* MACHINE - Great egg race
* INTERVIEW - Inventor bloke Tim Hunkin

---

Catch the Squares
Found in newsletter: Issue 173: "Family Planning - Please use rear entrance"

Simple but addictive. Avoid the red squares and
pick up the black. There's nothing superfluous,
just the facts, ma'am.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/squares-2/squares-2.htm'


This Week:
* PHOTOS - Handicapped wrestling
* AUCTION - Buy drug gear from plod
* GAMES - Diarrhea Dan & Hedgehog flips


This Week:
* PIGS - aren't they great?
* VIDEO - TV's Countdown secret clip
* HUMAN ZOO - Collector man

---

Trick ball challenge
Found in newsletter: Issue 171: "The Mega-shitter!"

The controls on this ball-navigating, lunar
lander-style game are very sensitive; so much
so that it's like being Superman, playing
keepy-uppy in a gale. The addictive bit is you
always thing you can do just a little bit better
each time.
http://www.jmtb02.com/flash/metaphysik/metaphysik.htm'

This Week:
* KETTLE - Burning foot man
* CHICKS - New thing from Rob & Joel
* TORRENTS - British comedy special

---

Count the petals
Found in newsletter: Issue 170 - "Leukaemia the musical"

Drive yourself mad trying to solve this
pedantic maths puzzle. If you get it quickly
then you're a peado. Ha ha.
http://crux.baker.edu/cdavis09/roses.html'


This Week:
* VIOLENCE - Garden pummel-trickery
* SEX - Super Mario, lover-man
* ARSERY - foolish bum-based ciggy stunt

---

Geeky URL guessing conundrum
Found in newsletter: Issue 169: "Jewish dogs"

Puzzle with an incredibly steep learning
curve. The first two tests are a piece of piss,
then you hit the unreasonable third stage.
http://www.etienne.nu/imagepuz/'


This Week:
* EBAY B3TA - Buy 50 words in next week's issue
* WEEBL - Magical Trevor II
* COCKS - Customise your iPod with a penis

---

Notepad Invaders
Found in newsletter: Issue 168: "Your advert. On our newslettery tits."

Defend your note book against evil aliens
from Planet Biro. Rob and Dave made this
little hand-drawn Space Invaders game and
right pretty it looks too.
http://robmanuel.blogspot.com/2005/02/notepad-invaders.html'


This Week:
* VID - Monkey licks window
* PICS - Man slices penis
* CONSUMER TESTS - Cillit BANG! Any good?

---

Wasting time is always good
Found in newsletter: Issue 167: "Women who breast-feed cats. And the cats who love them"

>> Chaos Theory <<
This is so simple that the fact it's in Japanese
doesn't matter one bit. A bunch of blue dots
spill upwards onto the screen. Wait a bit.
Wait. Wait. OK, now! Click once to start a chain
reaction of explosions. Can you get it to engulf
every one of the dots? (Site has pop-ups. Beware)
http://www.2flashgames.com/f/f-1211.htm'


This Week:
* HEADLINE WATCH - goat chaos
* GIZMOS - Phones for dogs
* PHOTOS - Black metal hall of fame

---

Majestic cog-wheel game
Found in newsletter: Issue 166: "Nude gay Christian athletics"

You're a sticky blob of something. Jump around
the screen, grabbing the red pills by latching
onto the slowly rotating wheels that can raise
you to the skies. Slow-paced, but gripping.
' http://www.tonypa.pri.ee/wheels.html'


This Week:
* RUDE - obscene write-ups this week
* DRUNK - we're still pissed from last night
* BLAME - Ben Wheatley is a bad influence on Rob


This Week:
* ANIM - U2 misheard lyrics
* VID - Explosives in Canada
* GAME - Twang Your Dog

---

Twang Your Dog
Found in newsletter: Issue 164: "Edible Freaks"

It's one of the classic game concepts: Your dog
wants to get to the top of the world. You must
propel him on his way, using a series of elastic
platforms. It's quite tricky even from the start
and you'll have to use ricochets to get past the
spiky barriers.
http://www.toshiba.co.jp/digital/game/tobby_pachi/play.html'


This Week:
* PRESENTS - Buy B3ta stuff for Xmas
* HUMAN ZOO - Leg nipple vs Dragon cock
* GAMEBOY DS - We've got our hands on one

---

Mouse co-ordination challenge
Found in newsletter: Issue 163: "A big glittery poo"

This one's simple. Just move the red dot
around the screen and pick up the black dots
on your way. Don't touch the sides though.
We've been playing it for hours now and feel
slightly queasy.
http://www.andkon.com/arcade/obstacles/dr3i/'


This Week:
* MUSIC - Infinite music quiz
* PRIZES - Signed Weebl DVDs
* CATS - Can you find the "vet wanks cat" vid?


