NEWSLETTER: SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!
"SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!"
This Week:
* TROUSERS - No hands pants dance
* HORROR - Chinchap I Love You
* TONGUES - Cute animals stick them out
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're cooking up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | shit lols
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 432 - 11 Jun 2010
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue432/
Friends: [email protected]
Enemies: [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Buy this football t-shirt
Geeks! Cure your social phobia by buying a
football shirt, visiting a local pub & when
someone mentions football reply, "Oh yeah -
tell me more."
http://bit.ly/d3gRPP
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than poo and wee
>> No hands pants dance <<
kingafkong demonstrates his amazing Norwegian
technique of pulling up trousers! Nice intro.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/No_hands_pants_dance
>> Mitchell & Webb animation <<
Big respect to Scrambled Edd, who has landed a
gig animating stuff for BBC comic duo Mitchell
& Webb. "Check it out and stuff," he proudly
beams.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clips/p0087j80
>> Guess the band from phone footage <<
"People filming with their phones aloft and
watching the gig through the lens is now a
universal sight at gigs," explains Monkeon. But
can you even guess which act you're watching
from this incredibly poor-quality footage?
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/camerashake/
>> I Love You Chinchap! <<
"This is a beautiful love song!" claims Joel
Veitch. "Fallopia loves Chinchap! Chinchap
loves Fallopia! What a wonderful world this
truly is!" Frightening, repellant and, thus, we
loved it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Love_You_Chinchap
>> Sexual Congress <<
"Which US politician is most attractive?" asks
Tom Scott. Find out, with this political 'Hot
or Not'.
http://tomscott.com/congress/
>> Twitter ransom note generator <<
Quick recipe for Twitter success - make your
icon a letter of the alphabet and it'll be used
for a web-based toy like this one from Mr.
Chickenuts. Lie back and watch people flock to
follow your updates about mediocre London
comedy nights.
http://abbandunne.com/ransom/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Caught!
There's some hard lessons to be learnt when you
get caught doing something you shouldn't.
Luckily none of you learnt them, meaning
there's loads of stories this week. Go read
nimrodihnio's lovely attempt at winding up a
cold call from Scottish Energy that got taken
far too seriously:
http://b3ta.com/questions/caught/
* SUCKER FISH - "The lovely Jessie was always
pretending to spot something behind me and
using the distraction to steal my
food/sweets/beer. It was a standing joke
between us, mainly because I always fell for
it. One Sunday we were in a Chinese restaurant,
and she suddenly exclaimed, "Ah, that's why
those fish look weird, they're sucker fish!" I
craned my neck and looked at the fish tank.
Unable to see any sucker fish and also hurting
my neck from the angle, I swivelled round on my
seat. "I can't see any su..." my words died off
as I turned back round just in time to see Jess
giggling like a loon and dropping the scalding
hot Szechuan king prawn she'd just stolen, not
realising that it was going to burn her mouth.
We laughed lots at that... I realise it's lost
something in the retelling. Fuck I miss her..."
(Professor Kenny Martin)
* STILL BELIEVE - "I used to work in a lab. I
was on my own with the radio on. Most
experiments I did required long incubation
periods, so was sort of twiddling my thumbs
during a 10 min incubation when "Hit me baby
one more time" by Britney came on the radio. I
was singing along when a genius thought came to
me. I quickly filled a rubber glove with some
helium so I could make the high notes in the
"still believe" backing vocal. Then one of the
professors of the department came in to ask me
something. My voice was still squeaky-squeaky
when I answered him." (sittingduck)
* PROTOCOL DROID - "Working as a labourer in my
teens I was given the task of making spotless
the top floor, the first finished, of a posh
office development in The City for inspection
by the top brass of the developers and owners.
I did all the heavy lifting, then got to
hoovering. The hoover was a sort of industrial
Henry vacuum cleaner and the floor-space
massive. My task nearly complete in plenty of
time, I started arsing about, walking like C3PO
and dragging my R2-like hoover after me while
going, "Master Luke! Master Luke! BRRR BRRT
PHWEEE trrrr BWEEE OOOON THRIP!"... Turned
round to see all the big nobs staring at me in
disbelief." (twattybanjo)
>> This Week's Question <<
Managers get paid more than you to watch you do
all the work. A small number of them make life
better. The rest? Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/badmanagement/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> BP damages vs Limewire damages <<
Moderately interesting point that BP is getting
charged $69m for the cleanup of its oil spill.
Meanwhile, filesharing service Limewire is
getting sued for $1bn. Because intellectual
property is worth more than the planet, right?
http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/06/limewire-...
