NEWSLETTER: "LET'S ALL PRETEND TO KATIE HOPKINS THAT LABOUR WON"
This Week:
* ANIMATION - Fist: Pounding 8bit gameplay
* ROYAL BABY - Some kind of awful image challenge
* ELECTION - What we did to fuck it all up. Sorry.
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Read this newsletter
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | pretending you've got
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| a Tory voice"
B3ta email 663 - 08 May 2015
Tories back in. It should have been issue 666.
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue663
Friend b3ta on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
-------------------------------------------------
: SPONSORED LINK
Trailer Park Boys return to the UK
A complaint letter from a member of the audience
about the last time they played the UK:
"I attended the performance of Trailer Park Boys
on 03/05/2013 at Hammersmith Apollo. During the
course of the performance the following took
place;
* A stage invasion
* A member of the audience sexually harassed a
member of the cast;
* Loud shouting interrupted the performance
* Cannabis was being smoked in the auditorium In
fact I believe it represented a danger to the
audience and the cast.
Please be aware I have raised this issue with my
solicitor to ensure appropriate action is taken."
The Trailer Park Boys had so much fun they are
returning for more.
http://www.kililive.com/artists/trailer-park-boys
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making sweet, sweet lurve...
>> Putin interviews Edwina Currie <<
B3tans Joel Vietch and Natt have done a curious
thing - a week of chatshows where Natt pretends
to be an animated Vladimir Putin. It makes no
sense but this final interview with Edwina
Currie is - beneath the bizarre presentation -
is genuinely fascinating.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Crow Revolution 2 <<
"The crows are back and they're still
revolting", writes Eddache.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crow_Revolution_2
>> 8-bit fighty film <<
Tits writes, "forget election stuff, get fisted."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/FIST
-------------------------------------------------
THE ELECTION
We campaigned hard to disrupt the election but did
people listen?
Obsessing over the General Election is basically
the World Cup for people who got picked last at
games. (We got picked last at games.)
* There was Six50 who told everyone not to vote
TORY. That totally worked.
http://should.i.voteconservative.party/
* There was The Thanet Liberation Army who told
people not to vote UKIP - did people listen?
Millions of you didn't but the first past the post
system prevented them getting more than 1 seat.
http://ukindependence.party/
* Actually we're claiming Farage's failure as OUR
win as this image got over 750,000 views and we're
choosing to believe that it worked.
http://bit.ly/did-this-change-the-election
* And of course there was TONNES of election
images on the /board - many of them fucking superb
but yeah, we're pretty depressed writing this
newsletter.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/electionposters/popu...
Clearly voting Labour is the lie you tell to
pollsters that you're on a diet whilst you vote
for drinking Tory custard in private.
What a nation of twats.
-------------------------------------------------
: ROYAL IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Royal Baby' challenge
Last week we squeeze out a bonus image
challenge to celebrate the birth of the new
people’s princess mkIII.
Your favourites included:
* Mug: hand-crafted, artisan crockery. (Rob)
http://b3ta.com/board/11148548
* Royal Mumsnet: help for the mum with too
many butlers and housekeepers. (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11148462
* Name: ooof! (Notfunnydad)
http://b3ta.com/board/11148808
All these images, and a load more can be
found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/royalbaby/
>> New challenge: Bad Advice <<
The world is full of bad advice, be it hard to
follow product instructions, scientifically
unsound Hollywood plots or just stuff your
parents told you. Show us the worst suggestions
people have offered you. Or just photoshop Viz's
top tips.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/badadvice/
-------------------------------------------------
Friend B3ta on Facebookywook
Yeah. You should friend B3ta on Facebook. We tend
to stick breaking news on there. When we say
'breaking news' we mean topical stuff we find
funny like corporations getting their tweets
wrong. Oh and last weekend we posted pictures of
mugs we were painting in celebration of the royal
birthing.
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'British Superheroes'
challenge
Last week we asked you to come up with some
UK alternatives to the deluge of Marvel’s
American demi-gods.
Your favourites included:
* The Seethe: the mild mannered scientist.
(AdrianJ)
http://b3ta.com/board/11148324
* The Mighty Teabag: A hero is brewing.
(HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/11148255
* Workman: He’ll come to your rescue, but..
(sucks teeth) it’ll cost you. (AdrianJ)
http://b3ta.com/board/11148292
All these images, and a load more can be found
here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/britsupers/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* Tiny LEGO computers and phones made into real
working machines...
http://bit.ly/tiny-lego-shit-you-like-that-shit-ye...
* Send unwanted goat photos to other people's
phones. How is this even legal?
https://goatattack.com/
* "A restaurant with plates designed for
instagramming food." Jesus wept. What is wrong
with people? Stop pandering to these idiots. Eat
your bloody dinner and put your phone away.
http://www.foodography.co.il/
* Just mash the keys with both hands to make it
look like you know what you're doing.
http://touchpianist.com/
* Want to make a big shouty poster but can’t be
bothered to do all that fiddly font work? Here’s
the answer.
http://typeslab.com/
* This confession about autofelatio going wrong
made us laugh.
https://t.co/c1KipRa55b
-------------------------------------------------
Follow @b3ta on Twitter. Go on, it won't hurt
your penis or vagina. Or both.
https://twitter.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like film but much much smaller
* Creepy video based on a old children's TV show.
https://vimeo.com/121550627
* If you've ever dismissed Liberace as a joke
then just watch him play - the speed and
dexterity on display here is staggering
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* RIP Errol Brown. In all the election fuss he's
been forgotten so here's Emma by Hot Chocolate.
We really like this song - even if we first knew
it from a Sisters of Mercy b-side.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
-------------------------------------------------
The world probably isn't in the mood for Titanic
facts but we've got one and it's true: the fourth
funnel was fake & only there to impress. We're not
bullshitting.
-------------------------------------------------
YAY: [email protected]
NAY: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Image challenge by
HappyToast. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols
via joefish
-------------------------------------------------
Friend b3ta on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Enjoy a perfect solar eclipse by closing your
fridge door really slowly. (robneymcplum)