This Week:
* VID - Eastenders Silent Movie
* FASHION - Children's Knitted Gimp Masks
* FACT - People Falling Over Is Funny

---

bouncy mirror ball
Found in newsletter: Issue 161: "Dogs That Speak Like Men"

A nice, gentle game for a Friday afternoon,
based on classic puzzler Reflexion. Bounce the ball
round the maze by cunningly marshalling your
formidable array of 'ball-mirrors'.
http://oos.moxiecode.com/examples/reflex/'


This Week:
* VID - Eastenders Silent Movie
* FASHION - Children's Knitted Gimp Masks
* FACT - People Falling Over Is Funny

---

bouncy mirror ball
Found in newsletter: Issue 161: "Dogs That Speak Like Men"

A nice, gentle game for a Friday afternoon,
based on classic puzzler Reflexion. Bounce the ball
round the maze by cunningly marshalling your
formidable array of 'ball-mirrors'.
http://oos.moxiecode.com/examples/reflex/'


This Week:
* VID - Inflatable Glove Balloons
* GEEK - AOL CD Throne
* PORN - Sexy toe mystery

---

Lobster Challenge
Found in newsletter: Issue 160: "RealDolls for paedos"

Can you get the confused lobsters to their
homes without them falling into the fiery
pits of oblivion? Of course, it all depends
on how much you care about lobsters, but this
Japanese game will drive you mad.
http://www.i-dac.com/game/myhouse/myhouse.html'


This Week:
* COMMUNICATIONS - Secret Swearing Techniques
* EXPERIMENT - Beer, Not Water
* STORIES - "I Was An Accidental Movie Star"


This Week:
* VID - Melon Mishap
* INTERVIEW - Dave 'Googlewhack' Gorman
* CALENDAR - Raunchy Royals

---

Unicycle
Found in newsletter: Issue 158: "Melon mishap"

Are people who ride unicycles a bunch of
cunts? Yes.

Circus skills are for tramps and dole slags.

If you work in new media you'll be needing
such skills soon.

Thanks to Gfxmonk for this - we found it
bloody impossible to play but it made us laugh.
http://www.gfxmonk.com/misc/unigame/play.php'


This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Winner or Sinner bloke
* HOAX - Quo tattoos
* PORN - Badly-animated wank

---

Road blocks
Found in newsletter: Issue 157: "Badly-drawn wank"

The aim of the game is to get the ball onto the
pulsating red blocks by smacking into walls.
Then everything falls down. It starts off
incredibly easy but swiftly progresses to levels
of eye-knackering complexity. Kept us off the
streets for a few hours anyway.
http://www.freeaddictinggames.com/?id=340&req=givegame'


This Week:
* GRAFFITI - Crap tags named and shamed
* HAMSTERS - With hats, at last
* CRAIG MINIPOP - Women more difficult than men

---

Nucleus
Found in newsletter: Issue 156: "Crap tags"

"We laughed as we heard of people breaking
their machines through the frustration of
playing our Reverse game", sniggers Dlevitt,
"so we decided to create another one. It is
called Nucleus

"The first 3 levels are pants but it gets a lot
better and more frustrating later."

Another game that will waste away your lunch
hour, these guys are making smart stuff. Play it.
http://www.scenta.co.uk/nucleus'


This Week:
* PARASITE - Bolivian Head Maggots
* STORIES - "I Was Out of My Depth"
* VID - Sellotape vs Cat

---

Find Hitler
Found in newsletter: Issue 155: "Bolivian Head Maggots"

Hitler is a man of mystery. Despite being the
most infamous bloke the 20th century produced,
there's still debate over the basic biographical
details of whether he was gay or Jewish.
We're pitching a show to C5 called "Was
Hitler an adult baby?" but before that
enjoy these Where's Wally-style Photoshop
shenanigans.
http://alexanderband.1go.dk/'


This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Nice Cup Of Tea book launched
* FLASH COMPETION - Make stuff for TV
* LEGALS - Kilroy threatens to sue b3tard


This Week:
* ART - Classical look-a-likes
* TOY - Cursor catcher
* GEEK - Best toy idea ever


This Week:
* VID - Lord of the Ringpiece
* QUESTION - Local nutters exposed
* SQUIRREL - Adopted tree-rat turns tricks


This Week:
* ANIM - Chicken or egg?
* FLASH CHALLENGE - Just for the fuck of it
* ADOPT - Britain's saddest pet

---

Reverse mouse maze
Found in newsletter: Issue 151: "Sick joke special"

Simple, addictive and very frustrating. Guide
your mouse around a maze without touching any
objects.

The catch? your mouse is reversed.