>> The Seventeen Project <<
A teenager engagingly and articulately blogs
her attempt to live life according to the
advice printed in Seventeen Magazine.
http://www.theseventeenmagazineproject.com/
>> Liblr <<
Liblr takes the Twitter stream and replaces one
word with another, in the name of fun.
http://liblr.com/welcome
>> Facebook angry idiots <<
The 'England flag banned' story has utterly
enraged the country's sizeable jingoistic moron
population, while simultaneously giving trolls
and anti-trolls a field day. See it in action
here.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php
>> The Coalition Mug <<
Commemorate 11th May 2010, when the world
watched young David Cameron and Nick Clegg
plight their troth as the UK coalition
government. You smirk now, but this'll be worth
a packet when you're dead.
http://www.coalitionmug.com/
>> Your Mom is at the club <<
What is the opposite of a MILF? We don't know,
but here's stacks of pictures.
http://yourmomisclubbin.tumblr.com/
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Animals with their tongues sticking out
Fluffy creatures, looking endearingly confused.
What's not to like? Well, the dinosaur isn't
strictly cute but otherwise yay!
http://animalswithtongues.tumblr.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like a book but it wobbles and hurts your eyes
>> Jumping dog <<
Cheer yourself up by watching a playful puppy
capering in a field, to the Roobarb & Custard
theme tune.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/This_made_me_smile
>> Google Pacman Support Call <<
Confused old lady runs Google's tech support a
merry dance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Dr Watson is creepy <<
Odd design flaw in a Sherlock Holmes game. With
no walking animation or sound, your sidekick
silently but relentlessly stalks you.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Stalked_by_Dr_Watson
>> Sex and the City 2 AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! <<
Comedian Billy Eichner interviews New Yorkers
on what they think of this summer's movies. New
Yorkers are cool.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/SEX_AND_THE_CITY_2_AAARR...
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Tastier than it sounds
Being as how it's a Heston Blumenthal recipe,
perhaps not too many eyebrows were raised at
this unfortunately-truncated URL, courtesy of
the BBC:
http://picchore.com/funny/carrots-glazed-with-what...
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: APPEAL FOR MICK KARN
Japan Bassist is ill and needs your help
Not sure how many of our readers remember the
band Japan - they've slipped between the sofa
cushions of history a little, but in the mid
80s when your Ginger Fuhrer was a very young
boy he borrowed a cassette from his elder
brother, on one side was the compilation album
Assemblage and on the other Tin Drum. He played
this C90 on his purple Matsui Walkman (£9 from
Dixons!) until the batteries ran out, and then
played it again and again for years.
Such are the vagaries of Pop Music, what was
once in Smash Hits every week and on Top of the
Pops doesn't necessarily mean you are
financially set up for life, and poor old band
member Mick Karn is now extremely ill and needs
cash to support his wife and child.
We've thrown in a few quid - it would be lovely
if some of our readers could do the same. Go
on, help an old pop star.
http://www.mickkarn.net/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Doctors' Challenge
Last week we wanted you to design educational
posters for doctors' surgeries.
Your favourites included:
* HEADACHE - ooh, I think my brain has burst
(Seaman Gabber)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10077227
* STROKE - or perhaps it's something else
altogether (LP)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10076215
* CHOICE - Andrew Wakefield or Ben Goldacre:
you decide (drbroon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10075327
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/doctors/
>> New challenge: The World Cup <<
As the entire nation goes World Cup
loopy, we're no different at b3ta. So
before England's inevitable early exit on
penalties, photoshop the World Cup. It'll
be over before you know it, honest.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/worldcup/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* YAY FOR TERRY! Remember Terry Mynott? We
featured his youTube video a while back, loads
of impressions in a few minutes, oh you
remember. Anyway, he's just got a Channel 4
comedy series commissioned. He writes, "Yeah
b3ta is my favourite website. I'll check my
emails then straight to b3ta every morning.
It's not only the content, it's the comments.
What I'm saying is there's lots of wanky sites
that try and feature funny stuff but their
problem is they are run by corporate twats. The
thing I love about b3ta is it's all down to the
people, the public, the true nature of the
Internet. Sorry it sounds wank - is there any
way you can make it sound less up my own arse?
On a personal note I'd like to thank you for
all your help. I got my first voice agent last
year, because the girl who works there's husband
is a fan of b3ta and showed her the newsletter.
Thankyou B3ta!" Thanks to you, Terry - we're
really pleased for you here!
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: FRIDAY GAME
Wikipedia game, anyone?
mcalidnb writes -
"It's like that thing that was mentioned in the
newsletter ages ago, where you pressed random
article and raced your mate to find a page
related to pornography. Except this gives you
the starting page, and the target page isn't
necessarily about pornography. Anyway, it's
good, play it."
http://wikipediagame.org/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* SMARTWATER BISCUIT THIEF TECHNOLOGY - rig up
your tin to turn the the guilty snack stealers
face blue with inky shame.
* AN iPHONE APP TO READ THE QUESTION OF THE
WEEK OFFLINE - we think this section of the
site would work particularly well as an iPhone
app but have fuck all resources to do it.
* SCHOOL HOOCH - Kids! Make booze by shoving
school dinners in plastic bags behind radiators
and hoping it'll turn into alcohol. Google 'pruno'.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by iainhasaface,
QuackCandle, Cap'n, nivoserg_j_p, horace wimp,
Le Branleur Formidable, Lu Ratwoman, Dave!
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Sickilols via Aboylin. Subj via emvee.
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Fox News: We got two of 'em.
