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This Week:
* HOSE BAN - Fun with pipes
* ACCENT - Compelling Chinese infomercial
* IGNORE HITLER - on DrawSomething

________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're saving the      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     web as evidence
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       for your trial"

B3ta email 528  - 11th May MMXII

Read this issue pretending to be a spider:

  London whale :  [email protected]
   Fail whale : [email protected]


  ON THIS DAY : In 1997 Deep Blue - the
  chess-playing supercomputer, defeated Garry
  Kasparov. After the game Kasparov accused the
  Deep Blue team of cheating and asked for a
  rematch. IBM declined and closed their Deep
  Blue program.

  Lots of things. Things. Lots.

  >> 101 uses for a banned hosepipe <<
  "Yo!" shrills superdonal. "We made this video
  to make it VERY CLEAR that the hosepipe ban
  doesn't mean packing away your hosepipe. Oh
  no." Some great ideas and who can beat the
  location (London's scenic Kentish Town)?

  >> Tilt-shift photography (from a plane) <<
  Urbex enthusiast Fragglehunter likes to take
  pictures of unusual buildings while flying over
  them in a light aircraft. Here's some
  tilt-shift stuff. We like to think al-Qaeda's
  scouting reports are just as charmingly
  composed, although theirs are marred by an
  over-enthusiasm for Instamatic filters.

  >> Face Invaders <<
  "I made a video out of a photo of my face!"
  cries Cyriak. "I'm not sure why, but here it
  is." Like taking peyote in the Cbeebies
  giftshop (where they sell rubber masks of
  Cyriak's face).

  >> Stock photo record covers <<
  "At their worst, album covers can look like
  unusable stock photography," observes monkeon.
  "I wondered how some records may have looked
  if, instead of coming up with a concept and
  commissioning a photo shoot, the designer had
  just typed the record title into the search box
  of a stock photo site and made do." The result
  is pleasingly literal.

  >> The joy of spam <<
  "If you manage a blog, you're familiar with the
  mountains of comment spam that arrive in your
  inbox every day," explains S Snail. "I noticed
  that the mishmashed bollocks I was receiving
  often had a kind of bizarre poetry to it, so I
  started archiving my favourites." Say what you
  like, but spammers often seem to have a lovely
  turn of phrase.



  Television is all over the people who keep
  everything from their daily paper to their
  daily poos, but you lot have been hoarding much
  more interesting things:

  * SPECIALS - "My father-in-law cannot resist
  special offers in supermarkets. If there's
  3-for-2 on toothpaste he'll buy 15 packets.
  Same with soap, toilet roll, shampoo, pasta,
  rice, and pretty much anything non-perishable.
  He used to have a big family around so I guess
  it made sense, but now they've all moved away
  he's still got most of the stuff around when
  the next 3-for-2 offer comes around, yet he
  just can't resist it. We went to stay there a
  few months ago, and I opened the wardrobe to
  unpack our clothes. It was completely
  jam-packed with toiletries. The bathroom
  cabinet was packed. The kitchen cupboards were
  packed. You could hardly move for multi-packs
  of toilet roll in the garage. I asked him if
  they never had special offers on beer or wine
  at his supermarket. "Come in here lad", he
  said, and opened the door of the office which
  was packed from floor to ceiling with cases of
  beer and boxes of wine, "Suppose you'd better
  help me drink it." Not a bad bloke, my
  father-in-law." (Smale)
  * SECRETS - "I used to live in a pub which had
  three floors not including the cellar. From the
  outside the building looked huge but inside
  everything was surprisingly cramped. My Mum and
  Dad once looked into taking out a floor to make
  a massive function room. When they tore up the
  floor they found another floor sandwiched in
  between floors two and three. A long thin room,
  filled with hundreds and hundreds of fake
  ration books from WW2, stockings, chocolate and
  tinned foods. We'd uncovered a spiv's Aladdin's
  cave." (atdotslash)

  * STRINGS - "My great gran was an epic hoarder
  but my favourite find after she died was a
  small box labelled, "Bits of string too small to
  be of any use." (PhillieJoe)

  >> This Week - Shops and Supermarkets <<
  Back before "unexpected items in the bagging
  area," supermarkets employed people. Tell us
  your tales of those people, or your own tales
  if you were one:


  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
  >> Goths on OK Cupid <<
  Searching OK Cupid for pictures of goths and
  posting them on Tumblr is rather mean and we
  don't find this kind of thing funny at all.

  >> Ignore Hitler <<
  Jemma writes, "My mate Michael likes to add
  irrelevant Hitlers to his Draw Something
  drawings. I thought cartoon pictures of Hitler
  in a paddling pool and a thong would be perfect
  for the B3ta newsletter and, as he says, anything
  that reduces a genocidal prick to an acceptable
  figure of mockery is a good thing."

  >> Nerdy retro poster design <<
  You give them text like, "B3ta is Great" and
  they'll make a poster going 10 PRINT "B3ta is
  Great" 20 GOTO 10. We'd buy one but it's not
  like we need more signs telling the world we're
  old nerds.

  >> Obama equal marriage gifs <<
  Thumbs up for Obama gay/equal marriage. a)
  Timing made Cameron look like a tit, b) trolling
  Republican lols, and c) it's the right thing to

  >> Air travel golden ticket <<
  Fascinating story about how the airlines used
  to sell unlimited travel tickets and lost money
  on it. Stick it in your 'read later' device of

  >> Historical photo from different angle <<
  A fascinating photo of the Tiananmen Square
  protest - a protest that's relevant and still
  controversial to this day. Largely presented in
  the Western media as a cry for democracy and
  the freemarket - some, such as Naomi Klein, say
  it was plea by students to stop the economic
  reforms that were pushing China to the land of
  Foxxcon it is today. Regardless of who is
  right, it's an intriguing lump of history that
  rewards closer analysis.