We're kicking ourselves for not thinking of
this ourselves. It's brilliant.
http://www.scenta.co.uk/reverse/'


This Week:
* ANIM - Naughty Heffalump
* INTERVIEW - Law of the Playground
* VID - Big Wet Doggy

---

Cow wrangler
Found in newsletter: Issue 150: "Sir, this wine gum looks like a penis"

It's all in German, which makes things a little
trickier, but the objective is to get the grey
cow to the gold thing so it can dance. After a
little while, we realised it was probably
aimed at quite young children. But we kept
playing anyway. Simple puzzles make us feel
like we're super clever.
http://scott.blazing.de/fun/game.swf'


This Week:
* QUESTION - Your vomit stories
* CLOCKS - Time redefined
* CUTENESS - Things that make you go ahhh special

---

Bathroom tile angle madness
Found in newsletter: Issue 149: "We're B3ta. It's Friday. Let's rock"

It doesn't sound promising, but this 'link
the squares' game will keep you puzz-niks out
there happy for hours. It's chicken soup for
the brain.
http://web6.midworld.luxadmin.org/game.html'


This Week:
* DOMAIN HIJACK - Pissing off the ad-men
* EXPERIMENT - Crap science
* LARD - Giant burgers for fat cunts

---

Hangman
Found in newsletter: Issue 148: "Things to do with a cucumber"

Sometimes the games that work the best are the
simplest. We couldn't stop playing this version
of Hangman where you can choose your own
category. 100 great rock bands was our favourite.
We haven't had so much fun since we tried
playing Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing with a stick
stuck to our head.
http://www.hangman.no/'


This Week:
* LABS - Milkshake and meat
* MUSIC - Worst Jingles Ever
* ANIM - Fishy poo


This Week:
* PICS - B3ta zoo
* VID - When Kilroy attacks
* ANIM - Kung-fu Weebl


This Week:
* SAVE B3TA - Send us your cash
* SPOOF SITE - Annoys the world
* KITTENS - Crappest hand-draw cats ever

---

Paper tossing
Found in newsletter: Issue 145: "Still kitteny after all these years"

Everywhere this week has been this neat little
game challenging you to toss screwed up balls
of paper into the bin.

It's tricky - see how you do.
http://www.sticky.tv/game/cyrkam_airtos/'


This Week:
* WEEBL - His catchiest tune yet?
* GAMES - Friday game special
* HUMAN ZOO - the staff of Harrow council

---

Three games for the price of one
Found in newsletter: Issue 144: "Kittzenshitzen"

>> Dodge the blodge <<
In not possibly the most visually thrilling
gaming experience you'll encounter this week -
avoid the dots and hit the square. Every time
you get it right another blob appears. Gets
tricky quickly.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/eskiv/eskiv.htm'


>> Bubble Trouble <<
Similar in concept to the previous game this
production pulls out the stops on the visuals.
Grab the bubbles to make yourself bigger - hence
making your character more likely to hit a
nasty. And it's got power-ups. Yay.
http://www.freepgs.com/mindistortion/games/bubbles.htm'


>> Pointy clicky adventure <<
An adventure game ala Monkey Island. It
looks gorgeous and has a tricky set of puzzles
to solve. Might keep you busy 'til next week.
http://www.abc.net.au/gameon/chasm/'


This Week:
* ANIM - Burnt Face Man
* GAME - Chase the Button
* VID - Horse Politics

---

Click boxy woo fun
Found in newsletter: Issue 143: "Anal Seepage"

At first we thought this game was a pile
of shit. We clicked about and bugger all
happened. Then a friend suggested we have
another gander and try dragging the objects
on the screen.

Aha! We get it. It's a multi-level single
screen puzzle game. Following its own rules
of logic, you probably haven't played a game
quite like this. Great.
http://nocircles.com/index.php?boyhave=flash'


This Week:
* ANIM - Russian dolls go wild
* HUMAN ZOO - Fat blokes dressed as Superman
* VIDEO - Cats that love trees too much

---

Chinese Penguin Conga
Found in newsletter: Issue 142: "Better than licking batteries"

It starts off easy: you control three cute
little Chinese penguins, timing their jumps
with the numbers on your keyboard. But as the
game progresses, you get more and more penguins.
Ultimately, you're a sweaty, spasming mess,
trying to herd a conga line of nine of the
buggers. Absolute genius.
http://www.koreus.com/files/200406/themalibu9.html'


This Week:
* ANIM - Have you done your webxercise?
* DANCE - Roger Moore eyebrow sensation
* WANKING - It's only bad if you do it wrong

---

Bee game
Found in newsletter: Issue 141: "Are you gay?"

It's Friday. You've checked all the links
in the newsletter. You've still got 2 hours
before they'll let you go to the pub.

