This Week: * SONG - Home Taping is Killing Music * VID - Chatroulette improv song * PROCRASTINATION - Maybe later ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together" B3ta email 420 - 19 MAR 2010 Read this issue in your browser: http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue420/ Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Cocks, Mobs, Carol Vorderman and Home taping >> Magenta Cocks << A classic B3ta meme is drawing magenta cocks. Your Ginger Fuhrer is oddly fond of this and has collected together his personal favourites and rapped a little ditty. NSFW, and Mrs Fuhrer is wondering if her husband is having a breakdown, shouting away in his office about his penis. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Magenta_cocks >> Carol Vorderman Speak & Spell << She must obey your letter-based commands. The power of Monkeon compels her! http://www.monkeon.co.uk/vordertron/ >> Mob: A cautionary tale << "I did a talk at Ignite London about the internet suddenly arriving at someone's doorstep and people getting killed," intones a sombre Tom Scott. "Don't have nightmares, do sleep well." http://www.tomscott.com/mob/ >> "Home Taping Is Killing Music" << Dan Bull takes us back to the 80s, as we remember how taping music off the radio killed the music industry. Poor old Madonna. Anyway, this is all in aid of the Don't Disconnect Us campaign against Peter Mandelson's, frankly shitty, anti-filesharing bill. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Home_Taping_Is_Killing_M... http://www.dontdisconnect.us/the-proposals/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals Last week we asked for your healthcare stories. Wince with us at tales of joy, woe, pus and wee. And for a bonus, find out which b3tan thought he had three balls:** http://b3ta.com/questions/matron/ * DICK - "Working in Llandough Hospital, just outside Cardiff. We had our fair share of Jeremy Kyle rejects, and ... they breed. The hero of this story is a Senior Registrar in Obs/Gynae. He had just delivered to this world a new future car thief, when the male provider of half of the DNA says "Oi Doc, when can I 'ave sex wiv 'er again?" Our hero, without dropping a beat, says, "Well, a Gentleman would wait until the Placenta is delivered." (micmac) * MOLE - "Last year I had to go to hospital to have a mole removed from the end of my penis. Last time I fuck one of them." (TheManWithThePlan) * PANTS - "I once went for an operation on my ear. I went under the anaesthetic with my pants on. When I came round, someone had taken them off. I never got them back." (Anthropos) ** Yup, it's SpankyHanky http://b3ta.com/questions/matron/post664334 >> This Week's Question: Ignorance << Tell us of times you've been floored by abject stupidity. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/stupidity/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Best Google Street View Picture Ever << Aargh! It's coming right for us! http://snurl.com/aaaaargh >> www.thecuntfactory.com << Old-school URL redirection makes for lols. http://www.thecuntfactory.com/ >> Pencil sculptures << Incredible structures made entirely from coloured pencils. One or two look a little bit NSFW. More than a few look like microscope photos of viruses that would make your knob fall off. http://snurl.com/pencilscupture >> Massive flashing message << Make your own screen-filling, eye-knackering statement with this handy site. This could be the killer app the web has been needing. http://www.bigassmessage.com/14d77ec88 ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH like rotten.com in opposite world >> Jeremy Beadle as a kittin! << Now that we've realised what a rich seam of cute this is, we have the rest of the TTMYGA team busy in a back room, lightly injuring tiny animals. http://cuteoverload.com/2009/05/31/waffles-grabbed... >> Carrot Cat << Meditative cat thinks of converting to Bunnyism. http://www.forkparty.com/carrots-are-good-for-your... >> Confused lamb << Breaking our no vids in the cute section rule - there's hours of enjoyment playing with an enthusiastic baby baa-lamb that has no sense of direction whatsoever. So cute! http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Because YouTube IS the internet >> Hot Chip - I Feel Better << This is the weirdest music vid we've seen so far this year. Didn't really know what they look like, so we actually thought they might be a boy band. Nope. Director Big Pete Serafinowicz has been heavily pimping this on the web, and rightly so. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> I wanna f*ck you ! << Like Richard Stilgoe on viagra, this big-eared Dutchman tells it like it is. http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_wanna_f_ck_you >> ChatRoulette Improv song << Lovely, lovely stuff as a man sings songs about and plays piano to the people he meets on ChatRoulette. http://www.b3ta.com/links/ChatRoulette_Improv_song >> Procrastination << Frighteningly accurate depiction of a typical day here. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Impossible pieces for MIDI-piano << Six pieces of music that are impossible for a human to play. To be honest, they're pretty hard for a human to listen to, but we love the concept. http://snurl.com/impossimidi >> Spider-lad << Over-excited young boy defies gravity. Briefly. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ah_jaysus ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Swallow Systems "Swallow Systems, not a bad name on its own" says Mike. "But when your business is based in Cock Lane? They even had to set up a dummy address page, as people were getting blocked." http://www.swallow.co.uk/contacts/contacts.htm ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Opposite Films Challenge Last week we wanted you to make gags by reversing the concept of movies. Our favourites included: * THE SPY WHO LOATHED ME - worth it simply because Roger Moore's acting would be identical for either plot idea - he'd just raise a laconic eyebrow. (Joe Scaramanga) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9955079 * ROOFER ON THE FIDDLE - If YOU suspect someone of benefit fraud in your area, contact B3ta immediately. (Happy Shopper) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9958318 * DIVING MISS DASIY - Took us a moment to work this out and then spluttered OMG that's awful! (Faceburger) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9958482 Whilst your favourites, using the mighty power of votes, include: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/oppositefilms/ >> New challenge: Make Art More Awesome << Ok, inspired by the various arty people that are getting charity shop art and painting over it we thought we'd tackle it b3ta-style. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/makeartmoreawesome/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * TUBEWHACKING - Last week we were amazed that Pimlico is the only station on the Tube that doesn't use the letters of the word 'badger' and asked for some sort of online tool to check this valuable information. "In a similar vein," informs loveaintgonnawait, "St John's Wood is the only Tube station to contain no letters from the word 'Mackerel'." "Hate to make corrections, (that's a lie, I love to do it)," corrects richie.g. "But there are only 270 London Underground stations, not 307 as you claimed. Even if you counted London Overground, which I expect you have done, that still only amounts to 305." Damn On the bright side, @slocey points us to a site that does exactly what we asked: http://bengreen.org.uk/tube.html * TOP 100 FLUFF - "Hello you sexy bastards," growls busy phil. "I made a top 100 fluffeh videos. It was generated from the fluff-addicted users of Fluff War, which had it's 500,000th hit the other day!" Congrats, because that is one and a half Wolverhamptons! http://walloffluff.com/flufftop100.php * CLOCKS JOKE - Thanks to the many people who wrote in to let us know that last weekend was not, as we claimed, the official return of British Summertime. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all you people who rely on b3ta's taglines for information vital to survival! ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Double dildo gaming trouble * PIXEL BREAKOUT - Imagine if each Breakout brick was a pixel instead of a block? That would take ages - thankfully this gag changes somewhat after a few moments. http://snurl.com/pixelbreak * ROBOT WANT KITTY - Fun metroidvania-style game, perfect for a lazy Sunday morning. http://www.kongregate.com/games/Hamumu/robot-wants... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * EVERYTHING IS A FUNNER WITH SAUSAGES - we have a theory that if you substitute the word sausage into a movie or book title it becomes funny. The "The Girl with the Sausage Tattoo" etc. Turn this into some kind of amazing web app. * CAN YOU BEAT GOOGLE MAPS? You know how London cabbies do "the knowledge" so what about setting a random route on Google Maps / Street Map and you have to drive it with a little chugg chugg car and if you get the same route as Google then you win big big points. * GO GO DOWNLOAD RACERS - when we download legal but very large files from rapidshare - the kind that add up to 700mb in 7 handy chunks we like to place mini bets on which segment will turn up first. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Roxy_Hart, redazril, Double 2, Sn0tters, Darklord, Cheeky Boy! Pazuzu, carly, Yasmeen, BrianGilmore, Mr._Pickles, Heaping Spoonful, RogueIntruder, Hey Baberuba, picitujeromanov, I'm dreaming of a WhiteRussian, Scary, loltard, Darklord (again), El_MUERkO, Hellzapoppin, Darklord and theremin Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Rob Lees Jones. ------------------------------------------------- Isn't it discrimination that Gingers can only use two lifelines in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (JackDaniels) BTW: We nearly had a panic attack when we saw this headline - but no - it's just a silly headline and not a reference to our godawful creation. http://snurl.com/sickipediadramatica