  Introducing an exciting new site called Youtube

  >> Real-world Outrun <<
  Ah, bless academia. A place where genius nerds
  can make a career from stuff like building an
  80s console game onto the front of a golf cart,
  then letting you drive with it.

  >> Best. Accent. Ever. <<
  Like a Chinese Lloyd Grossman, this infomercial
  guy is almost incomprehensible. Yet, somehow,
  we still want to buy some of those
  amazing-looking kitchen knives.

  >> Rock band blows video budget <<
  Excellent vid follows a stoner rock band as
  they blow their entire video budget... Watch to
  the end.

  >> Jimmy Carr crushes hecklers <<
  Everybody likes to see hecklers get what's
  coming to them. Carr delivers a verbal beatdown
  or two.

  >> Coyote finally gets Road Runner <<
  What happens when Wile E Coyote finally,
  finally wins? Then what? A clip from 'Cavalcade
  of Cartoon Comedy" - by the creators of
  Family Guy. There's about 30 mins of this stuff
  if you dig about on the web.

  >> Don't mention Thatcher <<
  1980s union leader Arthur Scargill is asked his
  opinion of Margaret Thatcher these days.
  Silence is seldom so eloquent. 


  These are the depths we are plumbing nowadays

  PROPHECY - "There was an old man called Michael
  Finnegan / He grew whiskers on his chinnegan."

    * GOATSE QUEEN MONEY - jeligula writes, "I
  thought this worth your attention, as it seems
  to me that the portrait of Queen Elizabeth as
  she appears on the back of the new Canadian $20
  dollar bill... well, when viewed at arm's
  length, it looks like her face is right above a
  man's crack as he goatses the world. Never mind
  the 9/11 reference people are screaming about,
  they are missing the bigger picture. I'm
  looking at it right now and, I tell you it has
  to be seen to be believed."


  Results from the Biro Art Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to get jiggy with
  some ink.

  Your favourites included:
  * BIRO: tenderly rendered biro, in biro, for
  biro art challenge from the biro art man
  * EGYPT: conceived of a golden phallus after
  Osiris's member was eaten by a catfish, Horus
  also like skiing
  * AAAAGH: monsters. Lots of them. All different
  colours and everything (Captain Howdy)
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:

  >> New challenge: Camels <<
  This week's one-word challenge is to celebrate
  those mighty ships of the desert: CAMELS.
  Challenge suggested by edward bear and Drunken
  Miss Columbho


  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * CHARITY YAY - mushybees writes, "Thanks to
  you lot, B3ta and Facebook we got £464 for
  @MindCharity last week by doing nothing! Give

  * VAX NOSTALGIA -  A Lurker writes, "A mate of
  mine who has worked with computers since
  mainframes used to be assembled out of modules
  the size of buses which were themselves
  assembled in proper Manchester engineering
  shops, uses a selection of footers such as
  "Sent from my PDP11/45" & "Sent from my VAX
  11/780" He doesn't have (or want) an iPhone
  either..." Ha - Your Ginger Fuhrer's first job
  interview in London was looking after some Vax
  for some financial company (it was still in
  place in late 90s, as no one knew if getting rid
  of it would make the whole financial industry
  collapse - that was the fear anyway). He
  actually got the job but didn't take it up as
  - Christ - looking after an ancient old Vax
  sounded dull as fuck.

  * SHED OF THE YEAR - the reader's shed people
  write, "Just to let you know that Sunday May
  20th is closing Date for Shed of the year 2012.
  We have some great entries this year and even a
  b3tan one. Public Voting opens May 21st - then
  our shed judges including Sarah Beeny , Neil
  Gaiman Shed of the year 2011 Winner Jon Earl
  and me - Uncle Wilco - will pick a winner from
  the top shed in each category."



  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include:

  * LONDON SKYLINE -  Go up to Alexandra Palace,
  take a photo of the London skyline and add
  arrows saying what is what and who owns it. The
  Shard, for instance, was built with
  Sharia-compliant investment meaning (in theory)
  that no western banks, gambling or alcohol
  companies should be in residence there. 
  * HANKIE CODE FOR STRAIGHTS - Red hankie: "I'm
  on the blob". Blue hankie: "I vote Tory." 
  * SKIPPABLE TV LIST - concurrency writes, "I
  watch iPlayer sometimes.  The Apprentice has
  about 3 minutes of titles and irrelevant
  catch-up followed by about 15 seconds of 'Week
  x' title card and moody London skyline
  establisher.  The voiceover kicks in at 3:15
  exactly. There are other shows that do the
  same.  How about a list/page/links directly to
  the first new content part of the programmes?"

  Send contributions via the mail form.

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


 Great people:    [email protected]
 Spunk badgers: [email protected]


  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Monty Boyce,
  KnackerDwarf, Turquoise Hexagon Sun,
  TheTrampSurveyor, Claude Speed, planearm,
  superdonal, pigfaceturnip & Mark Davison,
  ShiddyMitters, Matt Round is a lovely man and
  ShiddyMitters Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tips via
  robneymcplum. Subjlols via HappyToast.

  Help prevent cancer by 'liking' lots of
  anti-cancer initiatives on Facebook.

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