Why not play a bee game? Its rather
innovative control system had us perplexed
until we got the hang of it, then we were
like, "Hey. Neat. Argh. Dead."
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/crappy_flash_games.php?gamename=swinger'


This Week:
* GAME - Inverse invaders
* URL GAMES - Cock hungry fuck sluts
* B3TA RADIO - You've tales of being dumped


This Week:
* BEST OF - Stuff we've liked this year
* RADIO - Gossip you've overheard


This Week:
* ANIM - Weebl sells out to footy bollocks
* RADIO - Best wanking stories ever
* VIDEO - Man drinks own vomit


This Week:
* ANIM - Kitten on a motorbike
* GAME - Goatse sky-diving
* RADIO - Your worst mini cab experiences

---

Ladybird puzzle
Found in newsletter: Issue 137: "Goatse Death Dive"

Remember those slide puzzles where you had to
move the pieces to form a recognisable
picture?

This is an unusual update. It adds the magical
element of a ladybird on a train track. You
have to slide the pieces about to create a
path which will guide your character through
every square on the board.

Tricky stuff. You'll probably go blind.
http://mrl.nyu.edu/~perlin/experiments/ladybug/'


This Week:
* CELEB SWEARS - DLT says "cunt"
* VIDEO - petrol in a water pistol
* B3TA RADIO - Now with agony aunt

---

Circular Breakout
Found in newsletter: Issue 136: "The Sweary Cornflake"

This is a flash version of the arcade classic,
but set at the bottom of a metal bowl. Try to
stop the ball falling down the hole in the
centre. To kill a few minutes before going
home you could do a lot worse than try out
Matt Plasticmartian's challenging game.
http://snipurl.com/6kp3'


This Week:
* ANIM - Damon Albarn is a cunt
* RATHERGOOD - biggest cat ever
* RADIO - MJ Hibbett live

---

Panda Golf
Found in newsletter: Issue 135: "We've not met the right girl yet either"

"The whole office has been playing Panda Golf
all week" moans Spammage2000, "Like a decent
crack habit it's a lot of fun at first but
then ruins your life."

Woot. This is a lovely little game which we'd
still be playing now if we didn't have a
newsletter to write.
http://www.boberil.com/pandafgolf/'


This Week:
* NERDSTALGIA - sing-a-long a 16k song
* VIDEO - ooh pretty matchstick animation
* B3TA RADIO - stories about shitting

---

Still bored? This lot should keep you busy.
Found in newsletter: Issue 134: "Try the Black Cock Inn cider"

>> Shooty arrow game <<
Quite astoundingly retro, but still uncommonly
good. Can you shoot the other bow-wielding
stickman, before he makes you into a black
line kebab?
http://www.xeron.org/cosas/bowman/'


>> Highway Hunter <<
Flash games should be short, fast and exciting.
Much like this road-rage game. These guys
could teach miniclip a few things about
web gaming,
http://www.mausland.de/games/highwayhunter.htm'


>> Pill-popping ricochet game <<
People find the inspiration for making games
in the most unlikely of places. This one is
based upon the premise that taking pills makes
you happy - but too many makes you explode.
Works surprisingly well as a little puzzle game.
http://jigint.com/games/happypill/index.html'


This Week:
* VIDEO - Man gets waxed
* WEEBL - Shoots ginger bloke with laser
* B3TA RADIO - Bukkake special


This Week:
* WEEBL - his finest work yet
* FIREWORKS - ooh lots of pretty fireworks
* B3TA RADIO - Putting your foot in your mouth


This Week:
* QUIZ - Cheese or Postbox?
* VIDEO - Bukkake song
* B3TA RADIO - Your celebrity insults


This Week:
* ANIM - NSFW work of genius
* ACTIVITIES - not to do over Easter
* DILDOS - Dragon cock action


This Week:
* ANIM - Monkey vs. Skateboard
* SPORT - Crap new extreme sport
* B3TA RADIO - Joel Veitch sings live


This Week:
* SHOP - New shirt designs
* RADIO - Dave from Blur + Weebl
* RANT - Bit Torrent TV


This Week:
* GAME - Nigella Bites!
* ANIM - Life of the Yak
* PHOTOS - Chernobyl Ghost Town


This Week:
* PHOTOS - Biggest sandwich ever
* TOY - Make your photos jiggle
* ANIMS - New shit from Weebl & Rathergood


This Week:
* Plant life - Cactus Rap
* Outrage - Gay sailors for kids
* Swearing - Flintsones vs. Raging Bull


This Week:
* PRINT - Smoking Top Trumps
* WATCH - Farting Warthogs
* FEAR - Fucked-up Kitty


This Week:
* B3TA PARTY - Tonight
* RATHERGOOD - Joel loves his penis
* TEABAGS - built into pyramids


This Week:
* ANIM - I say potato
* WEEBL - On the fucking moon
* B3TA PARTY - next week


This Week:
* GAME - Haggis tossing
* ANIM - Come to Kenya
* VIDEO - Jelly wrestling


This Week:
* PRANK - Goatse in the papers
* TOY - Monkey Funk Mixomatic
* FREAK - Amazon Princess


This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Wes Cherry speaks
* QUIZ - Celebrity Dustbin
* WEIRDO - From flabby to freak


This Week:
* NUTTERS - Nottingham's Xylophone man speaks
* BEST OF - B3ta's Greatest Hits from 2003
* KLINGON WEDDING - We found the photos


This Week:
* WEEBL - Bonjour Monsieur
* CALENDAR - Naked MPs
* GAME - Shuffle the Penguin


This Week:
* ANIM - Tramp O Claus
* INTERVIEW - Disney tattoo man
* B3TA RADIO - Dad Jokes


This Week:
* WEEBL - Return of the badger
* GAME - Abbey Road massacre
* WAXING - Bloke waxes leg
* B3TA RADIO - Worst records in the world


This Week:
* VIDEO - Jim'll Fix-it for woo
* B3TA RADIO - Biggest lies
* RATHERGOOD - Fucking hell. More kittens



This Week:
* B3TA RADIO - Flatmates from hell
* RATHERGOOD - Wrong bananas
* PROSTITUTES - One thousand reviews


This Week:
* ANIM - Toast Horror
* VID - Home-made Landmine
* READ - Prossie Blog


This Week:
* ANIM - Bob Dylan's Space Monkey
* INVESTIGATION - Who owns the no hands kitten?
* RADIO - Miles Hunt live in the studio


This Week:
* SURVEY - Wanking results in
* ANIM - Saxpohone meerkat
* EVIL - Simon Cowell is Satan


This Week:
* TOY - Booze calculator
* RATHERGOOD - Rude hedgehogs
* STUPID NAMES - Friends of Martin Wank


This Week:
* B3TA KIDS - A link for the toddlers
* OLD GAME SPESH - Three retro games spazzed up
* POTTERY - Lionel Richie tribute in clay


This Week:
* TOON - Tragic kittens
* WEEBL - New one. With pie.
* PHOTOS - Rathergood Selfridges window


This Week:
* ANIM - New song from Jonti "Badger" Picking
* PHOTOS - Stupidest car mods ever
* B3TA RADIO - Tune in on Friday, 4pm GMT


This Week:
* QUIZ - Hitler or shitler?
* PHOTOS - Tranny grandad
* ANIM - Lemur simulator


This Week:
* TOY - How rich are you?
* ANIM - Gabba Badgers
* TIPS - Battery tip tested


This Week:
* PHOTOS - Dead Kids
* ART - Huge Polar Bears
* HUMAN ZOO - Our favorite web freaks


This Week:
* ANIM - Stickboy slim
* SWEARING - Neil Armstrong
* CHEESE - Ween


This Week:
* FEATURE - MPs on wheels
* TOYS - XML Kittens, Palm Pilot, Newsletter
* ANIM - Sausages


This Week:
* ANIM - Morrissey on Linda McCartney
* QUIZ - Coder or killer
* FRUIT - Secrets of the dollhouse


This Week:
* TOY - Make it rain
* SCREENSAVER - New. Better. Improved.
* SURVEY - How much do you wank?


This Week:
* ANIM - Teddy bear that says, "I'm Sorry"
* PARTY - It's tonight!
* WEEBL - Tentacle rape


This Week:
* ANIM - Cheese Terrorism
* QUIZ - Flesh or Food?
* VIDEO - Bloke climbs through bat


This Week:
* VIDEO - French dog sings pop
* ANIM - the return of Mr Stabby
* CHALLENGE - International Smoking Day results


This Week:
* STUNT - Goatse in the papers
* VIDEO - Sesame Street Pinball Song
* REVIEWS - All music is shit


This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Biscuit man talks
* VIDEO - Man Vs Shed
* QUIZ - Guess the crap paint


This Week:
* ANIM - Goose Fantasia
* PARTY - 2nd Birthday Announcement
* QUIZ - Man Boobs or Lady Boobs


This Week:
* ANIM - Weebl Vs J-lo
* QUIZ - Sex or... stuff
* ANIM - Skippy The Goth Kangaroo


This Week:
* SITE - Crap Hair Cut
* PHOTOS - Sock Fucking
* VIDEO - Soaking People


This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Wilf Lunn
* VIDEO - Dog vs Water
* CAMPAIGN - Wank Holiday Monday


This Week:
* ANIM - Elephants. Yeah
* INTERVIEW - Tunbridge Monkey Man Tells All
* QUIZ - He-Nail Or She-Nail


This Week:
* VIDEO - Ouch. Hurty fire
* QUIZ - Coke or Cleaner
* VIDEO - Birmingham Baywatch


This Week:
* WEBCAM PHONEBOX - Call random people
* ANIM - Birmingham is not shit
* MENTALIST - B3ta Tattoos


This Week:
* SHORTS - 15 Seconds of Stupid
* GAME - Pigeon Street Massacre
* ANIM - New Weebl


This Week:
* STUFF - Best of B3ta
* MORE STUFF - Best of Everything Else
* INTERVIEW - welovetheiraqiinformationminister


This Week:
* VIDEO - Ouch hurty stuff
* ANIM - Hippo Girl
* PARTY - Come and see


This Week:
* FILM - Money Stuck to Pavement
* QUIZ - Man Milk or Moo Milk?
* ANIM - Bunny Vs. Motörhead


This Week:
* PRANK - Sabotaging letters pages
* ANIM - Crap leopard
* TWIGS - Building a boat


This Week:
* ANIM - Fatcat & Satan
* VIDEO - Punk Rock Hamsters
* PHOTOS - Stupid Animals


This Week:
* GAME - Nun Lander
* ANIM - Weebl Parody / Reader Challenge
* QUIZ - Where the fuck do Abba come from?


This Week:
* ART - Spider webs in schools
* ANIM - Return of the Viking Kittens
* VID - Doggie cam


This Week:
* VIDEO - Chasing pigeons with toy cars
* SITE - Trick photography
* ANIM - Weebl meets Elvis


This Week:
* FILM - Domo Darko
* ANIM - Gay Bears
* GAME - Shout at your PC


This Week:
* GAME - Underage Drinking
* ANIM - New Weebl and Bob
* QUIZ - Sexpot or Despot?


This Week:
* QUIZ - Animal, Vegetable or what the fuck?
* ANIM - Video Killed The Radio Star
* TOY - Rescue kitty


This Week:
* ANIMATION - Tiny vampire boffins
* GAME - Feed the nine-mouthed baby
* INTERVIEW - Argie handbag bloke


This Week:
* ANIM - Monkey Song from Rathergood
* COMPETITION - Weebl selects a lady
* TOY - Design your own Rizlas


This Week:
* HERO - DIY Spiderman
* COMPETITION - Win a date with Weebl
* GAME - Rescue a polar bear


This Week:
* ANIM - Blode 6 from Rathergood
* QUIZ - Spot the Gif-erence
* TOY - Bouncing Cattle


This Week:
* GAME - Glam rock minesweeper
* MP3 - Mad person sings
* ANIM - 12 days of Xmas


This Week:
* GAME - Spot the Clifference
* ANIM - Christmas Kittens
* QUIZ - Nose Picking


This Week:
* WEB TOY - You are an arse
* INTERVIEW - Graham Rawle
* CONFESSION - I've pooed myself


This Week:
* GAME - Keep your kitten warm
* QUIZ - Arse or Elbow
* VIDEO - Nutter blowing stuff up


This Week:
* QUIZ - Gash or Tash
* VANDALISE WEBSITES - an evil tool
* INTERVIEW - voice of the London Underground


This Week:
- Build your own snow city
- Moustache game
- Potato song


This Week:
- Pregnant Quiz
- When co-workers attack
- Cannibal Sex Barbie photoshoot


This Week:
- Rock 'n' Roll Water Cooler
- Tribute to Run DMC
- B3ta party .. tonight!


This Week:
- Star Wars
- New Kitten Band
- Realistic Internet Simulator


This Week:
- Beard quiz
- Simon says, "Fuck"
- Mickhucknall.com domain squat


This Week:
- Patrick Moore Plays the Xylophone
- Skiffle Kittens
- Unusual childhood beliefs


This Week:
- Love test
- Have you got Parkinson's?
- Penguin Madness


This Week:
- Viking Kittens
- Best Screensaver Ever
- B3ta person wins Guardian Blog Award


This Week:
- John B's American Girls
- Big Nosed Porn
- Weebl Special


This Week:
- Meat or Accident Quiz
- Gay Skeleton Animation
- Exploit a Cripple


This Week:
- Roger Moore Requiem
- Sad Singing Kitten
- Rory McGrath Spider Game


This Week:
- Punk Kittens sing White Stripes
- The Twatlas, introducing the swearing map
- New Weebl thing


This Week:
- Dutch painting quiz (better than it sounds)
- Design a tattoo
- Create a city in pixels


This Week:
- Weebl to change his name
- Stephen Hawking animation
- Blode 5, Toad Turmoil


This Week:
- Spam Ticker
- Psychic Trick
- Weebl in five figure MTV deal


This Week:
- Motorbikes!
- Film Tie-in Quiz
- Fig rolls rated and reviewed


This Week:
- Pandas must die
- Skive off work (again)
- Arty stuff


This Week:
- Spoon Guard
- Let's Fist Again (like we did last summer)
- A Tribute to Brian May of Queen


This Week:
- Nasty Ginger Fingers
- Mark Llama Gerbil Farmer
- Weebl and Bob ... In French


This Week:
- The kitten that sings, "I love you"
- Mr Stabby, he wants to stab you.
- B3ta party ... Tonight
- Introducing, the "Blogdex Viral Chart"


This Week:
- Toss the Puppy
- B3ta's first birthday
- Shemale kittens
- B3ta shop


This Week:
- Flicking V's at International Corporations
- Nazi Kitten Kick Ups game
- Make B3ta your screen saver


This Week:
- Get your mates sacked
- Pavarotti LOVES Elephants
- When come back bring pie


This Week:
- Football Game
- Football Fan or Racist Quiz
- B3ta Steals The Turner Prize


This Week:
- Jailbait or Legal Quiz
- Name the Baby. The Results.
- Jubilee Challenge


This Week:
- Funnel or Tunnel Quiz
- Cheese at the Zoo
- The Ass-o-tron


This Week:
- H & Claire from Steps game
- Jamie Theakston and the Magic Todger
- Official B3ta Screensaver - now with war fish


This Week:
- B3ta people make stuff - Special Issue.
- Our Birthday party - you're invited
- Rathergood on TV


This Week:
- The Irritating Fish that Swears
- The Shitty Show
- Add an arse to any page on the net


This Week:
- Female or Shemale ... 2
- Stick your bosses face on porno pic
- Gaz Top interview


This Week:
- Get your stuff on TV
- B3ta Party... Tonight!
- Kestrels, Daleks & Polar Bears


This Week:
- QUEEN MUM TRIBUTES
- JEFF MINTER INTERVIEW
- BLODE 4


This Week:
- GAY OR STRAIGHT PHOTO QUIZ
- INSITE PHYSICAL VIOLENCE WITH WORKMATES
- THE RETURN OF THE YAK


This Week:
- Female or Shemale Challenge
- Get Tony Hart to draw you an animal
- B3ta Appeal - we've made it


This Week:
- Server Appeal, nearly there
- Fake Their Death declared "SICK" by Scots Paper
- Buy B3ta T-Shirts
- B3ta people make loads of new stuff. YAY!


This Week:
- Save B3ta
- Explode bunnies with fireworks
- What does hell look like?


This Week:
- Fake Someone's Death
- Osymyso Interviewed
- Design an Animal for the B3ta Zoo


This Week:
- Fund Dangerous Ideas
- Destroy Capitalism
- Ferry Halim Speaks


This Week:
- Pop Idol Daleks
- Cat Toilet Danger
- New Flash Challenge


This Week:
- Lady Di
- Kittens
- Zombie Winner


This Week:
- Blankety Blank
- Tony Hart Interview
- Zombie Update


This Week:
- Return of the Misheard Lyrics
- Zombie Nation, a Flash Video Challenge
- London Web Exhibition


This Week:
- Our favourite stories this year
- Photoshop the Queen


This Week:
- Giant Bee Song and Movie
- Tony Hart
- Photoshop Jesus


This Week:
- THOMAS THE WANK ENGINE
- WIPING UP JIZZ GAME
- ANANOVA IMAGE CHALLENGE


This Week:
- Crab Bloke in London
- Download and wear your own finger crab
- Has RuPaul gone insane?


This Week:
- Kill the Space Kittens
- Psycho Techno Hypno Kitten Snake
- Kitten Image Challenge


This Week:
- Buffy's Swearing Keyboard
- Top 10 Swearing Sites
- Harold Shipman Image Challenge


This Week:

- Everything starts with an "E"
- Penguin Game
- Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen Image Challenge


This Week:
- John's not mad
- Davros sends us email
- Tony Hart's gallery


This Week:

- Stephen Hawking & Davros ... in Love
- Prawns.. Sheep... It's Prawnzilla
- How Old am I?


This Week:

- Top Three "Photoshop This" Sites
- Lizard Challenge
- Tiny Tennis


This Week:

- Misheard Lyric Animations
- B3ta Image Challenge
- Pygmy Shrew News


This Week:

- Rocket car
- Blode III
- MaciGame


This Week:

- Bunny sex
- RockStarter
- Tiny Windows Games


This Week:

- Freaks
- Tossers
- Porn


This Week:

- Cat Game
- Britain's First Cat Celebrity
- Top Five Cat Sites



This Week:

- Top Ten Dead
- Hank the Dwarf Obituary
- Queen Mum Death Rumour


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B3TA: Issue 7
THE WEB IS NOT 31 Aug 2001
SHIT EMAIL

Subscribe: send blank mail to
[email protected]

In this issue:

Kitten of Woe,
Faking peoples Deaths,
Y2Khai scoop


___ ____ __ ___ mm. dM8
/ _ )|_ // /_/ _ | YMMMb. dMM8
/ _ |/_ /____/____/\__/_/ |_| `YMMMb dMMMP
`YMMM MMM'
B3TA: Issue 6 "MbdMP
THE WEB BUNNIES 24 Aug 2001 .dMMMMMM.P
EMAIL II dMM MMMMMM
8MMMMMMMMMMI
Subscribe: send blank mail to YMMMMMMMMM
[email protected] "MMMMMMP


In this issue:

- More bunnies
- More bunnies
- More bunnies


: WATCH THE BUNNY PLAY WITH DAVID HASSELHOFF

The latest addition to the growing genre of "Bunny
Cinema" comes from Arthur, a 19 year old student in
Angers, France. He has combined the bunny with
David Hasselhof's head, large-breasted ladies and a
nice desert island setting.

"I'm a French dude and I really enjoy all the crap
you put in your website," says Arthur. "I was
impressed/hypnotized by the other flash anims such
as Yomgaille's or the one with the crabs & Britney
Spears."

Arthur's Animation
http://www.ougl.net/flashies/holiday.php'

Yomgaille's Animation
http://www.yomgaille.com/bordel/un_lapin.html'

Crabs & Britney Spears (Frightened Boy)
http://www.rathergood.com/vid/'



___ ____ __ ___ mm. dM8
/ _ )|_ // /_/ _ | YMMMb. dMM8
/ _ |/_ /____/____/\__/_/ |_| `YMMMb dMMMP
`YMMM MMM'
B3TA: Issue 5 "MbdMP
THE WEB BUNNIES 17 Aug 2001 .dMMMMMM.P
EMAIL dMM MMMMMM
8MMMMMMMMMMI
Subscribe: send blank mail to YMMMMMMMMM
[email protected] "MMMMMMP


In this issue:

- Bunny Game
- Bunny Animations
- & more Bunnies


: PLAY THE B3TA BUNNY GAME:

Rob says:
"I was in a pizza restaurant with my girlfriend
Lucy talking about web versions of games like
Operation. Then Lucy suggested that game you
used to get in fairgrounds with the electric
wire that buzzed if you touched it with the
metal hoop thing. So we ended up drawing stuff
on napkins and pretending our fingers were
mice..."

"Anyway, it's ended up with something where
you have to trace the outline of a nice bunny
with a mouse.

It's called Cursor Love Bunny"
http://b3ta.com/bunnygame/'


BUNNY FACT 1: RABBIT LIFTING
Rabbits hate being picked up by their ears.
Magicians who pull bunnies out of hats are
cruel.



: WATCH FRENCH BUNNY MOVIE

Yomgaille - a 24-year-old picture editor for a
French book publisher - has produced a
fantastically odd animation inspired by last
weeks Jada.

It features the bunny, a gun, and French song
sung by lots of little girls. In a forest.

He says "I've loved that song since I was 4.
It's well known in France. It's a typical
stupid child song with a naive singer.
However, the bunny represents love, and
how men can corrupt it. "

It's all very odd:
http://www.yomgaille.com/bordel/un_lapin.html'



BUNNY FACT 2: TEETH
Rabbit's teeth never stop growing - unless
you remove them from its head.



: THE CULT OF THE BUNNY

In case you haven't noticed, the internet is
being taken over by gigantic rabbits. Nobody
seems to know where this rabbit comes from.
If you do, please [email protected]


Bunny spotted at b3ta
http://b3ta.com/bunny/'

Bunny spotted at tsluts
http://tsluts.com/bunny/'

Bunny spotted at flipflopflyin
http://www.flipflopflyin.com/z/nitebunny/'

Bunny spotted in Japan
http://www.fsinet.or.jp/%7Esokaisha/rabbit/rabbit.htm'

Bunny spotted in horrid dance thing
http://beesbeehive.homestead.com/HOP~ie4.html'

Spotted the bunny? Then tell us at
[email protected]


BUNNY FACT 3:
A group of rabbits is called a herd.



: BUNNIES ON FILM

WAS BUGS BUNNY A RASCIST?
In 1945, Bugs Bunny starred in the propaganda
cartoon 'Herr Meets Hare' - in which he tangled
Hermann Goring in the Black Forest. you won't
find it on TV, so watch it on the net:
http://members.nbci.com/completejunebugs/herr-small.rm'

CAN YOU SEE JESSICA RABBIT'S MUFF?
Some people think you can:
http://www.snopes2.com/disney/info/jesspics.htm'


BUNNY FACT4:
"Coney" is old English for rabbit.



: JADA UPDATE

Last week Dave released Jada, his animation
featuring a big rabbit (of course) and Maggie
Thatcher.

Our favourite comment so far is:
"All that to advertise something called Kebab King?
am I missing out on something fundamental?"

and Dave's response?

"Exactly. It IS an advert for Kebab King. That's
the point. The moment of reveal is designed to
make you think 'what the hell is a kebab house
buggering about with a website for?'"

(btw: Dave says the animation is "influenced
by the classic dance routines of film musicals.
The Internet the only place left in modern media
for it.")


Witness the weird joy of Jada:
' http://www.btinternet.com/~david.st/b3ta/'




: AND FINALLY

Stop bunnies dying of Myxomatosis.
' http://members.iinet.net.au/~rabbit/pam.htm'




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"bugger"

"it's the fish that John West reject that makes John West
the best"

Last updated 16 hours 33 minutes 53 seconds ago